Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Idolbots Coming Soon



Previously, idolbots were a very experimental and theoretical concept. The technology simply wasn't there. The best minds of the Korean robotics geeks and basement engineer nerds could only come up with this as their best effort.

Hardly fapworthy at all. Of course, there IS the Seobot (glorious mechanical goddess that she is), but she was sent from the future to bring the Mechagospel to us poor fleshbags. No mortal technologies could ever hope to duplicate her. It'd be like trying cloning Superman and getting a bunch of Bizarros.

You can try to replicate Seobot all you want, but the best you'll get is Park Bom.

But apparently, someone in the corporate think tank at Dongbu Group (a major South Korean conglomerate, so sayeth Wikipedia) was suddenly struck by inspiration after narrowly avoiding a trampling by a local horde of fangirls. Thinking it was a GREAT idea to combine animatronics with the fangirl/boyish compulsion to purchase expensive action figures/dolls or printed fullbodypillows, he realized the potential millions, no billions, that were to be had from tapping into the KPop merchandise market.

And thus, the singing and dancing Idolbot(TM) was born.

On June 25th, Dongbu Robots, Intelligent Recreational (IR) Robots, and Ocean Bridge E&T came together for a project titled ‘K-pop Star Robots’. Through this project, the collaborating companies are scheduled to launch a series of dancing K-pop robots by the end of this year.
‘K-pop Star Robots’ is the next project Dongbu Robots will be working on after the April release of their intelligent and service robot series, ‘Hovis Eco’. The company plans on producing this new line of robots with upgraded functions that allow them to accurately reenact the dance movements of K-pop idols.
The robots will be equipped with a high-power motor, which will enable them to bend at 20 of their joints, from their necks, their waists, their thighs, to their hips, to ensure flexible and free movement. In addition, the robots will also be made to look like the idol group members themselves!
BUT WAIT. Intellegent service robots? High-power motor enabling bending at 20 joints including hips? Made to look exactly like the idols themselves?


PRAISE THA LAWD, THE IDOL SEXBOTS ARE HERE! Never again will you have to settle for fapping to grainy fancams or shitty gifs you found off Tumblr! Never again will you have to eat rose petals for a candle lit dinner with a photocard! Never again will you have to go to sleep in a cold empty bed with nothing but your printed idol bodypillow and pilfered underpants to keep you warm/company!

It'll give new meaning to the phrase "FUCK ME LIKE YOUR CHEAP SLUTS OPPA"

Even though they're starting with just Super Junior and SNSD, you can bet your bottom dollar that if demand is high enough (and it will be), you can soon realize your dreams of fucking ANY of your oppas in huge orgies of writhing mechanical flesh. 15 MAN SUPER JUNIOR GANGBANG ANYONE?

CEOs of all entertainment companies are salivating at the prospect of fully programmable lifelike robots that don't ask for pay, don't ask for vacation time, don't do stupid shit, don't get into scandals, and best of all, don't bitch/complain/ask for favors in exchange for sexual activities!

Kim Kwang Soo commented, "I can hardly wait for these Idolbots to debut. I will start by replacing all of T-ara with robotic counterparts, then I'll debut a 9-membered girl group of lolitabots for my sexual gratification--- *coughcough* err I mean to create a bold new sound with a unique color different from T-ara or 5 Dolls ahehueueaheuae."

I for one welcome our new robotic overlords oppas/unnies.


  1. I'd prefer a hysterical man in drag over metalass idol noonars anytime ;)

  2. Holy shit, this post is so Zaku/mecha.

    "fucking ANY of your oppas in huge orgies of writhing mechanical flesh"


    1. What exactly do you mean by "so Zaku/mecha" ??

    2. Your personality, or Zaku, is ultimately defined by:

      1. Mechafaggotry. A word designed specifically (and solely) with you in mind.
      2. Your glacial, calculating personality.
      3. An irrational love of Seohyun.

      Any one of these traits alone are not so uncommon, but in tandem, it can only be described as Zaku.

  3. billions?
    we only have 6 bil ppl on earth :O

  4. You give them brain, and they will take over the world. Kill them before they lay eggs!

  5. mmmm mechanical pussy of taeyeon open you glorious metal mouth and devour my dick, ill leak my lubricating fluid all over you if youll do the same to me. OMNOMNOMNOMNOM, fuck the present i love the future , sexbots galore!

  6. Wait, so how much will they cost per unit? Weight? Energy source?

  7. The first gif reminded me instantly of that oppa didn't mean it gif. And Seobot is a goddess, bish. At least she kept her class! Holy shit, sexbots? Why not just pick up male and female tramps and make them get plastic surgery to look like our kpop idols?

    1. Haven't I made it clear enough that she is a Goddess made mechanical flesh?

    2. Plasdick, metal, what's the diff right? It all boils down to rigorous engineering and advanced technology ;)

  8. What kind of batteries they run on? If they're plug-ins, they better be energy star. IDGAF idol or not, they ain't worth having a high ass light bill if I'm not gonna get help paying for it.

  9. omg where is that gif of wooyoung from?!