Friday, September 14, 2012

[MV Review] SECRET - Poison

AHEM. Stealing this from Allkpop for spice.
The beautiful ladies of SECRET have finally returned with “POISON“!
SECRET stirred up great interest with their new classy yet sexy transformation revealed starting last week, and now the wait is over. Although the title may be “POISON” it’s anything but toxic as the music video leaves you longing for more.
Check out the MV review below~!

That was painful, I'm never doing this again.

Like our erstwhile colleagues at Allkpop have said, Secret's latest title track is Poison. The MV is a combination of storyline and dance in box with close-ups. Wow, that was boring as shit to read/write.

The basic plot of Poison is set in the Roaring Twenties, if the Roaring Twenties happened in Korea. The MV opens with Hyosung paying a visit to a private investigator's office. The plot of the Poison MV unfolds as an extended flashback recounted by her to the investigator. Right from the get-go, she sets up her (and by proxy the rest of SECRET) image as the quintessential femme fatale.

The ladies of SECRET run what appears to be either a speakeasy or a brothel, who knows. At any rate, we quickly learn through by no means disguised looks that the girls of SECRET are up to no good. Jieun SUNHWA seduces some random scrub to unveil a tattoo of some numbers, ostensibly a combination to some kind of safe. Catching Zinger's attention, Zinger passes it on to Sunhwa JIEUN. It really makes no sense why they had to do this, but poor Sunhwa has to get screen time somehow.

Here's where shit gets messy. While waiting for the other members to rendezvous at some secret location, Sunhwa and Zinger are threatened by the random scrub seduced earlier. He's brought a buttbuddy this time, and the two of them have Jieun held captive at gunpoint. The plot summary is getting long (mostly because the plot exposition was pretty boring, so I didn't want to gif it) so here's the climax of the story in gif form:



Long story short, they get the jewels and get away with it.
Returning to the present, Hyosung wraps up her story and prepares to take her leave. Making one last seduction, she takes advantage of his lapse in vigilance to slip him an alka-seltzer roofie cyanide(?) pill in his scotch. Probably to wrap up the loose ends, especially since we find out that the PI has been following their every move. At any rate, the poor schmuck takes the bait and drinks his cup of poison.

SECRET's MV plot is surprisingly decent, although retarded in places. They play very competent femme fatales in the vein of Catwoman and other legendary jewel thieves, but really it has nothing to do with the song. At least nothing to do with the "official interpretation."
Producers Kang Ji Won and Kim Ki Bum revealed previously, “The hip hop genre song which utilizes repeating saxophone segments, describes the feeling of being unable to break away even while knowing that as one falls in love, it only ends up becoming poison to the individual.”
Right.

At any rate, we all know you came to SECRET for the faps, not the plot. At worst, you could write the entire thing off as visual porn with plot. Fear not, SECRET definitely delivers in this department. Everyone looks good (except Zinger, but she's passable if you're into bestiality I guess) and the choreography is fapadelic, man.

Sex vixen Sunhwa making her debut.
Fap dance Hyosung~!!
Crotch angles are jjangbak.
Rather controversial choreography, but who cares. You fapped anyway. It is a shame that Hyosung dominates the majority of the closeups and such, but she's smoking hot so it's fine. Sunhwa and Jieun deserve more lovin though!! Zinger got way too many parts for my liking, but more on that later. Her latest bout of touchups made look like the 45+ year old version of Hyuna. Or at least her mom.

The song itself is pretty great though. The sax riffs are jjangbak, and combined with some big band brassy notes, give the whole song an old school RnB swing fusion feel. It's starting to become a trend with SECRET, but the way they manage to put a modern twist on the "retro" isn't that bad at all. The build up to Zinger's raps and her raps themselves still suck though. On that note, Zinger's gotten a few more extra lines than the token rap bits, but that's not a good thing. They're still pretty awkward and her constipated "WHUT" at the end of her main rap made me choke on my water.

Thank tha Lawd for Hyosung though. I do wonder why they give her all the uncomfortable-looking heels
all the time, they must be killer on her toes...
TL;DR:
Faptastic MV for a very nice song about Hyosung and her girls.

+:
  • HYOSUNG
  • lots of Hyosung closeups & solo time
  • fapulous choreography
  • interesting storyline that actually makes sense
  • saxy sax

-:
  • not enough Sunhwa or Jieun
  • ZINGER
  • rap anything Zinger says

I give this song a 3.75 out of 5.

33 comments:

  1. THIS NIGGAzz POISON....POISONNNNN

    ReplyDelete
  2. The formulaic
    2 choruses->soft bridge-> shitty rap
    is pushing me farther and farther away from any releases recently.

    Plus half of this song's lyrics are shitty english that sounds horrendous.

    But I guess their company finally realized that capitalizing on fapping will make them more album sales.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HOLY SHIT! For once I don't have to comment about the problems of a song, since someone already did it for me. THANK YOU, D00D!

      My biggest gripe is with the pronunciations and the rap, as the the actual chords and keys in the voice directing and composition, were deviating enough, to be interesting.

      Delete
    2. Am I a bad reviewer for not including more technical song composition stuff?

      Delete
  3. Dude, Sunhwa was the one that seduced the tattoo dude. Not Ji Eun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING...

      I mean I correctly identified the right one during that gunfight scene!!

      Delete
  4. "Poison" Album Artwork if anyone is interested -->http://lostgraphics-cre4t1v31.blogspot.co.nz/2012/09/secret-poison.html

    I liked the song. IMO I thought Zinger was really hot, I really prefer her with brunette hair. I'd take Zinger's wannabe-rap over Hyuna's "Gangnam" thing (? dunno what she was trying to do there)any dat. At least they didn't make her do that cringe-worthy over-the-top cute rap like in "Shy boy" (I hate aegyo raps).

    ReplyDelete
  5. you have confused jieun with sunhwa xD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "While waiting for the other members to rendezvous at some secret location, Sunhwa and Zinger are threatened by the random scrub seduced earlier. He's brought a buttbuddy this time, and the two of them have Jieun held captive at gunpoint."

      ^ Wasn't it Jieun and Zinger threatened and Sunhwa held captive?

      Delete
    2. Nah bro, I got it right the second time. Sunhwa's in the red, Jieun is in the turquoisey blue dress.

      Delete
    3. LOL dude you got it mixed up. It's the other way around.

      Blue and help captive: Sunhwa
      Red and threatened with Zinger: Jieun

      http://i.imgur.com/oUqM3.jpg

      Delete
  6. They actually made Zinger useful instead of just throwing a random rap of hers in there like they did with all three of their releases last year. Still, she's useless and Secret would be better as three.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I commend this MV for being among the few cohesive ones this year. The camera work was also good when focusing on the members

    I also am still terribly confused between Jieun and Sunhwa. Thrice watched it and I can't decipher the two. What sorcery is this. Zinger is UNF

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  8. Zinger looks good this comeback cycle though. It's Jieun that they made a fugmonster this time.

    ReplyDelete
  9. this song and sistar's alone are the best kpop girl group song of the year so far

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  10. And just when I thought mainstream KPOP was getting crappy. Good timing, Secret.
    I think Zinger looks decent. They could've emphasize Jieun's beauty a lot more, though.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm glad the MGEF are doing their jobs well.

    Guns, murder and theft are fine, but at least children aren't being corrupted by the sight of bare stomachs.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It must suck to be the second guy shot dead from a single shot flintlock

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reminding me about all the weird anachronisms in this MV. Then again, it's just KPop.

      Delete
    2. OMG NIGGA U SUCK I FUCKED UR MOTHER DIDNT U NOE U CAN QUICK RELOAD BY SWITCHING WEAPONS AHAHAHAHA IM ONLY 12 AND I OWN UR FUCKING ASS

      TAKE ME ON 1V1 ANYTIME BITCH MY GAMERTAG [AKF] xXFaTcHoRoNgXx I KILL U TO DUST

      Delete
    3. Come at me with that flintlock, I get headshots with riot shields

      Delete
  13. Wait, so Sunhwa's vagina rub dance allowed even on live perfs but SISTAR's tail dance was banned? LOLWHUT KOREA?

    ReplyDelete
  14. GTFO,Zinger is perfection. -.-

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  15. This video contains some of the best pussy popping ever recorded. That full leg spread position hurts like hell so kudos to you Sunhwa. She must get lots of practice through her extra-vaginular activities. L you dumped that? Kigga you is soooo gay.

    Video definitely needs more of my lovely JiEun. At one point I actually forgot she was in the group.

    Secret better brace themselves. The slut-shaming is about to reach HyenA levels.

    ReplyDelete
  16. BTW it's nice to see some motherfuckers get lit the fuck up in a girl group video. I was getting sick of these bitches holding heat and not firing it. Looking right at your Qri and Jiyeon.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Am I the only one who thought that your Jieun/Sunhwa blunders were intentional? .___.

    ReplyDelete