Sunday, September 29, 2013

Crazy Ass Inspirits



If you hadn't heard by now, Infinite's L is supposedly dating an uljjang named Kim Doyeon. With a shitload of L fansites closing/going on hiatus, that was the first sign that these bitches were crazy. Not content with just closing down fansites, fangirls starting sending nasty messages (that's just what I'm assuming, since you know, we're dealing with teenage girls here) to Kim Doyeon. However, this Kim Doyeon just happens to share the same the uljjang. This woman is just trying to live her life teaching your oppars and unnirs Japanese so that they can receive more money. She's not even licking the tip of L's penis, so calm your tits.

Man, this is almost as painful to watch as Dallas blowing an eleven-fucking-point lead to San Diego. Jesus Titty Fucking Christ.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Saturday Shitfest #17

Seungri is set to host a variety show on cable TV in Japan titled "Bukkake On Her Tits".

No idea when Zaku is going to livestream again and I can't do it at the usual 8 PM time (Ohio State - Wisconsin football game is more important *cough cough*). I'll stream again sometime in October, just don't know exactly when.

Friday, September 27, 2013

All Hail Jiyeon



I don't have to write shit. Psyched for T-ara's comeback MV just because of Jiyeon.
SPLOOOOOOOOOSH, UCAADs!!

Seohyun In Still Cuts of 'Passionate Love'



I have traveled back in time two months to broadcast a special news report. Yes, it's a special news report about some pictures. On the surface, it may seem just like an ordinary still from any old drama, but unfortunately, this still here was the cause of Korea's annihilation.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

SULLI IS FUCKING CHOIZA

THERE IS NO FUCKING GOD


HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?? CAMERA FOOTAGE TO PROVE IT FOR YOU ALL STILL IN DENIAL. AND WE ALL THOUGHT HYERI WAS ROBBING THE NURSING HOME, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

I'M SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS BUT THIS IS FUCKING MINDBLOWING.

EDIT: IT GETS BETTER/WORSE

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Suho Nomu Nomu Kyeopta

OMO Suho is the top jjangbak in kyeopta, amirite?!


Proof after the jump~!

Pornography and your right to fap: which K-pop idols are dedicated to the cause?

Let's be honest - there's no such thing as someone who is anti-pornography.  We all love porn, and those who are the most vocal about hating it are always the ones who secretly love it the most.  Not only is porn fun and interesting, but observing how a society treats both its pornography industry and people who watch porn is a good litmus test of how much a supposedly free society truly values its freedoms once you remove the hype.  The right to fap over media representations of other people doing kinky shit is something worth fighting for.  Just look at the majorly sexually frustrated expression on this guy's face - he understands the necessity of something that people in developed countries take for granted in this easy-access Internet age, and he probably hasn't fapped over a nice pair of boobies in a while.

irap1


I'm glad that's settled, then.  Now that both of you who are anti-porn have stopped reading, let's look at some of the k-pop groups who have discussed their porn use to determine who are the most dedicated to the noble art of fap, so we can give them our full appreciation and support.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 42

This week's photo comes from Pororo:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

Holy balls! That little girl is Fei's doppleganger!

Just joking. Don't kid yourself. It is embarrassing for all of us to see this. In fact, reading your post gave me second hand embarrassment. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Song Ji Eun To Make A Solo Comeback



Song Ji Eun is making a solo comeback, and this time it is without Bang Yongguk ruining her song. From the looks of it, Ji Eun is finally getting a real solo song this time. Yongguk rapped a lot more than Ji Eun sang in Going Crazy, and since Yongguk is a pretty poor rapper, well, that really anally raped the song. When the song came out, I was thinking, "TS Entertainment, you fucking UCAADs, I wanted to hear Ji Eun, not some shitty rapper from the underground that couldn't make it and had to join an idol group in order to sustain his career."

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Boram Is The Best Rapper



Normally the news regarding a video like this is "Eunjunf," "Cyclops is shooting her beams at my penis and making it stiffer," "Qri doesn't care," "Hyomin makes bestiality tempting," or "Soyeon looks like her pre-"'I-fucked-my-face-up' self," the biggest story is that Boram is now the rapper. She has all of the street credibility from distributing weed (to GD) to smoking the shit herself. Now T-ara's biggest thug is the rapper. With Hwadog out of the way, Boram is on her way to becoming a Korean rap legend.

Lee Yeon Hee For The North Face



It's Chuseok, so nothing is really happening this week in Korea, unless you want to hear something retarded about Clara yet again. If Clara didn't have nice tits, she'd be a lot more annoying than Dara when it comes to attention whoring. So instead, enjoy this LYH video.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Her "talents" are huge - why "MR removed" videos are all bullshit

For a while now, a horrible cancer has been infecting the world of k-pop - the obsession with "talent".  I put "talent" in inverted commas because when people talk about "talent" in k-pop in either a positive or negative sense, they usually only ever talk about one thing, which is singing ability.  They tend to ignore other talents that actually matter a lot more for career advancement and industry success in the world of ultra-commercial idol pop, such as:
  • Looking good on stage
  • Dancing (sometimes also factored in when people discuss "talent" - but rarely)
  • Looking good on TV
  • Stage presence
  • Looking good in front of still cameras (i.e modelling)
  • Talking to the media (if you don't think this one matters, just ask anyone in KARA)
  • Looking good in a versatile way for different outfits to use in different concepts
  • Emotional labour (what air hostesses do - keeping the happy facade up, smiling constantly when you've had a shit day etc, ask f(x) about this one)
  • Looking good even in airports
  • Fellatio technique (just ask [insert your bias here])
  • Looking good even in a car accident (or else)
  • Behind-the-scenes talent that supports your talent (songwriters, producers, stylists, choreographers)
  • Looking good at all times
It also helps if you are attractive.  More fun facts about vocal performances after the jump.

[MV Review] Jolin Tsai - Journey



Queen Jolin makes a faptacular cumback.
Short review:8=======D~~~~~~
Longer review: 8=======D~~~~~~( . Y . )
Detailed review after the jump.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Exotics Even Try to Ruin League of Legends

If you didn't know, or you missed my earlier post about League of Legends, the Season 3 World Championships is going on right now. 14 teams are playing for a shot at $1 million dollars ($2.2 million prize pot total).


One of the teams playing is called Mineski, a team from the Philippines (pinoy pride, yadda yadda), and one of their player's gamer tag is "Exo." I think you know where this is going.

T-ara is finally coming back to Korea



We know what 95% of Korean netizens and international fans are gonna say, so Soyeon is here to slay them all down.

EXO fans editing Wikipedia

Fangirls are editing Wikipedia pages with stupid shit, this time it's the Anterograde amnesia page.




Click here if the image is too small.

You know, when the fictional cases are added, it's supposed to be from legitimate fiction like movies or novels that people have actually read, not from some fanfic written by a 12-year-old girl who was fingering herself while writing the fanfic.

But since it's on Wikipedia, it has to be true, right? Look at what I just found on Wikipedia...

EDIT:

It's even infected Google searches for anterograde amnesia...


Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 41

This week's photo comes from Wan:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

OMG GUISE WE NEED TO TOUCH EVERYTHING EXO TOUCHED TO BRING MEANING TO OUR LIVES!!!!!!1!!11

OMFG WE ARE BREATHING THE SAME AIR EXO BREATHED!!!11!1!!one!!1

DID YOU KNOW WE LIVE ON THE SAME PLANET AS EXO!?!?!? HOLY SHIT!!! 

/hyperventilates

Sunday, September 15, 2013

WATCH LEAGUE OF LEGENDS

The League of Legends World Championships kick off today, support our Korean overlords!!

WHOO!! EVERYONE LOVES KOREA AMIRITE

If not, just look at some cosplay by Yuri Seo, semi-famous TV personality and voice actress currently
working on SNL Korea.
SEE MORE COSPLAY HERE

Kpop Fan Hating on Taiwanese Group Makes No Sense



So, I was watching this music video because the girls are hot and I find the song catchy enough to listen to because of their talent, I saw a stupid comment. Okay, I always see stupid comments or else I wouldn't have started this blog.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

CL is a Tramp Because of... Jeremy Scott??

CL's well-documented friendship with long-time boothang Jeremy Scott is no secret to anyone who's even a casual fan of 2NE1. The group can usually be seen clad in Jeremy Scott "creations" from head to toe, and he's even appeared on 2NE1 TV a bunch of times too. The man is literally CL's gay best friend, and you would think if the "International" Kpop community knows this, then surely the Korean Kpop community does too? l0l nope.

This little Piggy Doll didn't go to market

We all know about the Piggy Dolls comeback, yeah?  If not, you can read up about it here.

Quick recap for those who haven't been following this: three girls were in a group called Piggy Dolls that debuted a couple of years back and they were kinda chubby, then they came back and became somewhat less chubby... and then they came back again recently but this time it was actually three completely different girls using the same name who were typical-kpop-skinny, thus defeating the purpose of the original Piggy Dolls concept.  Great, now we're all up to speed.

When this happened, I did my best to get a brief snapshot about how the k-pop community felt about this.  The response from YouTube, various articles and forums was fairly expected and mostly the same - naturally, the notoriously whiny "vocal talent is everything omg" crowd were horrified that clearly superior singers were replaced with some averagely-voiced but prettier girls.  Screencaps and a lot more after the jump.

Saturday Shitfest #15


Remember that Kpopalypse oppar is livestreaming at the usual 5 PM PST time tonight and again 12 hours later.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Creating Standards That Aren't Compulsory

Have you ever read an article and thought "Fucking finally?" while nodding in agreement just to be trolled when you read the last paragraph? Well, that happened to me about half an hour ago before I started writing a long article that could have just been summed up as "show your tits, plz". The Ministry of Culture, Sports and Tourism came up with new standards for contracts last month. Great news, right? Many of us have had concerns about the absolutely shitty conditions Korean entertainers go through. The catch is that these new contracts are completely voluntary, which basically means no one will even create a single contract.


How To Play To Your Strengths *coughHyoricough* - Presented By Jolin Tsai



Some of you may be thinking "AKF, you UCAAD (Upstanding Citizen of African American Descent), why are you posting a video of Jolin Tsai?" Well, mainly because she's hot, but I'll pull something out of my ass and tie everything together.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Dani performs with F-ve Dolls

Not much to say here. Here is the true performing debut of the much-hyped ace up Kim Kwangsoo's sleeve. Gif & Video after the jump.

Bad English in Kpop ... by artists who speak English

Bad Engrish in Asian music is not uncommon. In fact, bad English and Asian people generally go hand-in-hand.

But what bothers me most is when a Korean idol group promotes a song which has atrocious grammar and syntax (or just uses plain wrong English words) .... with an English speaker within the group.

This member is usually fluent as well as they have studied or grew up in an English (as the first language) speaking country (ie. America, Canada, etc...). To me, this does not make sense. Sometimes, Korean is their second language. So how can one royally fuck up in their first language?

For example (the name in brackets is the name of the person in the group who allegedly speaks English. Which is now put in question):

Monday, September 9, 2013

[UPDATE] U-Kiss Really are Beggar-dols

Many of you may not remember, but U-Kiss has had an unfortunate track record over "begging" for fan gifts. It isn't the first time idols have been called out for doing bizarre shit for money (Crayon Pop immediately springs to mind), but this latest shit really takes the cake.


They're literally begging for money to fund their new album.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 40

This week's photo comes from Therese:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

So are you a loyal, light, or troll?


This scientific and fact based comment was clearly found on AllKPop, the leader in accurate Korean entertainment news. 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Ra Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' Ta Fuck Wit'

There's been a lot of controversy surrounding individuals and groups with names ending in "-ra" lately, but this ain't shit to them. All the "-ra" folks banded together to form the new super clique known as the Ra Tang Clan, and they ain't scared of no netizen fucks.


How did they all come together?
1. [+544, -68] Clara, KARA, T-ara, Hara. All of the 'Ra' are fu*king rude, it seems.
That's when I realized, "Damn Korea, you have no fucking idea." RUDE? I think not.

Fuckin' mergers - how do THEY work?


mergers

A few people have asked me over the last few weeks if I had any thoughts about the SM/Woollim merger.  If you're one of those three people, this post is for you.  If not, I'll try and make it entertaining enough that you don't fall asleep while reading it, although if you feel the need to slice open the veins on your forearm and pour caffeine directly into the gaping wound just to keep your eyes open during this shit, I won't blame you.  I certainly melted down and mainlined a bunch of Cadburys just to write this.

Minzy Hates Herself

On some variety show, Minzy ranked herself third in terms of looks in 2NE1. Third as in last place, shared with CL.


Chobits Comes to Life



I don't know if any of you have seen the anime Chobits, but this new drama is the real life version of the anime, but with a twist. In the anime Chobits, the main character finds a female robot in the trash and takes care of her before eventually falling in love with her. Yes, Japan thinks of crazy shit like this. However, in this new Korean drama, the main character here falls in love with Seobot. However, at this point in time, there is no information as to whether or not the man knows that Seobot is a robot. I just hope he finds out before they hit the sack and he wonders why Seobot's vagina is a cold, metal pipe.

Yoo Jae Suk Dancing to Sunmi's 24 Hours



Yoo Jae Suk said that he felt confident in his dancing abilities, and lo and behold. Or as Ahjussi would say, "I ain't gotta write shit."

Saturday, September 7, 2013

EXOtics are ruining my search results



God damn it, fuck you EXOtics. I can't search for "Han Ye Seul" on Google or tumblr without Kai's name showing up. Thankfully the Korean search results haven't been tainted (yet).



You can see the search term "한예슬 움짤". 움짤 doesn't really translate well into English, but pictures/gifs make everything easier to understand. 움짤 example one and 움짤 example two.

Saturday Shitfest #14

Friday, September 6, 2013

[NSFW] Not All Variety Shows are Bad

Korean variety shows get a lot of bad rep around here, but clearly we're not watching the right ones.



Forever praying for the day our faves guest on the No More Show. I would kill someone to get someone like Seohyun on here.

Perfect Response to All of the Netizens Hating on Kara

So yes, Kara is receiving shit for their stint on Radio Star and Netizen Buzz translated comments from Korean netizens here. Bless her poor heart, as she must have lost some brain cells while translating that shit. However, instead of writing a long article as to why these netizens are retarded, this video should more than suffice.



This goes to every Korean netizen for their blind hatred of Kara.

Question of the Week 78

This week's question comes from an anonymous asker on my Ask.fm: 
Is there an idol group that you think actually gets along with each other?

Thank you for your suggestion!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

[MV Review] Kim Sori - Bikini

Don't even bother with the audio, just watch the MV.


I don't know why it took this long to write this for so little content, but w/e.

What's in a name?

An incomprehensible thing happened this week. Remember Piggy Dolls? They were that group that debuted awhile back with the gimmick of being a lot bigger than other kpop girl groups.


Oh hey, they're a lot bigger than other kpop girl groups.


Then they came back later, much lighter.




Well, guess what, everyone: They're back again!


That's cool. Wait ... something's different about you, Piggy Dolls ...

Oh yeah, and they're coming back as three completely different, skinny girls.

Seungrisus Christ is the Messiah

You thought I was crazy to like this guy, but little did you know... HE IS A FUCKING GOD

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

YoonSic dance in a box with some other girls



P.S. This was never anything else!

Brown Eyed Girls Plagiarize Themselves Consistently

Have you ever just sat there and watched all of the Brown Eyed Girls' dance versions of their music videos back to back because you find them so sexy? (totally not because you are trying to learn their seductive dance moves to bring to the club or anything)

No? 

Just me?

Okay well, you all knew I was super awkward from the beginning so. This should not surprise you.

Anyways.

Well, I noticed something relatively consistent in each music video. I like to find anomalies in my daily life. So, this is just one of those things I like to point out.

The music videos in question are as follows:

Abracadabra

Sign

Kill Bill

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

A Pink - U



Fuck Kara, fuck GD, A Pink released a new MV. Most of all, fuck Taemin fangirls spamming the comments section. No one cares about Taemin's reaction to the music video. He probably doesn't even like Naeun since Naeun doesn't have a penis.

[Concert Review] 4Minute in Sydney 1 September 2013

True confessions time: I've never been to a k-pop concert before... and it's not for a lack of trying.  I had tickets to Super Show 67.3 and that was cancelled at the last minute because the guy who changes the filter in the coffee machine at head office stubbed a toenail or something.  Then I had tickets to K-pop Heart (a big arena event featuring After School, Block B, Ailee, Son Dambi, Teen Top among others) and that was cancelled because the organisers were like "contracts are overrated" and then Block B pissed their label off by demanding three meals a day and pocket money for butter to put on their bread so there went half the lineup.  Both times I flew over especially for that shit and just spent the whole time shopping instead.

So when I heard about 4Minute coming, I was ready to give up on live k-pop in disgust if it didn't happen.


Fortunately, it did happen, so now I finally have a live concert to blog about.  Whether I give up on live k-pop in disgust anyway remains to be seen.

Monday, September 2, 2013

[MV Review] Kara - Damaged Lady

Tired of another G-Dragon kpop shitfest? Kara's here to help.


 Ahhh, some much needed refreshment

Male Fanservice



A few weeks back, a commenter asked why there's always fanservice for the straight males and lesbians, but never any for the straight females and gays. I asked who should be posted, but for every suggestion, someone said "Fuck that dude, he's ugly, post ___ instead". So, without knowing what to really do, I just found some pictures of some of my favorite Korean actors and actors that fangirls gush over all the time, so here you go.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 39

I temporarily have halted taking suggestions (for this week only. Don't worry - I will sift through your submissions again soon) to bring you this gem of a finding:


Does your WHAT DO WHAT

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Con, Troll

I just got back from seeing 4Minute in Sydney and I'm fuckin' tired.  I'll write a blog about that shit tomorrow.  In the meantime I thought you'd enjoy my entry into the k-rap scene.  I thought I'd download Big Sean's "Control" beat and try some rap over it.  Everyone else is doing it, so it must be a good idea, right?

Also, I will admit that I've been giving Korean netizens a bad rap lately.  It's awfully unfair of me.  Therefore, in this song aside from addressing all my feelings about the latest controversy engulfing the Korean hip-hop scene, I also attempt to redress my negativity towards K-netz and list all the positive qualities of Korean netizens in an entertaining rap format.  My version is called "Con, Troll" and I hope you enjoy it.  I think there's something in it for everyone.


Peace, folks.