Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Does it make me gay if I'm constantly fapping to EXO (i'm a guy!) I mean I like their music and everything but I also fanboy all over them except instead of fanboying i wish it was my jizz

It'd be cool if this was a troll but I'm not sure if your average AKP user is that intelligent.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with liking a male group or singer nor is there anything wrong with being gay. Hell, one of my favorite groups is/was Simon D/ Supreme Team but there's that fine line where it goes from simply enjoying the music to wanting to stick your dick in someone's boypussy. Sometimes it can be difficult to spot that line, other times well, it's pretty fucking blatant.

Something's amiss.

I mean this guy is completely normal... Just a normal guy doing normal things...




As opposed to?

Well luckily for this poster AKP is the perfect place to seek help with your conflicted feelings, full of well
grounded people.


I use this same rational when discussing politics.

I just hope this guy can come to grips with his latent homosexuality before it's too late.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Is Lee Yeon Hee From North Korea?


Here we go again. Go order up a pizza or unwrap that package of Twinkies as we shove food down our fat necks in today's second installment of "Is she from North Korea?!"

Is Haeryung North Korean? (BESTie Dance Video)



I CALLED IT! I remember writing an article where I wrote that entertainment companies would start picking up North Koreans who try to escape the country and putting them in Kpop groups. So, why do I think Haeryung is North Korean? One is the myth that North Korean women > South Korean women (obviously this myth predates plastic surgery, photoshop and professional makeup for entertainers). The second one is from all of the comments in the video and allkpop article: Haeryung's legs are too skinny. If Korean netizens can make up shit based on less evidence, well, I may as well write a doctoral dissertation on proving that Haeryung is North Korean.

Monday, October 28, 2013

[MV Review] Trouble Maker - "There Is No Tomorrow (Now)"

Hyuna and Hyunseung are back, and they're nothing but trouble.





Getting Trolled By CFs



Have you ever watched a CF and enjoyed it before the CF trolled the living shit out of you? Well, it happened to me just before I wrote this article. I liked the commercial until they had to show the God damn pad.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Fuck Korean Celebrities Who Don't Reply To Me!

SHINee MInho’s cousin’s is on my friends list facebook and he’s not even talking to me. SM Town’s performance manager, Jaewon from beat burger is not talkin to me either. I tried to talk to f(x) Amber and f(x) Krystal and Amber’s sister, Jackie, they still never reply my messages. I know they’re not busy. I tried to talk to Peniel’s sister on instagram and twitter and tried to talk to Yesung’s brother, Jongjin, they never reply my messages either. its not fair for me to see other fans talkin to them. the girls from sweet revenge i added on facebook, never reply my messages either. this is so ridiculous. its only going to take 5 seconds to reply me messages and start a conversation. that’s not fair to for Korean companies to tell their artists not to interact and talk to fans in person or online. that’s illegal. the korean celebrities can talk to whoever they want. how do I get them to reply my messages and start a conversation with me? I’m tired of sitting on my couch and surfin the internet looking at people creating posts about talking to Korean  celebrities. its makes me jealous. I don’t care if they’re celebrities, I can still be friends with them and invite them over to hang out. They can still have time to talk to me online or in person when they’re busy. I would have long conversations with them and give them my kakaotalk id and twitter id too.
The delusional bar has been set to new heights. It is now illegal for Korean entertainment companies to direct their artists on how to use social media. Oh My God, I don't know if I'll be able to make it through this post in tact. Shit is too hilarious.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Plagiarism – a primer for k-pop fans and netizen dummies

This blog was inspired by the latest controversy surrounding that dastardly devil-may-care trouble-magnet IU.

FISTy

I'm sure getting some blog value out of IU lately.  If I ever meet her I'll have to offer to go down on her.  I owe her that much.  I won't even ask for a handjob in return (although I admit I'm also considering where that hand has been).

Saturday Shitfest #21



Only posting this because Ha Ji Won is hot and her new drama starts in a few days.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Armchair Kpop Star

I have been a k pop fan since the fourth grade (old wondergirls, 2pm, and Davichi was the the real shitt!!) My 8th grade year I took a haitus from the crazy kpop scene (One because there was an EXPLOSION of new groups that weren’t appealing to me and two because of friends) I only listened to songs of groups I loved (snsd, shinee, 2pm, cn blue etc) After a year of listening to EDM and just American music in general, I fell in love with EXO omg I’m talking about 8+ hours on the internet for exo… Literally my whole summer was EXO.. I have no life… ANYWAYS, I’m into kpop once again but looking at the artists of kpop today I cant help but think: I can so be a kpop star. Like I’m pretty sure A LOT of you guys think the same thing!!! For example as much as I love YoonA - she has no talent and Sehun the maknae fromExo - pretty good at dancing but cant sing. I even sent in a audition email to SM and heres why I DONTGIVEACRAP anymore: I couldnt help but do a little “research” on the life of being a trainee - SM trainee in general. I was shocked by all the bitchy and jealous bitches there are, harsh training hours, and the fact that you might not even debut was the worst part. I mean duh I know that there is vigoroustraining and competition. But I DONT KNOW MAN. And I’ve read some trainee experiences posted here and omg training for years and quitting sucks!! I dont want to waste my life for something that isnt even guaranteed. All that dieting and excersizing (idk how to spell exercise and I’m a 10th grader this year) just for EXO (Who is going to be at kcon) was a waste and I am regretting buying 200$ ticket to see a bunch of fake boys (I also read that EXO is VERY fake and not even close with eachother except for some members) And I know some of you think that I am so gulliable and quick to judge by reading articles online but I just cant help but believe these! At first I was like, whatever I still love them (sm artsists) but the more I think about it, I just wasted so much of my hope in the kpop industry… I’m still going to like exo and snsd etc but there will always be a tiny feeling of disgust inside me I cant control. I was a victim of the fantasies of the kpop life T.T
Yeah, terrible grammar aside from this post on Kpop Secrets , the amount of stupidity in this post is astounding. Yeah, yeah, "AKF, you're a dick, she's in 10th grade." She's also at the very least 15-16 years old, so that's not a plausible excuse.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Trouble Maker releases teaser pic



Troublemaker comeback or cumback? You decide.

g.o.d's Danny Ahn Pisses Off Netizens

...by allowing fangirls to be stupid by buying him gifts even though he's richer than his fans.

Is it ethical? Probably not. Is it smart? Definitely. I don't know what goes on through the mind of a celebrity, but maybe they see fans buying them gifts as a payoff for having sasaeng fans follow them around and have their underwear stolen when least expected.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Monday, October 21, 2013

T-ara is learning from their antis

The reason I hired Kpopalypse oppar. See more here.
Via Netizen Buzz

1. [+1,443, -71] Why are we getting so many articles about these trashes? They're learning from these hateful comments? ㅋㅋ Yeah right, they're probably swearing right back at the monitor
2. [+1,332, -44] Soyeon-ssi, you're 27 years old... you're way past the age of maturing. 
3. [+1,171, -47] What is there to learn from these hateful comments? Unless they're learning new swears to use to bully someone else...
4. [+48, -2] If they really learned anything, they should know it's time to disband... Unless they're taking these comments literally and learning new swear words from them;;; 
Unf, iku iku. Korean netizens still pay more attention to T-ara than anyone, but they're denying that they care more about T-ara than anything else given the number of people who click the article to read it and to upvote comments. *insert video of JAV actress squealing while having an orgasm*

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Dongho leaves U-PISS



While we may joke that U-KISS has to beg for fans to buy their albums because they still haven't won number one on a music show and for offering to give up their DNA in return for donations, we shouldn't be too harsh on them. It's a tough world, especially for a member from a group as irrelevant as U-KISS. We should all feel sorry for th-- who am I kidding, great job, Dongho. You got the fuck out of there while you had a chance.

In the future, I just hope you're not begging for someone else's pubes to keep your nuts warm while you sleep outside in the -50 degree weather when winter rolls around.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dani is a perfect 10

I live in Australia, but I'm not a "patriot" (ewww gross) or a "proud Australian" (bleuuurgh), because anyone who is a "proud Australian" actually isn't culturally Australian whatsoever - they're a fake, a tryhard.  We don't even have people like that.  If you ever see a group of drunk Australians watching a sports match, and the Australians are winning, and the drunks start cheering and shouting "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi"... those are not real Australians, they are "decoy Australians" deployed by our government to fool potential terrorist threats so they hopefully detonate the bomb in the wrong spot.  If you catch a Southern Cross tattoo on some exposed flesh that just means they're part of the "elite decoy unit".  There probably isn't even real beer in those glasses but some kind of flame-retardant liquid (or maybe it's Fosters, unquestionably not a real beer but a British beer that nobody in Australia even drinks).

taebeer
(All Fosters drinkers are about as Australian as Taeyeon in this photo)

Saturday Shitfest #20



It's hard to believe we're at number 20 already. In regards to the MV, it sucks. There wasn't enough shots of Jiyeon in those denim shorts. On the plus side, we didn't have to sit through 15-20 minutes of a convoluted story that didn't make any sense. Plus, I don't think anyone got a seizure, so there's that.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Clara wants to play a, "stupid asshole character"

There's a long history of butts and first pitches.

Everyone's favorite person who was shamed off the internet for saying shit that don't make sense made news today for saying shit that makes perfect sense.

AKP summed up the story by saying she wanted to play a dumb, ditzy type character. 
"So far, I did variety programs and dramas, but now I want to try movies . . . I want to try the role of a slightly air headed ditz.  I want to do a role that will entertain people."
I'm pretty sure she's already provided more entertainment without actually trying than she ever purposefully could.

Could that be why she quit "writing to focus more on acting?"

Here's a freebie, send checks to my agent.

Kim Tae Hee is Extremely Hot (As Usual) For Cosmopolitan



Kim Tae Hee went to Germany for this pictorial. Remember Kim Tae Hee, if things with Rain don't work out, there's always this UCGKAD (Upstanding Citizen of German and Korean American Descent) here. Remember, we're being politically correct so that people don't get offended for you UCAADs calling me a Kimchi Nazi or some shit.

Jiyeon Has the Determination to Perform Despite Knee Injury

The Cyclops Overlord injured her knee, and despite the injury, still performed. Whether it was determination or if Eunjung bullied her by trying to stuff rice cakes up her butthole, it doesn't matter, since Jiyeon still performed, unlike a certain former member of T-ara.


Thursday, October 17, 2013

[MV Review] BESTie - Love Options



What up, UCAADs? Good morning so far, seeing as the Tigers didn't lay down like whipped bitches and won last night, added with the fact that Brave Brothers composed his first good song in eighty million years with BESTie's Love Options. It doesn't hurt any that Haeryung and Dahye are jjangbak, with Hyeyeon looking better and Yuji looking a lot better and a lot less like G.NA's long-lost alien sister. Maybe she just looked bad with blonde, but she reminded me of a slightly-less repulsive G.NA in their debut music video.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Small Site Updates

Okay, there are a couple of updates to write about. The first one is that on the right-hand side of the side, there's a new section for upcoming livestreams. I removed the previous updates section because Shinbot hasn't written anything in two months and Zaku lied about his weekly streaming (UCAAD somehow has shitty internet living in a dorm in California). This is mainly to reduce the clutter of having to write a brand new article every time we plan to livestream. (So, when another author wants to livestream, just message me as your normally do and I'll update it.)



Refer there or follow my AKF twitter account for livestream updates.

Monday, October 14, 2013

IU wants to battle T-Jiyeon

I don't have to say shit!


HyoMin is NEW OTP

Dispatch shows the fucker who took that shitty picture of Clara and GD allegedly doing the bump and grind at the club how REAL paparazzi shots are taken, and it is GLORIOUS.
OH MY GOD
That right there is Hyoyeon and Min getting their grind on at the club. With each other~!


Sunday, October 13, 2013

Clara Can't Catch a Break

Much maligned semi-celebrity Clara has been dragged up and down the figurative mud by netizens, but it's fairly obvious now why. Dem bitches be jelly of Clara's pussy game.

Dem lips, dat jaw

miss A releases cheer video for the LA Dodgers



miss A released this video on the 10th, one day before the NLCS started. In the first two games of the NLCS, the Dodgers haven't hit for shit. Instead of focusing on using a bat to a ball, they're focusing more on the 'bat' connected to their balls. Ryu Hun-jin pitches game 3 for the Dodgers, and if he focuses too much on fellow fatty Suzy, the Dodgers' offseason will be starting earlier than they had hoped for. (But assuming that they made the World Series in the first place, we all know Detroit would whip the shit out of LA.)

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Saturday Shitfest #19



All hail Jiyeon.

For those of you that saw my livestream, I'm sorry it got cut short, but blame it on the Chinese UCAADs that assembled my computer. I'll have to take it in since I don't know shit about repairing hardware, so tomorrow's livestream will be canceled. However, I will be streaming on a weekly basis for the rest of the year on the weekends, probably making them 1-1.5 hours long so that I can do them more regularly. I have no idea if I can keep this up into next year (no idea if I'll get a job and be working 60+ hours a week, be yet another college graduate who has to work at McDonald's, go to graduate school while amassing more student debt in hopes that I can get a job that pays more than $8/hour, or teaching English abroad in some remote-as-fucking-shit African village.) So yeah, I cannot make any promises when it comes to AKF and 2014.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

AKF Livestream Date Change

It's moved up to Friday night 8 PM EST/5 PM PST. The original Saturday livestream conflicts with the Game 1 of the ALCS, which also airs at 8 PM, so I had to move the date of the livestream. Livestream channel here.

Edit: I will also stream Saturday night at 6 PM EST, two hours earlier than the original time, in addition to the new Friday night stream.

[MV Review] T-ara No. 9 and I Know The Feeling





Tuesday, October 8, 2013

AKF Livestream on 10/12/13

For those of you that like the livestreams, I'll be livestreaming this Saturday at the usual 8 PM EST/5 PM PST time. There'll be roughly 5-10 new songs to come out from the time of this post to the day of the livestream, so there should be plenty of material to go off of for the livestream.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Ailee smacked her backup dancer in the vagina



I ain't gotta write shit, this is assault.

Nicole is her own fangirl

Nicole posted a long tweet clarifying what she had in mind with the contracts, which is different from what went public. Basically, she wants to be a freelancer, to not belong to DSP, and yet have the gig of being a Kara member. She seems confused as to why it was made public, but I think it is a pretty clear message from DSP: It is not fucking happening, girl.

This would not only be unfair favoritism as the other members have signed a few more years of their life away to DSP, it would be setting an historic precedent in the whole industry for such a thing. No agency wants the reputation of one of their primary sources of income to be subject to the private decisions of individual members in what kind of deals they make with whoever else (the competition) or how they live their lives.

So, since Nicole seems to ultimately believe in what Nicole wants to do (not a bad thing), and wants to let Nicole have freedom yet also stay with Kara (lmao), it is pretty obvious she has fangirl-level delusion about herself, or has at very least allowed her mother to influence how she thinks about herself to such a level. If it actually works out for her, well I think that would be the biggest news in kpop for the last 10 years, but I don't think it will, and as she has already decided, she will be on her own.

Good luck becoming a star on your own, Nicole. It is a hyper-competitive market filled with the ultra-funded, ultra-talented, or ultra-pretty (by extremely narrow Korean film world tastes) and well... I love you but I think it will be hard for you. Talk to Jay Park for tips on how to get by okay.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Saturday Shitfest #18



BoA's Message PV is out and Avex had to be dicks and release a 2-minute version.



Yo, fuck that shit. It's not 1995 anymore, Japan. There's this thing called the fucking Internet, so stop it with your draconian practices.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Busker Busker shows that music is not sport. In other news, water is wet.


God I hate Busker Busker.  Average bland music that could excite or offend absolutely nobody, it's easy to see why a conservative country like Korea loves them so much.  They're like the Korean Nickelback, except at least Nickelback gets rocks thrown at them every now and then for their crimes against popular music which is kind of funny.

So this is where Kara turns into Jewelry

I ain't gotta say shit because the dream is over.

AKF's thoughts after the jump.

Hello Venus Alice's Transformation

Have you ever thought a member of a group just looked 'okay' relative to their group members, then all of a sudden it's as if they went Super Saiyan and now look a lot better? Hello Venus' Alice finally ditched the blond hair, and it's like night and day.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

[MV Review] Busker Busker - Love, At First



Boring as shit instrumental + awful vocals = I'd rather have someone insert a fucking screw through my dick.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

T-ara and IU Teasers





We're in a small rut here, with there being a while before the MLB playoffs start T-ara and IU make their comebacks. SHINee is set to make a comeback in October too, but no one gives a shit. Hell, even EXO is already more popular than SHINee at this point. Maybe that means less time for Minho to try to ruin Medical Top Team (Jung Ryeo Won is in it, so I'm sold).