Saturday, February 21, 2015

Kpopalypse Fashion Class - school uniforms

It's coming up to Seoul Fashion Week yet again, so that's a good excuse as any other for another episode of Kpopalypse Fashion Class!


We all know how fashion articles on other k-pop sites usually go - inane boring light-on-content list-post clickbait bullshit.  Instead, why not experience a fashion article that has actual information in it and experience what many other k-pop websites could potentially be like if they stopped catering to 12-year old fuckwads?  Also as a bonus, you can either perv on the pictures of hot k-pop girls, or learn how to look like a hot k-pop girl worth perving on by others!  Could this post be any more perfect?  Read on and find out!

School uniforms, as covered previously in my writing, is classic "white-coater" territory.  To naive prudish types the school uniform might symbolise diligence, hard work and obedience, whereas to in-the-know perverts it's a goldmine of fap.  No need to take my word for it - it's well known that the school girl uniform is the most common dress-up fetish, and better essays than mine have spoken at length about the reasons why.

Is the school uniform fetish a bad thing?  No, of course not - all you politically-correct cuntholes clamping down on any human activity that is fun and interesting in the name of your own moral showboating would do well to remember that many women like fetish-wear and in fact find it empowering.  Studies have in fact shown that:
females consume fetish fashions because doing so allows them to experience more positive self evaluations, and that over time these positive evaluations result in sexual empowerment in the form of increased control over sensual experience and sexual self presentation
So since school uniform fap-wear is clearly an empowering force for good, Kpopalypse is now going to show women how they can "take the power back" by looking hot, with k-pop examples!

School uniform fetishism comes from the Catholic schoolgirl tradition and is based on the idea that girls are forced to act prim and proper, thus enabling their repressed sluttiness underneath the surface.  Therefore keeping styles conservative enough to evoke this sexually oppressive tradition is a must.  The first important point is to select appropriate colours.


IU's schoolgirl combo looks good but doesn't tap its full potential due to the gaudy pink stripe down the middle.  There's no way you can get away with shit like that in the super-strict school settings that schoolgirl uniform fetishism is based upon, and as a result the fourth wall of fap is broken.


Apink's Naeun doesn't get it right either.  I don't recall "carrot-encrusted puke" as an official school uniform colour in any school in my immediate vicinity.  The less unusual and more traditional the colours picked, the better.


This leads into our next point, which is "girlishness quota".  That pink thing in the front of this Wonder Girls line-up is not acceptable school attire (although the clothes behind all meet required standards) - you would get stabbed in the throat by sexy iljin bully girls for wearing something like that at my old school, which isn't as appealing a death as it sounds.  Not only is the colour wrong but there's no reason to play up the girlishness - school uniforms are based upon tough manly military dress as they were designed to have a similar disciplinary effect on the psyches of young ratbaggish students.  Prissy pink dress-style uniforms on girls therefore may look objectively appealing but don't cut the mustard for schoolgirl fap purposes.


T-ara has always been a group squarely aimed at helping men fap (hence all the hate they get from fangirls) and T-ara's Soyeon gets the girlishness quota right here, pushing the femininity to about the maximum allowable limit before the schoolgirl concept breaks.  Your mileage may vary - as a general rule, broad-shouldered girls or girls with less boobs can amp up the girlish accessorising further than those with slimmer or bustier figures while retaining the schoolgirl effect.  Another example from the same photoshoot illustrates this:


T-ara's Hyomin already looks very girly right from the outset so she can get away with less fancy girly accoutrements while keeping the schoolgirl image intact.  As a seasoned clothes-designer Hyomin knows this so her accessorising here is more minimal and designed to "masculinise" her image and drag her back into the schoolgirl fap zone.  Put Soyeon's flower tie and hair accessory on Hyomin instead and suddenly she's not looking like a schoolgirl anymore.


T-ara don't always get it right though, and this leads us to our third aspect of schoolgirl fetish which is dress length.  Boram's dress here is obviously deliberately retro and designed to take the listener back to the days before Korea discovered democracy and fap, and with that dress length Boram looks more like my mum than ever in this picture.  My mother even owned an identical leather school briefcase back in her school days, which just goes to show how accurately they nailed the historic look in this photoshoot, but when people think of schoolgirls in a fetish sense they definitely don't mean this look.

However it's also possible to go too far in the other direction.  As the schoolgirl look has been co-opted by the sex industry, having too short a skirt will make you look more like a hooker, shown in the above photo which is less of a school uniform dress, and more of a belt with frills.  Of course looking like a whore is not necessarily a bad thing because whores are excellent, but it also means that you're not technically looking like a schoolgirl anymore and thus the reservoir of sex appeal and fap value that schoolgirl-fetish can tap into is somewhat harder to access despite the extra flesh being shown.


Hyuna demonstrates about the right minimum length here, however the frills underneath are unfortunate - it's better to have a clear sense of where the skirt starts and ends, because guys are dumb and easily confused, especially when fapping.


Davichi's Minkyung shows a superior styling of the same skirt length, and demonstrates why she is hated by all crazy fangirls everywhere.  Note that Hyuna and Minkyung are rocking lots of curve which brings us to our next area of interest, upper-body styling.


Nobody in Apink is really that well-endowed but they certainly are using the school uniform to good effect here, which is exactly what I'd expect from k-pop's reigning queens of the white-coater concept.  Snugly-fitting white shirts can make just about anybody look busty, and the black ties just add to the effect by providing contrast.


School uniforms also provide the opportunity for layering which is also a proven volume enhancer, although if you layer the same way that everybody else does, you may not be able to compete with bustier competition.  The above photoshoot's angles have been carefully planned so Sunny doesn't dominate, but in the real world you won't have this advantage.


Diversification is the solution.  You don't want someone you've got your eye on to preference somebody else just because of a simple boobs A-B comparison test.  If you want to make it harder for them to marginalise you, utilise unique layering that maximises your assets.  Things to keep in mind:


More lines is better than less.  As discussed previously on Kpopalypse Fashion Class, a straight line accentuates whatever curve it's up against.  Note how the Apink girls above who come off as bustiest are the ones with more trim on their clothing.


Unless you're playing with an advantage, don't unbutton the shirt.  It may seem paradoxical, but the higher the neckline, the more bustiness is generated.  T-ara keep the clothing tight around their necks in the above picture and the result is enhanced volume.  Only undo buttons if you're already ahead of the pack and are able to rock some significant cleavage.


Not enough lines can look plain, but too much detail can also be confusing.  After School demonstrate a wide variety of styles here, some that work and some that do not.  You can actually tell who is styled poorly here by their facial expressions.


The final aspect is what to put on feet, and the answer is not to leave them bare but utilise dark and high socks or stockings.  This will give your thighs maximum contrast against your shins/feet and your skirt and bring each element forward.  Consider the options modelled by Girl's Day above to be the bare minimum for enhanced leg hotness.


Brown Eyed Girls demonstrate the ideal situation - socks or stockings that cut off just above the knee.  This gives the same effect as stockings and suspenders but nobody would wear stockings and suspenders to school unless they were a mega whore, and while dressing like a whore is excellent and strongly encouraged by Kpopalypse, it's also qualitatively different to dressing like a schoolgirl, and if we're going for a schoolgirl look it's importnat not to break the fourth wall of fap.  Note how the horizontal lines give extra width to their legs.

A few final points for advanced players:


Crayon Pop's iconic tracksuit/school uniform combo is only recommended for skilled practitioners of school uniform fap enhancement with enough confidence/underworld connections to get away with this sort of thing and still look cool, or at least silence any naysayers.


Male drag can also look very hot but is a highly advanced field perhaps worthy of a Kpopalypse Fashion Class article all its own one day.  In the meantime, only the bravest cao ni mas with the least amount of fucks given should apply - certainly a task ideally suited to Sulli from f(x).

Oh and this uniform here that Yoona is wearing is a sailor-style Japanese school uniform.  These are creepy and look ugly like hessian sacks and are only fapped to by basement-dwelling otaku and creepy old guys who are even creepier and older than me.  Do not wear under any circumstances.

That's it for another post!  Hopefully you found a sexist asshole talking down to you for an entire blog post and telling you how to dress when it's none of his fucking business to be sufficiently entertaining, but if not, at least remember this post's informative content when all the shithouse Seoul Fashion Week clickbait articles from other sites come out!  Kpopalypse will return with more bullshit nobody cares about soon!

juyeon2school copy


  1. I personally quite like blazers. They add a sense of maturity like the girl knows what she's doing whilst still keeping in touch with that innocent look

  2. Haeryung (Bestie) was wearing a cool school uniform some time ago, but I can't find the picture right now.

  3. I don't like schoolgirl uniforms. Nobody wears them where I live, no fantasy attached to these items, no fap for me :(

  4. Does Hyuna's thumb ring mean anything?

    1. It's a sign that she's the female monsta.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Bestie rocks the shit out of the schoolgirl uniforms. 7-1 does them a bit under the same level, but then has scandalous impure choreo.

  7. Where would Lovelyz fall on the list? I'd say all their school uniforms meet required standards.

    1. I always thought GFRIEND's uniforms extremely creepy. I don't know why but their uniforms creep me the hell out.

    2. Lovelyz have had lots of different uniforms, they always showed lots of leg though, which is important. it's like, you know they're always wearing safety shorts, but as long as the idea is there, it's enough. helpful for quick buttplug access, too

      to be fair to Gfriend, I think their concept was more like tennis outfits/PE clothes. to be unfair to Gfriend there's something creepy about them in general

      as we're talking about new girl groups, Cube are coming out with a group called CLC that are doing the school uniform thing
      they lose points for having that one member who looks like her face has melted, though

    3. "Helpful for quick buttblug access too"

  8. Lovelyz wore the school uniforms the best to me.

  9. Just to clarify, this isn't supposed to be a "who wore it best" or a "let's rate idols" thread, just a thread giving examples of ways to wear school uniforms, and ways not to. I could have easily used Lovelyz or Year 7 Class 1 or whoever.

  10. If I ever run a girl's school, I'm going to make them wear Japanese sailor suit style uniforms just because it'll inspire them all to dress incredibly well as adults. #reversepsychology.

  11. Goddammit Qri and Minkyung. I'd sniff their butt hole if they came to me with those uniforms.
    Anyway here I was sitting and believing that nurse uniform was the number 1 uniform fetish. As it turns out, it's merely my opinion. Oh well, brb downloading nurse themed JAV.

  12. FIESTAR I Dont know school outfit plz

  13. My country's high school girl uniforms aren't really sexy. Good thing that some colleges here mandate uniforms, and some of those look sexy.

    There are also some rumors about skirt length. If a skirt is too long, some girls take advantage and goes commando mode.