Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Best of the Worst: Jan. 29, 2015

Hola, everyone! We're back with more kpop hearsay and conjecture. This week, we've got an idol rumored to have left their company, someone lying about her age, and an idol who loves pussy a little too much for one reporter.



Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 73

This week's photo comes from an anonymous person:



Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

Monday, January 26, 2015

In Utero: The Hypnotic Power of Audition Shows



There are many ways to debut a group: some, apropos of nothing, will be thrust upon the unknowing public like a wet sponge in the hope that whilst their minds recover from the shock, they begin to bias them for lack of anything better to do. Others will have an HBO series-worth of teasers, so that we get very familiar with the face of every group member but know none of their names, making it like a lineup of prostitutes that you frequent. An increasingly popular trend is that of the audition show: now you too can see the process of what goes into selecting an idol group, that would be except for the fact that they are usually scripted and you can predict the winner from a fair distance away. The two key types of audition shows are as follows: the X-Factor-esque shows where simple schmoes like you can achieve their dreams of fame and fortune as quickly as possible, due to lack of idol training there is likely to be a propensity for vocal wankery. The other type is taking a group of trainees and violently executing those that fall behind the others. Being an expert in neither of these, I thought I would look at both to see what makes them so popular and if I should care. Let's bounce.



Yuan Ai Fei 2


How it going, UCAADs? I'm extremely busy this month and I haven't written a thing since I wrote about Shinbi joining the K-pop industry, so I decided that while I am busy, I can just focus on highlighting some hot Asian girls like I used to do...because let's face it, that's about 95% of the reason you visit my site.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Kpopalypse's 10 most fappable k-pop music videos of 2014

Okay, so when 2014 ended I did a ton of lists about my favourite and not-so-favourite music videos.  I got lots of positive feedback from those, however I also got a lot of questions that were similar to this:

 faplist1 

I had hoped to take a break from lists for a while, but because I'm always so eager to take on board constructive feedback and please you lovely readers, I have now added "most fapped to" into my yearly list posts.  So let's completely ignore musical content in MVs for a change and instead have a recap of what Kpopalypse thought was hot and sexy in 2014!

[MV Review] G Friend - (Anal) Glass Bead



G Friend definitely wants to be your girlfriend if they're willing to allow you to put glass anal beads in their anuses!

[MV Review] Eight Muses - Drama



You can't be disappointed when you expected the song to suck!

Thursday, January 22, 2015

The Best of the Worst: Jan. 22, 2015

Big news hit the kpop scene this week when it was revealed that Yura's "We Got Married" marriage might be




Yes, news of the illegitimacy of her fake sacred union broke when a magazine reported that husband Hong Jong Hyun is dating this homewrecker:


"The other woman," aka Nana

Now, I can't even include this story in this week's roundup, because it's probably all lies.


Who fact-checked this?

And the Award for the Most Gratuitous Black Cameo in a KPop MV Goes to...

These scrubs from Brave Entertainment (aka the Brave Brothers label).


You thought YG was bad, just wait until you get a look of this. Or read the article.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 72

This week's photo comes from Shara:

I don't know why it is blurry. It was sent to me in this condition.

Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Kpopalypse's bullying help post for kpop-loving bully victims who are failing at life

I think as long as I've been blogging, people have been asking me to throw down my opinions on various alleged bullying instances in k-pop.  So here's a post about bullying.  Maybe it's not the post about bullying that you wanted to read, but it's the one that I'm going to make you read, so too bad for you if you don't like it.

rainabully2

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Iljins' Delivery of Gifts Approved by the Fapgods (IDGAF) #1

Starting a new series for all you horny readers out there! The idea is to introduce you to interesting fap material, from less obvious sources that many k-fappers don't frequent. I might also chuck in some of my own thoughts (where relevant). But the most important goal, here, is for me to get into fap-heaven by appeasing the fap-gods - spreading their gospel and helping other fappers. I don't know how regular this series will be, but we'll see. Anyway, see below for some arousing (and pretty hilarious) content.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Wa$$up is more hood than your unnis



Say what you want about their lack of pretty or talent or money, but this is the most raw thing I've ever seen from a kpop girl group. I feel like someone just put a demo DVD in my hand at a gas station. This is way more American than G.Soul managed to deliver after spending 15 years there. (I'd write an article about that but it'd require listening to it more without falling asleep) I'm probably going to watch and listen to this more than anything until MissA comes back.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Hello Venus - Wiggle Wiggle



Hello Venus hyped us all with Wiggle Wiggle, but did it deliver?

Eunjung is Remarkably Good at Having a Dick and I Ain't Even Mad


Who would have thought?

The trufax about nugu song quality domination in k-pop

Many of you have noticed a pattern with my music taste - I like a lot of nugu stuff.  My three favourite songs from last year were all debuts by brand new groups that not many people besides me really gave much of a shit about, plus there's the Nugu Alert series that I write of course.  As a result, I've been getting a lot of questions like this:

inqqri1

So what's the reason for it?  Am I the k-pop version of a hipster, liking things before they are cool?  Am I trying to troll fans of established groups for laughs?  Or is there another reason?  Come on a journey with Kpopalypse and find out!

Friday, January 16, 2015

HYSF Dishing Out The Truth: Explaining The Reaction From Korean Netizens on Tax Evasion Scandals


AKF asked me to write about this since I have experience doing small business, corporate, and high-net-worth individual taxes. There has been some "major" celebrity tax evasion scandals within the past few months, and one such scandal even forced Kang Ho Dong to "retire" temporarily. I'll do my best to explain the tax law in simplistic terms and explaining the reactions of Korean netizens, but remember two very important things: 1) I have only worked with the U.S. tax system in my internships and 2) there's so little literature on Korea's tax code in English. While what I have found is sufficient to explain the basics (it's similar to the U.S. code from a broad perspective), I obviously will not know the inner workings of the Korean tax code.

Sadly, this article won't be like one of my normal ones, so I'll get this out of the way: I would let Song Hye Kyo peg the shit out of me, figuratively and literally. Also, if you're one of those hippy "I hate all rich people because they succeeded in life and here I am bitching on some insignificant K-pop website to vent out how pathetic my life is by trying to harass the authors here" type of person, you probably won't like this article.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Best of the Worst: Jan. 15, 2015

This week, we explore bad decisions. The kinds of decisions that make you say, "Who the hell thought that was a good idea?"

Like, I can almost understand the fans who got a little too crazy when they saw T-ara in Vietnam. You're excited, there's a lot going on, other people are going nuts, so maybe you lose it and grab whatever part of an idol gets closest to you. That's still not the best decision, but perhaps in the heat of the moment, you didn't have time to vet it properly.


"Unnie, Unnie, I love you! Now give me a chunk of your hair."


Or maybe you have a creepy Jiyeon love doll at home you need to finish.


But I draw a blank on understanding some bad decisions — like a photoshoot at the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe. Someone had to plan that. And I just wonder "Why?"


Sexy time at the Holocaust memorial

A Pervert's Guide to K-Pop


Kpopalypse

As I was sitting on my bourgeois chair, wearing my bourgeois clothes, drinking my bourgeois cup of tea, and surfing the bourgeois Internet the other day, a thought came to me: where is the Marxism in K-Pop? We see a lot of product placementexploitation of workers, and the existence of G-Dragon which makes one wonder when the proletariat will rise up and make themselves known in this decadent medium. Maybe it has happened already and communism is indoctrinating thousands of Korean children without anyone being aware of it in the slightest. Well, today is the day for the truth to come forward, comrades. I am going to show you how different K-Pop videos carry hidden messages from our Communist overlords, particularly in regards to Marx's stages of society. So kick back, be rid of your opiate, and sing along with me.


Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 71

This week's photo comes from James H.:



Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

Monday, January 12, 2015

KPOPALYPSE LIVESTREAM INFORMATION

HEY CAO NI MAS, KPOPALYPSE IS STREAMING AGAIN IN JANUARY 2015!

This post has all the information you need about the KPOPALYPSE LIVESTREAM!

How Much Jizz Has Been Fapped to 'Wiggle Wiggle'?

Nara demands more.
As of this writing, Hello Venus' latest single "Wiggle Wiggle" has only been out two days, but it already has 227,386 views. Nothing to scoff at. In the leadup to the release, there were countless .gifs made of the various practice videos that seemed to get sexier each time. At one point, I remarked to AKF, "There's already been enough jizz spilled to fill an Olympic-size swimming pool." Now that the video has been out a couple days, let's how close I was.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Jiyoung 'used' KARA?


I was reading a NetizenBuzz post about Jiyoung's acting aspirations back from her early days in KARA. Apparently people are butthurt because she was never really into the idol life and wanted to be an actress instead. It came as no surprise that the comments, both by k-netz and NB readers, were a sea of stupidity with more than a few figurative-eye-roll moments.

But the one that took the dumbass cake with a ripe little moron cherry on top, the only comment that literally made my eyes roll, was this:

[+10,464, -179] So she used KARA???

Hip-Hop Concepts: What Have They Ever Done For Us?

Ever since the dawn of time (well, since around about 2011) K-Pop has seen a rise not only in the amount of time given to the obligatory rap in a song, but also to the quality of the rappers. This has happened to such an extent that some company executive somewhere took time out of their busy schedule, of racquetball and slapping trainees with enormous wads of money, to create a group with a full-blown hip-hop concept. Whilst I am sure that someone will tell me about all of the hip-hop concepts in 90s K-Pop, I do not consider this assault on the eardrums to be a hip-hop concept in the same way that I don't consider Vanilla Ice to be a rapper. It would be very easy to get bogged down in which group had the first hip-hop concept in K-Pop, and it would probably make for a more interesting article, but I am here to assault you with my opinions as we take a look at hip-hop concepts since 2011 by group, and assessing not only whether or not it was a good concept to go with, but if that group stuck with it. So let us delve into the world of the try-hards and the gangsters as we come to realise that the Korean ghetto is full of unreasonably attractive people cosplaying as bandannas.




2015: A New Year Brings New Authors!

The Admins at Anti Kpop Fangirl spent many a late night sifting through what seemed to be an infinite pile of applications. Buzzing on high amounts of caffeine, we admins ploughed through cringeworthy humour, bland prose, eye-wateringly awful grammar, and the phrase "ovaries explode". The mission to find new authors to help us spread the Gospel of Han Ye Seul seemed impossible - something that only Tom Cruise could complete with the help of his Scientologist Mothership.

As we were at the end of our tether, two glowing apparitions appeared in front of us. What was it? Had Aerum finally figured out a way to teleport herself to the AKF headquarters and sacrifice us to the spirit of her stillborn niece/nephew? Were Choa and Way coming to cut us because they are #ThugMisses? Or was it the coffee? Zaku thought that it was his OTP, KorraSami, inviting him to an orgy in the Spirit World. But it wasn't, it was the glowing applications of Sohyunna and PTS_Sr.

They were to be our salvations! It was a revelation almost as holy as Moses' encounter with a celestial burning bush!

So, welcome to our new authors Sohyunna and PTS_Sr who are currently on a two-month probationary period at AKF. If they make it through the blood, guts and gore of slaying delusional fangirls, then they will be able to take the blood vow and become official members of the Han Ye Seul cult. 

So please, don't eat them and look forward to their articles.

- akisame

2015 Preview

Netizenbuzz recently posted a summary from Instiz of the various plans the big KPop companies had for 2015, and an anon of mine from my Ask.fm wanted to get my thoughts on it. I've gone ahead and fleshed out my answer a bit and made it a full post on Kpopalypse's recommendation, so if you find this uninteresting you can blame him and not me. :D


LOTS OF PICTURES AND GIFS AHEAD! Let it load!!

Saturday, January 10, 2015

The Kpopalypse 2015 bias list

I while ago I made a bias list because everyone was always asking me what k-pop girls I liked, and why, so rather than explain who I liked and why I liked my favourites over and over, I could just lazily link people to the list which did all the explaining for me.  However, it's been about a year since that list was made, and there have been new entrants into k-pop who have come to my attention, "got prettier" or otherwise met required standards.  As people constantly ask me about this shit, this means my existing bias list has become less and less useful over time.  Time to give the bias list a much-needed update, rejuggle and expansion!

raina40 copy

Who will meet required standards?  Which new entrants will make it on?  Will any previous entrants be excluded?  Will people feel compelled to leave pointless comments below about how they disagree with my picks as if anyone really gives a shit what some random blogger asshole thinks are hot girls anyway?  Read on and find out as Kpopalypse reveals his top 10 biases!

Thursday, January 8, 2015

The KPop Trail Pt 1


Once upon a time, in a land far away, there existed a mystical land of wonder and magic called KOREA.

The Best of the Worst: Jan. 8, 2015

I've been doing this feature on my blog for a couple years, but I've decided to share it here now, too. Basically, it's a roundup of the week's most ridiculous kpop news. You can read more about the inspiration for the feature here.

Now down to business. And by business, I mean the stupid shit that happened in kpop this week. We've got a celeb who looks like a dinosaur, the "Most Perfect Man of 2014," and an idol who lets famous people use his home for hookups.



This is where the magic happens.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 70

This week's photo comes from Sasuke I., who found this post on kpopsecrets.tumblr.com:

*Note: considering how long this post is, if you are too lazy to read the whole thing (and I honestly do not blame you), I have taken the liberty of highlighting the "important" parts.

MULTIFANDOM IDIOTS AND ‘TWITTER FAMOUS’

Okay. I’m sick and tired of multifandom stans. I can’t take it anymore. I’m a loyal angel (for teen top) and people in the fandom think it’s okay to stan another group whilst teen top are on hiatus - it’s not cool for me? I think it’s okay to listen to other groups (say you stan EXO, but it’ll be okay with me if you listened to a wide range of other groups but you didn’t stan them, just EXO? You feel meh?) because that means you’re a kpop fan in general and just stanning and only listening to one group is almost impossible and that wouldn’t make you a kpop fan - just a fan of the group. 

Would your favourite group like it if you love other groups as much as them? NO. Chances are you are a international fan reading this (I am too) - Most international fans think it’s okay to go and stan like 3+ groups well that is definitely not the case when it comes to korean fans - they only stick to one group and stay loyal to that one group for a VERY long period of time. No wonder korean fans hate International fans so much - Most of you just stan a lot different groups and are not ‘truly’ supporting and loving them like buying ALL of a groups albums (which groups obviously want you to do)  so don’t you dare start saying korean fans are rude to international fans because they have a good damn reason why to be rude (because they have this distorted image of international fans).

The thing that pisses me off the most - ‘We just love a lot of groups because we have a big heart’ - AW HELL TO THE NO GURL. HELL NO. That’s not the case in the real kpop world and what your oppars really want you to do. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

HYSF Fic Time: How A Fangirl Saw The Light Through The Darkness


I wrote this fanfic while on lunch break today. Time to go back doing some auditing shit in about ten minutes...

Can We All Please Stan Jewelry? (No)


(So, I started this post yesterday when Jewelry was still a thing and it was going to be a post about how we need to desperately fap to them so they don't disband but then I woke up to this news and now it's a moot point. So I guess let's fap to the memories...)

Kpop's longest running girl group (with more than two members... Even though now they only have one zero) is in dire straits... dead.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Zaku's All-in-One Flowchart Guide to KPop Bangers

What is a banger?

Urban Dictionary presents the following definition:
If a song is extremely tight or just unbelievably awesome, it is a banger.
But how exactly do we know what tightness is necessary for bangerdom? How awesome does a song have to be to be awesome enough to be bangin'?

The Kpopalypse Awards 2014

A lot of my readers for some weird reason seem to think that awards are terribly important, despite the fact that they're obviously not.  But hey - logic and reasoning, fuck that, right?  So it's in this spirit that I now bring to you the first annual...

kpopalypseawards

Let's roll out the red carpet and get this party started with nine important awards for achievement in various fields of k-pop!

Monday, January 5, 2015

Support Shinbi in Her Journey as a Girl Group Member in G-Friends


The staff here loves giving Shinbi shit for her Shinbot articles, and she always gave vague explanations such as "I'm doing another major to prepare for medical school," "I'm also preparing for law school," "I'm working a graduate assistant and doing a lot of volunteering." Today, I learned that this was total horseshit and was a little saddened that Shinbi couldn't tell me the truth.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 69

(lolol this is the 69th STFU. I am so mature.)

This week's photo comes from an anonymous tumblr user:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~