Sunday, August 30, 2015

Weekly Showdown: Best Random Collaboration

Last week, I put SNSD's "Lion Heart" against "You Think" for Best Song. The results are in, and, let me just say, it was a REALLY close match. So, with a difference of only a few votes, "Lion Heart" takes the win (the results kept fluctuating, but most of the time, "Lion Heart" had more votes) barely. I guess some people just couldn't forgive that godawful rap break.

Moving on to this week's showdown, I'm gonna put Hyolin X Zico X Paloalto's "Dark Horse" against Rainstone X Brian McKnight X San E X Verbal Jint's "Rainstorm" for Best Random/Unexpected Collaboration.




VOTE HERE.
"Dark Panda" was much better than I expected; however, I'm still gonna have to go with "Rainstorm" because, though very underrated (having around just 100k+ views), it's still one of the highest quality releases of all time. Or that's just my opinion, anyway. I'm really curious as to what the results of this showdown will be since both songs are pretty good in general.

[MV Review] SNSD - Lion Shart


I don't know what is worse: the song or the MV promoting the message that bestiality is okay. Everything about this piece of shit wants me to throw up, except for how good the members look.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Project Luhan part 3: The Emancipation Of Sasaeng #1064

Okay, so it took me longer than an After School comeback, but here's the third and absolutely definitely final chapter of Project Luhan!  The third part won't make any sense if you're not familiar with the first two parts, so for those new to this story or who need a refresher, click on the following links to catch up to this point in the story:



For the rest of you, read on!

ex8

Netizen's Fake Vocal-Faggotry Needs To Stop


I've had it up here *mimics Moonbyul* with this shit.

So Stellar talked about how they don't care if their image is controversial if it gets people to pay attention to them, and a lot of netizens are saying, "If you guys really wanted fame for your music, then you would just become better singers and stop stripping." This is some utter bullshit, because I could make a list miles long of groups that netizens praise with barely any good singers.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Girls' Generation's 'Lion Heart' Plot Hole Count

Let me start off with the good things about this song: It had a nice chorus, the girls were styled nicely, the outfits were pretty, choreo had some pretty good parts, no funky hair colors, even the colors in the music video weren't too overwhelming. Good stuff. Great stuff. But I can't help but notice how poorly thought out this plot was (just like almost every other plot-based Kpop music video out there). Did more than 5 seconds of thought go into this storyline? This plot has so many holes, it might as well be a prostitute. Go ahead and re-watch, and you'll see what I mean.


Just so you know, I'm not gonna point out that typo in the beginning because, honestly, who cares?

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Best of the Worst: Aug. 27, 2015

Welcome to a very educational edition of Best of the Worst.

In the following links, you'll learn how to keep your face flawless like Cheetah, which celeb is 10 times quirkier than Henry and which member of iKON is kind of a dick.




[MV Review] T-AoA - So Crazy


T-ara made a comeback seemingly out of nowhere and abandoned long-time van driver Shinsadong Tiger and teamed up with Brave Brothers. Fear not, Brave Brothers didn't give T-ara the same garbage that he's giving to Snoop Dogg/Snoop Lion/That UCAAD in Psy's Hangover MV.

However, there's something very similar about this song...

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Blackjacks in Action!

Honestly, watching any fandom defend their biases is like watching wild animals. It's fucking crazy, and I can say this, because I just witnessed it firsthand. With whom? None other than one of the most violent fandoms out there, the blackjacks (*shivers*). Ain't no one passing up an opportunity to screenshot this shit! Holding this as my proof, I hereby confirm that blackjacks are people that walk around with a stick permanently shoved far up their asses, endlessly searching for respite from their pent up pain and agony.

So grab yourself some popcorn, and enjoy the situation below!

CL recently updated her Instagram with the following picture:

She looks different, to say the least.

Thanks to my good timing, I caught a few nice comments under it.


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Shinsadong Tiger Samples Public Enemy in DIA's Teaser


The combination of netizen tears and little hype there was about this group is enough for anybody to want to check out what DIA will be all about. Yes it sounds like A Pink, and yes, they look like a more girly/hip-hop version of T-ara. But what caught my attention was the homage to PE @0:06, which, I have to say, is very befitting for what MBK is trying to do with them.

8 Absolutely Atrocious Songs That I Am/Was Addicted To

I never exactly considered myself as someone with great taste in music nor am I an expert, but I do know this — I am a person who sticks by my opinion. Or to be more specific, I used to be a person who just follows what other people think is good music and shit on what other people think is bad music — just following the trends rather than having an opinion of my own. Yup, I was a sissy like that. But eventually, I grew out of that stage and began to enjoy music on my own terms.

Now just a quick warning: This article is probably going to shock you (or you might find it relatable, what do I know?). The songs I am about to mention in this list are either one of these:

  1. Songs that I forced myself to like just because I had no personality/liked because I had terrible taste in music (probably applies to the older songs on this list)
  2. Songs that I am well aware are indeed horrible but just can't stop myself from listening to
  3. Songs that I simply downloaded because my 100-year-old playlist is desperately hungry for new songs so again. I force myself to like them.
Now that we have all that cleared up, read at your own risk, and let's keep our comments section clean! Just remember that these are songs I am very much ashamed of listening to. So, without further adieu, leggo. 

(Listed in no particular order)

Monday, August 24, 2015

Idolic TV continues to impress me with the release of multiple Hello Venus dance practices

The fairly new YouTube channel Idolic TV is continuing to become a favourite of mine. The channel releases content regularly with Japanese and Chinese subtitles as well as English subtitles for all videos, excluding dance practices. It is perfect for when you want a dose of K-pop reality but don't want to sit through 40 minute long videos as the videos are generally no longer than 10 minutes (some outliers). And they recently released not one or two dance practices for Hello Venus' latest release "I'm Ill / I'm Art" but 14.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 12: ANDS, LIVE, CO2

Yes, once again it's back, as reliable as Sulli's menstrual cycle!  Welcome to another edition of:

qrinugu

It's time to take a look at some more nugus!

Why I'm Glad Sulli is out of f(x)


During the height of my busy hours, I'm barely able to keep up with K-pop, and when I find out about something, I'm pretty late. I learned that f(x) was making a comeback this fall...without Sulli, who finally and officially left the group. Good riddance.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Weekly Showdown: SNSD's 'You Think' VS. Lion Heart'




Which did you like better? Vote HERE. Results will be out next week!

As for me, I think both songs were pretty good, but I actually liked "Lion Heart" better (as opposed to the majority). Plus, the rap in "You Think" was so cringe-worthy, and it killed a lot of momentum. "Lion Heart" wasn't perfect either, but overall I liked it more. What do you guys think? 

Hayoung is hot as fuck


God damn!

SHINee's 'Married To The Music' Just Became My Favorite Song Of the Year


A few weeks ago, I wrote a review of the song saying it was good but not as good as "View," but things have changed in those few weeks ... a lot.

Waifu Contingency Plan

You could have stopped this.
With the looming threat of our waifu's impending doom we should seriously consider the possibility of moving on to less irradiated ones.


Friday, August 21, 2015

Best of the Worst: Aug. 21, 2015

Today, I present you with a golden opportunity: a chance to sleep in Oppa's bed!

Yes, Oppa G-Dragon is hosting a promo in which five lucky fans will get the chance to spend a few days and nights in his old studio (Filthy Westerners need not apply).


I welcome you to my home away from home —
now please take the bedsheets with you when you leave. 

The only good K-Drama



I have tried to enjoy K-Dramas in the past and gave Reply 1997, Reply 1994, and The Heirs all their fair chance to impress me but they wasted it. I then resigned myself to the fact that I can't enjoy the ridiculous plot twists and stock characters as much as everyone else so accepted that I would see all of the good bits as gifsets on tumblr. That is, until I discovered the most amazing, overly dramatic, twist filled drama of them all which has occupied all of my time in the past few weeks. Much like a K-Drama, I will leave you on a cliffhanger as to what it is, click 'Read More' to be enlightened.


Thursday, August 20, 2015

Why Jessica Really Left SNSD, Part Two




Finally, part two of the fic is here. I was really busy over the summer, so I didn’t have the creative juices to continue writing a fic like this working the hours I was given.

Read part one here.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The struggle of stanning male groups

I've been struggling to keep up to date with the latest releases in K-pop in the past few months due to other obligations I have. But I recently stumbled across SHINee's new dance performance "Married to the Music" and was reminded of how terrible it is to be someone with some form of fashion sense and stan male groups. It's a real struggle to be excited for new live performances for a group when the concept outfits make them look like utter knobs.


Monday, August 17, 2015

Why Do Female Idols Have It Rough?


It's been a hot topic for just about everyone into kpop that reads comments anywhere. Nobody has really given concrete answers, so I will break down each of the major ones I've discovered/thought the most about.

Kpopalypse Fashion Class - polka dots

Hi there, cao ni mas!  Since Seoul Fashion Week is coming up soon, Kpopalypse is back with another episode of the much-loved Kpopalypse Fashion Class, and this time we're delving into the fascinating world of polka dots!  This post contains all the trufax you need to know on how to use polka dots to enhance female boobs and look hot, or to make someone else look hot, with lots of k-pop girls as examples!  Grab yourself a drink and let's get started!

polkaraina

Sunday, August 16, 2015

HYSF Bias List

I had a draft of this article six months ago when Kpopalypse and Zaku both wrote their bias lists. I thought it was hilarious that both of them wrote their bias lists so close to each other, so my original plan was to quickly write a list just to mock those two. Then I got sidetracked (i.e., fapped a lot) when looking for pics, and the post sat on the backburner for a long time. Then I decided that I should make a little twist, a HYSF twice, for a bias list.


Saturday, August 15, 2015

The only good version of 'It G Ma'

So "It G Ma" was a big k-hip-hop hit earlier this year.

Here's video for those of you who were lucky enough to miss it:



Well ... that was one of the worst songs ever (only the newest release from B-Free can beat it), but strangely almost every person in the Korean hip-hop scene was masturbating to it (well except for Dok2,since he's to heep-hap).

This shitty song is the reason why the latest song from Crush sucks so much ... not to mention it was pretty much a rip-off of some shitty American song.

But there's an upside to this: The person responsible for this shit, Keith Ape, ran off to the U.S., because he's too "famous" for some shitty Korea.

Unfortunately, Keith Ape recently decided to release a "remix" version or "It G Ma," which is ...  well ...



... just as bad as original one ...



But wait, there's more!

Since "the third time's a charm," we got this brilliant version of "It G Ma":



Underwater Squad (Pok E Ma) - Keith PrimeApe ft. The Squirtle ...
"Hey kids are you ready for the PokeTrap?!"
Posted by ThatGuyYouKnowww on Monday, 10 August 2015

That's the only acceptable iteration of the mess that is "It G Ma."

Friday, August 14, 2015

'Doctor Pepper' MV drops


I just happened to refresh Twitter at the right time to find out the most anticipated music video of the year had dropped. I am ashamed to say that I don't actually mind the song, though I am quite aware it is of no quality at all. But ya'll don't care about that do you? What we want is the music video, and the answer to the question "Does it live up to the oh-so-high expectations of western culture?"

The B Team: Laboum

The B Team is a series that focuses on the "lesser" known Kpop groups who aren't particularly popular. This time, the spotlight is on girl group Laboum, and I aim to introduce each member and share their various videos.
/This post is fairly image and gif heavy/

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Best of the Worst: Aug. 13, 2015

We've got quite a variety for you in this week's Best of the Worst. There's an actor who needs a police escort to use the bathroom, the gay community's list of favorite male idols, and a former kpop idol trying her hand at Chinese variety shows.



Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Yura is a Whore on Weekly Idol


The Top 10 Kpop Girl Group Dance Practice Videos

*Insert every 9MUSES dance practice video here*

Just kidding, unbunch panties please.

So let me start with the reason I much rather prefer dance practice videos over actual music videos. I don't know if it's just me, but lately I've been feeling uncomfortable watching girl group MVs. Why? The styling and makeup has become WAY too over the top, and no, I don't mean they cake their faces. I'm talking about those fake contact lenses and ... okay, mainly those fake contact lenses that just make them look too pretty. Like way too pretty. Like to the point where pretty just stops being pretty and starts being more like creepy (Am I making any sense here?). And to make matters worse, they have to make those super close-ups to their face to emphasize the point.

For example:


Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

London Korean Festival 2015

I heard that f(x) were going to be in London, so I just had to go. Here's a rather shakily held fancam I took while I was there.

inb4 shaky cos fapping

Best of Instagram: Burnt Armpits, Buttholes and Face Licking

Don't have an Instagram account? No worries! I am about to deliver to you the more interesting shit that happens on Instagram through this new series.


I have noticed that no one here actually gives a crap about Instagram except for myself. Considering the fact that I have 10 social media apps on my cell phone right now, I can safely consider myself a person who enjoys being on social media. more specifically, Instagram. So welcome! Let's see what we have this week.


Monday, August 10, 2015

[MV Review] A Pink - 'Remember'



K-pop's best group came back a few weeks ago, and I'm kind of pissed that they had to come back while I was extremely busy because I could have spent some time fapping to every comeback stage as they happened instead of spending one day creating a long playlist of all of their live stages and fancams and having to do all of my fapping in one day. Luckily, I use a lot of lube or else my dick would almost be as raw as Bobby's rap lyrics.

The KPOPALYPSE list of random girls in k-pop who I don't find very attractive (but you might)

I'm a very positive person, and I never intended to write about the idols that I dislike.  However, since making idiots upset is super funny, and everyone keeps fucking asking me about this fucking shit like it's any of their concern, here's a list of some random popular girls in k-pop that I DON'T find attractive, and why.  Note that this is only what I think of their appearance, it doesn't mean that I don't like them as people, after all who knows what their personalities are really like.

jessicunt

This short list will probably upset some people, but hey, shit happens.  If you think you can handle it, read on!

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Wonder Girls on Sketchbook


We all know the shitty sound systems on the major music shows show no justice for bands since they have to hand sync, but on a music show that can actually afford to implement a good sound system, Wonder Girls' "I Feel You" sounds great, plus the reimagining of their other hits, especially "Tell Me".

I'm posting this now instead of scheduling this in case the video gets pulled down. Anyway, I am working on reviews for "I Feel You" and other title tracks that have come out this summer, but there have been so many comeback this summer and so little time for me to write, so the reviews will come out when they come out. (Also, look forward to the next installment of the Jessica fanfic that comes out next weekend.)

Saturday, August 8, 2015

The July Honours List



I apologise for my tardiness once more. Let us traipse through another month of mediocrity to find the diamonds in the rough, along with a whole bunch of other superfluous shit.


Best of the Worst: Aug. 7, 2015

Sorry for being flaky and late again. I'd provide you with a real-life excuse, but nobody cares about that. So onto The Best of the Worst.

This week, we've got an idol group pleading to come back, spooky kpop, and nudity! Because of this last item, we've rated this post as "R" and ask that anyone under 18 refrain from clicking the "Read more" button.

So please, children, get the fuck out like Auntie IU says.



Friday, August 7, 2015

STFU (Stupid Things Fangirls Utter) revived!

It is my honour to inform you all that one of the oldest and most iconic AKF series is being handed over from Shinbi to me. For the time being I, Part Time S♡NE, will be writing posts for Stupid Things Fangirls Utter. The author may have changed but the idea is the same: I'll be highlighting moronic kpop fan behaviour for all of you guys to laugh at, because we're assholes like that.

CAO NI MA FREEDOM CELEBRATION POST

Sulli has officially left f(x), so I thought I'd bring to you this short pictorial to celebrate Sulli's newfound freedom from having to do shitty idol stuff.  Please enjoy.


[MV Review] SNSD - 'Party'


Yeah, I know this review is as late as shit, but none of the other authors picked it up, so bitch to them. The other reason why I've put off writing this review is because I still need to continue my Sica fic, and there's been so much shit to come out about Jessica/SNSD in the past couple of months, so I have a lot of material that I need to prepare before I continue writing the fic.


Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Where is Park Bom right now? [#BROKEN]

Now we all know that after the drug scandal and Kemy diss rap yada yada bullshit, Park Bom completely disappeared from the media. So where did she go? Anyone with a normally functioning brain would probably assume she's cooped up at home crying over how miserable her life is.

*Sniff*
Unsurprisingly, the #OreoMonsterLogic states otherwise. And so, without any proof or evidence at all (hence legit levels are off the roof), I am about to explain where Bom is and what she is doing right now.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

WYMBFOS 4: Reaction Videos

Why is it that I have to add "-reaction" to the search every time I look up a kpop song? Very rarely there might be a "my friends who don't know about kpop" one, which could perhaps offer a slight insight into where cultural perceptions presently stand (even though we all know what it will be unless maybe you're showing girl groups to guys), but most of them are someone recording themselves. Here are the reasons this practice is shit:

1] Nobody gives a shit how you reacted. Nobody knows who you are, you aren't even youtube famous or a live streamer or anything, so your feelings are not important to the general public. The only people who could possibly care are friends, who could just watch you react in person or on Skype or something.

2] That probably isn't your real reaction. You see, when you set up a camera to watch you react to something so that others can see it, that has a psychological effect that at best makes you self-conscious to hide things that you may perceive as unflattering, and at worst makes you fake react more obnoxiously than a JAV star getting her cooch stuffed.

3] The fact that a fake reaction is more likely because you set this up to record yourself stems from a larger issue: This is a practice of pure vanity done for attention and likes. That is not only groundless (Point 1) and disingenuous (Point 2) but obnoxious in it's own right. When you want to interject yourself into the public sphere (in this case, search results and recommendations) to take up people's time and attention and possibly even make a little money from it, you should be offering something meaningful like a review or commentary. This is not something meaningful because...

4] Reactions have nothing to do with genuine reception. The only thing they are good for is marketing evaluation to figure out if it's the kind of thing that makes people buzz to get your product attention. Every single time you react to something, it sinks in a bit more, and then you discover your true feelings about it. So these videos are not only an imposition of something that is and ought to be a more personal social experience, but it's a personal social experience that is only worthwhile for the emotional bond that the shared experience would inspire, as right afterward only the memory of that first contact with the material that is shared with others remains and then the true thoughts and feelings about the material develops. So you are literally trying to elevate to substantial meaning something that is really only worth the sentiment of a memory had it been shared with friends, which it was not.

So if you make these videos, care about them, and/or regularly interact with this phenomenon among the kpop fandom as if it matters at all, congratulations! You are participating in a completely meaningless, utter waste of time. You might be full of shit.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Vocal fakery - how likely is it in k-pop? Fuckin' likely.

Vocals in k-pop.  Everybody wants me to write about it, but there's not a lot to say because nobody with a brain cares.  The reasons why nobody with a brain cares are:
  • A good singer's good vocals don't make a bad song any better.
  • Most k-pop vocal performances are faked on some level so assessing them is like complaining that the bunny a magician pulls out of their hat was never really in there.
jiyeonbunny2

The first point should be basic common sense to anyone (except vocalfags), so let's talk about the second point.  What techniques are used to get good vocals out of someone who can't sing well, or didn't sing well in a particular circumstance... and how likely is k-pop to be using them?  Let's find out!  (Spoiler alert: fuckin' likely.)