Thursday, June 30, 2016

An Extremely Thorough Exploration of Lesbianism in Kpop – Part 1/?

Girl groups are, by nature, pretty gay. You have a bunch of hot, similarly-aged girls spending all their time together, dancing around while scantily clad, doing sexy choreography, etc. Sure, everybody has long hair and wears dresses (with the notable exception of Amber) and grinds on chairs for their gentleman viewers, but you can’t deny that it’s a little … Sapphic. So in honour of lesbianism real and feigned, sexy and boring, publicly denied and publicity-stunted, here’s a look at some kpop videos that have featured a bit of girl-on-girl action.

In the interests of comparison and standard-setting, each video’s lesbianism will be ranked on two metrics: how hot it is, and how convincing it is. They will be graded out of four (four scissors, obviously).


Wednesday, June 29, 2016

YG Finally Delivers Something Promising With BLACKPINK



So YG's finally debuting another girl group. It's about time, since YG had been teasing a nine member girl group with a great visuals and a slightly edgy concept. However that couldn't happen since Twice has already filled that void and has instead gone with a four member group with great visuals and seems to have some sort of duo concept.

As if I needed another reason to rip on Hyoyeon...



I honestly try to like Hyoyeon, but she always gives me another reason to not like her, such as her God-fucking-awful rapping. Fuck waterboarding the terrorists at Guantanamo Bay, just make them listen to Hyoyeon's mixtape.

Taeyeon - Why


^ SEE THE CAPTURE IN THE MV?! TAEYEON WANTS YOUR CREAM! SHE WANTS YOU TO FREEZE IT UP SO SHE CAN SUCK ON YOUR SEMEN!

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

[MV Review] SISTAR – “I Like That”




[AKF: Welcome AKF42's newest member, kalliope!]

Like clockwork, SISTAR is back with another summer comeback/opportunity for them all to vigorously shake their asses at a camera.  Fortunately, even a broken clock (see: the extremely unlistenable Shake It, the fairly unlistenable but mercifully body-roll-heavy My Boy) is right twice a day. And I Like That is one of those times.


Monday, June 27, 2016

Saturday, June 25, 2016

"Oppa's Fans Just Need Time To Heal!!!1111"



Kim Hyun Joongs ex was aquitted from all of her charges, proving even further that he's trash. While the comments on Netizenbuzz weren't even delusional in the least this time it's international fans on Soompi that served up a surprisingly stinking plate of stupidity.

Hyomin for Cosmopolitan


Thank God I don't have to write shit.

(Expect non-shitposts from me when the Fourth of July weekend starts.)

The Wonder Girls To Come Back With a 1970s Concept

Wonder Girls Yeeun

The Wonder Girl's went to the 1980s with "Reboot." Now it appears they're turning back the clock even farther to the 1970s with "Why So Lonely?"

Friday, June 24, 2016

Touch My Body Special Collab on Music Bank



Momo's ass is just what I needed after working a few long nights out of town and having to drive several hours back home.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The Kpopalypse 2016 super-objectification survey

Halfway through the year means it's time once again to rate k-pop ass and objectify k-pop idols!  Click the Qri below to do the survey, unreconstructed gender-oppressing superficial caonimas!

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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

TS Keep Fucking With Sonamoo


So the highlight medley for Sonamoo's new album came out, and I was all set to love this comeback until I realized that "Closer" wasn't going to be to be the title track but instead "I Like U Too Much."

Sigh.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

More Hyosung for Marie Claire


Hyosung thinks we haven't fapped enough to her this week.

Kpopalypse's free legal advice service for k-pop fans!

Recent developments in the world of k-pop have shown that k-pop labels
are swift towill eventually take legal action against malicious haters!

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Are you prepared for such an eventuality?  Could you use free legal advice?  Do you like laughing at the misfortune of others?  If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, please take advantage of the new Kpopalypse free legal advice service!

jiyeonlegalg

Monday, June 20, 2016

Irene Claimed to be the Prettiest Girl Group Member


Some guys on a variety show said what we already know.

Based on the fapping data I discovered, Irene is the most fapped to idol in Kpop since 2014.

Alright, now I gotta get back to work.

The Hateful Eight's Kid Leader to Make a Solo Comeback


Thank God. As long as it's not an SNSD comeback, I am good. I'd even take a Hyoyeon solo featuring Amber over an SNSD song these days.

(I'm really busy this week, so this week will be shitpost week. I have to work until midnight tonight.)

Sunday, June 19, 2016

BTS Fans Really ARE Everywhere


If you're wondering what TLC has to do with this keep reading.

BTS fans, or ARMYs have a reputation for being literally everywhere. From random videos about rain to pornhub and always connecting the missing link (no matter how long that link is mind you) to BTS somehow. While this is fantastic free marketing for BTS a lot of people find it annoying. Even if it is rather hypocritical. 

Friday, June 17, 2016

Heartbreak Bathroom - Tiffany featuring Yoochun


While people have been writing a bunch about Yoochun in the K-pop blogging sphere, all y'all UCAADs have been ignoring this sweet remix Yoochun wrote. With my investigative journalism, I was able to find the lyrics but no audio recording.

Euijin Teaser for Sonamoo's Comeback


Euijin, the best girl in Sonamoo, has an awesome teaser picture. Does TS suck or what, because I almost forgot that Sonamoo existed. Their peer groups have had several more comebacks, and they've been out of the spotlight for a year already. That's not good for a rookie group. Really, my main complaint is that this group has hot members that have been under wraps for a year. That's the real crime here.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 19 - MFECT, Oriental Showcus, Hexagonal Water

It's time again for another episode of the most loved and loathed series on Kpopalypse blog, yes it's Kpopalypse Nugu Alert!

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Read on as Kpopalypse finds more nugus especially for you!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

[MV Review] EXO - "Lucky One"


Been about a year since EXO's last comeback. While "Call Me Baby" was a decent song the album had much better songs, however this comeback's songs are their best since "Overdose", proving their full potential.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Sana Reminds Us How Hot She Is


This morning, I received a letter from Sana, or most likely, someone claiming to be Sana.

Dear AKF,
 UCAAD, why the fuck are you and the rest of the AKF fappers only paying attention to Momo and Mina? I'm hot as shit too!
- Sana

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Blast from the past: RIP 4minute


I just heard the news about 4minute disbanding and remembered my post from 5 years ago. Funny thing to note is that as of this writing Bubble Pop has 111 million views and Mirror Mirror has 11 million, so the 10x factor held true over years.

You had a good run, 4minute. Even though everyone jokes about "Hyuna & The 4minutes" I actually don't know anyone who doesn't like them. They are pretty badass ladies, lovable on stage and off.

The Kpopalypse guide to university life for k-pop fans

There's two things that really stick out to me whenever I get the results of a Kpopalypse survey, and they are:
  1. A lot of you are in tertiary education
  2. A lot of you are struggling like fuck with tertiary education
Many caonimas seem like you could use the wisdom of an older wiser k-pop fan who has been through the "system".  Read on as Kpopalypse attempts to make your university life approximately 0.0582% more tolerable!

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Saturday, June 11, 2016

Chorong Teasing Fans by Sucking on a Popsicle



CLC's Yeeun



I hadn't really paid any attention to CLC until "No Oh Oh" came out, so a favorite member is something that is easy to change. At first I liked Elkie and Eunbin the most, but now I like Yeeun (and Yoojin) the most. I mainly like Yeeun because she is cute, but also one of the few female idol rappers that doesn't make me wish I was deaf.

She's wearing thigh chokers just for you, suho_ftw!

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

[MV Review] EXO - Monster



EXO released "Monster" and I had to see if the teaser was a complete lie. If you liked the teaser, you're in for a treat.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

EXID - L.I.E


EXID released "L.I.E" and people are complaining about all of the sexual innuendo in the MV. Who cares when the director makes it easier to fap to Hani?

Hyomin Shows Off Her Tits


So I was reading NB and saw this article.


Monday, June 6, 2016

[Teaser] EXO - Monster



Wow, this seems like a whole different EXO than from just a few years ago who released one of the worst songs in K-pop history, "Wolf". "Monster" actually seems like it will be good.


[Teaser] Tiffany featuring Simon D


Usually I'm not a fan of posting teasers, especially teasers from SM because they're a huge fucking lie, but I'm intrigued with this teaser.

Friday, June 3, 2016

POSITIVE posht - Kangin (Super Juniors)

heeeeeeyyyyy caonimas! its time for a positive posht
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Kangin


[MV Review] AOA - Ai wo Choudai

This is really weird for me. It's a mixture of what I listened to as a high schooler and now what I listen to as an adult. I used to listen to T.M. Revolution a lot ten years ago, and even when he started his rock band Abingdon boys school. T.M. Revolution usually has songs with a fast beat, so I had good faith going into the song that it wouldn't suck gigantic tentacle penis.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

[MV Review] April - Tinkerbell



Now that Kara has disbanded, will DSP actually start trying with April? After a really rough 2015, April has its work cut out.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

[MV Review] CLC - No Oh Oh


CLC is among the million girl groups making a comeback now. Am I complaining? Hell no. Summer is an awesome time for Kpop because of the large number of girl group comebacks.