Dealing with Sasaeng Fans FOR DUMMIES

Do random girls keep following you home? Do you get mysterious phone calls that consist solely of heavy breathing and fapping/fupping noises? Do you find strange letters in your mailbox written with smelly red "ink"? If you've said yes to one or more of these and similar questions, then you've got yourself an unfortunate infestation of Sasaeng Fans.

These ravenously horny individuals form a fearsome horde of mindless zombies thirsting for a taste of one thing and one thing only. And no, it's not as simple as brains. These fanboys and girls are focused on your dick/vag. But how, how do you get rid of them you ask? If you follow this easy 2-step system, you're guaranteed to be rid of them within days!!


TIP1: Cuss them out. These squealing monsters can't understand your language, they don't care for your rational appeals. Use as foul and filthy of language as you can think of. Don't scrimp on the insults or the name-calling. And if that doesn't seem to work...


TIP2: Beat the shit outta them. If you need to resort to Tip 2, then you've got yourself a particularly nasty  breed of Sasaengs on your ass. As such, the only way to get rid of this particular kind is with the liberal application of some good-ol-fashioned whoopass on them. These beasts are not humans like you or I, so don't feel bad about stomping them. Use as much force as you can muster, and always go for the humiliating blows. Yank their hair, slap them silly, push them into the mud. And if you don't leave a mark of some sort, you're doing it wrong!

Still not convinced? We've got a REAL testimonial from a REAL celebrity who has used these moves successfully!

JYJ's Chuck Jaejoong says: "Back when I debuted with DBSK, I knew I was going to get the crazies on my ass sooner or later. I picked up a copy of these tips and before I knew it, I had no trouble with Sasaengs again! Even when I made JYJ, these tips have kept me safe from those bitches screaming to 'Always Keep the Faith' or telling me to marry Yunho already."

Also included with the tips is a DVD with LIVE demonstrations from JYJ, the experts at Sasaeng Survival.
Some excerpts here:  (1) (2) (3)

In the first audio clip, Yoochun is heard swearing into the phone after a fan calls his cell phone and asks if it is him. The clip switches to Jaejoong swearing at a group of fans following him around. He states, “You guys follow me around…. This is fun isn’t it, it’s probablly really fun for you.. Because of you.. Because of you… You are saseng, you dog like bitches.” At this point in the clip (starting around 0:40 mark), smacking sounds are heard along with the saseng fans “Ahck”.

As he continues to rant, the fans seem to try to run away, but Jaejoong is heard saying, “Come back here, come back here before I catch you… Go, you bitch.” He also describes something that happened in the past with other saseng fans stating, “F*ck, I hit you once… so you complain that your face is swollen and can’t go home, asking me to compensate for damages, calling the police… you bitches. Is that a fan? You’re kidding yourselves. F*ck.”

Junsu’s voice comes on next as he is half pleads and half scolds the  fans. “Hey! You guys are even filming this? Huh? Fine, do whatever you want then.. Live the way you want to..”
In the second audio clip, we hear Jaejoong expressing his frustation even more as he states, “I would rather live a normal life so that my privacy won’t be invaded like this… Wherever I go, someone follows me around.. and wherever I go, someone calls me and asks ‘where are you?’ I always have to live with this fear… and having to try to run away as I live… Am I a criminal?” He continues on talking about the various scenarios he has faced such as one where these fans would even resort to trailing him in a taxi, as he swears at the saseng fans.

We wish you the best of luck! HWAITING~