Monday, February 18, 2013

Chocolate Abs Awareness Day

Our boss a long ass time ago was saying to me, "all of us male authors cater to our male readership with our fapworthy photos that we post. Maybe you, our female author, should cater to our female readership. Go find some chocolate abs or something". (note: Not transcribed verbatim. Pretty sure it went down a little more rudely with the word "bitch" and "I'm your pimp, ho!" in there somewhere. But he sounds really formal in my head).

So I did.

Here are your fucking chocolate abs, girls.

I have literally combined two of your favourite things. Chocolate AND abs. Now you can actually lick it! I deserve a Nobel Prize in 'Korean Entertainment Industry' for this discovery. 

To all you boys, I found this shirt for you:
I sell them in: puny/pansy-sized, medium, and depressingly alone.

But what seriously prompted me to write this post was an article I found on AllKPop (the leader in Korean News, of course) the day after Valentines Day. Which, to be fair, is very kind of them considering most fangirls were probably crying alone that day, telling themselves that "oppa is coming for me today! He said he would in my dream after we made sweet, sweet love!!" 
Essentially, this article was the "Top 10 Chocolate Abs ranked by MBC's 'Section TV'". This was their ranking:

1. Kwon Sang Woo

2. So Ji Sub

3. Lee Byung Hun

4. Cha Seung Won

5. Julien Kang

6. Song Seung Hun

7. Gong Yoo
8. MBLAQ’s Lee Joon
9. Park Si Hoo

10. 2PM’s Chansung

Which prompted many horny fangirls to post pictures of their other oppas and argue that more of 2PM, 2AM, Big Bang, and Rain should have been on there. Someone was even upset that JYP was not on there. Are you seriously checking out JYP!?

I was reading the comment section (which is always hilarious there because the vast majority of commentors on that site are stupid and immature), and noticed that fangirls become pirates when they have dirty thoughts:

Does this confuse you, too?

And of course, there was the waterfall of nosebleeds that all fangirls had to discuss. Disgusting.


Dirty fangirls.


BONUS: I found a shirtless photo of our founder, Anti Kpop-Fangirl, too! How foolish of him to post it on his Twitter when he has to many followers! Keke~

Oppa, you should be more careful. Many of your anti-fangirls will fap to you now~!

Also, what the fuck is going on with your shoulder blade? You should get that checked out.

(That's JYJ's Jaejoong in case some of you readers did not know)


  1. Replies
    1. Also, I think those 2 comedians from Gag concert (Heo Kyeong-hwan and that guy that always do the ballerina thingy) has a better body than any of the above.

  2. It's what's on the inside that counts.

  3. Replies
    1. Have you never been to the see, Captain ?

  4. i really can't help but be concerned about jaejoong's shoulder blade as well. also i like this list. i don't feel the need to dispute it

  5. All of them but Julien Kang, Lee Byung Hun, and Cha Seung Won look like weak ass bitches. Bitches with nice abs, but bitches nonetheless.

  6. i've never gotten the point of these rankings. i mean, if two people work out the same amount or whatever (assuming they weren't fat fucks to begin with) they're going to have very similar abs. it makes no sense to me. there's such an overload of this abs bs in the media today that it isn't even a special thing anymore, it just depends on which person on the list you schlick to most often.

  7. I feel the urge to counter this article with something.

  8. Julian Kang is so freaking fuguly to me. Put a paper bag over his head with plastic eyes and he'll look better.

    But Lee Byung Hun is just...

    I wanna lick his Tootsie pop

    1. He looks good in sum angles,i wouldnt go as far to say he is ugly. His trollish smile freaks me out, so does his wifes upper lip

  9. Replies
    1. Calling out an awkward person for being awkward definitely makes them less awkward.

  10. Forgot to mention, I'd rather have Kim Jong Kook's body.

  11. I was more surprised they had a majority of actors as opposed to idols. I'm not complaining though. LOL at chucks pic, he really is turning into a sparkly vampire shark :O

  12. Replies
    1. Would you like access to my AKF email account? Because a lot are sent there.

  13. I really don't understand what's going on in the last pic. Is the tattoo on his back, shoulder or chest? Is his neck really deformed or is some kind of optical illusion? What the fuck is wrong with this guy's body?

    1. Allegedly, his tattoo is just below his shoulder blade. So his position is him laying on his stomach.

      Does not look like it though.

  14. Seeing them veins go all the way up your arm...yikes.

    1. Oh thank goodness. Someone else is weirded out by it, too.

  15. I think the No.9 guy, Park Si Hoo, has just been charged with raping a trainee? Sure his abs has greatly enhanced his physical strength in overpowering helpless females.........

    1. How convenient for him to be accused the moment he leaves his company. Hmm... Peculiar.

  16. I thought I was going to find Siwon abs from above pictures, but I didn't.
    #sigh I guess I have too much bias on him LOL

  17. Replies
    1. howon is an extremely attractive guy but his body isn't as beefed up as these guys