And before any of you politically correct types start about "objectification" and "depersonalisation" keep in mind these things:
* Boobs ARE objects. Scientific FACT.
* What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If anything, men are objectified far more than women in k-pop so consider this "affirmative action" to redress the balance somewhat. Or don't - I don't care.
* The entire music industry is depersonalising. We don't know anything about idols and their private lives really, or if they're good or bad people. However, we CAN see boobs. By appreciating the things we can perceive as fans and disregarding the things we can't truly ever hope to perceive without personal experience, we're just working sensibly and rationally with the information that we're given.
* Just because we're appreciating boobs as objects for their aesthetics and treasured fap-value doesn't mean we're depreciating the worth of our beloved k-pop idols as human beings. It's both technically possible and biologically inevitable for most people to be both a fully-rounded person AND a sexual object at the same time and if YOU think that's shameful or not right or impossible then that says a hell of a lot more about YOUR sexism, slut-shaming, virgin/whore complex and wanting to bend the will of others to your own narcissistic way of thinking than it does about anything that I believe. Tsk tsk you fucking pseudo-feminist social-concern-trolling hypocrite.
Now that the annoying disclaimers are out of the way and all the hypocritical armchair wannabe-feminists have realised that they've wasted their lives on a bullshit ideology that is completely self-referential and pointless, let it be known that we're going to be assessing boob quality in these key areas:
1. Apparent size: How big do her boobs appear to be, across a wide range of media? Know that there is no maximum size, and those not meeting the minimum size are not eligible for assessment here anyway and have not been listed. Someone else who fetishises small boobs instead (and yeah they're out there and actually quite common among k-pop fans) can write another blog about those girls.
2. External enhancement: Have any boob-lifting/supporting mechanisms been used specifically to enhance apparent volume vs actual volume? We'll file all this stuff under "E factor". A low score means a high achievement, but high scores still get full marks for effort, and effort is always appreciated.
3. Internal enhancement: Has boob-enhancing surgery been used? We'll call this the "PS factor". Since we can never be 100% sure of anything when it comes to idols, boobs will be ranked with a low, medium or high probability of surgery.
4. Fan-friendly attire/behaviour: Does she provide fanservice for boob aficionados through revealing attire or appealing movements?
5. Fapability: The final score - a combination of all of the above, plus a dash of completely unfair and biased subjectivity that comes naturally with being a blog author.
Also note that this blog is about k-pop idols and people in the world of k-pop only. Therefore, excluded are the likes of:
Clara (hasn't made music)
Hwayoung (not in the world of k-pop anymore is she, OOPS)
Some dumbass with big tits from some k-drama you watch
Anyone who I forgot to write about because I couldn't be bothered.
We might as well start off with a quality benchmark, and the lady that I always think of first whenever I think of k-pop and quality boobs.
Sunny (Girls' Generation)
There's a reason why SNSD were despised when they initially appeared and are still the most hated female group by k-pop fangirls to this day with the largest anti-cafe membership - not many Korean fangirls can compete with a rack like that.
Even better is that her boob size appears to have been achieved with little or no "outside help". Sure, there are a few photos out there like this one, where one could reasonably suspect some padding:
...but most photos show a fairly consistent size across the board so we know that she's probably not faking it. Sunny's boobs also move like real boobs, so surgery seems unlikely:
While not super-fanservicey, Sunny also isn't adverse to rocking tight and/or revealing outfits occasionally:
You can just smell the fangirls who wishes SNSD would tank in 2008 burning their toast in 2013. Sunny's final scorecard measures up impressively, hitting all the key areas:
A worthy benchmark indeed. Can anyone beat this score?
Well, when writing about important topics, it's important to do research first, so as I often do when I wish to research popular opinion, I dropped a forum thread to collect data:
Now I'm going to run through a list of names I collected, plus a few others that I added into the mix, to see if we can come up with a worthy contender.
G.na is like Sunny in that her boobs are quite sizeable and seem quite real, as the bounce in this video can attest.
Not only does she have more size but she also does "deglamorised" slightly better than Sunny:
...and isn't afraid to get extremely fanservicey:
...but loses points on the authenticity scale. Her boobs certainly don't look surgically enhanced to me, however they sure do always look pushed-up and squished around a lot.
I reckon she's rocking some big bra pads in all of these shots except maybe the top one, where the volume and colour of what she's wearing (stiff white fabric = illusion of extra size) makes them unnecessary. If any of you get to bed G.na please let me know if my suspicions are correct, in the meantime:
Let's go to our next contender.
While the above pictures are impressive and match the profile of a genuinely busty woman, they're the exception rather than the rule with Hyosung's "body of work". It's actually difficult to truly assess the quality of Hyosung's rack, due to the following factors:
* She's lost a bit of weight recently, some of which has come off appealing areas
* She's not very fanservicey, even when the situation calls for it
For example, when she's doing bra-modelling you don't even get to see half of the bra:
In almost every bra-modelling shot she's ever done, the left boob is given much more prominence.
A lot of people wondered about why these shots were so coy when they were first released, but I knew what was up straight away - as anyone experienced in boob appreciation will know, the left boob is usually bigger than the right boob. Conclusion - she's not quite as busty as is hyped. However in worst case scenario she's still streets ahead of most idols so I won't mark her down too much on size, just on fanservice.
Hyolyn clearly has a nice rack and isn't afraid to wear some revealing clothing and put the cleavage on display.
But are they real or surgically enhanced? Well, netizens seem to think that surgery was involved, which probably means that it wasn't, because when it comes to female idols netizens always pick the wrong side out of jealousy, and of course they're going to hate on someone with a body like this. What's far more likely is just a shitload of padding and support. She's always looking very "pushed up", making her true size very difficult to ascertain (and hence fap over).
I can only assume that the "I love Victoria's Secret" shirt is a reference to the notorious Victoria's Secret "Bombshell Bra" which can enhance a bustline by two cup sizes and if it can actually make an A-cup look busty then just imagine what it does to someone already well-endowed. Don't doubt that k-pop idols have the latest in push-up technology at their disposal, and then there's the pads...
I'm convinced that Hyolyn never does any kind of shoot or public appearance without some serious padding. This knowledge brings what would otherwise be an impressive score down somewhat.
Let's not forget that Hyolyn isn't the only contender in Sistar worthy of a mention here.
Soyu doesn't quite have Hyolyn's volume even with the push-up, but makes up for it by using said push-up a lot less and her boobs therefore are often displayed more naturally allowing for easier boob volume and bounce perception.
Although she's not one for flashing huge amounts of cleave like her groupmate, many of her more modest garments still highlight boob appreciation through clever use of colour and form, such as the horizontal stripes above (a proven volume-definer) and the great black/white combo in the below video which bolsters the emotional impact of the song with raw tits-perving power:
It's hard not to rank Soyou highly. Or rather, it's hard and that's why I do rank Soyou highly.
Raina (After School/Orange Caramel)
Raina only really gets in this list at all because as my #1 k-pop bias I'd be doing a disservice not to include her, and also if I don't include her I know a lot of you are going to ask what I think about her boobs so I might as well spill the beans here and now to save myself having to do it anyway on blog comments or ask.fm later. She doesn't really have much in the way of volume but has a good line in appealing presentation without fakery:
Unfortunately she's not very fanservicey at all and it's difficult to find quality Raina pictures or footage that really show off her assets in their best light. The above two pictures were about the best I could find and yes I have searched extensively as I'm sure you can imagine.
She looks great here but notice how she even puts her hand up to her chest when bowing to block the cleavage-view. What a heartbreaker.
She's still my #1 k-pop idol bias though which just goes to show that big boobs and the willingness to show them aren't everything. See, wound-up hateful feminists, SEE?
Park Bom (2NE1)
The bustiest Stepford-Wives style automaton yet to walk into a YG Entertainment office and collect a paycheck is a testament to advances in the cutting edge of faptech and has been rocking more and more cleavage and big boobs lately, which is always appreciated, even if it may be partly due to insecurity. However, authenticity of boobage is heavily in doubt and size variances are common even with pictures taken at around the same timeframe. Sometimes it's obviously push-up at work...
...at other times it's "the other PS", Photoshop...
...or maybe it's just the sheer power of her dual Milktron 5000's overheating and causing heat haze which is bending the light rays in this photo. In any event it's hard to fap to Bom, because it seems like she would be high maintenance - literally. As soon as I work up a good rhythm, I find my mind wandering and asking unanswerable questions: Has Bom been keeping up with scheduled servicing and maintenance? Are breakdowns covered by insurance? Will the addition of certain fluids not specified as approved in the owner's manual void the corrosion/perforation warranty? All this interferes with the fantasy somewhat, but in any event she still collects marks for effort and I would still park in Bom.
Note that "PS factor" here covers boobs only, just like it does with everyone else listed in this post. Obviously Bom would score higher if other moving parts were also taken into consideration.
As k-pop's other confirmed cyberlady, Jiyeon deserves a mention, and not just to annoy people who don't like her being mentioned (although that is also a good secondary reason). The Core Cyclopean Matriarch has recently come of age and so too has her rack which although not up to the lofty heights of others in this post has shown exponential improvement over recent T-ara material. Fanservice is also gradually improving, with a combination of diligent white-shirted pool visits...
...horizontal striped tops...
...and bulking up with the most form-adding clothes possible...
...all adding to her overall fapability score, showing that it's possible to do quite a lot with not much if wardrobe designers are willing to think outside the Realdoll box.
Eunjung honestly has bigger boobs than Jiyeon, the biggest in T-ara now that k-pop's Ozzy Osborne KKS has diligently purged T-ara of all their extraneous do-nothing spoilsport crybaby can't-hack-the-industry members. Eunjung achieves the same volume as Jiyeon but without the push-up help, however CCM can't seem to make up their minds whether they want to market her appeal like this:
...or a mixture/somewhere in between...
...but to be honest she's a natural so she rocks it all three ways and it doesn't matter much. She should keep the hair short though, KEEP IT OUT OF THE WAY.
As witnessed in just about every 4minute or Hyuna video ever, Hyuna certainly has fanservice down to a fine art. She's also got some sizeable boobies, however I haven't seen them jiggle at all since that scene at 0:19 in the Bubble Pop video where the damn trees get in the way:
Fuck those trees.
Also when I saw 4minute live earlier this year I didn't notice any jiggle whatsoever and I was definitely watching for it. Could it be breast augmentation making them firmer, or just recent weight loss reducing the movement factor? Either way it's going to cost Hyuna precious fapability points, but there's no denying that even in current less-than-ideal conditions the girl is still a go-to for many boob appreciators.
While Hyuna's high visibility and copious fanservice has straightforward appeal to nugus of k-pop fapdom, experienced boob-seekers will know that it's actually Jihyun who carries the cans in 4minute. Witness her do Jiyeon's "Sexy Love" outfit even better than Jiyeon:
However apart from a few isolated 4minute concepts, fanservice from Jihyun is all-too-rare. This even makes Jihyun's true size difficult to pinpoint. What we do know however is that they're real, we know this by applying the tried and true formula of whatever ultra-jealous Korean netizens adamantly believe about female idols is the reverse of what is true.
Also, in Sydney she was hot as fuck.
(in the Laguna Baby top)
Spica are an underrated group in several respects and not least of these is the impressive upper-body credentials of some of the members. Leading the charge is Jiwon:
Wow nice. It's a pity that more candid shots suggest somewhat less size than this:
But then she's hunched over in this photo a bit so it's not the best angle for boob appreciation anyway - she's one arched back away from selca boob domination, she's just being modest. In fact what is that photo even doing here...
Ahhh... that's better. And to think this girl was in the T-ara pre-debut lineup. Easy to see why she didn't make it through, she would have out-boobed all the other members easily, creating an unfair imbalance. She's better off in Spica where the entire concept of the group seems to be "ridiculously stacked boobies in your face".
Let's hope this group gets into the A-list soon, for all our sakes.
Korea's #1 Beyonce clone doesn't just do a pale imitation of Beyonce's music, her rack is also nowhere near as good as the nude pictures proved. Still, who's gonna complain? Let's take a closer look.
And then there's that "other" fanservice she did for the modelling agency or her dickhead ex or whoever. When I brought home a report card and I had a C or a D for achievement, my father wouldn't crack the shits as long as I also got an A for effort because his rationale was "you tried your best, that's more important". With this mindset, Ailee certainly gets an A for effort from me, if not a double-D for achievement... but I'm still gonna rate her right up there.
Soojung (Sunny Days)
* The song is called "Don't Touch Me", designed so they can sing it to the cray-cray male fans this group will attract like flies if they get big, like the ones they are apparently already attracting
* Notice how all the group dance shots are against murky backdrops and obscuring lights so you can't see the outline of Soojung's boobs so she doesn't completely dominate visually
* That bedroom scene at the start OMFG *jizzzzzzz*
* The plot of the video, come on now HOW COULD HE CHEAT ON THOSE BOOBS
THIS IS WHY YOU FOLLOW NUGU GROUPS, PEOPLE
EVEN THE SELCAS ARE AMAZING
However, in this fancam she seems to have forgotten her boob pads:
...but she's still pretty damn big so whatev.
I don't know much about her apart from her infamous Dual Life cameltoe action and that she has mediocre songs but has anyone ever seen this girl's boobs jiggle? Given that jiggle GIFs are routinely created by k-pop fans and there are none for Sori that I could find, I'm calling out her boobs as the first definitely surgically enhanced boobs in this list. Still, if she can rock a look like this...
...who gives a fuck, right?
Another one I know nothing about, I'll be honest and tell you that I didn't even know who this chick was until I mentioned I was doing this blog and then her name started popping up in suggestion posts. Always eager to take a suggestion on board, I did a bit of hunting around, and... well, gosh...
I think I could really get to like this girl. Always wearing tight clothes, I like.
I don't know about the blonde hair in this shot though but the tank top can stay... oh wait, remove that too...
One of the most fappable women in k-pop, let's be honest nobody would buy fucking Davichi albums without the lure of Minkyung in the photobook. She also starred in the best TV commercial in the entire history of k-pop idols starring in these things:
Clearly POV-porn inspired yet still so "innocent" ahem, a work of genius.
I always thought her boobs were surgically enhanced though, but then I realised that so did Korean netizens who doubted her "pearly volume", so therefore netizen=wrong rule applies and therefore her boobs must be natural because "her body just looks different depending on how you take pictures". There's also a ton of pics of her out there and her boobs look much the same in all of them even with minimal clothing suggesting a lack of push-up.
I don't even know what the fuck "Miero" is but suddenly I want some.
Martina (Eat Your Kimchi)
There are three things I dislike about Eat Your Kimchi:
1. The way they use humour in their videos (getting a joke good for about 3 seconds of laugh value and stretching it out over a minute on occasion, much like the horrid k-dramas that you all watch).
2. Their sometimes-horrid music taste that is so bad that even each of them realises the other one's music taste actually sucks and constantly calls them out on it.
3. Their pandering to fangirl wants/opinions (but to their credit at least they also try to mitigate the damage by being all happily married and showing what a healthy relationship looks like and shit).
But there's also three things about their videos that I really like:
1. Their opinions on industry matters and idol life are actually pretty level-headed.
2. and 3. Martina's incredibly impressive boobs plus occasionally inspired fashion choices.
Shirt + suspenders = A+
Tight tops + complimentary cardigans = also good
Perfect horizontal stripe proportion for boob enhancement demonstrated here
Black tight jumpers also a winner
I used to hate Simon though. I mean - fuck that guy, firstly, he's married to Martina, taking her off the market for the likes of me (sob, sniff) and secondly... well, actually I don't have a second reason but I think my first one is good enough.
OR - SO I THOUGHT.
THEN, THIS HAPPENED:
Simon makes Martina use the "boob roller" on Eat Your Kimchi.
At first, she didn't want to do it, but HE INSISTED and so he's in my good book now for providing EYK with the fanservice that it has sorely lacked up until this point. I'm so sorry I dissed you guys. Keep up the good work etc. Damn it's hard to blog with one hand.
Martina is not only generously proportioned but the boob motion clearly shows naturalness, no push-up apart from the pushing that Martina is visibly doing, and now fanservice aplenty.
I've found a winner. Somebody please mail Simon some more dodgy sex toys to coerce her into using in future EYK videos kthx.