Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Giraffe Couple

With all of the news coming out this week about couple rumors, the AKF investigation team got to do their first work since Reehji stopped working them to death. Saddened by the fact that they couldn't sniff the tables and chairs that Hyorin and Bora rubbed their asses on any longer, the AKF investigation team knew they needed a bigger story than the ones that had come out this week. Victoria and Changmin are supposedly fucking just because Changmin showed up in a reflection of Victoria's spoon. The AKF investigation team knew they had their work cut out for them.

"Really, that's all the evidence they need to say two celebrities are dating? THIS SHOULD BE FUCKING EASY!"


"Wut?" That was my first response when I got the report from the AKF investigation team. I wanted to know their reasoning for saying that these two are a couple.

The AKF investigation team created a presentation highlighting that both of them are giraffes and that no one really gives a shit about these two.

"Makes sense," I replied after listening to their presentation. "Is there any other evidence suggesting that they're dating?"

"Well," said one member of the team, "Dani hasn't debuted yet. She was supposed to debut in December, remember? Our reports suggest that Dani and Lee Kwang Soo went to the zoo to hang out with their families, but they were caught on camera fucking, sir!"

After hearing their presentation, I was convinced. "That's better evidence than a fucking reflection in a spoon. Good job, guys."


  1. I have no clue who either of those are.

    Unrelated, but I found this interesting:
    Of course, we don't know how true it is and it'd be kinda weird if Gilette really didn't show them the video before airing it.

  2. Omg wae not seohyunxchangmin, fuck you Victoria! lolzjk i think both seo and vic can do better than dat shrieking bish tho id still tap dat

  3. You know ... Seungri and Dara both attended CL's birthday party this week. BAM, DATING! See, it's easy

  4. Gd and junhyun are fucking as we speak!

  5. I know you're kidding but Kwan Soo is 27 and the girl is only 13 years old! She can't sing, can't act and can't even speak Korean! She was only signed because she is a very young, very cute and that pedophile make a big enough share of the k-pop market that the asshole CEO who runs her company could' wait to signed her on site alone. I think you should've pick some other girl to make fun of I fell so bad for her she's just a girl with stupid parents.

    1. Meh, so what. Jessica and Krystal were both recruited in equally pedobear fashion and they were even younger. That kind of shit goes down all the time. Only Dani get picked on for this because bashing T-ara is like oxygen to netizens. If I were Dani's parents I'd be like "guaranteed slot in one of the biggest groups ever, fuck, where do we sign our daughter's life away, now girl, bring in the money dear and don't forget to use a condom".

    2. Bruh, Dani's been picked on long before T-ara got bashed. Should have seen how many fans in Diadem openly showed their dislike towards her. At least Jessica and Krystal were trained and debuted at a later age.

      What I don't get is how her parents thought she could do shit despite that she can't speak the goddamn language. May as well tell T-ara to be Dani's new parents or some shit.

    3. Meh, she's not a bad singer, but her voice gets annoying after some time.
      Also, she seems to have nice boobs, or at least a good cleavage doc, so that makes up for it.

    4. bashing everythhing is people's way of life. pick one thing and people will have tons of different opinions, even water. tell me you don't bash things like ghosts or natural disasters...

      idk about singing, but i don't think i like dani's rap. it did not match with any of t-ara's voice, unless kks plan to release an english only gangsta song, or we could just agree that he actually recruit her just to use shotgun in fps (if you get what i mean)

      tip to make a scandal of yourself:
      1- take one pic related to your favorite celebs.
      2- make sure you have photoshop/ a friend who have photoshop and a korean translator in any form of object (if korean isn't your language)
      3- pick a good picture of yourself, as subtle as you can
      4- photoshop your pic in any place, as hidden as you could. don't worry, korean are born with the dna of Ezio Auditore de Firenze (eagle eye power!)
      5- create a different twitter account that you won't use it for your daily life
      6- post the pic using that account with a word saying "did you remember that time? it was fun," or any messages with different meanings. make sure it is written in hangul.
      7- for more effect, post more pics.
      8- keep updating your twitter for months, acting like a lover to that celeb.
      9- to make yourself a playboy/casanova, post pics on different celebs' twitters.
      10- to take it into the next level, ask any k-pop bloggers to spread the message.
      11- after months, check antikpopfangirl for any news about a new scandal regarding your bias.
      12- if even allkpop or dkpop talk about it, you are a winner.
      13- if that celeb starts to reply to you (which like impossible since they will just cry at the corner of the wall in anything bad happen), you are THE champion. make sure you reply to them nicely to actually date her
      *congrats, you just got yourself anti-fan cafe!*
      -by syer1001, the man who thinks a good way to attract park jiyeon's attention is to send a porn-ish message on her twitter, thinking she is a closet pervert for even asking for a breast expansion in a variety show-

    5. She is just annoying... yes, very good pushup bra... and she is not as annoying as Yoona

    6. Out of the invincible Nine I am inclined to think that everyone apart from Taeyeon (to some less extent Seohyun and Sunny. The latter not for her look but personality. I am more than impressed by the way she came to Taeyeon's rescue when the little leader was being dragged away by a stalker on stage) is nothing more than your generic Kpop idol i.e. readily disposable.

  6. Jeebus, Dani looks like she's high in that picture.

  7. I dunno guys, Hwayoung/Zico seemed pretty legit.

  8. I was so sure this article would've been about recent Sooyoung/Jung Kyung Ho rumour...

  9. At least kwang soo is quite popular coz of Running Man.

    Also, why is T-ara never on Running Man? Also those groups and singers like Davichi, Kim Tae Woo, Ailee they barely appear in any show, ever. I would rather hear them any time over those attention whores like super junior, really.

    1. Eunjunf, hormin and Cyclop had all guest appeared on Running Man before. But given the amount of bashing going on, I doubt that they will be invited back to the show any time soon.

    2. They did? I totally can't recall it, what I know is that they are used to become a hint in a photo lol.

    3. they did. eunjung appears twice, once during the running ball format along with jokwon and yonghwa and once in london olympic episode. hyomin appears in charlie's angel episode and jiyeon in couple race with sulli, luna and suzy.

      yeah, they might won't appear yet, but i'm -pretty sure korean hate has shifted to someone else, and with bunny style promo, they might appear again...

  10. Another vivid example that netizen has no life and they are more than willing to spend 24/7 before computer screen to cyber stalk celebrities. Worst of all, they will get titty mad and go on a rampage over virtually everything......

  11. Ommo...I thought I have my whole team retired already. But great catch this time niggas

  12. ilhoon and i exist i am dating ilhoon ok ok every1 fuck of im rite ur wrong


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