Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Dealing with Sasaeng Fans FOR DUMMIES




Do random girls keep following you home? Do you get mysterious phone calls that consist solely of heavy breathing and fapping/fupping noises? Do you find strange letters in your mailbox written with smelly red "ink"? If you've said yes to one or more of these and similar questions, then you've got yourself an unfortunate infestation of Sasaeng Fans.

These ravenously horny individuals form a fearsome horde of mindless zombies thirsting for a taste of one thing and one thing only. And no, it's not as simple as brains. These fanboys and girls are focused on your dick/vag. But how, how do you get rid of them you ask? If you follow this easy 2-step system, you're guaranteed to be rid of them within days!!


TIP1: Cuss them out. These squealing monsters can't understand your language, they don't care for your rational appeals. Use as foul and filthy of language as you can think of. Don't scrimp on the insults or the name-calling. And if that doesn't seem to work...


TIP2: Beat the shit outta them. If you need to resort to Tip 2, then you've got yourself a particularly nasty  breed of Sasaengs on your ass. As such, the only way to get rid of this particular kind is with the liberal application of some good-ol-fashioned whoopass on them. These beasts are not humans like you or I, so don't feel bad about stomping them. Use as much force as you can muster, and always go for the humiliating blows. Yank their hair, slap them silly, push them into the mud. And if you don't leave a mark of some sort, you're doing it wrong!

Still not convinced? We've got a REAL testimonial from a REAL celebrity who has used these moves successfully!

JYJ's Chuck Jaejoong says: "Back when I debuted with DBSK, I knew I was going to get the crazies on my ass sooner or later. I picked up a copy of these tips and before I knew it, I had no trouble with Sasaengs again! Even when I made JYJ, these tips have kept me safe from those bitches screaming to 'Always Keep the Faith' or telling me to marry Yunho already."

Also included with the tips is a DVD with LIVE demonstrations from JYJ, the experts at Sasaeng Survival.
Some excerpts here:  (1) (2) (3)
In the first audio clip, Yoochun is heard swearing into the phone after a fan calls his cell phone and asks if it is him. The clip switches to Jaejoong swearing at a group of fans following him around. He states, “You guys follow me around…. This is fun isn’t it, it’s probablly really fun for you.. Because of you.. Because of you… You are saseng, you dog like bitches.” At this point in the clip (starting around 0:40 mark), smacking sounds are heard along with the saseng fans “Ahck”.
As he continues to rant, the fans seem to try to run away, but Jaejoong is heard saying, “Come back here, come back here before I catch you… Go, you bitch.” He also describes something that happened in the past with other saseng fans stating, “F*ck, I hit you once… so you complain that your face is swollen and can’t go home, asking me to compensate for damages, calling the police… you bitches. Is that a fan? You’re kidding yourselves. F*ck.”
Junsu’s voice comes on next as he is half pleads and half scolds the  fans. “Hey! You guys are even filming this? Huh? Fine, do whatever you want then.. Live the way you want to..”
In the second audio clip, we hear Jaejoong expressing his frustation even more as he states, “I would rather live a normal life so that my privacy won’t be invaded like this… Wherever I go, someone follows me around.. and wherever I go, someone calls me and asks ‘where are you?’ I always have to live with this fear… and having to try to run away as I live… Am I a criminal?” He continues on talking about the various scenarios he has faced such as one where these fans would even resort to trailing him in a taxi, as he swears at the saseng fans.
We wish you the best of luck! HWAITING~

14 comments:

  1. Jaejoong oppars got it covered
    can't wait to hear fan girls go
    "but Oppar didn't mean it"

    "But the nose bleed is nothing compared to his touch"

    "and my oppar can throw a punch"

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    1. Or that somehow SM is behind the whole thing....

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  2. Now I can't hate on JYJ anymore since they're also anti fangirls.

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  3. I just read the article on AKP and came here quickly to read the entry. xD

    Fuck yeah,JYJ. *high five to them*

    I can't wait for other groups to do the same.
    No more pussies hiding behind their manager's bitchslaps. We need more action.
    Specially for VIPs, ELFs and their little sisters (Shawols) LOLOLOLOLOL

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  4. oh snap, JYJ is one of us. Shit guys, we are hating the wrong people!!!

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  5. no u guys should be hating them even more, they HIT GIRLS. What kind of guy does that? Even though those sasaeng fans are creepy and annoying as hell that doesn't give any man the right to hit a girl. Verbal abuse ok thats fine, everyone has a limit but physical abuse is just so wrong on so many levels.

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    1. He flick her forehead! Once! And who wouldn't lash out if they were in his position. And I bet that girl didn't wash her forehead for 2 weeks just because he touched her there.

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  6. Lol,some fans already started saying the audio files are fake and their voices are extracted from dramas and TV shows LMAO...I suppose they tend to call the MCs "Fucking bitches".
    JYJ has crossed the line long ago.Every idol has these fans,but I doubt they go around hitting them.I thought them,being one of the "older" groups in Korea would have been more mature,but I guess not.
    And they should get the police for those crazy fans and sue them.Now it's gonna be the fan girls suing THEM.

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  7. JYJ like their women how they like their fish...battered.

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  8. I like how this shattered everyone's JYJ OPPARS ARE PERFECT!!!111!! bubble.

    Jaejoong always will be a drunk and I will bet you anything his career will end with drugs.

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  9. Fucking JaeJoong, you cannot be a fucking celebrity and have privacy, you just can't.

    And you are a fucking dumb cunt to even assume that your complaints fall onto sympathetic ears.

    FUCK I HATE JYJ, it is the only group i wish the members actually died.

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  10. woaahh the slapping sound, that's some deep shit. but honestly, we all would've done the same, cut the sympathetic crap. they are fucking stalkers, creepy ones! i know i would've slapped them too. hard.

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  11. Those kinds if fans are crazy!! I mean, I would probably want to hit those crazy fangirls too, but....
    I guess it wouldn't be worth it cause I'd just get sued.
    -_-
    crazy girls.

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