[MV Review] Kara - Speed Up

Well it's that time again. Kara has released a deliciously hot MV for fanboys everywhere. Before I start, I want to make it completely clear: Several of us authors are raging fanboys.

"That's so hypocritical!" some of you may exclaim, because we are against the insanity of fangirls.

However, it is not hypocrisy. Raging fanboys are simply passionately burning with the heat of 1000 suns, running on the pure fuel of sexiness flooding into their eyeballs. This has nothing to do with quality of music and no claims are made regarding it. There are no illusions held about talent because the whole notion of requiring it is discarded as a non-issue.

Talent is not needed for the fantasies we dream, but only for the ladies of our desire to be desirable. Whether or not they succeed at making good music or competing with each other in sales charts has nothing to do with whether or not they succeed at this, and succeed Kara most certainly does.

Find out how after the jump. [WARNING: A bazillion gifs await]




We begin with Seungyeon sitting in the ghetto looking disappointed with a rather nasty hand wound. Mysterious, yet the details will fill themselves in later. Next we see Nicole on a rooftop as The Cat Woman. Not Catwoman from DC Comics, mind you, but rather a woman who skins the many cats around Tokyo and turns them into clothing. Gyuri is waiting in a car in some hidden alleyway while Hara runs from the cops.

From the lyrics (something about speed hump? I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention) we can determine that Hara is a prostitute assassin well trained in the art of Sex-Fu. Gyuri is obviously her Sensei-Pimp and Hara is responsible for training the new recruit Seungyeon. Nicole and Jiyoung are already well-trained members of their sexy prostitute assassin gang.

Here you see a demonstration of Sex-Fu.

Next is a scene where Hara is Seungyeon's trainer, walking away in black and white to demonstrate her disappointment in Seungyeon's recent defeat.

As for that defeat and related injury, here is Jing recounting the tale of how she did it during a lesbian Sex-Fu sparring match as payback for pretending to be the maknae (this is the reason Hammie is a trainee in the video)

When Seungyeon isn't being emo about this, she's pissed off and wants a rematch.

"Get down here, bitch!"

Then we have a nice montage where we see Gyuri giving special personal training to Hara, her best student, while the others practice alone.

Merely training seems to make Seungyeon tired because she is still a weak trainee, and Gyuri is just too old for this shit anymore (which is why she is the pimp) so she switches to the low-energy yet master-level alluring seduction form, which requires focusing chi through your s-line.

Meanwhile, the hard work has paid off for Hara and she accomplished her mission. Yet those associated with the victim might think the death was due to natural causes, so like a good assassin she leaves them a message so they know the death was "a message"

When they all get together, representing their teamwork, two secrets are revealed.
The first is the mad bling they have gathered from their exploits.

The other one wasn't expected by anyone who doesn't know Kara very well: They are fucking aliens! And by the understanding that they use Sex-Fu, I mean literally fucking! Here they are training on their spaceship.

I guess that explains why Hara is the most skilled. As we look back we see she definitely had special high-level moves passed on to her, the chosen student.

And as Seungyeon is the fake maknae, Hara specializes in her own unique form, that of the fake jailbait.
So I give this video 5 out of 5 alien prostitute assassin Hara fake-baits.