Best of the Worst: April 14, 2016

This week, Gyuri dropped a bombshell: KARA is not dead! 

OK, well, maybe the group is. It all depends on how you view the situation. If you're like me, you'd consider a group whose members are at different agencies doing their own things as "disbanded." If you're positive and life-affirming like Gyuri, you'd consider that group alive and well.

Jiyoung 'used' KARA?

I was reading a NetizenBuzz post about Jiyoung's acting aspirations back from her early days in KARA. Apparently people are butthurt because she was never really into the idol life and wanted to be an actress instead. It came as no surprise that the comments, both by k-netz and NB readers, were a sea of stupidity with more than a few figurative-eye-roll moments.

But the one that took the dumbass cake with a ripe little moron cherry on top, the only comment that literally made my eyes roll, was this:

[+10,464, -179] So she used KARA???

Zaku's Top 20 Songs of 2014 (#10-1)

Now that you've had the time to digest my #20 through #11 picks for top songs of 2014, I'm back with the rest of the controversial opinions you'll accuse me of shit taste for!!

As a reminder, here are the criteria for the works selected:

CRITERIA:

• Release from Jan. 1 - Dec. 25
• Korean releases only (sorry Japan)
• all tracks are fair game (meaning not only title tracks)
• no double dipping -- a group can only appear once 

K-pop life lessons with Kpopalypse

Hey folks, it's Kpopalypse here.  As someone a little older than the average k-pop fan with lots of experience in the ups and downs of life, I'm aware that a lot of younger people read my blogging, and therefore I feel a certain sense of obligation to them to impart wisdom and valuable life lessons.  Of course if I just go around saying things like "bike safety" and "don't play with matches" nobody is going to pay any fucking attention, but that's where k-pop comes in - this post is all about some of the fantastic things we can learn through k-pop music videos!

Please note that the discussions of these videos contain plot spoilers, so be sure to watch the videos first (if you haven't seen them) before reading about the important life lessons that they contain!  Let's get started and learn things!

KARA 'Mamma Mia' - AKA Time to be OK

KARA as seen by someone with cataracts.

KARA has finally come back sans Nicole and Jiyoung and basically it's time to be OK. The new addition to the group, YoungJi (as in bizarro Jiyoung) says a line or two though so that's cool. Apparently she doesn't really speak Japanese that well yet though so maybe that's why. Fangirls seem to be evenly split with some vowing to never like the new makeup of the group and others feeling like it's a good transition between old-ara and new-ara. The truth of the matter is that this video while having a pretty generic boring concept does provide for some good fapping opportunities.

Book review: Kpop Now - The Korean Music Revolution

In my eternal quest to shut up those people asking me to review shit all the time, here's a review... of a book.  Unlike song reviews, I figure that a book review might actually be vaguely useful to some of you.  Sure, reviewing the latest written-while-taking-a-shit song from SM or YG might be good for web traffic and ego-stroking but what's the point of me throwing down my worthless, annoying opinion on a song when you can just go to YouTube, listen to it yourself and make up your own mind?  On the other hand, books are less of a try-before-you-buy proposition so you might actually want to know a bit about what's in these fucks before you buy them, so in my mission to get k-pop fans to occasionally put down their iMaxipads and read a fucking book (those things with the pages, you've seen them, right?) I now bring to you this review.  Please enjoy it.  Or not.

Let's help KARA have a bright future

Almost everybody reading this will know that KARA, one of k-pop's biggest groups, has had some line-up difficulties lately with two members Nicole and Jiyoung not renewing their contracts, leaving the group as a three-piece.  I guess it must be a pretty shit group to be in if the girls are making enough money to buy real estate yet some of them can't stand to be part of the KARA machine any longer, but then if I were an idol maybe I'd be sick of that bullshit by now and I'd bail too.  In any event, the girls probably aren't giving anything away.

So what does this mean for the future of KARA... and how can we help?

Ra Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' Ta Fuck Wit'

There's been a lot of controversy surrounding individuals and groups with names ending in "-ra" lately, but this ain't shit to them. All the "-ra" folks banded together to form the new super clique known as the Ra Tang Clan, and they ain't scared of no netizen fucks.

How did they all come together?

1. [+544, -68] Clara, KARA, T-ara, Hara. All of the 'Ra' are fu*king rude, it seems.

That's when I realized, "Damn Korea, you have no fucking idea." RUDE? I think not.

[MV Review] Kara - Damaged Lady

Tired of another G-Dragon kpop shitfest? Kara's here to help.

 Ahhh, some much needed refreshment

[MV Review] Kara - Bye Bye Happy Days

Just as with my review of Speed Up, this review will be more of a studious review of the meaning behind the MV. If you're used to kpop MVs you are probably familiar with love stories, be they about falling in love or being betrayed. If you come to this MV with such a mindset you will be very confused, so I have decided to help.

KARA are BAD PEOPLE

**This message brought to you by the Korean Ministry of Gender Equality and Family (MOGEF)~!!**

MONEY CHANGES PEOPLE, MONEY FUCKING CHANGES PEOPLE.

"FUCK BITCHES GET MONEY?" WHAT HAPPENED TO "CUTE KIDS GET HONEY?"

As you may have heard by now, KARA's recent comeback has been mired in several controversies, and they are setting a BAD EXAMPLE for our impressionable youths who fap to look up to them!! Here we draw up a list of grievances we have with KARA.

[MV Review] KARA - Girls Power

KARA released a double single, and rejoice, we get a double MV release as well. It's getting harder and harder to write original hooks, so just click "read more" already.

[MV Review] Kara - Speed Up

Well it's that time again. Kara has released a deliciously hot MV for fanboys everywhere. Before I start, I want to make it completely clear: Several of us authors are raging fanboys.

"That's so hypocritical!" some of you may exclaim, because we are against the insanity of fangirls.

However, it is not hypocrisy. Raging fanboys are simply passionately burning with the heat of 1000 suns, running on the pure fuel of sexiness flooding into their eyeballs. This has nothing to do with quality of music and no claims are made regarding it. There are no illusions held about talent because the whole notion of requiring it is discarded as a non-issue.

Talent is not needed for the fantasies we dream, but only for the ladies of our desire to be desirable. Whether or not they succeed at making good music or competing with each other in sales charts has nothing to do with whether or not they succeed at this, and succeed Kara most certainly does.

Find out how after the jump. [WARNING: A bazillion gifs await]

KARA Continue to Shit on SNSD

While SONEs will forever be collectively creaming themselves over SNSD's amazinger album sales and tout their Japanese "successes" as proof of some sort of global indoctrination into the Cult of Soshi, KARA lets their money do the talking. A more effective way to say shove it, in my opinion.


The Oricon has released their annual report for group earnings for 2011, and once again, KARA continues to roflstomp SNSD.  Using the gross sales album numbers for 2011 (Dec 27th 2010 through December 19th 2011 for those of you number crunchers curious),  KARA's earnings tallied about $63 million (4th overall), while Girls’ Generation came in behind them with about $52 million (5th overall).


But before you cream your panties and shout "OMO HALLYU HWAITING~" please keep in mind that AKB48 still shat on both of them combined (literally) with their chart-topping $211 million. This shouldn't come as much of a surprise because guess what? People like people who can actually speak their language worth a damn.


When approached for comments, SNSD's Tiffany had only this to say: