Tuesday, April 24, 2012

PURE ELFs

ELFs. Love em or hate em, you can be guaranteed one thing at least. They are some crazy bitches and they stir up the funniest shit. In this latest ELFish crusade, our EverLasting Friends have raised an outcry at perceived insults and injustice. Filled with righteous fury, they've mobilized their troops to declare war on EXO. Again.

Dis gun be good, Siwon.


Apparently, SM is having EXO perform a few songs at Super Juniors SS4INA. A saner, more rational person would see this as a rather standard marketing ploy:

SUJU, in what may be their twilight hours, get to introduce EXO to their legions of ELFs, whose fanbase overlaps with EXO's anyway. In a win-win situation, EXO potentially gains new fans, SuJu gets to rest during EXO's stage(s), ELFs who like EXO (or EXO fans who like SuJu, whatever) get 2 concerts for the price of one, SM reaps massive profit from merchandising the both of them, and everyone goes home satisfied. 

But no, these are ELFs we're talking about, and nothing is ever that simple with ELFs. See for yourself:


If that massive wall of poorly articulated and badly punctuated text that defies standard English grammatical conventions boggles your mind like it did mine, here's the TL;DR summary: 

Basically, ELFs are butthurt that EXO is performing at Super Junior's concert, stealing their spotlight. ELFs are also butthurt that EXO fans and possibly SM (it was rather unclear, so sue me) are bringing EXO fan banners to support EXO. Obviously, ELFs can't do anything about the EXO performance, so their next best course of action is to issue an ultimatum: "DON'T BRING EXO SHIT OR YOU'RE NOT A PURE ELF"


I'd like to highlight 3 very special lines:

"IF YOUR DAD IS HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR MUM, AND HE LET YOUR STEP-MOTHER TO SIT ON THE MAIN SEAT, IS THAT CALLED RESPECT TO YOUR MUM?" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN AHAHAHAHAHAHHA

"PURE ELF" WAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"... BLACK OCEAN WILL BE SERVED ON YOUR REAL IDOL PERFORMANCE" WAHAHAHAHA BLACK OCEAN WILL BE SERVED AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

On a more serious note, all this talk of purity and realness brings up unfortunate parallels to say... skinheads or Neo-nazis. Radical extremists loyal to a perceived ideal and willing to resort to any means necessary to get their way? Official badges of membership, superiority complex, cult of mysticism? You be the judge.

But thank you ELFs. Stay the batshit crazy fangirls we love to mock.

59 comments:

  1. THIS SHIT IS FUNNY AS SHIT, I live in Indonesia and people here are happy to have Exo and Suju at thesame concert because that means watch 2 concert in one ticket

    Fan girl is delusional as shit, WHAT THE HECK with the metaphor mother, step mother and father?? this shit can make me laugh for entire day

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  2. Perfect time for a North Korean nuclear/missile test, kill four birds with one stone.

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  3. Someone needs to do a dramatic reading of this.

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  4. I didn't take it seriously until I saw the threat about turning off their light sticks, these people are clearly not to be fucked with.

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  5. I'd read all that fangirl's post, but I'm afraid I'd catch the crazy ....

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  6. Lmao I see some ugly Indonesian fan girls spreading it around, apparently K - fans are against this.

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  7. Those delusional kids know nothing about killing 2 birds with one stone, or even 2-in-one shampoo. All they know is their OPPAs is daebakJJang and others are pure shit.

    love your metaphor...

    Note: Elf is green creature with small brain.. But ELF is a bunch of girl who spent too much time fangirl-ing that their brains shrink to pea-size.

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    Replies
    1. i think the should be more rational.. it is something that we can called as childish and immature?

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  8. I would love to see another blackocean

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  9. I think the step mom -mom bullshit is bcuz
    Most indonesian does poligamy
    So 1 dude can marry more than 3 less than 5

    Hope that clears things up

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    1. Yeah, I live in Borneo.
      Poligamy is not a new thing here.

      btw, ELFs are really ridiculous these days. I wanna see that Black Ocean thing on Youtube soon.

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    2. what does black ocean means?why do they plan to serve it?

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    3. i mean how...that elf's post is wacking out my mind..

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    4. okay,i know what black ocean means now,,,kpop jargons,,,so twisted.

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  10. I guess they totally forgot that SUJU did the same thing at dbsk concert in malaysia 7 years ago? Fuck them with their logic. Why they fuck they are so afraid of EXO? Black ocean? Remember the last time they did one? SNSD kick their ass by becoming one of the famous name in kpop scene.

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  11. OMG. I rarely read something more retarded in my entire life (then again, I'm new to K-Pop and don't yet know much about all the madness that goes on behind the scenes).

    Besides the fact that that batshit crazy fangirl NEEDS to learn some proper English (unless this message is supposed to be this way so that only PURE just as poorly educated ELF can understand it) she clearly NEEDS to stop taking shots of aphrosidiac up her ass and see that SUJU isn't the 23,5° axe on which the world rotates and other normal people can have the hots for 2, 3, 10 or 20 different bands simultaneously. If ya love both groups, hell, go on and have yourself a double-wankfeast.

    That shit about daddy, mommy and the evil stepmother must be some sort of pseudo-smart metaphor.... Let's see... I would interpret it the way that Daddy is SM and Mommy is SUJU and the evil stepmother is EXO. The PURE ELF then must be the 'main seat' that definitely, desperately and radically wants SUJU ass atop them and are ready to lynch Daddy for ever even thinking stepmommy ass is good enough to as much as compare to real mommy ass. Dude, that's one sick message in that metaphor.

    Anyway, I very much enjoyed this article; never knew fangirlism could go so far. AKF, keep rockin'!

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  12. I don't understand that person's logic whatsoever.... how is it exactly not supporting SJ? All they have to do is when EXO is done performing.. they hold up their SJ banner... like what's so frickin hard & wrong with that?

    (I can't bash their English because obviously they're not native speakers so.... yeah)

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  13. What this girl needs to understand is that it's now an EXO concert, and that Super Junior are going to be receiving the lethal black ocean. At least they will when I and the other EXOrcists snipe every ELF. How dare they disrespect our oppars.

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  14. Wait, people still care about Super Junior?

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  15. She made a response.
    http://www.twitlonger.com/show/h4pilr

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  16. Holy crap, she's 21 years old. What the hell?

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    1. Also, her entire twitter is ridiculous. Reading her feed is pretty lulzy.

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  17. The amusing thing is that she thinks she's being radical.

    What in the world does "black ocean" mean anyway?

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    1. It's when fangirls turn off their glowsticks to protest against an artist during a concert. I think there are a few videos of it on Youtube.

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  18. ELFs just butthurt that EXO is replacing SUJU.

    somebody better videotape this black ocean though.

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  19. I'm making a BLACK OCEAN on AKFG.

    I'm sick of this shit. My GLOW STICK is being turned off right now.

    How dare you mess with PURE ELFS...

    ZAKU more like FAGKU AMIRITE?!?!?!

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  20. Hold EXO Banner during the concert, you'll die.

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  21. It's obvious Super Junior are being replaced by EXO, so now would be a good time for fangirls to begin getting used to it.

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  22. SUJU are retiring..deal with it. Bring on the next girly gay vibe group! IT's EXO TIME! oh yeah!

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  23. Hahaha... I always knew that I could count on EverLasting Fanatics for the best lulz. Thanks zaku for making my day :D

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  24. I'm more interested in the shitstorm that will ensue. Remember Dream Concerts '08-'10? Fandoms are crazy.

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    1. Amuse me pls.
      Cuz i font remember

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    2. DC08 - ELFs, Cassies and Triple S members turned out their light sticks for SNSD's performance because they thought they were rude, or something, and the best way to combat 9 young girls being rude is for 10,000 young girls to partake in by far the rudest, most shameful large-scale act by fanclubs ever. There were also rumours afterwards that SONEs had knives, were beating people up & raping girls (I'm not making that up). The only proof of that was a picture of someone with a shiny thing in his hand, which could've been a knife... or could've been *literally anything else*; and a picture of someone with their leg in a cast, which could have happened at the concert... or could have happened *literally anywhere else*.

      DC10 - The original seating plan gave SONEs and ELFs 4 blocks each in the upper tier, ELFs complained because they felt they deserved more seats (due to traditionally having more fans at concerts, and supposedly not having had many chances to see SuJu live that year). People bought tickets based on those plans, then another seating arrangement was brought out, which gave ELFs all 8 of those blocks. Any SONEs that turned up and tried to sit in the seats they had paid for based on the first plan got kicked out and had to watch the concert from anywhere else they could squeeze in. There were also rumours spread at the beginning that SONEs were stealing ELFs' tickets at the turnstiles - Shawols decided to turn their lightsticks off in support of ELFs during SNSD's performance, only for ELFs to keep theirs on, thus making Shawols look like dicks.

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    3. Well soshi did do rude stuff. so they deserve it. About the raping of sones thing...dint know boygroup got fanboys. Keke.

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    4. What rude stuff? Any of it as rude as that whole "nobody works as hard as us" self-pitying rant from Siwon, or Leeteuk's 'mosquito' poem ahead of DC10? Can you imagine the outcry if a female idol had done what Kangin did?

      Boy bands have it so astonishingly easy, thanks to fuckwit fangirls who will forgive absolutely anything their oppars do.

      A bit like Chris Brown fans, now that I think about it.

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    5. Google it pls. Involves tablo.shinhwa.suju.dbsk.h.o.t.dongyoungbae.

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    6. AIRC, SJ's done just as bad or worse stuff - SNSD's apologized, meant it, and learned from their mistakes. SJ just keeps acting like assholes, because their fans let them get away with it.

      I agree with c0rsican "Boy bands have it so astonishingly easy, thanks to fuckwit fangirls who will forgive absolutely anything their oppars do. A bit like Chris Brown fans, now that I think about it." If my idols ever beat someone so badly that they were dubbed "the new Ike Turner" (as Chris Brown was), then acted like a moronic idiot by smashing a window at an interview, I'd stop supporting them ASAP, and start worrying for their mental health.

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    7. Oh look, another idiot who believes the shit K-pop fangirls post on the internet about SNSD.

      Oniontaker has repeatedly made it clear that if SNSD was as rude as their antis claim they were, their sunbaes would've treated them like shit and they wouldn't be where they are today

      Come back at me, bro

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  25. yeah i'm from indonesia and i say most of indonesian elfs are delusional. first they hate on snsd for getting too close to their oppars now EXO?? seriously now you delusional fans. there's no such thing as pure fans (LOL). they are from the same company and they just debuted seriously they surely need some publicity. your oppars had enough already for the past 6 years. and so what if they want to bring EXO banners and stuff, it's pretty much relevant. it's not like you bought the tickets for the fans and you're the one who's managing the concerts. if your oppars didn't mind then why would you? geez.

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  26. Like Super Junior, hate the fans.

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  27. I could never understand it myself. It's like you love the fuck out of Sprite, but you hate the Coke-cola Co. and all the other coke products. Not a great great analogy, but I tried.

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  28. ELFS have every reason to be threatened by EXO. The boys are younger, better looking, better singers, better dancers and SM is actually willing to spend money on them. Their debut video alone managed to curb stomp anything Super Senior pulled out of their asses in the entire span of their career. ELFs just need to suck it up and realize that their boys are way past their expiration date. Now go schedule a play date with the equally delusional DBSK5 Cassies. You guys can cry into each other's arms.

    I don't even like EXO's delicate, gender-bending, androgynous behinds but when compared to SUJU . . . well there is no comparison.

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    1. Really? The way I see it, SJ is slowly branching out into what they really want to do/what they're good at/where they earn the best dough; acting, variety/comedy, and serious singing, which is much more open to older ages than the idol industry is. Maybe they won't be around under the name of Super Junior much longer but tbh I don't think that they're DONE just yet.

      And EXO ALL look like little girls [I used to think that Kris was hot until he debuted :|] and they have z-e-r-o personality, which is where SJ wins over most other idol groups.

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    2. I agree. SJ is completely untalented. I hardly call what they are doing now "branching out into what they really want" more like, branching out into what they can get before they completely crumble. Only 3-4 people in a group of that many people have side jobs,2-3 of which will probably be canceled in the near future. SUJU HAD to rely on personality because they are untalented as fuck and honestly it's not like they have gotten very far with their personalities either, at least not in Korea...sure Heechul does well, but Heechul doesn't even seem like he wants to be in SUJU half the time anyway. IDK, all I see is ELF trying to spin what is obviously suju's downfall into "maturing in their careers" when we all know that isn't what is happening. If they were maturing, they wouldn't still be dressed like 20 year olds when 80% of them are approaching 30 and they would release a song that wasn't "sorry sorry" 3.0. All of SUJU's career has been a joke as far as I am concerned.

      From what I have seen of EXO, they have alot more personality then SUJU...at least their personalities range outside of "douche", "ass-whole" and "racist-hypocrite." As already mentioned they are already 1000x's more talented at singing, rapping and dancing and as mentioned before SM is willing to spend money on them. Probably trying to have a male idol group that the public actually likes and that isn't so dependent of rabid fan-girls from overseas.

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  29. BTW I would love to step in some dog shit and wipe my shoes on Shindong's face. Racist, sexist, fat ass douchebag.

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    1. And Leeteuk. How the hell is he praised and tooted around kpop as the Angel leader? He's a superficial pedophile.

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    2. Shindong and Heechul are the assholes of the group; Leeteuk is kind of like a clueless dud who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

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    3. Shindong made some dumbass remark about hating fat girls... when he was pretty tubby himself. He also acted like an ass when IU won an award over SJ, making faces at the camera and mocking her behind her back. He apologized, but did it because he was forced to, not because he wanted to. He also confessed to having plastic surgery and got praised for it (when these same fangirls rip apart female idols for having the slightest thing done).

      Not sure what Heechul did (think he might have been a homophobic ass), but Leeteuk said Miss A's Suzy was too fat and should lose weight (after which Jia and Fei called him on his shit) and called his own sister ugly when she told him she wanted to become an actress.

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  30. This is the most retarded, disgusting type of ppl that i ve ever seen ! Srsly, their minds are all fcked up or wot ????

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  31. I have a former classmate who is an insane E.L.F (can I call her "elf"? I'm tired of typing all those unnecessary dots). She hates EXO to death just because those younger, hotter (I guess? Korean people, especially male ones, look the same to me by the way), more invested boys are supposed to invade SuJu's own concerts!! It's not the first time that she acts in an irrational manner like that, that's why TBH there are times when I feel ashamed having a classmate like her .___.

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  32. Oh mai gad. I'm new to this site. but the stuff that's on here is so hilarious. i'm peeing myself lawd XD

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  33. Thats stupid. Love suju but fucking hate their fans. I love exo & suju but seriously why do all these butthurt fangirls have to be so mean to exo. Suju is getting old & it's exo's turn to shine. This type of shit happens all the time .-. Bitches need to grow the fuck up.

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  34. Bitches need to grow up .-. It's exo time ! I love suju but their getting old & exo (in my opinion) are way more talented.

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