So in my quest to catch up on K-pop, since there were a bajillion comebacks from girl groups this summer (which is a good thing), I decided to just pick the most recent song that I know about. I knew that SM was going to promote SNSD, Red Velvet and f(x) back-to-back, and thank fucking God SM pushed SNSD out first so that SNSD could quickly promote their shitty fucking songs and let their sister groups promote better songs without being overshadowed.
I have a love-hate relationship with Red Velvet. On one hand, the group is a more manic version of f(x)'s earlier days, but with better music. f(x) was always good (save for their first two songs...which I guess negates the word 'always', but I digress), but with Electric Shock, f(x) found their groove. SM has taken that formula and added 200% energy, and thus we have Red Velvet. RV's main three title tracks (Hot Penis, Ice Cream Cake and Dumb Dumb) have been 3-minute earworms.
However, Red Velvet's other concept is to release boring-as-fucking-dogshit R&B songs. There's a fucking reason I really didn't start listening to music until 2008 regularly. Growing up, it was the queerfest from the boybands in the 90s, and then the early 2000s were dominated by these lame-as-fucking-horse-vomit R&B songs. I thought R&B was dead for good. However, Kpop has been very successful in blending the past with the present, except that it just doesn't work with R&B, because R&B is fucking horrid. Do you know how fucking horrid it is?
Whenever I listen to one of RV's R&B songs, I want go out to the garage and grab an electric screwdriver. I would insert that fucking in my urethra with a screw and turn that fucker on full blast. Sure, I would mutilate my dick, but the last dude to mutilate his dick is treated as a "hero" by the lamestream media in the United States. SM would hear of my story and fly me out to Korea, and because they would feel so bad for me, they would allow me to scissor Irene with my fucked-up-artificial pussy.
Luckily, Dumb Dumb doesn't make me want to do that. Normally, I'm the kind of person who likes songs driven by addictive melodies (see Kara's Step) instead of having the bass and drum instruments carry the song, but Dumb Dumb is one of those exceptions. There's a smorgasbord of sounds thrown at your ears while listening to the song, but the booming bass carries the song easily. If I knew anything about music (which I don't and don't pretend to), I'm sure I could find a bunch of flaws with this song. I could easily point out why a lot of people wouldn't like this song. However, this song is extremely addicting and doesn't make me want to mutilate my dick so that I could scissor Irene. Though, I still want to bang her. I'm just saying, SM.