Monday, September 7, 2015

Types of Fans

If you're new to Kpop, you might have heard people here and there talking about how crazy Kpop fans can be. But you may not know what the fuck is going on. If that's the case, then this article, my friend, is for you. If you aren't really new to Kpop and know all about retarded fans, then get ready to nod your head and relate.


So without further adieu, let's go through the types of fans, more specifically, types of Kpop fans, because we don't give two shits about anything that's not Kpop in this blog.

1. The Creepy Fan

The Creepy Fans are the fans that are well ... creepy. They are usually extremely weird, socially awkward, and look a lot like this most of the time:


These are the types of fans that would probably pick up a tissue full of their bias' snot and lock it up in a safe in their room and wipe their face with it every night, or study a hair that fell out of their bias' head under a microscope, or lick the urinal they peed in, or some other weird shit like that. These are the fans that will probably grow up to be serial killers. They are usually female. 

In short, Yandere bitches.

Luckily enough for most of us, they are quite rare to see, but they DO exist, here's proof


2. The Horny Fan

Usually both male and female, these are the fans that are just always horny. Literally. They are usually very pornographic and will not hesitate to reveal their sexual fantasies. Kind of like HYSF, And this guy.

I think the Creepy Fan would be more fitting for this guy, though.

As for the female horny fans, they are even weirder. They can have the most bizarre sexual fantasies you will ever see. For example, there are tumblr blogs completely dedicated to Sehun's neck and collarbone, or Kai's crotch, or Baekhyun's hands (notice how these are all EXO related, *cough cough* EXO-Ls) or some other painfully specific shit like that. They can have the weirdest fucking fetishes. I once saw this comment, which I unfortunately did not screenshot, talking about wanting Jackson from GOT7 to, and I quote, "shove his cute bunny teeth up my urethra." Aside from the fact that this is physically impossible (according to my knowledge) unless he actually pulls his teeth out and shoves it up her urethra, the whole image just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 


3. The Overly-Hyper Fan/The Fangirl

The nice way to say future sasaengs or sasaengs. These are the hardcore, die-hard fans we all know about. Usually pre-pubescent teenage girls, these are the fans that have their Caps-lock button permanently on and literally go crazy over everything. Their bias could post a completely blank picture on Instagram, and they'd be the ones in the comments like "OMG OPPA YOU'RE SO HANDSOME." You could say they are the hybrid children of the creepy fans and the horny fans, with a little bit of sexually frustrated added to the mix. They are crazy protective, crazy obsessive, and basically just ... crazy. Once encountered, DO NOT ENGAGE. 


4. The "Cool" Fan

This fan acts all "cool" on social media and acts like they don't give a shit about a lot of stuff, but deep inside, they might. They aren't really crazy and they know how to control themselves, but nothing's gonna stop them from reading those smutty fanfics under the sheets. It is usually safe to interact with such fans. They are quite common, too. The cool fans are also the people you usually see hating on other types of fans, trying to be all "different" and shit but the truth is ... they aren't. I see them all the fucking time on tumblr, and it's getting kinda lame. The tumblr page "Unpopular Kpop" is basically infested in them. They just try really hard to seem "smarter" and "more mature" than others (Not gonna lie, I can be one of those, sometimes).


5. The Not-A-Fan Fan

Precisely — they're not really "fans." They can listen to music without obsessing hard over it or giving two fucks about the members or their personalities.

Also, they don't really exist, to my knowledge.


6. The Hater Fan

Fans that will find anything, ANYTHING to hate on. Basically, they're little bitches with their panties high up their asses. It's usually useless fighting with such fans, which people seem to do anyway, fortunately for the entertainment of others.


7. The Observer

These are the smarter fans out there — they don't go around boasting about their smartass opinions, but rather, keeping them to themselves. These are the people at the back eating popcorn while others fight over mundane shit. They feed off the pain and anger of others; they are the maniacs behind the keyboard. They usually don't give a shit about a lot of stuff.



So those are all the types of fans I could think of, since I don't really ... think much. I hope you found this educational! Let me know if I missed any and comment below what type of fan YOU think you are. I was actually planning on making a quiz but realized it was a lot of work and eventually got lazy. So, I made a poll instead, and you can tick "Other" and type in your own answer.

What type of fan do you think you are?

The Creepy Fan
The Horny Fan
The Overly-Hyper Fan/The Fangirl
The "Cool" Fan
The Not-A-Fan Fan
The Hater Fan
The Observer
Other
Please Specify:
Poll Maker

22 comments:

  1. I guess the type closest to me is the Observer, although I do value the Horny Fans - there probably wouldn't be much of an Idol industry without them.

    When fangirls refer to miss A as "miss Slay" and say things like "they are hot af" and "when will your faves?" - that would be the Overly-Hyper fans, right?

    Interestingly enough, in the early days of the AKF blog, there were a few Creepy fans here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it looks like the creepy fans are going extinct. Good riddance.
      Also, Overly-hyper fans seem to be the most fitting for those, especially that word 'slay', it's so overused these days smh.

      Delete
  2. You missed the "Troll" category. Which I firmly and vocally belong to.

    These fans are fans in every sense of the word as they follow the fandom for both music and personality. They'd watch live shows, buy music, vote for awards, etc etc. But there's one major difference. These fans will purposely press the buttons of their fellow fans at every chance they get.

    They are the ones photoshopping Snoop Dogg Blaze IT 420 unto the member instagram photos, making controversial "theories" that one member secretly runs an underground sex ring and just basically being dicks because kpop is one big joke even though they love it too.

    These fans are also most likely to be called "antis" by the "true" fans (which the troll fan will just laugh about in secret with the other troll fans). You can find a lot of these on twitter and some tumblr blogs but mostly twitter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Patrick Bateman is a fantastic example of this. (The sone not the serial killer)

      Delete
    2. ANd the there are those trolls who cba to vote, watch variety and so on and so fort and just tick people of for the lulz, and then grab the popcorn and watch the clusterfuck/shitstorms ensue, Like MOI.(insert evil grin)

      Delete
  3. I'm a Horny-Hater-Fan.


    Look at those edgy as fuck people voting "observer". Shut the fuck up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd be lying if I said I was expecting honesty here lol.

      Delete
  4. Ugh, No. 3. Common phrases of theirs that make me die inside include "I'M SCREAMING" and "I'M DYYIIINNNNGGGGGGGGG."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also anything involving the word "slay" makes me want to strangle somebody.

      Delete
    2. Ah, yes, the ubiquitous "SLAYYYY QUEEN."


      Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen a "SLAYYYY KING." What's up with that? Maybe I'm just lucky.

      Delete
  5. There can't be this many Observers. Obviously, people are going to have biased opinions of themselves, but it's pretty lame that so many of them won't be honest on an anonymous survey. I think I'm a "cool" fan.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hate all fans and fanbases equally regardless of what type ir what they stan. They never fail at being try-hard, creepy, delusional faggots with no life. I should know, I used to be one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I use to be a horny fan, then I opened my eyes to what boy bands really look like. Then I was a observer, but somethings I don't even bother reading. So I just pop in from time to time.

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  8. I'd say I'm an Observer most of the time, but when it comes to Crayon Pop i"m a 4. bordering on a 3.

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  9. I'm a horny motherfucker when it comes to my kimchi waifus. I don't care about the rest of them.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm definitely horny/hyper fan, lol.

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  11. The gay fan, the ones who people always think we like kpop only because of the pretty girls and boobies. They have never been so wrong

    ReplyDelete
  12. Half admitted to being horny. The other half are fucking liars.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't decide.

    I say stuff similar (but not as nutty) as #1 but I'm (mostly) joking about that.
    First part of #4 sorta applies but the second half I don't see (I'll gladly call us all retards though, yay for that).
    I am pretty damn sure I'm not #7.

    Thanks for the identity crisis, I guess :(

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm #5. I actually don't know the members' names of the bands. I do like some songs but overall wouldn't listen on a daily basis

    ReplyDelete