Tuesday, May 28, 2013

CL - THE JJANGBAKEST FEMALE



So innovative, so legendary. Step aside Hyori, because the REAL MOTHER FUCKING QUEEN OF KPOP IS HERE (in a world where BoA doesn't exist.)


First, we have to talk about CL's legendary rapping ability. Repeating "I'm a bad bitch" over and over is mindblowing. Because we mere mortals cannot comprehend her majestic raps upon first utterance, she has to repeat it ad nauseam so that we can comprehend that she's the baddest mother fucker in town. We are blessed by CL. Fuck you Kanye, CL is the real Jesus.

You notice how she slowed down her flow for us? She did that because she wants us to feel like she's more "normal" and less Goddess-like. She dumbed down her flow just for us. I feel so honored that CL would do that for us. She didn't want to make people like MC Meta and Huckleberry P to think they suck ass at rapping, so she rapped like she did so that she wouldn't shakeup the whole Korean music scene.

The song itself is amazing. She improved on the formula that SNSD, 4minute, and Slut-ara N4 introduced. There are absolutely no transitions back and forth because that shit is lame. CL's jjangbak song just goes from one sound to the next, bring that NEXT LEVEL JJANGBAK TO OUR MOTHA FUCKIN EARS.

CL also looks so fucking hot.

Unf, bite my dick with your shark teeth, noona.


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Of course this song is fucking shit. Take CL, who can't rap for shit and sounds fucking terrible and mash that together with the worst fucking trend ever in Kpop history and you get a song that has the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on mother fucking speed dial.

I had to listen to this vile garbage twice to review it. I'll never listen to it a third time.



You see that rhino's horn? I WOULD RATHER HAVE THAT HORN INSERTED THROUGH MY URETHRA THAN TO EXPERIENCE THIS FUCKING SHIT EVER AGAIN.

Most of all, fuck you, Yang Hyun Suks Balls. You keep having your idols release "music" like this, causing a whole generation of delusional fans emotional scarring. Blackjacks and VIPs may not realize it now, but in time, they will look back and wonder how they even thought this vile shit was good music. You may end up causing some people to commit suicide because they can't walk outside of their house anymore because they don't want others to remember them as "that retarded Blackjack who shared CL's song to everyone and ended up pissing all of her friends off in the process" girl. Just stop it, mother fucker.

43 comments:

  1. I dont even dare to watch the video
    ( = _=)

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    Replies
    1. urgh don't. you're totally blessed that you didn't have to look at this shit and feel traumatized after.

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  2. preeeeeeaaaaaccchhhhh

    We all knew that the song was going to be garbage as soon as YG released his ~*~*~exclusive~*~*~ interview and the track title, though.

    (Did anyone else get the feeling that it sounded like an abandoned GD track? Just me? Ok)

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    Replies
    1. No, you didn't. I'm a V.I.P and a Blackjack (not as crazed as most of those fandoms, but I enjoy 2NE1 and BIGBANG for what they are; fun party music, and the occasional ballad), but I'm not gonna lie; I was hella disappointed by this song. I'm gonna bump it, because I want more solo CL, but if this is all we're getting... YG, fuck you >_<

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    2. this is what is wrong with kpop fans; why on earth would you support a song that is so terrible that even you through your rose coloured glasses of fangirlistic delusion can attest to how cruel it is to the ears

      if you want another solo from cl that's actually worth anybody's time and money, don't support this, because if this piece of absolute garbage can make profits it only furthers the company's idea that no matter what they put out someone is going to buy it.

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  3. The song is freaking shit, but I gotta admit, she looks better than usual.

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  4. she's finally reached the same level of tryhardness as GD
    but GD has choice37 and skills in songwriting and producing
    CL has Teddy and skills in writing cringeworthy raps

    wtf does "do the unnie" mean

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    Replies
    1. I'm assuming she means the dance that she's doing for most of the music vid

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  5. I admit, highly disappointed. This is OoAK 2, only without the novelty factor. We waited years for this? Why do they have to drive girl groups into the ground?

    2NE1's comeback better be fucking good, or they're officially off the tier list! You might as well put them below Sistar and f(x) at this point.

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    1. I love the video, because she looks hot. I don't love the song (I like it a little bit), because this is what I expect out of G-Dragon >_>

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  6. when I was listening to it, I thought it was like Korean hoodrat anthem. cept korea doesn't have hoodrats like the america so confusing...

    sound would have been much better had she sad "bad bitch" instead of "bad girl" but it still wouldnt be that good

    all I could hear was the dubstep wub wub

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  7. 97.6% of hip hop is shit.
    This is like a uber-clichéed version of it.
    It's garbage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 97.6% of hip-hop you hear on the radio is shit, maybe.
      generalizing about hip-hop as a whole makes you look ignorant

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    2. Nah, it's really mostly shit.

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    3. You count the Hip-Hop now, or ever since it started? If you meant now, I agree.

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  8. DOES SHE HAVE A GOLD RING SAYING GIZIBE

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    Replies
    1. It's hard to translate this word into English since it has several meanings depending on the context and the tone of the person using the word, but the most common translation is "bitch".

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  9. it seems like she is trying to be a cheap version of rihanna
    and gd, taeyang and cl have all been feeling themselves way too much, you can tell they are try-hards

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    Replies
    1. Rihanna is already a cheap version of Rihanna. Logical fallacy!

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    2. At least Rihanna's shit makes hits, whatever this is CL just shitted, she needs to be hit.

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  10. When I'm having an erection I use CL's music videos to turn me off. :)

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  11. Ever since she got her dick clipped, she thinks she's hot shit. I admit they got her face snatched and body looking good, but the rest of this shit is just...no. It's too much.

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  12. Gotta admit CL looks hotter than usual in it. But whatever fap-worthiness she's got in this MV is undone by such monstrosity of crappiness. I am not particularly supportive of gratuitous use of expletives but having survived the atrocity, the only words I could manage to utter were: fuck this piece of shit! Yes, it's so bad that its shoddiness had me thinking whether it was some sorts of parody lampooning the raging "I am a badass" trend in Kpop right now.

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. I've been saying this for a while that CL was just GD with a wig on....this MV proves my suspension case closed

    another mystery solved
    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2smwbv1lg1r0ofyzo1_500.gif

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  15. Yes! I was waiting for you to review this, I was so excited~

    Now, I predicted her song would be exactly like this. Shitty rap, terrible beat, weird music video that might make up for a little. Just a terrible song in general. YG's formula is so predictable a 3-year-old could calculate exactly what 2NE1's comeback will be. The entire time I could've sworn GD was cross dressing and promoting another single, because it sounded exactly like the shit he releases.

    "I'm a bad girl" GIRL PLEASE you sit around and have fashion designers dress you up as big bird and write shit ass raps about how great you are. Get the fuck out.

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  16. WHAT THE TRASH

    CL IS FUCKING GD, THIS IS THE ONLY EXPLANATION FOR ONE OF A KIND 2.0 FEAT. TAEYANG IN A CARPET

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  17. CL has this delusi0n that she's hot, when the truth is, she's FUCKING NOT. Id rather see a sistar mv coz bora will be there, n0w thats wat u call genuinely hot. Unlike this incredibly arrogant and selfcentered idol that only kn0ws how to duck face. She's t0o overrated. The mv sucks same goes to the s0ng. To summarize, her body, HOT, her face the mv the s0ng and everything abt her, bleh! Tip:make her release a sex tape. Maybe i'll see that.:-P

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  18. Dont you feel sick akf for all those "praise-sarcasm" that you always give to terribad songs lol,

    and yes, I hate this part of kpop, no wonder people keep saying kpop is shit, all they hear the first time is stupid crap like this.

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  19. she's just so fucking annoying.
    idk man she thinks she's the shit and has swag and her arrogance and acting cool makes her look like a fool.
    i honestly don't know what do ppl see in her
    she's ugly, doesn't know how to rap ( i get diarrhea from her voice), untalented.

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  20. Her song sucks, what a waste of time and money for YG CEO hahaha you better release a TaeYang song **ch!!

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  21. To be honest, I didn't have much expectation for her solo, but I didn't expect to get something that horrible! I don't know if it's just me who thinks this, but lately, YG artists have been trying too hard to look badass rather than creating good music. CL trying to act like the baddest chick actually just comes off as trying too hard. I don't even know why I actually watched that entire music video. UGH.

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  22. Her and GD, I see no difference. This sounds exactly like some shit G-druggin would do, except he'd probably do it better, or at least crazier (drugs man, drugs). I did like the light up hop-scotch thing though, I would totally get one of those.

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  23. The sound just sounded awkward overall and really, the fault lies in the horrible producer with no musicality whatsoever(Teddy). YG music is getting from bad to worse and this song is the perfect example of a horribly screwed-up nursery rhyme. On the bright side, CL looks so hot in the MV!

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  24. Or you could simply say "this song isn't for me" rather than hold a huge pissing contest. You must have a lot of frustrations in your life that have nothing to do with the kpop world. You claim this is blog is "satire" but really just be brave and say this is what it is, you are ANTIs and you are here to shit on everything. You make 1 logical point followed 99 pure hate comments. Stay bitter & continue running this pathetic website :)

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