Monday, May 6, 2013

Tiffany To Retire From SNSD To Become A MLB Pitcher



Tiffany Hwang threw out the first pitch tonight and she has been signed by the Houston Astros to be their ace. Houston Astros General Manager Jeff Luhnow had an exclusive interview with the Anti-Kpop Fangirl reporting team. Seeing that I'm a huge Tigers fan and the Tigers just whipped the living shit out of the Astros this past weekend, Mr. Luhnow thought this would be the perfect time to have an interview, mixing in Kpop and baseball.



AKF: Hello Mr Luhnow, thank you for having this interview with me.

Luhnow: No problem. Anything is better than dealing with the Astros right now.

AKF: Is it true that you just signed Tiffany Hwang to a 3 year deal worth $4 million dollars?

Luhnow: Yes, I know, spending $4 million is a lot for our cheap asses, considering that our entire roster only makes $25 million this year.

AKF: Are the Astros that desperate for pitching?

Luhnow: Yes. Have you seen the fucking ERAs of our starting pitchers? Harrell has a 5.03 ERA and hitters are hitting .316 against him. Humber has an 8.82 ERA and hitters are batting .349 against him. Bedard has a 7.36 ERA and batters are hitting .289 off of him. Peacock is sucking cock with a 9.09 ERA and batters are hitting .309 against him. Norris is the only one who doesn't fucking suck donkey dick on our staff.

AKF: But why did you sign Tiffany? She can't even throw the ball across the plate.

Luhnow: Well, all of our pitchers are too good at throwing the ball across the plate because they're getting the living shit beat out of them every time they step onto the mound. We might as well try a different strategy since this season is a lost cause.

SM Entertainment was shocked by this news, but they allowed it. I was wondering why SM actually allowed the transaction and found out that SM was receiving $3.99 million of Tiffany's contract. SM recently released a press statement:

We're here to confirm that Tiffany Hwang is immediately resigning from Girls Generation and will be pitching for the Houston Astros. Don't worry, seeing as we're taking 99% of her salary away from her, she'll still have to shoot a bunch of CFs to recuperate all of the money we're stealing from her.


The Houston Astros released a brief press statement:

Thanks to all of the Sones out there, people will actually be buying Houston Astros jerseys this year!

22 comments:

  1. lol I just laughed so hard. All that warming up for nothin...

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  2. in before someone says you're trying too hard because you used words

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    Replies
    1. Trying too hard when I used basic baseball terminology?

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  3. better than jessica's but nowhere near as sexy

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  4. cute as a button & relatively well-spoken. too bad she's wearing kitty ears and posing like an autistic toddler. hope you socal fags enjoyed the ass.

    astros a shit

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    1. Seems like reading from a script for absolutely everything for the last 5+ years has made it difficult for her to act natural in front of the camera. Even this interview might be scripted, I mean her answers were generic enough, no personal anecdotes or anything even though it's her hometown. That kind of shit isn't going to win Americans over.

      The cat ears and posing is whatever. The fact that we can tell their public personalities are about 99% fake will ruin their chances of becoming popular here(among other things).

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    2. I definitely enjoyed her Fany.

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  5. It should come as no surprise that Yuri appears to be the only one in the group that knows how to properly handle a ball.

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  6. Replies
    1. Wow when did she get that? She looks like Hyosung from behind. Maybe Suzy even.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. She always had a wide butt.

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    4. yea, she always had that ass, but its nothing compared to 2008 ass.

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    5. I think the biggest i ve ever seen is when they promote Genie. That's fcking huge

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    6. Everybody had a nice ass in Genie.

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  7. If that means more Tiffany in tight jeans, then those 4 millions were well spent.

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  8. seriously, how the hell can throwing a ball straight be so difficult

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    Replies
    1. She's a woman, what do you expect?

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    2. She only needs to know how to fondle balls, not throw them.

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