Saturday, May 4, 2013

How to: Be forgettable, as told by Hello Venus

Hello Venus' latest song is, well, I forget.




This past week, Hello Venus released "Generic Kpop Girl Group Song #47829," or "Do You Want Some Tea?" for short. The song isn't bad; it's just forgettable. "Do You Want Some Tea?" reminded me a lot of Rainbow's "Tell Me, Tell Me" in that it was chock full of kpop girl group tropes but lacked almost any personality of its own.

How can you create your own song that's as forgettable as "Do You Want Some Tea?" It's threefold:

1. Have a mostly paint-by-numbers song. "Do You Want Some Tea?" was not tailored for Hello Venus at all. A bunch of girl groups could have pulled this song off the rack and put it on with the same result. "Do You Want Some Tea?" is another "Cute boy creates butterflies in stomach" song with a couple of kpop's ubiquitous unnecessary raps thrown in. The only element of the song that could possibly help set it apart from other generic cutesy girl group songs is the inclusion of "Canon" in the background. When the most interesting element of your song is a sample from a better song, that's a sign your song might just be forgotten.


Kpop's so full of politics and social issues.
Can't somebody just write a song about innocent young love for once?


2. Strive to create the most generic music video possible. The video for this song is a whole lotta boring. It's really just a collage of kpop cliches. There is generic city backdrop #12. Generic cafe scene #36. Generic cute boy who is nice but secretly dates an entire group at the same time #24. Nauseatingly innocent dating scenes. Stiff closeups every other second. And mildly humorous comic relief scenes. Never forget the mildly humorous comic relief scenes.


Heh, heh, love potion


3. Keep the dances as uninspired or derivative as possible. I realize it's basically impossible to choreograph a song that uses all original moves. You should strive to at least create one signature move per release, though. Not only does "Do You Want Some Tea?" lack any dominant dance move, the dances it has are either unimpressive or ripoffs of others.


Ugh, the "Checking the Watch" dance again?


Basically, to be forgettable, just have a song and video constructed almost entirely of cliches and bland material.


I have failed. Please forgive me. 








27 comments:

  1. You seem to want Hellovenus to be something they're not. I mean, I agree somewhat to what you're saying, but this kind of song is (unfortunately) exactly their style. And it's the same thing with the video and choreography. Hellovenus could be so much more, but this is the direction they've been taking since the start.

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    1. Their concept is cute on the outside/nymph on the inside. Total placating mindgame of the same nature as jpop idols but catered for korean tastes.

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    2. That's pretty cool, actually. Is it a theme running through their other releases as well? I haven't really kept up since their debut.

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    3. I'm not against what they are or even cutesy songs in general. It's more just that no one involved in the creation of this song and video seemed to want to do anything to make it stand out. I guess what I'm really against is the lack of creativity.

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    4. I liked the outfits in the dance scenes, that was the most creative element. As a colour-blind person, the patterns helped me identify the members, which was useful. Apart from that, and the date-rape scene (which is fairly normal for k-pop tbh) I agree that there wasn't a lot of creativity going on here.

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  2. 10/10 Still would bang all six

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  3. This song is about girls who want to fuck but "aren't allowed" to be the ones who initiate, but then getting fed up and doing it anyway. I agree that it is musically boring but lyrically it's pretty cool.

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  4. Pachelbel's "Canon In D" is a greatest hits tune of elevators and hold music everywhere. It's a much more powerful sedative than whatever date-rape drug that girl slipped into her boyfriend's drink.

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    1. But I like "Canon" ... ;_;

      Will return when I stop crying

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    2. I was told by an ex-employer that Canon in D when piped though office PA systems actually has been shown to increase work productivity. If that doesn't scare you away from it, nothing will. I don't mind listening to guitarists do "Canon Rock" though.

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    3. hey let's sample canon in d major because that's never been done before

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  5. I never understood how they got popular in the first place, the whole group has been generic from day fucking 1. Same with APink.

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    1. Their debut song was very entertaining and had a nice beat.

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  6. Truly forgettable and generic.

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  7. I'm above this. Pick it apart yourselves.

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  8. The whole song was just meh, and I was utterly dissapointed the moment that canon part kicks in. Come on now, what year is this? 1990? I just think that mixing in canon in any song is so uncreative, it's been mixed in TONS of songs already.

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  9. Nara is so hot in this MV, so it's good enough for me.

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    1. yoonjo and ahra is hotter. Come at me oppar

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    2. Ara looks like the offspring of Park Min Young and Frankenstein while Nara looks like the offspring of Han Ye Seul and Lee Na Young.

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    3. nara looks like a duckling with a smashed faced.
      your turn oppar :I

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    4. Put Jessica's face in a blender with some cow shit and out comes Yoonjo.

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    5. Nara looks old, yo. Yoonjo looks like Jessica's autistic little sister.

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    6. Please. Ara tops the bill (total 5-star FUCK grade) and next is Alice.

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  10. Ara looks like Yuri turning into Over-Affectionate-Girlfriend

    Lime looks like teh sex

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  11. Am I the only one that thought they were watching a Girls Day MV??????

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