Somewhere in my calloused heart, I find room to actually care about certain parts of the wonderful world that we live in. One such thing was a survival show where Korean blokes tried to prove that they could sing, rap, dance, work in a team, build a canoe, etc. better than anyone else in the near vicinity. The show was called No Mercy, and a song where Hyorin sings about having sex came as a result of it. You know the drill; a group was formed, and a fair number of people were left outraged that their favourite just wasn't up to scratch when it came to canoe building. Now, because Starship have their shit together way more than YG, it took little more than four months for Monsta X to debut whilst iKon are still lost in their hunt for the Treasure of the Sierra Madre. The question that is on everyone's lips is: "Sohyunna, is the song any fucking good you piece of shit?" which I intend to answer in my own way over this article. If you don't like it, then you can fuck right off and jerk it to the Excuse Me dance practice for the third time today (I recommend this option).
|You chose to forego masturbation and keep reading, I appreciate that.|
Something that will become immediately apparent is that Monsta X are going to be one of those hip-hop boy groups that are so popular nowadays. The beat is heavily trap influenced, there are designated rap breaks for people who actually know a thing or two about the craft, and even the chorus is rapped, which is a welcome break from five vocalists having to share two lines of chorus between them. Later on in the article, I will discuss the members and their roles within the group, but the other obvious thing that one can glean after watching this just once is that Jooheon must have sucked someone's dick at Starship (you can tell who he is because he gets about half of the song) as he is the sole person on chorus whilst also getting a rap break to brag about his charisma (twice, I might add). Despite the saturation of the market with hip-hop boy groups and the song being rather Jooheon heavy, I find myself enjoying "Trespass" a whole damn lot, which is aided somewhat by the fact that I can feel energy exuding from all seven members in their seven shit outfits; I believe that everyone was invested heavily in the song so the raps sound crisp and vicious, and the singers even sound kinda out of breath, which is in keeping with the frantic nature of the song and video.
The one part of the song that kinda falls flat with me is the execution of the rap verses; this may seem like a pretty major flaw given that Monsta X are supposed to be a hip-hop group, but it baffles me more than annoys me. Allow me to explain: My first issue comes from the fact that Jooheon's verse is significantly weaker than what he is capable of, but this is largely due to his English phrases being cringeworthy, which is part and parcel of most K-Pop songs so I didn't allow this to bother me massively. The most egregious problem with the raps is that I.M's verse serves as the outro where it has absolutely no right to; he raps rather decently but it seems to kill the momentum built up by the chorus, meaning that the song doesn't reach a particularly satisfying conclusion. It just stops because it feels that it has gone on long enough. It could have worked just before the bridge because the last two choruses are pretty close to each other anyways and could have done with some separation. As I said, this leaves me confused more than anything else because of the weird vibe that it gives the ending. Regardless, I'm not Starship, so I leave it to them to make their bad decisions.
|We need to prove that we are tru hep-hap|
The video itself I find rather adorable; in a similar vein to BTS' debut before they became more concerned with making MVs that felt like an anime plot, Monsta X are trying to sell themselves as the hardmen of the K-Pop world. But they took it even further than BTS because these guys not only went to prison on a firearms charge, but they broke out too, giving them limitless street cred. I am sure that I am not alone in doubting whether any of the members of Monsta X would survive in the penitentiary, so I decided to create a handy primer in which you can learn member names and also see how they would fare in the big house. Don't say this isn't an educational blog.
Role: Manning the circular saw, also dancing or something.
Crime: Public masturbation
Role in prison: Snitch, and all the other inmates know it.
Role: Guard dog
Crime: Beefin' over turf
Role in prison: Shivved in the lunch-line for stepping to Big Hank
Role in prison: Prison bitch
Crime: Cooking meth based on love of "Breaking Bad"
Role in prison: Prison daddy
Role: Inventory manager
Crime: Triple murder, grand larceny, war crimes
Role in prison: Let out on good behaviour after two months
Role: Bitchy friend
Crime: Sexual harassment
Role in prison: Killed by neo-Nazis
Role: Makes the tea
Crime: Assisted suicide
Role in prison: Tries to be Andy Dufresne but gets murdered after 3 minutes
Though the song may be good, and the video may have a vaguely entertaining and coherent storyline, it just wasn't in keeping with what would actually happen if Monsta X went to prison, which I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt above. I would have preferred a terrible song than Monsta X flagrantly lying to their watchers and listeners as they did in "Trespass." I am now forced to throw all positives out of the window and ask that they re-record the video with three of the members getting murdered, I don't think that this is too much to ask.
Nah, this was pretty good, I give it a 7 or something. Peace out, bitches.