Sunday, May 31, 2015

The real pussy magnet

Who's kpop's biggest playa?


This guy.



In the past month, kpop has seen more than its typical share of tits and ass with Big Bang's white girls in hanboks orgy in "Bae Bae," Hyunseung's breast signature in "Ma First," and Jay Park's two releases that were the musical equivalent of an STD. (Herpes, if you're wondering)

Despite all this, the biggest playa* in kpop is not GD, wannabe GD, or Jay Hard. It's Jung Joon Young.

To be honest, I wasn't familiar with Jung Joon Young until I recently started watching "The Lover," which is a super enjoyable, low-key kdrama he's in now. I mean, sure, I recall him as the derpy young assistant in Mamamoo's "Mr. Ambiguous" video, but I was only watching for the 'Moo, so he and Bumkey could have fucked right out of that MV and I wouldn't have cared.

But then, I caught his latest release, and my views on him changed. Boy spends the MV recalling a wild night that's more hardcore than every other kpop party combined. There's whiskey shots, dudes in collars, foxy boxing, a lightsaber battle, and more boob and ass shots than I can count. Take a look.





For anyone who's not convinced enough to watch the whole MV, I've collected screenshots of some of the tastiest bits.










Ahhh, if I had a dollar for every mirror I wrote "Fuck me" on ...


Ahhh, if I had a dollar for every ...
oh wait, we were talking about the video weren't we?


For comparison, let's look at Jay Park's magnum opus of try-hardedness, "Mommae." I would have used Big Bang in this exercise, but you lose all credibility when your song is called "Bae Bae." So back to Jay.





First off, lyrics. Jung Joon Young and his creatively titled JJY Band talk about being carefree and living life like it's one big party. The lyrics to "OMG" won't make you omo, but they're perfectly fine fluff.

Every night is a Vegas party, feel good ladidadi
My pounding heart’s engine, strong alcohol bourbon and whiskey
Don’t be timid in life, do whatever you want, freedom of the heart
Like a romantic fool, put reality behind you
Wherever my heart goes, make things happen
Wherever my feet go
Down unbelievable
My friends go with my running personality
Oh my god
Wherever my heart goes
Now Unbelievable
Source 

Meanwhile, Jay the Bard says:
Even when you wear a turtleneck
I can see your nice body
My throat is drying
So I take another sip of this cocktail
My pupils are zoning out
My focus is moving
Because of my basic instincts
My rice cake mullet has grown
Getting hard as soon as I see you
Your eyes are like Medusa
Making my nose bleed
Your waist line is a punch line
Your skin, even the way you talk like a 4-year-old
It’s so cute, Busan accent
Are you sure your parents are Korean?
Your hips are like an import
If you’re hot then take it off
No conservative clothing allowed
I wonder how you taste like
Source 

As for the MV, sure Jay also has plenty of T&A and the obligatory up-close pantie shot.




And he has the "Multiple hoes all in my bed" scene, as well.




But then Jay and his crew had to go that extra step and include Nicki Minaj-esque floor humping and shot after shot of rappers I don't care about. And, well, not to be shallow or anything, but Jay looks like this:



I can't take you seriously when you're wearing gold chains with a gold jacket.

Meanwhile, our boy JJY looks pretty badass in his vid:




Oh yeah, and JJY Band's song is enjoyable af, while Jay's song creeps me out. 

So to Jung Joon Young, I say "Play on, playa."






* Note: Playa as in "player," not playa as in "beach"

16 comments:

  1. I like Jay Park's lyrics more because they're to the point, no messing about, and as the imagined object, I can say, firmly, and clearly, "No."

    (Because he's not Jaehyo.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't lie. You're a sucker for the rice cake mullet.

      Delete
    2. I understand your point of view here, Saki. With Jay, it's always a firm "No." Like: "Would you like to accompany me this weekend on my sex trip?" "No."

      Delete
    3. You called?

      I found JYP's Who's your mama? quite entertaining, even if it's just because the dude has such an ugly face.

      Delete
    4. @soyeonfriend Jaehyo doesn't have a rice cake mullet.

      Delete
    5. @Saki at least not where you can see ;)

      Delete
    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    7. @soyeonfriend One day...

      Delete
  2. "you lose all credibility when your song is called "Bae Bae."" - Truer words were never spoken.

    Can't wait for the TnA-only cut.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JJY Band trying so fuckin hard to be Franz Ferdinand 10 years ago.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For the clueless kiddos:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbZRz655wg4

      Also, you're welcome.

      Delete
    2. Pretty sure everybody knows Franz Ferdinand by now.
      At least, I hope so...

      Delete
    3. See, aside from types like HYS Fag here, there are plenty of kpop fans who were little kids 10 years ago. Universal knowledge that you just have by a certain age doesn't exist. Many people miss many boats.

      Delete
  4. those 'Mommae' lyrics are, without any exaggeration, the worst I've ever read in my entire lifetime. Who wrote this shit?

    ReplyDelete