Thursday, June 30, 2016

An Extremely Thorough Exploration of Lesbianism in Kpop – Part 1/?

Girl groups are, by nature, pretty gay. You have a bunch of hot, similarly-aged girls spending all their time together, dancing around while scantily clad, doing sexy choreography, etc. Sure, everybody has long hair and wears dresses (with the notable exception of Amber) and grinds on chairs for their gentleman viewers, but you can’t deny that it’s a little … Sapphic. So in honour of lesbianism real and feigned, sexy and boring, publicly denied and publicity-stunted, here’s a look at some kpop videos that have featured a bit of girl-on-girl action.

In the interests of comparison and standard-setting, each video’s lesbianism will be ranked on two metrics: how hot it is, and how convincing it is. They will be graded out of four (four scissors, obviously).

Four Ladies – Move

You know a music video is going to be a classy affair when the song starts with a man muttering “so sexy … danger … ” and the accompanying visual is a bunch of women rolling around on the floor and grabbing at their crotches. The choreography in this video is so over-the-top sexual that it becomes hilarious. It looks like they’re trying to fuck ghosts.

But on to the lesbian storyline. It begins with one (admittedly pretty hot) girl applying lipstick. Off to a great start – bitches love lipstick. She then locks eyes with another girl in a weirdly empty bar, causing her to drop a wine glass. It’s unclear what startled her so much. Neither of them looked that interested in their allegedly passionate gaze.

While all this goes on, the song says “kiss, kiss me boy”. Sending some mixed messages here, Four Ladies! But on to the good shit:

Our heroines are now wearing white dress shirts and flopping their hair into each other’s faces. So sexual! A boob grab is interrupted by a camera cut. There’s some thigh-grabbing action. Is she touching her bra? I can’t tell because the camera cuts are so quick! Ooh, ass grab. Why are you staring into the camera, stare into each other’s eyes!

They sort of pretend to kiss but they really obviously do not kiss. And that is the end of the lesbian action, which was totally intended to be a bold statement about gay rights and not just an attempt to make men horny.

I know the way I described this made it sound deeply unsexy. Trust me when I tell you that the actual video is even less hot. I’m actually kind of mad about how poorly this was executed. I was so ready for some music video softcore lesbian porn!

Hotness: 2.5 scissors. I cannot deny that these are some good-looking women who are not wearing a lot of clothing. But the most clothing is worn during the alleged sex scene, which was a huge disappointment.

Convincingness: 3 scissors. These women did not seem attracted to each other whatsoever. But! They did commit to some real tits and ass-grabbing, which I can respect. Next time, actually make out!

Girl’s Day – Female President

This is the video that sold me on kpop. Is it because it contains a lesbian subplot? Maybe. Is it because Yura bends over wearing what is **allegedly** a skin-coloured bodysuit and is actually just a really really short dress? That is the more likely of the two options. 

But! Lesbian subplots, especially coming from an established group like Girl’s Day, are few and far between, and should therefore be appreciated. Basically, it consists of Hyeri, in drag, flirting with Minah. Minah sexily eats a cupcake out of Hyeri’s hand. Subtle. Minah pulls Hyeri in for a kiss (by the tie!), but the camera cuts away before their lips touch. Got that plausible deniability for the censors, baby!

Everyone in Girl’s Day is smoking hot, but that is hidden for the first half of the video by their absolutely horrendous styling, which consists of what appears to be zebra print bikinis, cloth tails and gross slicked-back hair. Fortunately, things pick up around Yura’s rap break, which is ass-tastic.
Minah is a surprisingly good actress. Her flirting is obviously fake but still sort of cute. Hyeri is … not. Maybe her character was supposed to act like he/she had a stick up his/her ass, in which case, Hyeri should get an Academy Award.

Hotness: 2 scissors. For a group working with such excellent material, they somehow made this lesbian subplot both weirdly chaste and poorly styled.

Convincingness: 4 scissors. This was actually genuinely flirty. Was it rife with sexual tension? No. But that tie-pull looked real. I’d give 7-1 odds that Minah and Hyeri are actually fucking. 


  1. Kalliope, imma be needing some more of this asap.

  2. Stellar's Mask is worth a mention.

    1. That and Cha Cha

    2. Yes to all of these! There will be multiple future installments.

  3. IU and Gain in real life.

    1. Gain = Gay-n.


      May this video live on in glory.

  4. Yura's ass shot in Female President is ridiculous.

  5. This group is full of lesbians:

    1. Yet she's never mentioned when talking lesbians in Kpop on here. At one point, Solar poked Moonbyul's crotch with a stick and Moonbyul started giggling.