Sunday, August 18, 2013

Do EXO have the ability to fix up their own batshit crazy fandom? Of course they do.

"Our school system trains kids to be ignorant, with style - functional ignoramuses.  They do not equip students to deal with things like logic; they don't give them the criteria by which to judge between good and bad in any product or situation.  They are groomed and launched to function as mindless buying machines for the products and concepts of a multinational military-industrial complex that needs a World Of Dumbells to survive." - Frank Zappa, from "The Real Frank Zappa Book".

Relevant part: oh wait these are fangirls, there is no "relevant part"

I looked at a lot of fancams of EXO appearances while researching this blog, and almost all of the footage had one thing in common besides mobs of young girls with self-esteem lower than Boram's bicycle seat chasing around a bunch of guys who are probably all banging the chicks in Nine Muses - replaced audio.

(or here)

The reason is fairly obvious: even some shithouse k-ballad (sorry IU but the MOGEF should really quit with the T&A censorship and instead do something good for pop music culture by banning any song under 80 BPM) sounds a hell of a lot better than this:

(everybody move along - nothing to see here)

Welcome to hell.

It's fairly well documented that EXO fans are on average the most insane of any k-pop fandom.  The question is clearly not how insane they are, or indeed if they are insane - but, what is anyone going to do about it?

To EXO's credit, they seem to be appropriately embarrassed by the situation, and seem to want to do something about it, taking their time to do a bit of one-on-one counselling of saesangs and telling them off where possible.  Of course this is the equivalent of trying to put out a forest fire with an eyedropper.  As simple employees of a massive marketing machine, It's not their fault, right?  Naturally, they can't reform their fans alone... right?

Eager to help, I went straight to the repository of all 21st century knowledge Google to see what I could find out about EXO in order to help them with their quest to control their own mentally challenged fans.  Because I care.

exoppp

Okay, "overrated" is first, yeah no kidding.  I understand why their comeback would be searched (or at least I can put myself in the shoes of someone who would search that because I'm really that understanding and kind ahem), and there's that Wolf song everyone hates... but "powers", what the fuck's that?  Are they like superheroes or some bullshit?

According to Wikipedia... yeah, like, totally.  It's listed there like it's no big thing.

expop

Right next to "country", and the countries aren't made up, so why would the powers be?  There's not even any debate about this on EXO forums or anywhere else, or even on the Wiki's talk page where people love to argue and split hairs over the most minute factual details, it's actual fucking referenced information (sure, the reference goes to an old Allkpop article that doesn't even exist anymore but let's just gloss over that for now).  Everyone just accepts it: these guys have some fucking "powers".  Like woah, dude.

exop

Now call me crazy, but I believe being a superhero comes with just a little bit of extra social responsibility to use your powers for the betterment of society.  If you're Superman and the convenience store down the street gets robbed three times in a month, it could be reasonably argued that maybe you're just not doing your fucking job and spending too much time poncing around at home being Clark Kent with your head in Lois Lane's crotch while your cape is at the dry-cleaners.  EXO have got a dude who fucking teleports, another one who can fly, some dude who can stop time, and there's even some guy who has "healing powers" - wouldn't that cover the healing of mental illness as well?  So how can they realistically complain about their fandom like it's someone else's problem?  These kids have the power to fix it themselves.*  If nothing else, at the very least they could get the guy with the "fire" powers to apply some scorched earth policy next time they have to visit an airport or something.

exc

But no, these selfish EXO kids just want to rest on their laurels.  Tsk tsk.  For now I guess those who care about the mental health of kids out there will just have to resort to some physical intervention.

(once again no relevant part but if you want to cut straight to the fun times they are at 1:28)

Peace and love, kids.

* And if these powers aren't really real someone get them the fuck off the Wiki.  Wikipedia is supposed to be for factual information, not for you fangirls to rub each others' clits in a massive circle-jerk.  Come on kids, what is this.

56 comments:

  1. If I was Kai, I'd teleport my way out of the group.

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    1. If you were Tao you could go back in time to before you signed the contract with SM and refuse... or at least demand better songs as a clause.

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    2. but kris already used his flying ability to try to fly back to canada and away from the noise and it didn't work

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    3. Because their powers are probably the result of SM and as soon as Benben did something they didnt like they were like "whoawhoawhoa" and used it against him to bring him back to the dungeon.

      (I'm surprised it doesnt have the nicknames from this round of promotions yet... like BenBen, Kkamjong for poor kai who will never catch a break... idek the rest but they were hilarious)

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    4. They actually gave Kai that nickname? What kind of fuckery is that, SM?

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    5. well not officially but the members called him kkamjong during their first showcase and basically the fans haven't left him the fuck alone about that ever since, even though he's obviously uncomfortable with it

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  2. why does the talentless one come from my country? fuck.

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    1. Don't feel bad. Your country has so many great artists, like Justi... er, oh wait, well there's Celi.... erm, actually, forget I said anything.

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    2. Oh come on, Canada has Avril Lavigne....


      Okay, I couldn't say that with a straight face.

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    3. oppa what about simple plan

      **also kris might be one of the most talentless members musically but he is also one of the least obviously fake and most bearable so

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    4. He's smoking hot, so that makes him the rapper. Makes sense to me in terms of SM logic.

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    5. i thought the logic behind that was his crazy deep voice

      i actually really enjoyed this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGt-7GLJdGk despite the fact that neither kris nor tao can sing and lay is only just barely alright. i liked the part where kris was singing the really low notes, idk i like the m members quite a lot

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    6. We have Dunnery Bond (does anyone remember him? Just me?) And Victoria Duffield *snickers*

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    7. In all serious, a lot of stuff I really like comes from Canada. You guys have Bison BC, Blood Ceremony, Swollen Members/Madchild, and CHUGGO. AH CMON FUCK A GUY! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPeHk4WMWpY

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  3. the 'powers' thing was (i think) mostly because exo debuted around the same time as BAP who had the whole 'we are aliens' concept. sm made up exo planet and gave them all make believe powers that were featured in the MAMA videos

    interestingly though heechul has some really profound views on the role of a superhero. i don't remember where i saw the video, but he was talking about a comic strip he made and it seemed to stem a lot from his role as a reluctant celebrity (he has expressed his dissatisfaction with the lifestyle many times and apparently he auditioned for SM on a whim)
    //i actually really like heechul and don't really understand why so many people hate him

    there was a gif of D.O running away from sasaengs and i didn't know whether to laugh or feel really bad for him. i read a post about the outrageous things they have to do because of the fans (stand guard in the bathroom so that there are no sasaeng dick pics on the internet etc) and it really is kind of sad

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    1. I once watched a documentary about Sasaeng fans and the reason why they go out of their way to chase idols around and shit is because they feel that doing so will make them "closer" to them.

      Bullshit.

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    2. *closer to the idols themselves.

      I really need to get back to Australia before my English suffers more than it already does.

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    4. the best response to sasaengs ever though was shinhwa's; i respect those guys so much for the lack of fucks they give (i think kim dongwan said something like "shinhwa is not responsible for your lives" and he used to spray his fans with water to get them to fuck off)

      i don't even really want to understand sasaengs because there is no way for me personally to rationalize this form of celebrity worship; no matter what excuse they give it's always going to sound pathetic and meaningless to me

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    5. I remember seeing that on Happy Together, I found that hilarious, at least Dongwan is thinking about his fans' lives.

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    6. Also, just replied to your question in the other post http://antikpopfangirl.blogspot.com/2013/08/saturday-shitfest-11.html?showComment=1376857857707#c5016278394095339005

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    7. A) Heenim is awesome. He's a bit like Benben in terms of being attractive but useless (except Heechul is smart and his personality isnt quite as dorky as Benben) and hes great on variety. Plus krumor has it that we was technically the real leader of SJ and responsible for keeping the whole team together, which is really great and actually seems likely because he seems most leaderish? Plus he made Siwon recognize his inner gay. God bless, god bless.

      B) i will forever worship what Shinhwa did with their saesangs (and normal fans for that matter) because the Changjo's that have stayed around are lil shits right back and i think that's just the perfect fan-artist relationship to have. They like openly call eachother ugly (even the Changjos to Shinhwa lol) (i saw a really long thread somewhere with a bunch of examples but i am lazy goohle it) at least Shinhwa wouldnt make a huge deal out of fangirls saying the same shit they say to them back... idk Shinhwa Changjos are just the best kpop fandom and makes me wish i were alive during the earlier 90s and in Korea and i wouldnt say that about just any kpop group.

      And as for saesangs, i can actually, in an odder way rationalize SOME OF IT. I get the whole wanting to be closer to oppar... thus you wait outside his house or studio and know his schedules and stuff. That's nbd, in fact a lot of it is already public knowledge. It's when they think it's appropriate to totally harass the idol and invade their privacy (eg. Getting phone nos/kakaotalks, GOING INTO THE BATHROOM IN DRAG, sending them letters written in period blood w/ a sprinkle of pubes or trying to injure them or get yourself injured by them) more than theyve voluntarily put out there as an idol that you're going way too far and are out of bounds big time. No.

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  4. The only thing I dislike about this article is that Idgaf about anything EXO does anymore.
    After their countless teasers (of Kai, mainly) before they even debuted, I basically just about had enough of em for a lifetime.

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  5. Im still wondering what makes an exo fan crazy. Besides horrible title songs (w.e their first song was with the monks chanting was bad too), their music is as basic as kpop comes. None of their songs (besides that mess of wolf) makes me think wow only exo could pull that off. Another group could sing their songs from the album and do it just as good if not better.
    Shoot even in variety that super junior part timer was able to take more camera time away from exo in hello counselor cause he was funnier.

    Why do they have two exos if they are together 24/7?
    And why is there just one random canadian member?

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    1. exo isn't supposed to be together 24x7 they're really split up into K (for korean, the language in which they sing. they promote in korea) and M (for mandarin, same logic but they promote in china) idk what happened this comeback they missed each others dicks too much or whatever so they had a comeback together.

      kris is chinese but he moved to canada when he was young.

      exo is so terrible on variety every last member is boring af (the hello episode i didn't even understand because suho and especially kris are the quieter members so why send them out alone) it is so disappointing because they seem to have been interesting people before their debut. they're being so...careful and quiet and prim and proper that it bores the life out of me. i guess with music like that and members this boring you have to really be a hardcore crazy to stan them?

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    2. No I disagree with ya, mikeycknowsrnb.
      ONLY only exo could pull their shitty songs with aplomp.
      Kure OOF nega OOF...OWWWOO!!!

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  6. Those Exo kids are fugly as fuck doggoh

    Those bitches have more plastic surgery than snsd and besides one of them criticized their bare faces when he is like an orco if it weren't for his fame none would notice him
    They are good dancers not the best and that's all just one of them is like ok, the bitch without PS D.O I think

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  7. Where's the animosity and the rage from the exo fangirls?

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    1. BITCH!! How dare yuo insult my perciosu EXO angel-oppars! I take your opinion so seriously, sometimes I cry just thinking about it. Anyway, your not as talented or succesful as them so you aren't allowed to have an opinion.

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    2. I tried but I guess the really insane ones have learned not to click this site.

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    3. Thank you Daniel, my heart is at peace now.

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    4. Don't thank me, thank the "EXOtic" I copied and pasted it from.

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  8. though they're undoubtedly a bit mental, i've yet to see any evidence that they're any worse than ELFs, Cassies or Hottests

    no letters written in menstrual blood or anything thus far.

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    1. Please don't tell me that actually happened

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    2. that's happened to taecyeon and lee joon (actually kind of surprised at the second one because A+ is one of the saner fandoms)

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    3. I thought Joon's was just in normal blood? Ugh.

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  9. tbh, their whole "Special Powers" concept was the sole reason I developed any interest in the group whatsoever. Now that they've gotten rid of the only thing that makes them tolerable, I completely lost all interest in them.

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  10. I didn't even know they had "super powers" until now, WOW!

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  11. For some reason, boybands never interest me as much as girl bands, they are imo trying too hard to look sexy that it's repulsive, which exactly what exo is doing, even my straight sisters gets grossed out by most boy bnds. B2st is probbly the best one, they have actually good songs.

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    1. "B2st is probbly the best one, they have actually good songs." That part gave me cancer. But yeah, aside from terrible song quality B2ST remain the best of a bad bunch. I like a select few Boy Band songs like TVXQ!'s "Keep Your Head Down" and EXO's "Mama" but the most attention I will ever give a boyband is liking individual members of the groups like Jaejin or Yoseob. Most boybands have great personalities but that's about all they offer.

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    2. Lol sorry that I gave you cancer, 'shock' and 'midnight' are two legit songs from b2st that I like, I like bands like f.t. Island and cnblue, and solos like kim tae woo and k.will are the best, I'm just so anti male idols I think.

      Nother song I rmember liked was dalmantian's debut song, it was super catchy.

      There's also this boyband mv where they are topless most of the freaking time, and it just grossed me out.

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    3. I liked 'Shadow' and 'Bad Girl' and Say No' were both relatively tolerable but I couldn't get through any thing else by them. F.T. Island are boring but I would go gay for Jaejin in a second (I mean if Taeyeon or Jiyeon are taken, Jaejin's my third choice)
      I wouldn't say I'm an anti of boy bands I just don't hold to the standard of girl groups musically. A lot of them are great on variety shows and I can relate to most of them so I quite like each individual members.
      btw, I think that mv where the guys are topless might be 'Want U Back" by 100%. Either that or one of Dalmatian's songs. (idk which one)

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  12. One would think their actual musical position in the group such as "Main Dancer" or "Visual" would be more important than "Special Powers" but apparently not. What is this world coming to?

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  13. Their concept was insanely gimmicky (definition of Kpop in one word) and assigning them "super powers" really set them on a pedestal above the average kpop boyband... which they are, hence the overratedness. That's just marketing, though. I think Chen, Kai, and a few others are pretty talented, but searching for raw talents in Kpop is like finding the fruit in a Christmas fruit cake. They're present, but what you get are dried, candied versions (not experienced in their full potential) packed into a tasteless brick (gimmicks and such). Unfortunately, sasaengs will thrive on the market that continues to cultivate them. Poor Exoppars, I actually kind of like them.

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  14. AHAHAHAHA WHAT THE SHIT !?
    This garabge ist so much worse than what girl groups have to put up with.
    This just reconfirms for me that boyband fans are much worse.

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  15. Replies
    1. ^Cognitive dissonance, evident by displayed annoyance, personalizing the issue, and/or solipsistic mindset.

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    2. I actually burst out into laughter at this and my friend is looking at me because i look like a retarded seal

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    3. "infamist: sometimes i want to study kpop fans and be like festinger (like exotics until they disband or one member murders another and sues sm and leaves) but then i realize i would have to spend time around them for that

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  16. http://exoticsruiningthings.tumblr.com/ i'm going to leave this here

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    1. tHE KKAMJONG THING ANNOYS ME SO MUCH CAUSE I KNOW HOW KAI FEELS AND ITS LIKE FUCKIN STOP MAN

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  17. if i was that fangirl who got hit i will kick tao ass and the manger twice.

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  18. http://netizenbuzz.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/pann-creepy-exo-sasaengs.html
    lol

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