Thursday, November 14, 2013

I'll show you... why I don't like Allkpop.

Anybody who is anybody that follows k-pop will know that the website Allkpop has been the most popular news and information site for a while now.  They also seem to be the most hated.

ailee3D

Of course, everybody likes to hate something that is really popular, but I personally find that there's plenty of legitimate reasons to not be that fond of Allkpop.  Let's look at some of the reasons that may have caused people to dislike Allkpop, and then I'll tell you why I personally dislike them.  It's not what you think.


Potential reasons to not like or visit Allkpop:

1.  The whole Ailee nude photos thing, documented here and here, and of course here.  This is still an ongoing situation of course, and I won't comment about it in this post because it's territory already covered by other people who know more about the issue and are doing a far better job of discussing it than I would.  I'm starting to like Ailee a lot more lately thanks to all this though; as long as she doesn't sing fucking "Grown Up Christmas Wish" again anytime this December she's alright by me.

2.  The fact that the service they provide is redundant.

eunj5


3.  Allkpop's history as a really unfunny anti-kpop "humour" site.  Veterans of k-pop media will know that Allkpop used to be a bit similar to Anti Kpop-Fangirl (except about one tenth as funny) but the focus was more on hating certain idols and being a douche rather than poking fun at insane fangirl culture.

ailia

ailia2

4.  The new website and forums format that appeared sometime in the middle of 2013, which caused myself and many others to quit using Allkpop's forums completely and bail out to OneHallyu forums to keep in touch with what k-pop fans natter about.  The website itself was confusing enough but most annoying of all was that Allkpop built in some new forum features and then disabled them for people who used adblockers.  Gee, thanks, cunts.  I really like my adblocker as YouTube is shitty without it, I'm not going to disable adblock just for some advertiser-dick-sucking k-pop website.

But no.  None of those are the reason why I dislike the site and won't visit again... I have my own special reason.

Back when I was growing up, good computer games were hard to come by, we didn't have GTA 57 or Call Of Battlefield or League of Warcraft or whatever the fuck.  I lived in a one-income household and we were always broke, so out of everyone I knew, I was always the last person to get anything cool, so I didn't have shit.  However, one day, much to my astonishment, myself and my brother were jointly gifted something we'd never had before - a video game console.  Holy fuuuuuck life just got awesome.  It looked like this:

vec

This arcane device was called a Vectrex.  The few games we had for it sucked major cock because they were basic as fuck, and we couldn't buy more games because a. dad probably had to take out a fucking loan just to even get the console and b. the company that made games for this thing went out of business almost straight after we got it anyway, but the default game "Mine Storm" (pictured) was cool - a clone of the 1979 arcade hit "Asteroids".  I clocked many hours on that game when I should have been doing homework or whatever, and I got good enough at Mine Storm to beat all 64 almost-identical levels of mind-numbingly repetitive asteroid-blasting.  Eventually my father got a little less poor, we acquired a Commodore 64 (which was better because games for it were easier and cheaper to get ahem) and the Vectrex swiftly gathered dust.

Fast forward to more recent times and what do I find on Allkpop but an "arcade" tab full of Flash games.  For most people it was a "buried" feature, a lot of people didn't even seem to know it was there.  I talk to people these days about the old Allkpop site and they say "what games?" - but it was right in front of their faces the whole time:

akp1

Well, okay, "full of games" is an exaggeration.  The games on this "arcade" were six in total, and they were:

Snake: a bullshit snake game that was completely unplayable because the Flash player lag would mean that you'd always steer into yourself and die fuck that shit

Chopper: I was hoping for a version of the early console classic Choplifter, but it was not to be; instead this was some kind of fucking stupid "dodge the fast-approaching walls in your laggy as shit sprite" thing that was even more unplayable than the snake game holy cunting fuck you needed to be ADHD and on crack to play this

Tetris: like any other Tetris game but without cool music, so useless really.  You'd think they'd get one that played k-pop but gosh no that would be too logical for a k-pop site, we can't have that.  Also impossible to beat anyone's high scores because there was some weird exploit to it that I hadn't figured out, so fuck it

Space Invaders: this game was undeservedly a household name that was overrated in the arcades and on consoles back when it came out, and this was a fairly faithful conversion of the original because it also sucked dick

Bejeweled: the usual Candy Crush lame colour-matching bullshit, I guess it doesn't help that I'm colour blind but I can't play this bollocks.  Also took the one cool feature of the original Bejeweled (the way the game sucks your dick for you and feeds your ego telling you that you're a great player when you get good combos even if they're purely by chance) and threw it away, nice one cockheads

Asteroids: yes it's a faithful port of the 1979 original FUCK YES THIS IS MORE LIKE IT JOHNNY YOU CUNT

ast

Reliving my 1983 Vectrex glory days, I played the ever-living fuck out of Asteroids, and beat everybody's high scores, ousting the reigning champion on the saved high-score list and then doubling my lead.  Then of course Allkpop said they were going to change their forum format, and to please given them feedback etc.  I asked one of the moderators if they were going to keep Asteroids and they said they weren't sure, but don't count on it.  Sure enough, they changed it and Asteroids was gone, along with my high score AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET A BADGE FOR IT OR WHATEVER FUCK YOU GUYS LIFETIME BOYCOTT MOTHERFUCKERS I'M NEVER VISITING YOUR WEBSITE AGAIN CUNT

ailll

Ailee and I now have something in common - we've both been burned by Allkpop's disregard for the wishes of others.

Of course, because I'm such a nice person, I now will go one better than Allkpop and give all AKFG's blog readers the gift of Asteroids, play it and see if you can top my highscores.  It's the most faithful one to the original that I can find, but it's not perfect - the collision detection is a bit ropey, but then the arcade version was full of bugs too so whatever.  Johnny if you're reading this, I'll retract everything I said in this blog and even start spruiking your trashy website if you can get a score higher than mine on Asteroids and stay in the top position for one week.  Bring it on if you think you can test it.  It'll also give you something to do while your legal team refills the coffee machine.

22 comments:

  1. Getting rid of (or hiding) their RSS feed for the new site is the main reason I quit on them.

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    Replies
    1. SAME. I fcking lost it when I realized they got rid of it

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  2. It's actually sad how almost everyone would see this site as a hate site. I mean anything that have a prefix "anti" would give you a really bad impression, even I thought that way when I first stumbled upon this blog the first time. I don't actually think we are doing a blind internet hate crime here, I found AKF to be so freaking more informative than I first thought.

    Also, League of Warcraft? really oppar?

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    Replies
    1. Oh another question, do you actually write an article in one go or do you get sometimes lazy midway and continue it later on?

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    2. I know what LoL and WoW are, I'm just taking the piss.

      Usually I get inspired and bang out an article in one hit, this one is an example. Some articles take longer to write though especially if I need to research heavily. Any post with boobs in it always requires the most amount of "research".

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    3. Kpopaylpse is acually the l33test LoL player ever. Virgins unite oppar!

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    4. Not really, I'm incredibly noob tbh.

      Delete
  3. I'll show you... my comment. Now I need to see your asteroids score when I get to a computer, and maybe attempt to dethrone you.

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    Replies
    1. I actually haven't had much time to play the Asteroids game that I linked yet, work getting in the way. I've got a few days with nothing booked next week though so soon I should be blitzing it. My aim is to get onto page one of the high scores and knock off some of those Infowars.com tinfoil-hatters.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Asteroids was for casuls. lol
    Game & Watch master race reporting in.

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  6. TBH I very nearly forgot the existence of allkpop when I unwittingly stumbled upon this site.

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  7. I honestly hate all the coverage of Ailee, no pun intended. I don't believe her whole story about some company asking her to model panties, and that's completely irrelevant anyway. She took naked pictures, boo hoo, I don't understand the big controversy, wow she's naked amaze, her tits look as pale as the milky moon while her body is as dark as the Sahara desert at night-time, much wow. After all, I can't judge Ailee based on her naked pictures [(her music is a different story I find her to be the most over-rated pop star in Korea at the moment) and I mean well I can judge her body, which by the way I found disgusting, like qurl you need a new filter on dat camera]. I really don't understand the sin of taking pictures, while posting them was a scumbag thing to do I don't exactly believe Ailee deserves all the white-knighting she's getting. Just my two cents, I'll elaborate more if I must, but for now that conveys my whole opinion on it all. And by the way, I agree with the central notion that Allkpop should be taken down, not because of this though, but because of it's shotty journalism and their pumping up T-ara stories during their controversy causing more hatred just to earn a quick buck.

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    Replies
    1. You said everything the way I wanted to say it but better.

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  8. I stopped with AKP after a) discovering Netizenbuzz. Tbh I really don't need to read the whole article (I speak some really shit Korean so if all else fails I can glean whatever info is needed from the original article) and the netizen reactions and the commenters on NB (Who are less troll-ish and more grammatically inclined yay) make it far more worth while. And then B) when Johnny and pals tried to screw them over because the person who runs the site is an former employee. That was the final straw for me, like really welcome to the real world your shit site has some competition please grow up and get over it. Now that the Ailee thing happened it's literally kbye never going there again. I don't want to give them ad revenue. Asianjunkie, Netizenbuzz and AKF (also soompi) 4lyfe.

    Also damn I need to up my Asteroids game.

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  9. The reason why i stop visiting the site was because of the instagram updates. Until this day, I just don't understand the point of it. I mean, the only people that click on the picture/article are fans of that particular idol, but if they would want to see an instagram update of their bias they probably already are following him/her on instagram. so...WTF!!!!

    PS: i don't use instagram. Everyone keeps telling me to get on instagram, therefore... I won't.

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  10. Tbh, the final straw was the shitty new layout. Even if I liked allkpop there is no fucking way to navigate it anymore.

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  11. Always found it ironic how many hate on allkpop yet keep going back to it for information on their idols. Be hopeful Kpopalypse, this article might bring back the arcade for all to enjoy.

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    Replies
    1. Johnny better have my Asteroids high score written down on a piece of paper somewhere so he can reinstate that too, or he can stick his shitty website up his ass hahahaha

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    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't go on Allkpop anymore, even though all of my KPop inclined friends still peruse the website more often than not. I'd much rather go to Seoulbeats or Netizenbuzz than feed into anything created by Johnny Noh.

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  14. Uhh, I have no problem with allkpop. I get to see some fan wars thanks to them. You can get a good laugh reading the comments. Plus, I always found Ailee pretty boring and even her music and everything, but after they got these news of her, I kinda got into her, so it's whateves.
    Thank you allkpop, thank you Johnny.

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