Sunday, November 10, 2013

[MV Review] Taeyang - Ringa Linga (Dance Version)



Note: I wrote this review two days ago, before the official MV came out. The dance version is horrible enough, so there's no point in subjecting myself to anymore torture.

Short review: This isn't anything close to Wedding Dress, so don't get your hopes up. Detailed review after the jump.



This song sucks so much dick that I have to go into excruciating depth to explain the horrors of it. Since the majority of the people who were looking forward to this comeback from Taeyang are girls, this situation is written so that you will understand it. You probably couldn't sympathize with me when I wrote shit like "I would rather have a screw go up my dick than to listen to this piece of shit ever again".

Imagine that you're going on a date with a man that you would describe a 10/10 on your criteria. This correlates with you loving every Taeyang song that you have liked until this point. You know tonight is the big night, where you two are finally going to do it. You had to make sure that this guy wasn't a total loser, after all. You didn't want to join the rest of your friends on MTV's 16 & Pregnant while also needing to take welfare money from the government in a few years because you were stupid enough to have three more kids with that dead-beat father. You are really excited, just like you were for Taeyang's Ringa Linga.

You're anticipating a great dinner, hoping that your perfect man will take you to a nice restaurant. This is your anticipation before the teaser comes out. You find him driving up to the drive-through lane at McDonald's. You have this perplexed look on your face, as you even dressed up...to go to McDonald's. It would have been okay if he had purchased something worthwhile from the menu, but he just orders a double cheeseburger for you and him. He spent two lousy fucking dollars on dinner for the two of you. You were disappointed, just like you were after watching the teaser for Ringa Linga.

You both get home and start making out, tearing off each other's clothes. He pulls down your panties and throws you onto the bed, with you lying on your stomach. He extends his right index finger and middle outs and spits on them before forcefully inserting them up your butthole. The initial pain you feel is the pain that your ears felt when you first listened to Ringa Linga. You tried your best to enjoy it, but you're just not into the anal action at this stage in your relationship. With hardly any foreplay, your 'perfect man' shoves his dick right into your asshole, continuing the painful experience. You were just happy that this lasted only three minutes and fifty-two seconds (the length of Ringa Linga). He jizzes in your butthole and you are just hoping that this is the end. But no, it gets worse. Just like how this song has left you traumatized, the next sex act leaves you traumatized.

Your man forces to shoot the jizz out of your asshole and he catches it in a cereal bowl. Mixed in with the jizz is shit because your man was too big of an asshole to give you an enema. He grabs a spoon and scoops up some jizz and shit mixture and forces it into your mouth. Before you able to even react, he has pinched your nose shut and covered your mouth, giving you no choice but to swallow his jizz and your shit.

And you would rather have that happen to you again before listening to this song ever again. The end.

62 comments:

  1. You could always consider writing erotic novels as a career if you ever fail in whatever you're trying to achieve. You'll probably make heaps from it.

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  2. this is why i mostly like non kpop acts. just a personal thing of mine where i have to see your real self to become a fan. i cant mess with these artists who change like night and day. its like you dont know who you are becoming a fan of. this vid makes you wonder if the rnb taeyang we all know and love was something that he himself even wanted to do. just puppets used for different plays.

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  3. That story is fcking disgusting dude =.=

    Though i have to agree with you that this song sucks numerous dicks, and this Taeyang guy just tries so fcking hard to be called a nigga

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  4. I have always viewed Taeyang as the poor man's Lee Gikwang. If Kiki had auditioned for BIGBANG instead of Hyunseung, no fucking way would Taeyang have made the final cut.

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    Replies
    1. Nah Uh! Kiki > Taeyang >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hyunseung

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    2. With those lips, I'm sure Gikwang does suck.
      Also agree with @nymston though there should be a little more greater thans in between Kiki and Sol.

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    3. Kiki and taeyng are like the best looking male idols esp taaeyang during wedding dress, when he smiled, unf

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    4. My top nine male idols:
      Lee Jaejin > Lee Gikwang > Yang Yoseob > JB > Jung Daehyun > Bang Yongguk > Kim Hyeongkon > Max Changmin > Kim Yoohwan (SPEED)

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    5. Top 2: Kikwang and BTOB's Hyunsik

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    6. GiKwang? Fuck that bee stung lipped bitched. That 4'11" closeted homo can suck skin off my non-existent dick.

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    7. How dare you insult my dick sucking king!

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  5. Before this video/song, I at least wasn't bothered by Taeyang's existence because he didn't attempt to be a rapper. he is an ok singer and he is definitely the only one in BB that knows how to dance. But this video/song is all gd rap and autotune. I think is funny how in the video there weren't any asian dancers. I guess YG truly believes Taeyang is a real UCAAD.

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    1. Exactly! YG may have marketed him as 'black' but at least he stayed away from rap. He stands out from the rest of his band mates as a dancer and IMO a singer when thrown a line or two. He broke that with an all too short(but sweet) chorus and having the focus on dancers on par or better than him.

      At least it wasn't GD's high pitch buzzing... why do I he is overrated as a rapper.

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  6. Even Seungri sings better than him...

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    Replies
    1. Seungri >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> everyone else under YG

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  7. Am I the only one that thinks that at 1:50 he transform into lil wayne or something ?

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    Replies
    1. I mean, he is already bad at rapping, why getting even lower copying the worst rapper in history ?

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  8. "baby don't kill my wife"

    also what on earth is going on with his hair

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  9. As I said on th livestream. BB's main vanguards have went too far to become all Visual Kei like. Case in point GD

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  10. Why do you always come up with the weirdest fanfiction?

    Anyway, I dislike the song. I like the dance though. Plus, the dance MV is like 10 times better than the actualy MV so yeah, it's not that bad.

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    Replies
    1. the dance was cool, except they made the mistake of hiring back up dancers that were miles better (and taller) than taeyang.....around 1:50 mark of video, I lost taeyang because he was so short compared to the rest of them.....then around the 2:20 mark i found taeyang again because he half-assing the dance compared to his backups

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    2. Wow just found this article and this particular commenter and I just have to facepalm that there are people who actually think lowly of Taeyang's dancing in this video. This may just be your opinion, but I honestly don't know how people can have this kind of opinion really.

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  11. If anything, I find the dance version off, idk why ppl are jizzing over it.

    I sincerely hate yg and their style now

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  12. i'm beginning to suspect that i'm a terrible person, because i quite like this and really like miss A's Hush

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. I like the songs, but the videos are becoming tiresome to me.

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    4. It's ok, everyone is entitled to thJUST DIE BECH

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    5. we are all areum

      no-one will care after tonight's big story anyway

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    6. Speaking of Godreum, does anyone know what the fuck is wrong with her? Check out her instagram. Kpopalypse reckons she's just trolling everyone but I'm not too sure.

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  13. I actually didn't hate it. It wasn't what I expected from him but I've always been a very casual fan of Big Bang. For their solo stuff, I only own Seungri's mini albums & GD&TOP. I found the dance performance video to redeem it a little but I won't exactly be listening to this song in my spare time. Sidenote: How did he dance without those fangs at the end of his braids hitting him in the face? When I was little, if I wore the two braids as "bangs" they would always poke me in the eye especially if there were beads at the end of them....

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  14. Ailee's so f*cking over! I expect an article

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    Replies
    1. I'd count on it. Damn, this is just too much misfortune for a single day.

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    2. I am so sad for her right now.

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    3. me too, I'm crying






      through my penis

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    4. And I'm hearing possibly maybe just a chance a good percentage...

      it was her ex that had something to do with this (since he works for AKP)

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    5. I'd take that with a pinch of salt

      pics have been around for a while it seems

      http://asianselfies.tumblr.com/post/53664539900
      http://asianselfies.tumblr.com/post/53585908230
      http://asianselfies.tumblr.com/post/53601229516
      http://asianselfies.tumblr.com/post/53624252830

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    6. Oh ho ho...
      well then why just now is AKP getting there hands on this O_o

      Where's Scooby Doo and the Gang for this mystery?!?

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    7. I was thinking what's the big fucking deal, then I remembered its korea

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    8. @areum_fag Your links are all not found now T.T

      I need those uncen photo right now for my project

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    9. some netizens are saying that she was 15 in those pics.

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    10. apparently she took these photos under the impression that they were going to an underwear brand, and then she realized she was being scammed and went to he police, and in all his mess her boyfriend at the time took the photos from her and now he's spreading hem around

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  15. finally a voice of reason. I was scanning the boards and people actually liking song and thinking taeyang was a good dancer had me questioning my sanity. Like, am I so out of touch with music in general that i can't recognize what a decent song sounds like? or did someone defecate in ears last night and that's why 'ringa linga' sounds like utter donkey crap to me?

    When the fuck did YG start letting GD stick his no-talent fingers into all of his proverbial pies?

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    Replies
    1. really? maybe you're just hanging with the wrong crowd UCAAD because the overwhelming response from where i'm sitting was that this song is donkey balls

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    2. Once again I'd like to add that you can't really talk shit about Taeyang's dancing. I can understand how you can talk shit about Ringa Linga but not the choreography (or Taeyang's execution of it). Not even very fond of him but you can't deny he's one of the best dancers in kpop.

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  16. AILEE NAKED! ALIEE NAKED!:

    NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK:
    http://www.anonib.com/azn/res/95492.html

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    Replies
    1. Her boobs seem smaller than in her promos.

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    2. Also: fap fap fap fap fap fap fap EEEUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!! *sigh*

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  17. YG steady serving a straight diet of that wack shit since 2012.

    Elitists are losing their bragging rights. I remember when they use to boast that YG's music was sooo much better than other idols. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    I can't wait for Big Bang's next album to flop so I can see the shit accumulating in YG's briefs.

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    Replies
    1. Big bang will never flop, it's like gg flopping. Shit won't happen.

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  18. There's not a dang thing I like about any of this.

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  19. What does my ultimate sexual fantasy have to do with this song though?

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  20. Wow...that story made me cry...just like Ringa Linga. You should consider sharing your beautiful stories to the world by becoming an author.

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  21. The fuck of the fucks. as we didn't have enough of this crap. T.O.P is releasing something called "Doom Dada".

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    Replies
    1. http://omonatheydidnt.livejournal.com/12097527.html
      Holy Jaejin Christ, what on earth is this. I'm going to keep my expectations impressive low for this comeback so I'm not disappointed.

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