Thursday, March 12, 2015

How Much Jizz Has Been Fapped to 'Paradise Lost'?

My suggestion for Gain's new logo.
Professor Soyeon here, who has all the answers in life, particularly when those questions are, "Just how much jizz has been fapped to various Kpop videos." In my last installment we tackled 'Wiggle Wiggle' and today we're going to take a look at Gain's new single, 'Paradise Lost'.




I'm willing to bet the semen trail could stretch from Jacksonville to Miami.
Rather than reiterate the scientific procedures I used from the last experiment, I'm just going to jump in and get right to it. If you're curious what methods I use, please check out my last installment which offers a detailed analysis where I carefully follow the scientific method to reach my perfectly valid conclusion. The gist of what you need to know however is that the average male ejaculates roughly a teaspoon of semen or about .02 cups. From that simple fact we can extrapolate a whole host of information! Whoa, math! To provide a simply comparison across the various installments of this series I will also be measuring against a standard 5 gallon bucket. 

As of this article approximately 1,204,742 people have watched, "Paradise Lost". We are again assuming that half of those views are male and that half of those males whipped out their dicks and pinched some out to this video. Well, actually since this video is even hotter than, "Wiggle Wiggle" we're going to say 3/4ths of the males who watched this fapped to it. So half of 1,204,742 is 602,371 and 75% of that is 451,778.
Hard at work... For you.
Again, the average male ejaculates approximately .02 cups of semen. By using our knowledge of math we can definitely say that 9,035 cups of semen have been ejaculated to, "Paradise Lost". 
Paradise Lost? More like Semen Lost! LOL!!
I already used the joke about "all-purpose" I think.

If you remember from our last experiment, "Wiggle Wiggle" only gave us a piddly 1,137 cups of semen which is barely enough to bake cookies with. "Paradise Lost" however is in an entirely other galaxy of semen spillage with nearly 10 times as much. It is also worth noting when I analyzed "Wiggle Wiggle" it had been out a day longer than "Paradise Lost" has been out now.


The final part of our experiment is to see how many 5 gallon buckets of semen we can fill with this. There are 16 cups in a gallon or 80 cups in a 5 gallon bucket. By using the Large Hardon Collider I have deduced that that this videos semen contents can fill roughly 113, 5 gallon buckets. 

See. We provide an educational service.
Now, the last time I did this experiment a bunch of people said they were triggered by the fact that I didn't include any information on female ejaculation in relation to our little study. So, in an effort to assuage all beliefs that I'm sexist, I went ahead and included information for our female readers.

It was a bit difficult to track down concrete information on female ejaculation or squirting particularly how much is ejaculated. I did manage to find this, however:
"I have heard claims that highly-sexed women can produce litres of fluid in a single orgasm. This seems very unlikely – after all, where could such an amount be stored in the female body?
More realistic is the estimate of Beverley Whipple, American sex guru and co-author of the original G-spot book. At a recent conference, she told me that in most cases, the amount of fluid secreted is usually around 'half a coffee cupful'."
Now a standard coffee cup, in the US at least, is 6 oz so we're going with the assumption that the average female would have squirted out, like a little scared squid, roughly 3 oz. If we go back to our numbers and do some quick math, considering how many watched and how many schlicked we come to 301,186 girls who done touched themselves. That in turn comes to 903,558 ounces or 7,059 gallons or 1,411 5 gallon buckets! Still far off from an Olympic sized swimming pool but much closer than the guys.

Well, I believe that's all for now. I hope this has been educational.

Until next this is Professor Soyeon signing off.

20 comments:

  1. I would swim in a pool full of pussy juices. You know, as long as it came from hot chicks.

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    Replies
    1. What if it was 75% HYS pussy juice but 25% semen?

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    2. That sounds like a pool from the ghetto.

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    3. Which ghetto is HYS going in? o_O

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    4. She's from LA, and we all know most of that city is a ghetto. I heard Zaku is in one of those Vietnamese gangs.

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  2. EEEEWWWWWW, you're masturbating to a classy-sexy independent female who's in control of her sexuality, an humanitarian, an LGBT rights activist, a feminist who's spreading an important message to all the women out there, how disgusting! That's like masturbating to Mother Teresa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Fuck you, now I have a boner.

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    2. I find it hilarious how everyone loves gain for touching herself in an mv and being in an orgy but when girls day shakes their butt for 3 seconds its fucking rage time boys

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  3. It's come to my attention not all females can squirt. Please don't let this small discrepancy detract from the wealth of scientific knowledge I've given mankind.

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I beg to differ. All woman can squirt. The difference is that some release a small trickle and others release a massive gush.

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    3. I heard it from THE authority on squirting that's not true.

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  4. The song gave me a reverse boner though.

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  5. Am I the only one who thinks this song is uh..not good?

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    Replies
    1. I don't think it's a bad song, but it's easily one of my least favorite on her mini album.

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  6. Does anyone else think the lyrics are about illuminati mind control? Maybe she is a beta slave?

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