Monday, January 12, 2015

How Much Jizz Has Been Fapped to 'Wiggle Wiggle'?

Nara demands more.
As of this writing, Hello Venus' latest single "Wiggle Wiggle" has only been out two days, but it already has 227,386 views. Nothing to scoff at. In the leadup to the release, there were countless .gifs made of the various practice videos that seemed to get sexier each time. At one point, I remarked to AKF, "There's already been enough jizz spilled to fill an Olympic-size swimming pool." Now that the video has been out a couple days, let's how close I was.

 
Whoa! This sample is extra wiggly!             

Now, first things first. Obviously, there is no way, without going out and asking everyone who watched this video a bunch of questions, exactly how much semen has been expelled to "Wiggle Wiggle." So instead, we infer some of the information, ie. completely make shit up. However, while this is an extremely important study, no one will likely be using these results in a masters' thesis. (If you do please let me know how it went.) Therefore, I don't feel bad for bending the rules or not exactly following the scientific method. I would also like to change my initial question to something a little more realistic because I don't think there is actually enough semen expunged to fill an Olympic swimming pool ...

Anyway, let's get started.

Purpose:

The purpose of this study is to find out how much semen has been ejaculated out to Hello Venus' "Wiggle Wiggle" MV. The phrase "fapping" is thrown about all too often in society but rarely are any actual numbers attached to this action. It is my intent to shed some light into this often talked about but seldom understood act. I have chosen "Wiggle Wiggle" because it is an extremely sexual MV with many features that might lead someone to want to fap it. I believe it is a good representation of the type of MV someone might fap to.

There was probably a spike in the fap 'o meter for the shirt pull.

Research:

In researching this, I have gone to great lengths to analyze the subject from many different angles. Thankfully with this particular MV, we were blessed with various teasers and practice videos so I was well aware what to expect. I have logged countless hours alone, by myself, in my fap-dungeon  laboratory studying all of the various nuances that make this MV so fappable. I had a hunch this MV would provide many fapping opportunities, and so far, it would appear I was right.

Hypothesis:

While my initial question was whether or not there had been enough ejaculant ejaculated to fill an Olympic swimming pool, I would like to change my hypothesis to something a little more realistic. Therefore I am asking the question, "Could the amount of semen ejaculated to Hello Venus' 'Wiggle Wiggle' fill two standard 5 gallon buckets?" Addressing the phrase to "cum buckets."

We might be pushing the definition of "all-purpose."

Experiment and Analysis: 

To answer my hypothesis, I will conduct the following experiment. First I will determine how many views this MV has received so far (227,386). This is where I must take several liberties to arrive at a reasonable conclusion. Let us safely assume that half of these viewers are male. (Sorry ladies you'll need to perform your own study.) That gives us 113,693. Now, let us also assume that not every single male who views this video is a perv, but maybe half are. The ones who would actually fap to it. That gives us 56,847 rounded up. We are assuming that each view is unique. And of course this does not include the people who watched the MV from a download or anything like that. The average male ejaculates roughly a teaspoon of semen or about .02 cups. By using a bit of math, we find that roughly 1137 cups of semen have been ejaculated so far. (56,847 * .02). Now, there are 16 cups in a gallon or 32 cups in two gallons. Our hypothesis seeks to know whether there has been enough semen to fill 2 five gallon buckets which comes to 160 cups. I would say 1137 > 160 so we can safely say this video has made people cum buckets.



As an extra, I decided to see how many gallons there are in an Olympic pool, and the answer is 660,000 or 10,560,000 cups. So we still have a ways to go to get there.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, there has been a significantly larger amount of semen fapped to "Wiggle Wiggle" than I anticipated. I attribute this to the overall hawtness of the video and perhaps that it was one of the first big releases of the year. My original question asked, "Could the amount of semen ejaculated to this MV fill two five gallon buckets?" The answer is yes, plus 33 other ones. I believe this is a valuable metric and one that record companies should keep an eye on. Perhaps going forward, these results can be compared to other releases as a gauge of popularity. I believe more work needs to be done to refine the results and give more accurate figures, but I believe this is a good place to start.

Until next time, this Professor Soyeon signing off. 

33 comments:

  1. don't forget this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO22gEp1wwQ

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    Replies
    1. Have you ejaculated a five-gallon bucket's worth of jizz to that fancam yet?

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    2. Damnit. That's another .02 cup!

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    3. Was that a pubescent boy screaming or a girl with a guy's voice? That was awkward. Had to mute it to watch it properly.. Noticed the girl (name please?) was very aware of the fancam though. Probably learned something from Hani

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  2. This is arguably the most important scientific discovery of the 21st century.

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  3. They're all hot and all but they just don't have the same feel I get when watching say, AOA. Maybe because the songs sucks balls, or maybe because Seolhyun>all

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  4. The song is just... really fucking good actually

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  5. Please someone do a story about the set crew or just the camera. And the creative director.

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  6. The director was too busy jacking off to make a decent music video.

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  7. Timely cumback, AOA need some rest and only HV have the ability to take over. Song is good, fuck the screaming fanboy doe

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  8. I just can't seem to like the actual song. But it is fap-inducing gold.

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  9. Where can I sign for professor Soyeon class?

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    Replies
    1. I'll send you a link. Also nice avatar!

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  10. I find Seoyoung's lines before the chorus too unbearable to properly enjoy the song and MV as it was intended. It's hardly her fault, but here's a better version. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uI3mazt_UfU

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  11. Better than Tahitis new one. Safe as fuck that sexy concept song was.

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    Replies
    1. Yes but it is so generic. Typical waist high pleather sexy dance that challenges nothing.

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    2. Saw it. Can still fap to Jisoo <3

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  12. I don't usually fap to K-Pop MVs.
    But when I do, I make sure it wiggle wiggles.

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  13. Wow, you're qualified enough to make your own K-pop Theory...

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  14. Nara really brings back memories..

    https://twitter.com/eyebrow0928/status/554109703773360129/photo/1

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  15. Soyeon Friend is one of the greatest minds of the 21st century

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    Replies
    1. Hey thanks! Don't forget write me in for the Nobel Prize

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  16. EONGDEONNGIREUL SSILUK SSILUK SSILLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK
    JWARO URO SSILLUK SSILLUK SSILLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK

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    Replies
    1. this is funnier with the deadpool voice

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  17. They should petent the Group Shirt Lift thingie. Rainbow did it but it was solo lift. The group lift is THE move of 2015. Too bad no one lifts Alice's shirt😣

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