Thursday, January 15, 2015

A Pervert's Guide to K-Pop


Kpopalypse

As I was sitting on my bourgeois chair, wearing my bourgeois clothes, drinking my bourgeois cup of tea, and surfing the bourgeois Internet the other day, a thought came to me: where is the Marxism in K-Pop? We see a lot of product placementexploitation of workers, and the existence of G-Dragon which makes one wonder when the proletariat will rise up and make themselves known in this decadent medium. Maybe it has happened already and communism is indoctrinating thousands of Korean children without anyone being aware of it in the slightest. Well, today is the day for the truth to come forward, comrades. I am going to show you how different K-Pop videos carry hidden messages from our Communist overlords, particularly in regards to Marx's stages of society. So kick back, be rid of your opiate, and sing along with me.






Now that I have set the mood, let me run through what sinister messages Korea has been sending out that threaten the very nature of our comfortable, exploitative, neoliberal society. Marx believed that history has six stages and I believe that all of these have been adequately represented somewhere in the K-Pop sphere. So let us start at the beginning of history.

Stage 1: Primitive communism


'Snake' by A-JAX is seemingly innocuous: some boys go on a camping trip before getting devoured by a snake lady. What it actually, definitely shows is the boys being in an unlearned yet innocent position: they wish to save the woman's life, but don't want to grab a handful of tit, they help each other because that is all they have ever known in the world, and throughout the video we see the creeping hint of competition as the limited resources caused them to stab their brothers in the back. However, we as viewers do not know the full story; if the woman had been more evenly distributed rather than relying on competition, maybe we would not have seen the violent bloodbath present in the video. Perhaps the woman represents false consciousness as she consumed the once happily communist boys of A-JAX. The next stage of history preys violently on underlings and goes against the naturally amicable nature of humans; Snake is a testament to the simpler and better time when we helped each other for the simple reason of altruism.

Stage 2: Slavery


Whilst this video may appear to show a benevolent leader revolting against all that is unjust, 'I'm Da One', by Jo Kwon, is morally corrupting on a number of levels. First things first, I very much doubt that Jo Kwon's people loved him; he forced them to dance to this mediocre song all fucking day long and had a really smug look on his face whilst he was at it. One of his indentured servants doing his make-up at the start clearly suffers from alienation at the drudgery of the work they are forced into doing by the bourgeoisie - all deriving from the fact that she does not own her own means of production. Despicable. What follows is a massive publicity stunt for Jo Kwon to force the people into submission: he leaves for a bit and ensures that the regime is draconian so that he can seem like a hero when he overthrows it. This means that Jo Kwon forces his people to dance forever more in a system of slavery. This is matched only in despicability by the next stage of history.

Stage 3: Feudalism


Under the oligarchy of G.NA, and her entourage, the lowly outsiders must pay fealty in the form of romantic gifts which she discards as she sees fit. As we can see, G.NA is completely abandoning the outside whilst she and her close allies live it up by setting clubs on fire and hiring the strongest of the serfs to be sexy firemen. She uses their land to dance on whilst stankfacing the entire way through. With treatment like this it is little wonder that there was a revolution in Russia. It should be known that Stalinism is not true communism and, much like Stalin, G.NA must be adored wherever she goes, requiring people to swoon and exclaim at how marvellous she is. Indeed, '2Hot' depicts a life very similar to life under Stalin and may even be a giant metaphor with the presents representing the requisitioning of grain during the 5 Year Plan. However, G.NA. dancing while the club burns, is far more reminiscent of Nero. Regardless, '2Hot' is a cautionary tale about the dangers of feudalism and why it should not be allowed to continue.

Stage 4: Capitalism


I could have also used 'Very Good' as an example for this as their videos run on very similar themes. However, I am 95% sure that most people who will read this consider masturbation to be their motivation in life (B Bomb is really fucking hot in Very Good but is only in it for 0.0001 seconds so it is hardly worth it) so included famous acquaintances of Woohee's butt, Dal Shabet. 'Mr. Bang Bang' shows all of the dangers of capitalism; at one point, one of the members kisses an enormous clump of money which shows capitalism's true end goal to replace all of our deities with money so that the opiate of the masses can also hold creation over all of man, thereby creating a theocracy built upon money. Thank Lenin that we have such responsible young Marxists as Dal Shabet warning us about the capitalist agenda led by Margaret Thatcher, Milton Friedman, and Satan. Not only that, but they show that you can get out of any criminal case by simply throwing money at it and colluding with the judicial system as you all party in a shower of money. In this, Dal Shabet may have been preempting the Bernie Ecclestone bribery scandal because they are prophets sent by Engels himself. This is the most likely explanation.

Stage 5: Dictatorship of the Proletariat


Marx envisaged this being a rather short stage of history and 'Never Give Up' illustrates this perfectly. There are many symbolic elements to this: much like the dictatorship of the proletariat, the Bang & Zelo sub-unit was merely a stepping stone to the true end goal of B.A.P, also,  the title is also clearly a rallying cry to the working class masses to never give up in their goal of overthrowing the coercive and unjust capitalist state. In the video, we see our veritable Trotsky and Lenin (who should also have created a hip-hop sub-unit, it would have been sick), Bang Yongguk and Zelo, forcibly taking over one of the key means of capitalist oppression: the school system. Certain members of the bourgeoisie will say that they only did this so that Zelo could get his dick wet, but it is clearly spreading the message of co-operation and collectivisation so that humanity can thrive as we are naturally sociable creatures. They took direct action against the overlords who profit on the fruit of their labour and took a stand against false consciousness. Clearly Bang Yongguk is the true disciple of Lenin and not Stalin, lying bastard.

Stage 6: Communism


And so we have arrived here, the state has been withered away, the Marxist prophecy has been fulfilled with the end in sight. Whilst the lyrics of '24/7' deride the capitalist system and show clear signs of alienation, on the part of the Korean equivalents of Max Weber and Slavoj Zizek (Jiyoon and Gayoon of 4Minute), the video shows the joys of life in an equal commune with no state. You may feel that this is more reminiscent of anarcho-syndicalism but I would say that communists advocate similar behaviour as a means to an end. Regardless, the joys of communal life where everyone does a fair share of work, helps each other out, and with absolutely no need for a state, are clear and plain to see; thus revealing Cube's secret communist agenda which has been present all these years. The farm in 24/7 would never have achieved such a level of productivity in the capitalist system where the workers are alienated through not owning the means of production: everything is under common ownership which means they can dance about it too apparently.

So there you have it, the secret communist messages in K-Pop showing Marx's stages of history. Since you made it this far, I will let you in on another secret: Marx wrote another book called Das Fapital which postulated the necessity for masturbation for the continuation of society and was the first book to simultaneously predict the future and include .gifs. Extracts are below.

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as arse
The most violent, mean, and malignant passions of the human breast

Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex (in regards to fap quantity)
That's your lot, I can't come up with too many more Marxist puns. This has been a public service announcement: unionise before it is too late and the National Soviet of JYP kills all the capitalist scum.

13 comments:

  1. that's still russia's anthem, as far as i know.
    I was pissed at SeoYoung for her stupid line in "wiggle wiggle" (it should have been whispered and that last note cut short), but after that gif, I forgave her.

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  2. Because we were on the topic of communism 24/7 made me think of Animal Farm. I guess that probably wouldn't have been a true communist state either according to Marx.

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    1. That is correct, for all we know 2Yoon could have taken control of the farm shortly after the events of the video and spoilt the utopia (though Marx viewed his socialism as scientific rather than utiopian but that is a different tale for a different time)

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  3. There's not enough Stalin troll admiration, being excited for no reason, "and so on", and shoots of zizek talking on his bed to be approved for me but i will let it pass.

    Nah, seriously, very creative post. I had a laugh here and there.

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  4. Looks like my suspicions of Hyuna's "Red" being an anthem of communist pride have been confirmed. I'd look out for A Pinko, too.

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    1. I was only looking at the stages of history. If I had looked deeper who knows what further indoctrination could have been found.

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    2. You can only be indoctrinated when you aren't looking. For example: You have been indoctrinated with capitalism.

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    3. Allow me to clarify, I was not talking about kyself being indoctrinated, but discovering that people had been indoctrinated by these frightening messages. My phrasing was poor.

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  5. Sunny sure likes touching herself. That's a good thing of course.

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  6. Thanks for the sixpack, sometimes I feel a bit left out fap-wise on this blog.

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  7. that girl's god damn part in wiggle wiggle tho

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