Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Kpopalypse Defence League - Anti Troll Squadron

Recently I made a post about how to deal with k-pop haters.  In this post I focused on the most intelligent arguments that I could find against k-pop and took their arguments apart piece by piece, thereby (hopefully) demonstrating that it's quite okay to like whatever music you like and other people can basically go and suck a fat dick if they have a problem with it.

However, it seems that this wasn't exactly the kind of help that many of you readers needed.  Quite a few regular blog followers responded with the observation that not every argument against k-pop is intellectual, and that instead of knowing what to say to the smart guys, you wanted to know what to say to the basic trolls with absolutely fuckin' stupid arguments that make no goddamn sense at all.  Never fear, Kpopalypse is here to help once again!

Kpopalypse's secret Anti Troll Squadron has done the hard work for you, the readers!  We've collected five of the dumbest and most common objections to k-pop perpetrated by oxygen-wasting knuckle-scraping morons and given you the material you need to fight back!


1.  "Listening to k-pop is fucking gay/you're a faggot/you're a girl" etc

Obviously this first response is mainly directed at male fans who are having their maleness called into question due to their music taste.  Female readers may wish to skip to the next section, or read on anyway and find out exactly how lame guys can be to other guys.

Trufax: when growing up I was always the unpopular weird skinny kid who was shunned in the schoolyard and bullied mercilessly.  On top of this, I had long hair!  I can't count the amount of times I've been called a faggot, so I'm the perfect person to advise you on how to most effectively deal with this particular situation if you're experiencing it.  I've met plenty of actual gay people who get called gay a lot less than I used to.  The gaydar of your average schoolyard homophobe isn't too accurate to say the least.

"You're a faggot" is a very standard bullying type of response that male k-pop fans get and it's easily refuted.  It's important not to get trapped into a morality debate here about whether homosexuality is right or wrong etc, all that matters is that the other person thinks it's wrong - that's a weapon you can work with.  Also don't worry about denying being gay, "no I'm not" is exactly the kind of whiny response they're trying to bait out of you and in any event what's wrong with being gay especially if it annoys the fuck out of people.  Hell, I sometimes wish I was gay simply for the advanced trolling possibilities that gayness offers.  Your best bet is a response like:

"So... what sort of music should I listen to instead?"

They're on a losing argument here because all music everywhere is packed full of gayness and therefore every genre of music has gay performers and artists everywhere.  If they're into metal then Judas Preist is their favourite group, just because they like Rob Halford... or if they're into more extreme metal then Gaahl of Gorgoroth is their fave... after all it's always the bad boys who are the sexiest.  If they like rock music then surely they like straight-as-a-bowling-ball Freddy Mercury, after all who doesn't like Queen?  Classical fans would no doubt be into Liberace, etc etc.... you get the idea.  Just change their fave depending on genre.  The exception is hardcore rap which doesn't have any high-profile openly gay performers but the closeted homosexuality in rap music and videos is so real you can smell it so don't let that put you off using it as an example anyway.


If all they say is "anything but that faggot k-pop shit" and they refuse to tell you their music taste for fear that you'll use it against them, then that's obviously a sign that they're into something even gayer than k-pop, so be sure to mention stuff like Samwell's "What What In The Butt", "Hop" by AZIS and "Life At The Outpost" by Skatt Bros as their favourite music.  Be sure to play these songs at them at every opportunity and insist that they love it - congratulations, the shoe is now on the other foot!  Mercilessly bash them over the head with their favourite gay artist that you've helpfully nominated for them and soon enough they will be the ones getting upset and trotting out the "stop being so homophobic" defence which is basically checkmate for them because they've just admitted that homophobia is dumb and therefore their own objection to k-pop is based on bullshit.  Now you can make a peace deal.  Or, they can STFU.

2.  "You're obsessed with Asians!"

Sometimes people like to harp on about the race thing, because harping on and on about race is what racists do, and there's lots of racists about.  The typical dilemma goes something like this:


Like with the "faggot" insult, the key get these dickheads to stop is to make them wish they never fucking started.  It's easily achieved, especially if you're an arch cunt like Kpopalypse who doesn't mind making enemies and pissing people off.

If they're online cyberbullies, you're laughing already.  Get them to flip their keyboard over and read the back.  What country is it made in?  Well, well.  So... why are they using a Chinese keyboard?  They're obviously even more obsessed with Asians than you are.  At least you admit it, they're still hiding in the closet, in denial - pathetic.  Now get them to flip over their mouse and read the back.  Repeat the process with their computer monitor and any other peripherals.  Gosh, not one made anywhere apart from Asia.  Talk about obsessed!  "But that's where everything is made now!" - a convenient excuse that doesn't let them off the hook, I bet they never even tried to investigate non-Asian computer hardware let alone actually buy any.  Happy to wallow in their Asian obsession and use only Asian products when it suits them, tsk tsk.


If you're with them in person you can have even more fun.  Pretty much everything that they see and touch is going to be made somewhere in Asia so be sure to remind them as much as possible that this indicates a latent obsession that they have with everything Asian.  Clearly the fact that they find your k-pop taste so interesting clearly demonstrates their complete obsession, and this is confirmed because the clothes on their back are Asian, their shoes are Asian, their phone is Asian, and so on.  Why don't they have an American/Australian/European made phone?  Obsessed with Asians, clearly.  Why do they wear all those Chinese clothes?  They just want to feel something that an Asian made right up close to their skin, so they too can feel more Asian.  I bet they even wear Asian underwear, it's probably the only way they can get turned on.  Because everything is made in Asia you can go anywhere with this idea that you want to.  Keep on about it for long enough and soon they'll be all like "okay, OKAY just shut up about it!".  They'll think twice before mentioning it again... but if they do, repeat the process until they learn!  Don't worry, it won't take long.

3.  "It's not REAL music, it's all about image!"

Because pop music from other non-Asian countries is never about image.... oh no.

Twisted Sister







Photo of Shangri-Las

Yup - all about the music - no manufactured image here, hahaha.  Hell, even western groups that specifically shy away from portraying a visual image of themselves still have to present something visually and that becomes their image.  Nobody would think of Pink Floyd as an image-driven band for instance but they still have an image - the iconic album covers, the distinctive staging that they use... any group in any genre is still working with visual media to some extent and is still presenting an image.  Even classical musicians dress nicely in formal clothes and iron their shirts, while on the other end of the spectrum punk groups deliberately dress down.  It's all the same thing at the end of the day.  But don't bother trying to argue this rationally, just show anyone giving you shit the above photos and laugh in their faces.

4.  "They don't even play their own instruments!"

Neither do half the artists pictured above.  Can you guess which ones?

5.  "Ewwww, they're all plastic!"

Yes this is probably true but at least most of them look better than this.


Hopefully this post has been useful!  Don't forget to share your stories of success (or failure) against the haters, and remember that the ultra-secret Kpopalypse Anti Troll Squadron is looking out for you!

euarer copy


  1. Boy, that music vide with the cyrillic letters is quite something.
    If they call you a faggot for looking at a K-pop blog, you can also bring up American Grizzly (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51l90BHqTjL.jpg), which is gay, but really manly.

    Everybody knows I've been into "Asian media" for nearly 15 years and I actually study one country at a university, so nobody is surprised with me liking K-pop. I even got my old flatmate into some of it.

    I only see a * under 5.

    1. Under 5 it should say "Yes this is probably true but at least most of them look better than this." with a link to here: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/82788251/ - I can see it so I dunno why it's not showing up for you. Then again, perhaps you should be grateful.

    2. Oh man, ebaum's... you should have just stolen those pics. lol

      One can definitely find some deformed Korean girls and some of them go into the Gangnam direction (like two from A pink, not sure what they're called), which I can't stand. I personally find that just as sad as people that overdo it with Botox and could play the main role in The Elephant Man.
      A lot of those people in that gallery are "old" (30+, several of them 40+) in comparison to the average K-Pop idol. I think we'll have to see how the idols of today will look in 40 years and how strong their faces are going to melt or implode in the coming years.

    3. This may all be true but it's all the more reason to win the argument now before that happens hahaha

  2. These are clever and witty. I'm going to have so much fun with this!!! >:D

  3. Off topic: Sera's leaving 9 muses!

    1. 9Muses is the only kpop group I ever cared about (let's say I'm almost a "fan"), so I'm kind of sad the best member lef, but reading fans crying, screaming and whining all over the internet blaming this and that for what happened is too funny.

    2. The ones I like to fap to are still in it so I'm cool with it.

    3. I'm really quite torn about this. One the one hand I completely agree with ziodonato and the classic whining of fangirls is hilarious but on the other hand Eunji and Sera were the only members that I could really get up a good fap rhythm to so their departure's a bit of a bummer.

    4. Erin, Hyuna (<3), Suangah, Hyemi, Kyungri, Lee Sam, Sera... too much fapping material in just one group, that was unbearable :D Let's remember their lesbian moments on the stage togheter, don't let the memories die! (Prima Donna was my favourite kpop album in 2013 next to Pink Tape, though)

  4. 5. Why I open the link? I'll have nightmares

  5. This post is like 6 years late, I'm out of my bullying period already.

    I actually checked my keyboard and mouse, and was pleasantly surprised that they were made in China.

    The dangers of Kpop are real people, they can make you gay! I am a living proof! And you'll be hungry for male fanservice like me! Don't listen to this guy he's a white dude what does he know about asian stuff!

    1. I deliberately waited until you finished getting bullied before I started blogging.

    2. Meanie

      I hope your cat poops everywhere today

  6. I flipped over my laptop. Yep, made in China... Bought it from Italy, living in Romania, listening to Korean pop while reading an Australian's blog.

    1. You're Mr.Worldwide...international loooovee

  7. I am a victim myself. The problem is, its not about me being right and they being wrong...the problem is being the minority. If i listened to lets say.Pygmy music, they will call me African Lover (all the while listening to songs by artists of African decent) so no matter what genre of music i like...if its a niche genre, or a minority genre in the society...i will be discriminated for it.

    True story: My senior, who is about to do his M.Phil in Education loves Justin Beiber music. He finds it catchy, and innocent. But poor him..he is made fun off by every person because of it. And honestly speaking, i DID laugh a bit when he was teased by our madame professor. So, is karma hitting me back? What goes around comes around right? If we feel bad when people tease us for liking K-Pop, we have no right to tease people who like Beiber's music. Whats your opinion?

    1. I don't feel bad when people tease me about k-pop, I just reach into my comeback bag and tease them about the bullshit music that they like. I never start the fight - but I always finish it.

    2. Also, as per the golden rule, your ears is god.