Thursday, August 14, 2014

Kpopalypse Battle - Park Bom vs Kemy

People want to know if Kpopalypse supports either 2NE1's Park Bom or A.KOR's Kemy in the latest hilarious k-pop drama, and which side they should choose. This post has the answers!

bomkeny0


Here's a quick recap of the situation for those unfamiliar:

bomkem1 bomkem2 bomkem3

So now that we're all up to speed, here's what I think of the situation.  Because the Park Bom/Kemy controversy is very multi-faceted and there's a lot to cover, we're going to let them both battle it out in several different areas and allocate Kpopalypse approval points, then tally the results up for our final answer.  Let's get started!



KPOPALYPSE BATTLE - PARK BOM VS KEMY

battle copy

ROUND 1: DRUGS


Kemy:
Is anti-drugs: +1
Doesn't smuggle drugs: +1

Bom:
Is anti-drugs: +1
Smuggles drugs: -1

kemyr1

WINNER OF ROUND 1: KEMY

Kemy doesn't smuggle drugs, or at least hasn't been caught yet, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt - for now.

Total so far - Kemy: 2 Bom: 0

*

ROUND 2: RAP CREDIBILITY


Kemy:


Can rap: +1
Is anti-drugs: -1
Promotes punishment for non law-abiding citizens: -1

Bom:

Can't rap: -1
Doesn't try: +1

kemyr2

WINNER OF ROUND 2: BOM

Kemy can rap nice, but racks up negative rap cred by telling Park Bom off for doing drugs and not being in jail yet.  Tsk tsk - everybody knows that rappers should be championing frequent drug use and disrespect for the law at all times.  Someone needs to tie Kemy down and make her listen to NWA and Cypress Hill, stat.  (And don't come here waving around any of that "conscious rap" stuff, that music is all by fuckheads, for fuckheads.)  So as a result, Bom has more rap cred by default despite never having dropped a single rap on anything, anywhere.

Total so far - Kemy: 1 Bom: 0

*

ROUND 3: FASHION


Kemy:

Wears a Star Wars T-shirt in some of her few promo pics: +1
It's for Attack Of The Clones (fitting analogy for k-pop though, no?): -1

Bom:

Most other outfits by Jeremy Scott: -1

bomnoooooo

NO CLEAR WINNER

It's enough to give you nightmares, the shit these people wear.

Total so far - Kemy: 1 Bom: 0

*

ROUND 4: FAP


Kemy:

Meets required standards: +1
Probably plastic as fuck: -1
Who cares though, can still fap: +1

Bom:

Meets required standards: +1
Definitely plastic as fuck: -1
Who cares though, can still fap: +1

bomboo

NO CLEAR WINNER

I can fap to either in the rare instances that they are wearing something acceptable.

Total so far - Kemy: 2 Bom: 1

*

ROUND 5: MUSIC


Kemy:

Kemy's solo mixtape raps sound good, or at least a lot better than CL: +1
A.KOR's debut song "Payday" is just a below-average clone of 2NE1 at their peak: -1
Still, it's better than anything 2NE1 themselves have done since "Scream": +1

Bom:

Has sung on several iconic 2NE1 songs: +1
Pity that none of them are recent: -1

kemy555

WINNER OF ROUND 5: KEMY

A.KOR may be nothing special right now but so far they've mercifully avoided performing something as ear-shreddingly awful as "Do You Love Me", "Missing You" or anything off 2NE1's "Crush" album.  Sure, it's early days yet - when they start trotting out the shithouse album filler ballads they may lose the higher ground here, but Kemy is safely in front for the moment.

Total so far - Kemy: 3 Bom: 1

*

ROUND 6: NETIZENS


Kemy:


Bom:


thunderboltsloveseunjung

NO CLEAR WINNER

Both are catching lots of juicy netizen butthurt, from different places, in roughly equal quantities.  To tip the scales, one of them needs to step up their game and do something extra-special to be hated globally.  Crossing my fingers.

Total so far - Kemy: 3 Bom: 1

*

ROUND 7: FANS


Kemy:

A.KOR fans seem to be quite sensible and rational: +1
All three of them: -1

Bom:

Has lots of fans: +1
Mostly barking mad lunatics: -1


NO CLEAR WINNER

What's worse, no fans or crazy zergling fans?  Flip a coin.

Total so far - Kemy: 3 Bom: 1

*

ROUND 8: ATTITUDE


Kemy:

Hilariously dissed Park Bom for attention: +1
Hasn't apologised (despite fake reports to the contrary): +1

Bom:

Hasn't said shit: +1
Doesn't need to: +1

bom88y

WINNER OF ROUND 8: BOM

Just because I understand the corporate reasoning behind A.KOR's label Republic Doo being a bunch of pathetic fucking pussies doesn't mean that I have to like it.  The more k-pop labels pander to the whims of spoiled brats, the more spoiled brats will learn that complaining gets them what they want, like a lab rat learning to push a button that releases food.  Labels need to learn to STFU... but they probably won't.

Total so far - Kemy: 4 Bom: 3

*

ROUND 9: ENTERTAINMENT


Kemy:

Hilariously smart rapping dissecting Park Bom and YG verbally: +1
Hilariously dumb death threats from Blackjacks all over her label's social media: +1

kemy2

Bom:

Butthurt from vocalfags who don't understand why people like to listen to her sing: +1
Butthurt from armchair anti-drug activists: +1
Butthurt from armchair plastic surgery protestors: +1



WINNER OF ROUND 9: BOM

Kemy has generated an admirable quantity of hate from Internet douchebags in a short timeframe but Bom is still one of the true masters at the game of extreme extended butthurt delivery.  Even if Kemy's current impressive speeds of butthurt-generation are maintained it's still going to take Kemy a while to catch up to Bom's years-long legacy of giving k-pop fans the shits.

FINAL SCORE - Kemy: 6 Bom: 6

CONCLUSION


Park Bom and Kemy are both awesome and I can't give up either.  I particularly enjoyed Kemy's ability to make Blackjacks embarrass themselves by writing shitty laughable response raps, and Bom's continual ability to annoy absolutely fucking everybody just by breathing in air is something I'll always admire and aspire to.  Why k-pop fans allow themselves to get so easily annoyed about either of them I don't know, but fuck it's funny.  Kpopalypse shall continue to support both Bom and Kemy's right to irritate all the rest of you.

26 comments:

  1. This is like the "Control" verse that was brought to Korea, although there's less talent to be found in the amateurs who decide to get involved.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have never heard of "Kemy" nor "A.KOR" before, so I see her/it as obvious attention-whoring.

    I'd give Bom +2 to fapping because of her boobs and legs.
    Bom was very funny in 2NE1 TV, too bad that thing never got a 3rd season.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm also still waiting for this to happen:
      http://www.soompi.com/2014/04/08/2ne1s-park-bom-is-thinking-about-revealing-her-bikini-body-on-roommate/

      Delete
    2. Park Bom got kicked off Roommate, bruh. Sorry.

      Instead, take this: http://antikpopfangirl.blogspot.com/2013/08/lord-have-mercy-on-us-all.html

      Delete
    3. Well, that fucking sucks.

      I saw that of course ! I even made a comment ! I can't believe you don't remember one of my wonderfully gracious comments, zaku-chan. I am so disappointed.

      Delete
    4. 2NE1 TV did have a third season. Maybe you meant a fourth?

      https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9D1D3EA075365E10

      Delete
    5. Oh yeah, I mean fourth. I wasn't sure anymore how many seasons there were.

      Delete
  3. The final score has to be a tie, right oppar? Haha.
    I was disappointed as fuck when the label released that poor statement.
    Their statement should be about telling Blackjacks to go fuck themselves.
    If they were not ready for any backlash they shouldn't have told their talent to release a diss track to begin with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate k-pop's annoying insistence on being loved by everyone. Sometimes it's okay to be hated. In fact, sometimes it's okay to be hated ALL the time.

      Delete
  4. LOL 2NE1 crazy zergling fan rush.

    gg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone has got to make a graphic hack for Starcraft where the Zerg are fangirls.

      Delete
    2. I think it's very fitting as it is right now.

      Delete
  5. Your scores don't add up, and it's irritating me... I dunno if you did it on purpose or miscounted, but I NEED TO FIX IT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My scores are fine, you just fail reading comprehension. Don't fuck with it.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. If counting in increments of 1 is math-fagging, the human race is in trouble

      Delete
    2. You're old. People have smartphones to do that math shit these days... and there's no such thing as easy tasks when it comes to math!

      Delete
  7. In all honesty I didn't pay attention to the scandal. I just kind of knew Kemy was doing it for attention because I don't see what provoked her to diss Bom anyway. So I think it was just for attention. With that said I think she's kind of lame because unprovoked diss tracks are lame and she went after BOM of all people in the industry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel this way too but the hilarious Blackjack reactions make me see the positive side.

      Delete
    2. True. They have every right to dislike Kemy's actions, however bashing her for something that was obviously an act of the company is typical in a bad way.

      Delete
  8. I'll never know why labels insist on catering to those crazies. I give props to Kemy for doing this. Hip hop isn't meant to be the watered down crap fangirls find so palatable. Though since she's an idol now, I don't know if it's proper to give her the title of "hip hop artist" but still, respect to her for saying what most people are just too scared or polite to say outright.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Celebrities can get away with stuff that puts others in jail. Someone had to be the first to be pointed at.

    ReplyDelete