Saturday, August 9, 2014

The classiest and sexiest post that ever was both classy and sexy

I've recently written blogs about k-pop's "sexy concepts" and also about "cute concepts", and the non-existent differences between them, because everybody is so fucking fascinated by these topics.  Now I've been alerted to a new contender on the k-pop scene: "classy sexy" concepts.

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What the fuck even is "classy sexy"?  Is it even a real thing?  Does it exist in k-pop?  Does anybody care?  Well, I care, because the word "sexy" is in there, so therefore time to investigate!

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So being basically a scumbag I freely acknowledge that I've got no fucking class at all and therefore I have no fucking idea what the fuck "classy" really means.  So I looked it up:

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Doesn't sound like any shit that I'm familiar with, except maybe "smart" but then maybe I'm just more of a "smart ass" which probably isn't what they meant as "classy".  Then I remembered that I have a completely classy girlfriend, so I asked her "what does classy sexy mean to you?".  She said the following:
Classy sexy is looking sexy without looking like a slut.  Flashing some flesh, but still giving a tease.  Something like a dress or skirt with a zip on the side, that you can zip up and reveal stockings and suspenders, now that's classy sexy.
I think this will sound instantly familiar to any fan of k-pop girls groups, especially those who have been following 2014's "war of the sexy concepts".


My girlfriend doesn't like or follow k-pop and wouldn't even know who Ace Of Angels are, so this is a totally unbiased opinion from someone who truly does not give one solitary fuck about ANY k-pop at all.  She cares about it so little that she wouldn't even waste her time posting on the Internet about how little she gives a shit.  However. according to her tastes, AOA have got "classy sexy" covered, and this is coming from someone who hasn't actually seen AOA's "Miniskirt" video.


Imagine her surprise when I told her:
It's interesting that you mention this specifically, because the exact idea that you're describing as 'classy sexy' is actually considered by the k-pop world to be right on the cutting edge of sluttiness.
Those with memories longer than a goldfish may remember that AOA's "Miniskirt" routine was considered so hot when it was released that the company toned down their choreography in response to k-pop fans being the usual hypocritical misogynistic fun-ruining pieces of shit that they are.  Obviously there's a difference of opinion between the normal sexually well-adjusted person and the more idiotic fantasy-driven nutcases that make up part of k-pop's legions of avid followers.  So what does "classy sexy" actually mean to k-pop fans?

I did some research on people's opinions and here's what I got:
So the girls of AOA dancing in slinky dresses showing a little bit of skin, that is definitely not cool with most k-pop fans, way too provocative, tsk tsk.  However what k-pop fans really want to see is Gain getting slammed up against walls and guys forcing themselves on her, and lots of it, they definitely don't have a problem with this and in fact wholeheartedly approve of it.  So these next few images are for them - please enjoy this short gallery of Brown Eyed Girls' Gain.

 





A lot of the above linked posts talk about women "owning their sexuality" as a classy thing, and I think that's an interesting observation that is repeated throughout many of the linked posts about Brown Eyed Girls, stuff like this:
Let's just ignore for the moment how this person is exactly defining "owning every move" and how many leaps of logic and how much confirmation bias that involves.  Call me crazy, but when I think of girls "owning their sexuality" I don't think about fantasy depictions of them being raped.  Instead, when I think about exclusively "owned" sexuality by anybody male or female I think about fapping - after all, what sexuality is more "owned" by you than something that you do by yourself, for yourself?  So it follows that if "owning sexuality" is classy then masturbation is now the most "classy sexy" activity to me.  Of course Gain went down the implied fap path as well in the "Bloom" video, but that was just for the cameras.  What about the girls who are fapping when the cameras are not rolling?  Who's the most likely culprit, and thus the real "classy-sexy" k-pop performer?

I've found the answer, and predictably, she's in T-ara.

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When I posted this image of Jiyeon from the "horizontal stripes" post, I was wondering at the time "what the fuck is that necklace all about, is that just a little metal rod to emphasize her tits some more or what?" - so naturally being an inquisitive sort I did some research.

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As it turns out, that little dangly thing between her boobs is probably called a Vesper and it's actually a prototype vibrator. It's designed to hang around the neck as discreet jewelry that you can wear out and about.

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Sure, Jiyeon's version does look a little different to these, but being a celebrity she probably got given the early test model or something so she could put the technology through its paces before they went into consumer production.  The company claim that since 2010 they have "assembled a strong team of ...  quality assurance testers"... right about the time T-ara started to really become huge.  Coincidence?

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Doubtful.  The company are now currently making the first consumer versions of the Vesper and they describe the device as "elegant-yet-functional", and if you scroll back to the top of this post you'll notice that "elegant" is just a synonym for "classy".  This means that T-ara's Jiyeon is now confirmed as the official Kpopalypse ambassador for "classy sexy".  Whatever that is.

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39 comments:

  1. I think they find it more classy because BEG's music videos are often telling a story, while the others are "just dancing to please" that's the only thing I have in mind.

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    1. Interesting theory, someone should test it. After all a lot of JAVs tell a story. Girl waits for bus, girls gets on bus, bus becomes crowded...

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  2. Man where can i get those zipper style dress, I know I'm a guy and everything but I wanna try zipping it up along with the song, it just seems so enjoyable lol.

    That vesper thing is so tiny, are you sure it's a vibrator? because the nasty straight and lesbian porn (all of them are) that I saw has those big black vagina ripping omega dildos, that vesper thing would just fly out if you put it in no?

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    1. It's not supposed to go into your vagina, it's supposed to be pushed up against your clit.

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    2. vibrators sometimes have extra bits for insertion, but their function is not insertion lol like kpopalypse said it's supposed to vibrate up against ur "bud"
      i'm surprised that you haven't come across the hardcore porn that uses that devastating vibrator that looks a bit like a handheld mic

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    3. Oh, I have. I just haven't figured out a way to work it into a post yet.

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  3. Finally thank you. These people are so wrong. Because gain isn't as good looking as those other idols she is allowed to do shit and people won't be pissed. They stop being insecure they wouldn't feel threatened by kpop idols doing normal club dances. You have confidence you can dance like that and have haters too. And go outside too. They obviously spend to much time in front of the TV and not out enjoying the last few moments they will get before aliens attack us.

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    1. If aliens attack our classy-sexy Cyclops will shoot down the UFOs with her mono-eyeray

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    2. The kpop fangirls and micropenis men wont rest until kpop is like jpop.

      And i want that quote dussing Japanese culture

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    3. I want Kpop to become more like JAV.

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    4. Without the whailing sounds and the blurred body parts I hope.

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  4. Vesper ? The vesper I know is the Morning Vesper service we had every morning in my last college,a Christian College..we used to sing hymns and have prayer sharing...

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    1. It fits. Everyone knows christian schoolgirls are the biggest sluts. It's because of all that religious repression gets built up inside, then they meet some guy and then BAM it all comes flooding out. Sometimes literally.

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    2. Oppar, did you bang a Christian girl that was a squirter?

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    3. I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank all the organised religions around the world for repressing natural female desire and thus making women extra-horny.

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  5. really? all i heard about AOA's concept that a lot of male idols looooooooooved it and that i think miniskirt is the best release of the year so far (i was surprised bc it's brave) but they're a little off my radar except that one that looks and sounds like a realdoll lmao

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    1. lmao gain gets away with a lot of shit because she's older than most idols; she's the idol equivalent of those senior citizens who jaywalk in the middle of traffic and cut in line and stuff

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  6. Gain has the power to control minds. She obfuscates her fapping potential to female viewers while revealing it in full glory to sex-hungry males. That's why she's very classy... meaning sophisticated.

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  7. I'd say it has to do with how many genitals and genital movement is thrown into my face.

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    1. http://fap.to/images/51/1026356724/gay-porn/Gay-Facesitting-02-3.jpg : classy or slutty?

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  8. I try not to give a fuck about the opinions of fangirls, but it really makes my stomach churn whenever I see slut-shaming.

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    1. Right! What kind of a twisted evil creep doesn't love sluts? It's impossiburu for a normal person not to love sluts. I want MORE!!!

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    2. bo burnham always addresses feminist issues with appropriate subtlety and humour

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xzv8Z8gxj8&hd=1

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  9. I actually once wrote about how BEG and Girl's Day's videos for Abracadabra and Expectation had little to no difference in them. You basically saved me from spending 40 more hours on the thing so thank you greatly. Anyway this is basically what every kpop fan who loves classy sexy (or is HUGE fans of Eat Your Kimchi) should read because it basically just says everything there is to it. And this is coming from someone who generally likes EYK's videos.

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    1. I completely forgot to say anything about Eat Your Kimchi in this post. Martina if you're reading, I like your boobs, if you were to show them more that would be "classy" thank you.

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    2. I think Simon secretly agrees XD.

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  10. Gain is allowed to depict rape, masturbation, sex and wear whatever her stylists want, but Stellar can't scratch their buttcheeks. That seems fair.

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  11. Since when was rape :"classy" and pretend rape "classy sexy"? And the fact that one posy considered After School's First Love as "classy" when they literally dance on stripper poles proves the point that all of these arguments are groundless and make no damn sense. Even the people who try to make this an issue, don't even understand what the hell they are talking about. The fact is: sex sells. And whether you clicked on 4L's video to bitch about their gyrating or actually had your lotion ready for some girl on girl action (and then was sadly disappointed), they got those views.On that note, when is Stellar coming back?

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  12. Basically average-looking or ugly female fans get pissed when they see the most attractive groups do anything even mildly sexual, or even act cute and girlish, because those women are more attractive than them and they need to justify hating them in some way. When groups that aren't as attractive or popular do overtly sexual things, it's okay, because hey someone's got to stick it to those super hot whores getting all the attention! Let's call it "classy" to make it seem more okay and like we support something superior to those super hot whores that literally get bukkake'd on in every video amirite?! Their videos are like hardcore porn compared to our precious BEG etc. etc.

    It's just "I hate ".

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    1. Ignore the It's just "I hate ". part at the end, meant to cut that.

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  13. Also, I fapped to your Gain gallery

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  14. Personally I don't think it's about what's worn as much as how the sexiness is exhibited. In some videos you do get the feel of 'I am *being* sexy' as opposed to 'I am sexy' like AOA for example they do seem very self-conscious of their sexy concept at times.

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  15. Personally when I hear "classy sexy" I think Justin Timberlake and parts of MBLAQ's smoky girl MV

    Black and white/smooth cinematography/suits and a song that matches the concept itself.

    I'm not anti sexy kpop but often find the songs don't have any sexy sound if you listen without the MV or pictures.

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  16. Totally agree with you there Oppa. But I actually think that those two scenes cannot even be called sexy: more like "Fetishy for someone who can only fap to kinky situation

    I would think that this would be more of "classy sexy" (by Gain)...I guess "classy"somewhat has a connotation of girls being mostly passive and only occasionally seduce with soft movement
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXd-UjW2Tzs

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