Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Ultimate Kpop Music Awards Show 2015 [PART 3 - RESULTS]



Yo yo yo yo~ Whaddup. I'm your random over-charismatic, over-excited-for-no-reason MC here to host the finals of the most legendary Kpop Music Awards Show ever to exist, The Ultimate Kpop Music Awards Show! Judged and voted by the most professional, most experienced, and the smartest of music critics in the entire world, which makes it totally legit. This show aims at rewarding idols not for their popularity, or their personality, but purely for music quality. We (meaning I alone...) entrusted you, AKF readers, to this very important mission.

So don't fucking throw tomatoes at me if your oppars/noonas/unnies/waifus didn't win anything because I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THESE RESULTS.

Alright, lets cut the crap. Here's your winners. But remember folks, they're all winners in the end! Right?

(Pff... Nah)

Catchiest Song

All five songs under this category were pretty catchy, so it sure proved difficult to choose one. But not so surprisingly, the winner was also the song that got the greatest number of votes in Stage One.

Here are the percentages:


Runner Up: EXID - "Ah Yeah"



Winner: 4MINUTE - "Crazy"



No surprise there. A great song that deserves a great win. 'Crazy' is no doubt, one of the catchiest tunes of 2015, and despite my raging 9MUSES obsession (which you all probably already know about), I'll have to agree with the majority here.

Best Female Act

Well look who it is again.


Runner Up: EXID
(Anyone sensing a little repetition here?)



Winner: 4MINUTE

Hyuna can't seem to get her hands off the sexy maknae. Even in front of the camera.

All I can say is, 4MINUTE basically shat all over all the other girl groups this year. 

Best Male Act

Here are the percentages.


Runner Up: SHINee



Winner: BTS


I'm a little surprised with all the popularity BTS has been getting lately, Can't complain though- they do make good music and they are consistent. It looks like most people just want to suck Jimin's dick, though.


Sexiest Music Video


Runner Up: Hello Venus - "Wiggle Wiggle"

This looks like an appropriate representative .gif for the MV.


Winner: Ga In - "Paradise Lost"


Do I even need to elaborate? ALL HAIL QUEEN GA IN. 

Sorry, this one deserves another .gif.



Best Dance - Female


Runner Up: Girls' Generation - "Catch Me If You Can"



Winner: 4MINUTE - "Crazy"


It's only the fifth category and 4MINUTE already bagged their third win. I knew 'Crazy' was good but I didn't know it was THAT good. Quite impressive, congratulations, 4NIA's. You guys deserve a party.

Best Dance - Male


Runner Up: SHINee - "View"



Winner: BTS - "Dope"


Gotta admit, 'Dope' is a pretty impressive dance (Waveya does it better though). I'm still getting the vibe people just want to suck Jimin's dick.

Looking at 'Teen Top's 'Ah Ah', however, is just sad.

Best Plot-Based Music Video


Runner Up: BTS - "I Need U"



Winner: Mamamoo - "Um Oh Ah Yeh"


I have no opinion on this really, since I never got through halfway of either these music videos. I don't care if I'm missing out either.

Best Dance Track 


Runner Up: 9MUSES - "Hurt Locker"
(*sigh* forever stuck in second place, aren't we?)



Winner: 4MINUTE - "Crazy"


And surprise surprise, 4MINUTE bags their fourth win. I don't know if I should be bored or impressed.

Best Ballad/R&B Track



Runner Up: Big Bang - "If You"



Winner: Red Velvet - "Automatic"


...

MOVING ON.

Best Visuals (Female - Music Video)


Runner Up: AOA - "Heart Attack"



Winner: 9MUSES - "Hurt Locker"


Finally! 9MUSES' bags their first win! 

In visuals.

Something about that is just very unsatisfying.

Best Visuals (Female - Individual)


Runner Up: 9MUSES - Kyungri



Winner: EXID - Hani


*Sigh* could these results get any more predictable?

Best Visuals (Male - Music Video)


Runner Up: BTS - "Dope"



Winner: SHINee - "View"


Best Visuals (Male - Individual)


Runner Up: BTS - Jungkook


Winner: Big Bang - T.O.P


Best Nugu Release


Runner Up: SEVENTEEN - "Adore U"
(On that note I think it's a cool song but it gets boring pretty fast)



Winner: CLC - "Pepe"



*_*_*

So that marks the end of UKMAS mid-2015. It's been fun just as much as it's been a pain in the ass. Now as a little extra, I'm gonna reply to some of the comments that were left at the 'Anything-to-declare' box at the end of the survey. (Of course quite a few were along the lines of "you fucking liar", "I trusted you..." and "you lying bitch ass hoe!")

"I don't understand why people find Yoona so attractive. She might be the textbook definition of a bland-looking generic stick figure doll. Plus her singing voice reminds me of a duck. It's the same with Dara, there's really nothing special or memorable at all about either of these girls but they're treated like knock-out 10/10s."
I couldn't agree with you more. The reason why people find Dara so fascinating is because she still looks like a twelve-year-old kid when she's actually thirty. As for Yoona... I guess she just fits Korea's beauty standards but not necessarily ours. Anyway, I don't find either of them attractive in the slightest.
"hi."
Hello.
"Kinda salty/sad cause SHINee are my ultimate faves but i don't think they are gonna come out on top for any of the items they were nominated for :( *jams to the Odd album by myself* :')"
Well good news is they actually won the visuals category so yay you!
"All hail Nine Muses lol"
I think me and you can be very good friends.
"I'm going to vote several times ha ha. I hate AOA don't let them win. I hope you do one of these at the end of the year and they include Stellar. Why even do one when it's only half the year anyway?? Get ready to do the mind rape again in 6 months."
Yes, I am well aware. The reason I did one mid-year is because by the end of the year, there will be a lot of new songs and all the stuff from the beginning of the year will be long forgotten. Also, I'll try not to have so many categories in the next one because I know it's been exhausting for both you and me. I'm also planning to include negative categories (like worst song, etc.).
"I know 2PM are speeding into irrelevancy, but really the average standard of their visual shits on all the other boy groups. They're body are literally sculpted from gods of kpop porn. I mean Infinite made the short list for best visual. Infinite. Seriously. I mean really. Infinite literally have one attractive member out of 7 (or however many of them there are), and he has the body of a pre pubescent girl. Who the fuck can fap to that shit?"
You raise a very good point, mate. Blame your fellow readers.
"If 9MUSES ends up 2nd or 3rd in every category I will slice my arms off"
Sadly that's exactly what happened... if it makes you feel any better they landed last place for catchiest song!
"Jimin from BTS is hot. He should get all the awards, even the female ones. Thats all i have to say. Bye."
That just pretty much solidifies my case. They all just wanna suck Jimin's dick.
"I'm kind of curious as to what your opinions in this survey would be"
Catchiest Song: 4MINUTE's "Crazy"
Best Female Act: 9MUSES all the way
Best Male Act: EXO. Don't care what you say.
Sexiest MV: Pff... "Paradise Lost", obviously.
Best Dance (Female) : "Hurt Locker"
Best Dance (Male): "Dope"
Best Plot-based MV: Don't care.
Best Dance Track: "Crazy"
Best R&B track: Don't give a shit.
Best Visuals (Female - Music Video): AOA's "Heart Attack". Why? Because the make-up wasn't over-the-top, no creepy contact lenses and the girls looked like actual human beings rather than dolls.
Best Visuals (Female - Individual): 9MUSES' Hyuna is a Goddess.
Best Visuals (Male - Music Video): "Call Me Baby"
Best Visuals (Male - Individual): T.O.P
Best Nugu Release: I don't really follow nugus but CLC's "Pepe" I guess.

"my dentist tightened my braces so tight that i haven't been able to open my mouth since and everything hurts I'm crying right now"
 I know the struggle- I used to wear braces before. Be strong, random person. It'll all be over soon.

Do leave your opinions on these results in the comments! Now that this shit is all wrapped up, I'mma go do something more interesting with my life. So long! Here's some Ryu Sera to set you off.


24 comments:

  1. What a horrible year for K-pop so far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crayon Pop - FM
      EXID - Ah Yeah
      Lovelyz - Hi
      Rainbow - Black Swan
      9Muses - Hurt Locker
      Stellar - Vibrato

      And it's only the first half of the year, yet everybody is saying "this is the worst year for kpop". I really don't understand kpop fans.

      Delete
    2. FM is great. JYP's Who's your momma is damn entertaining.
      But other than that, nothing even remotely exceptional.
      I am talking about songs, not fap material, just to be clear.

      Delete
    3. Stellar, BESTie, Fiestar, Nine Muses, EXID, Mamamoo, 4Minute, Gain- I think this year is really not bad so far. Good songs from these.

      Delete
  2. AOA won NO awards I am DISGUSTED.

    Also The Light was unbearably dull I don't understand why anyone cares about them.

    ReplyDelete
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  4. 4MINUTE should stick to this concept for their next comeback.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure they should, IF they want to win again in Oreo Monster's next survey.

      Delete
  5. I don't get the love for that awful 4Minute song.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Neither do I, Fany..
      Still miss their earlier songs like HuH, Muzik (SoHyun really stole the show for me in the Jap ver MV), Ready Go (Jap), Why (Jap), Volume Up.

      Why is Hyuna seemingly close to SoHyun in the pic?
      Cos I won't be surprised if she is the ONLY PERSON in the group who isn't jealous of Hyuna's success because she has maturity despite her age.

      Happy that SHINee has not been entirely forgotten, and that many others also like BTS, TOP, and Kyungri (I noticed her in the Gun MV, and ONLY her).

      Am VERY DISAPPOINTED with the other results...I feel AOA deserves more love, and maybe it's b'cos I'm not a guy.
      I found the Hello Venus - Wiggle Wiggle to be too 'in yer face', and would have voted for Girl's Day because I have been noticing them for quite some time.
      I thought they'd be the most popular after Expectation and Female President, but it didn't seem that way...or did it?

      While Gain has been my closet bias for way too long,she's seemingly far more successful than I would have ever imagined (which, I emphasize, makes me happy), I'd rather support those who are still fighting for attention amongst too many other female artists / groups in an over-saturated environment.

      I'm going to see how long Hani can stay relevant.
      And because of this survey of yours, Oreo Monster, I have become a supporter of Red Velvet and BTS.

      I hope for a better and shorter survey in future, so keep up the great work so far!

      Delete
    2. The above comment of mine surely is shorter than the survey itself anyways.

      Delete
    3. 4minute has shown that they are actually one of the only groups where all the members are very close friends and share a mutual bond (rather than the bullshit YG family and soshibond thing), so I rather doubt that the other members hold any resentment towards Hyuna. I agree with you on the rest of it :P

      Delete
    4. Me too, not impressed. After listening to Boss mode, this song just seemed so watered down. And the mandatory Nam ji-Hyun singing part was unnecessary and forced, like in every post 2013 4Minute song.

      Delete
    5. Well, it's certainly more lackluster than most of their stuff from the past, especially during their early days, but it's grown on me. Still, songs like Muzik and IMMM will remain their best stuff imho.

      Delete
  6. I always forget about Red velvet. Whenever someone mentions them it's as if it's the first time hearing of them for me

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am currently typing with my nose. RIP 9MUSES. I don't know how i'm gonna fap to hyuna without arms now, but it doesn't matter anyway since they only won visuals FeelsBadMan

    ReplyDelete
  8. I still think this should have been in all of the boy group, and male music video categories:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=s0UjELAUMjE#t=68

    ReplyDelete
  9. I would suck all of BTS's dicks, but I woukd suck Jimin's dick first.
    As for the other awards, I'm happy for SHINee visuals award because they have Onew, the hottest guy in k-pop for me. But most probably voted for the other members.
    Not surprised about 4Minute, "Crazy" was flawless but surprised MissA won nothing since "Only You" was huge in Korea.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This "survey" was a joke
    Dear Oreo monster, please don't conduct any academic research, ever. Forget the nature and legitimacy of the responses, the Questionnaire itself reeked of bias.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your bias towards 9Muses is tooo obvious.

      Delete
  11. ew how come there's theshitass noah's ark and not sonamoo nominated
    smh

    ReplyDelete