Friday, July 22, 2016

Every Solo Debut from 2015 Reviewed

DISCLAIMER: I got this list off Wikipedia because my memory isn't flawless so please don't get on my ass in the comments if I've missed something. 

In honour of Fei's sextastic solo debut, I've decided to do a mini review (like, a few sentences. I have a day job) of every single female solo debut from 2015 and 2016 (so far, obviously). The 2016 reviews are going to be in the next post, because I don't want this to kill your phones when you try to load it. Why am I only reviewing girl group solo debuts? Because I don't give a fuck about boy groups, that's why. Deal with it. I'm doing this in alphabetical order and this is all just my opinion so don't come whining to me if I shit on your faves. They probably deserve it. Okay, buckle up kids, because here we go:

Listen, I love Kpop's Out-est Lesbian. She seems genuinely cool. She's friends with everyone! I just wish she had made friends with someone who could make a better fucking beat. What is this half-assed horn nonsense? Also I have no idea what Taeyeon is doing in this song. Next time, try fewer celebrity cameos and more decent music-making.

The only thing this gets points for is being inspired by The Martian, which was a truly bomb movie. Don't play the piano with your toes, Yerin! That is so disrespectful. Also, I feel disrespected by how boring this song is.

This is the single kpop ballad I will willingly listen to. Take from that what you will. Also, vampires!

The worst form of boring ballad is the boring ballad DUET. Also fuck k.will. HOWEVER, I do respect that they skipped the bullshit hugging and hand-holding and went straight for rolling around in bed mostly naked.

Highlights include: Goo Hara simulating fellatio on a popsicle, Goo Hara in short shorts, Goo Hara licking a beater, Goo Hara doing body rolls. Downsides include: the actual music, which is some sappy adult contemporary bullshit.

You can count on an Orange Caramel girl to do some out-of-left-field shit, and Lizzy does not disappoint. It's a trot-inspired song where they spliced her into a 1961 historical drama to create the music video. I'm not particularly passionate about the song itself, but I have to respect the ingenuity.

This is a weirdly anti-woman (I am a woman too, so I ... cry a lot? I don't even fucking know) generic R&B-lite ballad and, speaking as someone who is unduly fond of Girl's Day as a whole, I hate it. Plus everything she wears in the video is stupid.

I had never heard this before I started writing this post and I ... don't hate it? Usually I abhor sad ballad nonsense. Maybe it's because it vaguely reminds me of Yenny's debut song (which is amazing by the way) I don't know what to tell you guys. The heart wants what it wants.

On the other hand, I hadn't heard this either and now I wish I had never had the opportunity to do so! My heart goes out to the other 366,760 people who had to endure this song.

Okay I know this is heresy but I don't like this song. I do not like her wail-yodel in the chorus. I do not like Verbal Jint. I do not care how pretty New Zealand is. I am not inspired by the ridiculous plot of the video. This sounds like Celine Dion singing over a Coldplay track.  Her new stuff is much better and you should listen to it instead.

Generic sad ballad, I am bored, goodbye.

And that was 2015! Apparently Yeseul from 4Ladies also released something, but there's no video on YouTube so I'm not gonna bother with it. Also, I didn't review any nugu crap. Sorry 'bout it. Look out for my first-half-of-2016 roundup, coming soon.


  1. ChoA effortlessly transitions from sexy babe to serious auntie.

  2. I have a soft spot for Yerin's Across The Universe because I had it playing in the background while I was studying. It was dull enough to not be distracting but it still was better than the silence.

  3. You really keep pumping out text!

    I hate Manber's song so much.

    1. I could never be accused of lacking determination.

    2. I know, it's so weird. kalliope has out-written all of my new hires over the past three years (sans suho_ftw) in one month!

    3. Summer for college students is pretty slack. Once the school year starts up again I'll be writing way way less.

  4. I usually dislike korean ballads, but I love Hopeless Love. I wish Jimin could release another single as a solo singer.

    1. Is any of 15&'s stuff good? I've never really listened to them

  5. "This sounds like Celine Dion singing over a Coldplay track."


  6. Goo Hara's milkshake brings the boys out.