Saturday, July 9, 2016

Results of the KPOPALYPSE 2016 objectification survey part 3 – HOTTEST MALES AND FEMALES in k-pop!

The final part of the Kpopalypse 2016 objectification survey is here!  Let's check out the hottest overall males and females in k-pop, according to Kpopalypse readers!


You can find part 1 here and part 2 here if you missed them - but for now let's get on with part 3 - hottest men and women!

Voters were asked to nominate k-pop idols in these six categories:


Some people split hairs a little and wrote stuff like "I like [idol x] the most but I don't think 'hot' really describes them", I suppose I could have used "most attractive" which may have in fact been a more accurate descriptor of what I meant, but I was trying to save on character length, which is important when there's hot idols to fap to.  People who wanted a "most beautiful face" question should realise that the vast majority of people assess overall beauty by facial features, so essentially, that's what these questions were.

Readers were asked to nominate up to five idols or ex-idols, although any "people in the Korean music scene" were eligible.  People who had never performed a song of their own did not qualify, which excluded people from k-dramas, movies as well as from "dance groups" that don't have their own songs written especially for them.  The order was important - idols mentioned first on people's list of five got more points than those mentioned last.  This made a real difference - some idols were mentioned extremely frequently but were almost never anyone's first choice - as a result, they didn't poll that well.  People who forgot to add group names as instructed also disqualified their own votes - there's multiple Minas, Jiyeons, Choas, Kibums and Jimins in k-pop plus some other duplicates I'm forgetting, plus I really have trouble matching the names to the groups generally especially with the male groups and nugus I'm not that familiar with.  So if you fucked it up - sucks to be you, read the instructions next time!  Anyway, here's the results!


#1 – Hyosung – Secret

393 points
Another easy win for Hyosung.  Many people who nominated Hyosung specified that she was a solo artist and completely forgot that she's also a member of Secret.  Who are the other three girls in Secret again?  It seems that none of you could remember either, as none of them even got into double-digit votes.  Such is the power of Hyosung's hotness to give the brains of Kpopalypse readers a jizz enema, washing their synapses clean of all rational thought.

#2 – Seolhyun – AOA

235 points
Speaking of people lacking in rational thought, don't let netizen translation sites with a vested interest in your clicks fool you - netizen comments on Korean sites like Naver and Nate are like YouTube comments in the west - hardly anyone reads them, even less care what they say, and only the lowest turds on the intellectual ladder have the time and energy to muster up a comment anyway.  K-pop agencies and media sometimes care only because they're so desperate for material to fill their quotas that they'll latch onto any old crap, it's like free material for them, but ask any man or woman on the street about AOA's recent activities and they'll say either "Who?" or "I bet those girls do well in Kpopalypse's overall hottest females poll".

#3 – Choa – AOA

185 points
Everybody knows that the pretty girls are AOA.  I don't think anyone who first got into the group back in "band days" would have predicted that Choa would out-poll Hyuna on prestigious Kpopalypse lists such as this one a few years later, which just goes to show that you never can tell.

#4 – Hyuna

183 points
I figure that "Sure" is the title of the magazine and "love your body" is the theme of the photoshoot, but doesn't it just read like sarcasm - "sure, love your body when something as unachievable as Hyuna exists".  Don't worry all you ladies with low self-esteem, when I went to see 4Minute live Hyuna looked like Skeletor's minions had just raided He-Man's lair and brought back two tennis balls and his ancient font of celestial BB cream.  There, feel less like killing yourself now?

#5 – Nana – After School/Orange Caramel

168 points
Although like Hyuna she's hardly my type, there's no denying that Nana looks exactly like a supermodel which is why she keeps topping those TC Candler "most beautiful face" polls, something people will forever be butthurt about, but TC Candler has been fapping to girls for longer than Kpopalypse has had working testicles so he knows what's up.  Several Kpopalypse readers agreed, and propelled Nana into fourth place on overall attractiveness alone despite the fact that she didn't even poll double digits in any other category, proof that despite the stereotype many people don't assess female beauty on tits and ass alone.

#6 – Yura – Girl's Day

164 points
...and then there's Yura.  Kpopalypse readers, why do you hate her so?  She's clearly never destined to come first in any Kpopalypse poll or list ever, maybe you're all so busy fapping that your hand is too slimy to use the mouse and keyboard correctly to vote for her.  Make sure you give it a good wipe-down before this time next year, you slobs.

#7 – Momo – Twice

148 points
Another entrant who like Nana is about as far away from something I like as it's possible to get, Momo's inclusion here is proof that I'm not rigging this because if it were up to me she wouldn't even make the top 100.  However the poll isn't about what I want (I would have voted for Momo's headwear in this picture over Momo herself) but about what YOU the reader wanted, and many of you were very clear that you wanted Momo.  Someone like Momo who is a relative newcomer on the k-pop scene has an inherent disadvantage compared to the veteran household names so her position here shouldn't be underestimated.

#8 – Hyomin – T-ara

121 points
Could it be that Kpopalypse blog attracts a lot of biased T-ara fans, giving Hyomin's undeniable attractiveness (and excessive BB cream use) an unfair advantage in this poll?  This could be the case, but they're only biased because Hyomin is so hot, so it's circular logic.  We'd see across-the-board T-ara themed voting if that was the case, but Boram, Soyeon and Hwayoung all barely made it out of single digits, and temporary ex-T-ara ring-ins Dani and Ahreum didn't catch a single solitary vote.

#9 – Kyungri – Nine Muses

120 points
Kyungri's performance across all female categories of this poll is amazing when you consider that she's one of a group of deliberately similar-looking and extremely modelesque women in a group with multiple line-up changes that k-pop fans in general periodically tend to forget actually exists, let alone which members are still in the group this week.

#10 – Yuri – Girls' Generation

90 points
On the opposite end of the nugu spectrum, Yuri is fresh from a Qri-style upper-body "beauty care" session and easily left all her higher-profile groupmates in the dust this year.  Also, she hasn't released much in the way of music lately, which no doubt also worked in her favour.

#11 – Jiyeon – T-ara

89 points
T-ara's cyclopean queen and leader of the "near-eyes" continued to use her powers to burn through hearts and minds of Kpopalypse readers, ensuring her continued relevance in this poll.  Unlike every other picture in this list, Jiyeon has been photographed here with her gaze directed completely away from the camera - for your safety.

#12 – Krystal – f(x)

87 points
Krystal looks exactly like every second or third Asian girl that I see when I'm out doing my grocery shopping - that is, until someone flips a switch in the back of her head marked "bitchstare", upon where she transforms into the biggest cunt in the universe.  Look at this photo - she just wants to bash the photographer right in his fucking face for making her wear those 19th century rags and pose like an idiot.  This is probably her tenth modelling gig that day and she's so over it.  Kpopalypse readers duly recognised the hotness of a woman who screams "IDGAF" from her every pore.

#13 – Hani – EXID

78 points
EXID are another one of those groups that nobody ever saw getting anywhere in the world of k-pop, that is, until someone changed everything by highlighting Hani on a fancam.  While the comically riotous thirsty cheering was probably the real reason why that particular fancam went viral as opposed to the many thousands of others out there, that was enough to bring EXID some fame and make you all remember Hani enough to vote your asses off even though she doesn't look anything like that anymore.


#14 - Jaekyung - Rainbow
#15 - Soyou - Sistar
#16 - Hwasa - Mamamoo
#17 - Irene - Red Velvet
#18 - Hyejeong - AOA
#19 - Gain - Brown Eyed Girls
#20 - Bora - Sistar
#21 - Mina - Twice
#22 - Tzuyu - Twice
#23 - Sojin - Girl's Day
#24 - Eunjung - T-ara
#25 - Hyuna - Nine Muses
#26 - Dahye - BESTie
#27 - Sulli - Cao Ni Ma
#28 - Fei - (ex) miss A (calling this with my super Boram powers)
#29 - Jei - Fiestar
#30 - Victoria - f(x)
#31 - Yezi - Fiestar
#32 - Jimin - AOA
#33 - Lee Hyori
#34 - Yubin - Wonder Girls
#35 - Hyunyoung - Rainbow
#36 - IU
#37 - Sana - Twice
#38 - Sunny - Girls' Generation
#39 - Taeyeon - Girls' Generation
#40 - Seulgi - Red Velvet
#41 - Seohyun - Girls' Generation
#42 - Joy - Red Velvet
#43 - Raina - After School/Orange Caramel
#44 - Yuna - AOA


Over half of the world's population like to fap to guys, but the important question is - which ones?  Kpopalypse has the scoop!

#1 – T.O.P – BigBang

161 points
After a close competition where the lead swapped several times, BigBang's T.O.P eventually pulled ahead by a significant margin, no doubt to the pleasure of BigBang fangirls and barely-in-the-closet ex-Anti Kpop-Fangirl authors everywhere.

#2 – Jungkook – BTS

136 points
What would I know about male attractiveness?  Clearly nothing.  This guy has a face like a puffy rice cracker, and apparently that's what a lot of you folks are into.  Who am I to argue.

#3 – Jimin – BTS

134 points
I always get annoyed that every time I search "Jimin" in Google I always get this dude instead of Shin Jimin from AOA or Park Jimin from 15&, but for once this feature was actually useful.  For the record, contrary to some readers' suspicions my data doesn't seem to reflect an influx of annoying Army's (aka the nutty BTS fandom who rival EXO-L for sheer crazy) skewing the results of the survey.  I can tell one-eyed group fans because they'll always stack the votes by just listing five people in their favourite group (one reason I allowed multiple selections), but the vast majority of people who picked BTS members also picked several others from different groups who were placed on this list highly.

#4 – Minho – SHINee

92 points
SHINee's Minho consistently polled extremely well across all male categories, but also seems consistently incapable of winning anything outright, so from now henceforth he will be dubbed by Kpopalypse as the "male Yura" until he (or she) breaks the curse.

#5 – JB/Jaebum – GOT7

85 points
I don't really follow guy groups closely in terms of the actual group members, so I honestly can't recognise a lot of the newer and lesser known individuals by their facial features.  I'm just hoping that the image tags are correct and what you're looking at here is an image of JB from GOT7 and not the latest makeover by Mortiis.

#6 – Sehun – EXO

77 points
Sehun always looks like that kid who is in a band and is 16 years old and has the most expensive equipment ever that his dad bought for him.  He plays pretty well and you kinda like it that he's out there giving it a go but something about him just makes you want to scream "you fucking noob go out and play some shows, earn that Fender Super Reverb you asswipe".  Sehun's leather jacket is perfect, it doesn't have any scuff marks on it or anything, he probably gets a new one especially tailor-made for each show.  Guys are always jealous of the rich, mollycoddled kid at university but girls know that him and his family will look after their special needs.  No wonder I barely ever got laid more than once per year when I was in my 20s.

#7 – Taecyeon – 2PM

68 points
2PM's Taecyeon seems like a happy chap.  He's wearing a blue-collar shirt and it even has a small stain on the right shoulder, which is probably about as working-class as k-pop gets image-wise for the male performers.  The irony is that he's probably one of the only ones who actually has a decent amount of money in the bank.

#8 – Wonho – Monsta X

63 points
Monsta X in general seem really disproportionately popular across every male category for what is really a still-nugu group.  How popular are these guys, actually?  I'm not even sure.  Wonho here looks as confused about his place in the Kpopalypse poll as I am.

#9 – Lay – EXO

62 points
He's not putting his left hand behind his back to look cute, SM Entertainment actually broke his arm off because he looked up Kris on the Internet once six months ago.  Gotta keep these kids in line or they'll all bail.

#10 – Jackson – GOT7

61 points
Jackson has the Eunjung compulsive tongue thing going on, which kind of makes me like him, even though he probably fucks animals.  Everyone has their faults, right?  Let's not hate on him.

#11 – Kai – EXO

60 points
Kai looks like Jongkook without the facial bruising.  Fights in the dorm - don't do it, kids, one false move and you'll lose an eye and nobody wants to stan a k-pop star called "Lefty".  Look at what happened to TLC.

#12 – Kyungil – History

59 points
Emo haircuts and moody stares are still alive and well in k-pop in 2016, and Kyungil is currently holding that torch that was once carried by every single male k-pop group active about 18 years ago.  Except that Kyungil is also buff as fuck in a way that the first wave of k-pop idol men arguably never were, which gives some much-needed balance to the emo thing.  Kyungil looks like he's sad because he lost his job lifting tire-irons rather than because his would-be girlfriend wouldn't date him because she didn't understand his love of My Chemical Romance.

#13 – Shownu – Monsta X

57 points

Last on the top list of men is Shownu, and if I were to pick any fandom that may have invaded the poll I'd probably cast a suspicious way to whatever the fuck Monsta X's fans call themselves.  But I'm probably just being paranoid as they really didn't have that many votes, and people that I know do seem to like them generally, so it's probably all legit.  If you really care that much about who got to what position in a poll you're probably being a bit of a cunt anyway to be honest, who really gives a crap?  Personally I always think it's better if less people like my faves, not more, for reasons detailed here.


#14 - L/Myungsoo - Infinite
#15 - Shindong - Super Junior
#16 - Rain
#17 - V - BTS
#18 - Amber - f(x)
#19 - Jaejoong - JYJ
#20 - Hoya - Infinite
#21 - Siwon - Super Junior
#22 - Donghae - Super Junior
#23 - Xiumin - EXO
#24 - Junho - 2PM
#25 - Suho - EXO
#26 - Baekhyun - EXO
#27 - Jonghyun - SHINee
#28 - Leo - VIXX
#29 - Mino - Winner
#30 - Jin - BTS
#31 - Seungri - BigBang
#32 - Zico - Block B
#33 - Chen - EXO
#34 - Jay Park
#35 - N - Vixx
#36 - Taemin - SHINee
#37 - Doojoon - Beast
#38 - Junhoe - iKon
#39 - Onew - SHINee
#40 - Suga - BTS
#41 - Yongguk - BAP
#42 - JYP
#43 - Simon Dominic
#44 - Woohyun - Infinite

That's it for the final post in Kpopalypse's 2016 objectification survey results!  A reader question before I head off:

Could you do one for talent next?




  1. Thank goodness people finally realized JB's hottness.

    Also I love that Krystal pic purely for the reasons you stated why it was awesome.

  2. Yay, Suga is on the list! I'm happy, although the lack of B.A.P. members except Yonnguk is a bit sad.

  3. Still can't see anything special about Hyuna at all.

    1. Yeah, she looks like a meth user. Once she hit 20, her looks took a major nosedive, which is pretty rare for an Asian woman.

  4. Need justice for Victoria and Irene.

  5. The lack of Solar is disturbing

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  7. I'm wondering why Irene isn't in the top two and why Jungkook is in the top two.

  8. The answer to any questions or comment about "where is [idol x]" is "that's how you voted, kids".

  9. So five members of AOA made the list, which is pretty good.

  10. "Monster" era seems to be doing Lay some justice even though he has like two lines in that song. Glad people are finally realizing how hot he is.

    1. He was the only good thing in that call me baby shit

  11. I swear only girls voted in your polls, jungkook looks like a freakin kid wtf

    the only one even close to my definition of hot is Taecyeon, and where the fuck is taeyang you voters are blind

  12. Jungkook looks like every 17/18 (??) year old ever so I guess maybe that's why people like him so much?? He has that jail bait shit going on for him. Jimin on the other hand is just stupid hot. TOP tops every list like this of all time so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  13. Not a single Bambino represented?! A disgrace and a farce. They redefined sexy for this one-dimensional industry. Lost cred here. Big time

    1. Dude, no one here cares about Bambino. The chicks are just ugly Gangnam monsters who show off a lot of skin. If I wanted that, I'd just go watch some JAV.

    2. Wrong. You guys even said they blew Hani away last year when they took 3 of top 4 positions on "up & Down" fapcam cover contest. Their one of the few groups that actually gives a shit whether fans have fun or not. The numbers don't lie nor do the larger & larger crowds they draw. Both sexes BTW. Problem w/KPOP "experts" is they wouldn't recognize an innovation in the market if it bit them on the snapper. They all show skin for eyeballs now. Bambino just doesn't give a shit about the facade. I admire them.

    3. Dude, no. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're using "you guys" when it was one author who wrote a handful of articles over a brief period. I am the owner of the site and the one who writes 80 percent of the articles here. I have never written about Bambino because I do not give a flying fuck about them. All of the girls in that group have busted faces. Trust me, we do not give a fuck about Bambino here. None of the regular commenter have any fucks to give to Bambino either.

    4. I've seen some of their videos. They are like strippers who give you a BJ after the lap dance

    5. AKF: not trying to get into any shitfit here w/you, but if it's your site then it's your content. Irrespective, I was picking-up on what was written by those authors, which claimed what it claimed. It's where I actually got turned on to the group! Definitely have a bias, but my focus is to see if JS Entertainment & Bambino actually represent innovation in any area, (of course I do have a major crush on Hadam.) But the busted faces and Gangam monster crap is just that. Irrelevant to the fact that they definitely (maybe by luck and by pharkil) hit some huge fancam numbers & have an int'l fanbase that rivals idols. I've seen real lap dances. Theirs ain't that. It's almost comical and certainly fun for fans. Disruption is uncomfortable, but KPOP is experiencing it at some level. U can always tell by the level of anger. I may be wrong, but it seems clear by the pros and cons that the old orthodoxy is just that. Old. I know u work hard to put this site out, but don't be so fucking defensive to what might be new, even if it looks like slutty stuff. Time will tell. Enjoy your stuff - well, most of it!

    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    7. Why the fuck are you always rambling about bambino on every article? It's meh at first but now it starts getting annoying.

    8. Actually, I would titfuck Eunsol. But I would insist on the lowest possible price.

    9. No, it's not my content if I don't write it. What kind of retarded logic is that?

    10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. LMAO. The trolls that voted for Shindong, Amber and Xiumin deserve a medal.

    Also, I'm impressed that Soyou got in the #15 position, she's the prettiest idol IMO, but I didn't think that she was so popular among the folks here :D.

    1. I literally know nothing about Xiumin aside from that he's cute looking. Is there something I'm missing? Is he secretly fugly?

  15. A serious wtf to JYP at #42 (how did he even chart), but I'm extremely happy for JB. I don't know why mark is GOT7's visual, he's cute, but JB was always all around more attractive, he was just always styled like shit. Heres a picture of him and Jackson being attractive (who was also well deserved)

  16. None of the members of BTS are hot, but this site seems really BTS biased. Also, people actually voted for Hwasa.....

    1. We have one female author who writes about BTS. The three male authors here don't even give a fuck about them.


    2. I am the only BTS author on this website. Not my fault that they're one of the few boy groups other readers like too.

    3. BTS fan that is an author*

  17. >thinking Momo is ugly

    Into the German Showers you go. :^)

    >#18 hottest male is Amber

    YEEEEEAH! Weirdly enough I had a dream about her last night. We talked, I sat too close to her, ended up fucking behind the bleachers, still don't know if it was a dildo or a cock in me but it was a nice dream.

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