Friday, November 2, 2012

Seven Simple Rules for Fapping to Kpop


It's time to lay down some ground rules.




#1. FAPPING WHEN THERE'S A MALE ON SCREEN MAKES YOU GAY




This is why it's important when fapping to a video to pause it or to ensure there's no male dancers in it. You don't want to be enjoying a nice fap and reach that critical moment right when it's showing a dude because then you just fapped to a dude.

#2. DON'T TELL PEOPLE YOU'RE ABOUT TO FAP

Other guys don't want to know you're fapping. Really, they don't. You may think it could be a fun bonding moment to know some guy out there in the world is fapping with you to the same thing you are but in reality you're gay if you think that. You can, however, bring a hawt pic to others' attention or ask if the girl is ugly or not, see below.

#3. DON'T USE A FAMILY OR PUBLIC COMPUTER

This should really go without saying, but do your fapping in private. I don't want to hear about someone being arrested by campus police because they tried fapping to the new Girl's Day MV in the student library. Also, if the thought of your mom or little brother using the computer after you just fapped doesn't disgust you, you're sick.

#4. MAKE SURE THE GIRL YOU'RE FAPPING TO IS LEGAL

This is critical. In an era of kids being arrested for sexting you must make sure the girl is of legal age. Consult your local police station for age of consent.


As stated if you're in the US being the girls' age or younger is no excuse. You're still a disgusting pedo!

#5. DON'T FAP TO UGLY GIRLS




Why, when you have the entire catalog of hot idols at your fingertips would you waste your time fapping to Hyogre or Horsica? If you're having trouble finding a hot idol to fap to don't be afraid to ask!

#6. WHEN FAPPING TO A VIDEO, ONLY FAP TO HD QUALITY OR HIGHER



Even if you're not on the fastest connection, waiting a few moments could be the difference between fapping to a hot idol or a dude. At 240p, unless you really know the group you run the risk of fapping to a dude or even an ugly girl, see above.

#7. FAP AT LEAST ONCE A DAY BUT KNOW YOUR LIMITS

Fapping to Kpop is part of a healthy musical lifestyle, everyone knows this. But know your limits! Fapping more than 5 times a day can lead to blindness or even fapping to ugly girls as you get more and more desperate.

20 comments:

  1. I know you're trying to be funny and stuff, and you know what, i get the whole HURR HURR ANTIKPOP! HURR MAH OPPAZ HURR, people got going on, but aside from this being a fucking stupid article, it's gonna reinforce social identities, which you as an o-so-smart writer, shouldn't.

    Also, is it normal that it starts to bleed, or is it a thing isolated to kpop fapping? Plz halp

    ReplyDelete
  2. you obviously don't have a very active sex life

    ReplyDelete
  3. Man, I follow all of those rules...but I just cant follow rule #4. Tia is just so damn cute and hot at times : /

    ReplyDelete
  4. Paul Philip Christiano should grow a unibrow. Something about him reminds me of a whiter, pervier and more fucked up version of that dweeb known as Nickhun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Paul Philip Christiano hot ,and seriously if you fap first pic you are really desperate dude...

    http://static1.fjcdn.com/comments/Did+you+mean+huyna+or+hyuna+_e74ed21a969a980e8f78e5045c090e0c.jpg

    here is some fap metarial...

    ReplyDelete
  7. lol'd at Eunjung being hot.....
    wat?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Replies
    1. http://sistemat.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/jessicabeforesurgery.jpg

      nope, not at all.

      Delete
    2. but after surgery she became hot, so ...

      Delete
  9. Excessive fapping makes your brain go all muddled the whole day.....

    ReplyDelete
  10. I lol'd at all of this. My first fap to an idol was Jaekyung. And Hyoyeon is not that ugly. In the Flower Power mv she looked kinda hot. She just needs to keep the blonde hair and the light make up cuz anything else makes her look fug.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she just need s to hide her face with her hair

      Delete
  11. Good article, sir. But I fapped to krystal once...she was like 9 or something. Oh shit...I'm gonna jail.

    ReplyDelete