Monday, November 5, 2012

MAXSHIT


I hesitated to write about SM's latest marketing scheme, Younique Unit dance team. The unit's made up of the best dancers in some of SM's biggest groups. It's got SNSD's  Hyoyeon, SuJu's Eunhyuk, SM orphan Henry, Little Taemin, and a couple Exos. But that's not all Younique boasts. To quote reputable news source Allkpop: "This is the first time an entertainment agency has collaborated with a car company to release an album." 

In short, SM and Hyundai have mated and spawned this music ad-eo. 







I knew going into this to expect a still-steaming pile of feces, but even with those SM-adjusted standards, I was surprised at what a piece of shit this was.

In true SM fashion, it wasn't enough to advertise its groups or cars; SM had to sneak in embedded ads for some of its shitty other products, too. 




Yo dawg, I heard you like ads ...


In "MAXSTEP" (that's the name of this "song," btw), I sat through two and a half minutes of man waving only to have Hyoyeon come out and proceed to take a verbal dump in my ears. Ugh. I think it was supposed to be a rap. I-I'm not sure.

This video's worst crime: The dancing isn't that remarkable. There weren't any moves that struck me as younique or any moments in the video in which I was awed by the group's precision. And for a music video based around selling cars and people dancing, there's a whole lot of boring closeups.


The music video is just me in front of a brick wall for three and a half minutes. It cost $80 million.


"MAXSTEP" also reminds me a lot of another music ad-eo, 2NE1's "Please Stop the Music" (or whatever that was called). Surprisingly, even without the promise of good dancing, the 2NE1 song was more tolerable.


At least we had Legos in our video, bitches.

Best part of "MAXSTEP"?



BOTTOM LINE: No, just no.

60 comments:

  1. I agree about the dancing part.

    They're supposed to be a dance group, but didn't see nothing of that on the MV. Song is pure shit too.

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  3. i thought that my damn headphones were not working, but no SM did it again and shitted in my ears. i will never get those 3 min and 44 sec of my life back.

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    1. Watching the whole video is on you man. I could tell it was absolute shit within 5 seconds.

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    3. I had hope for about 20 seconds in, until the actual "singing" (They used more autotune the Ke$ha...) started. And then it just spiraled downhill...

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  4. I fucking HAAAAATTTEEE (hisses) dubstep, so that in itself was terrible, but the thing is I actually noticed that up until 2:00 or something like that the dubstep fucking doubles upon itself, so instead of beep boop brrrrnnn grrr fuunngs beeeeeepppppp, it's beeep bopp brrrrrn funnnngsss beeeppppppp X2. Very sad for me, I can happily fucking admit that I'm biased and watched this for EXO =.= on mute.

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  5. I'm actually really sad. I thought that even if the song was shit, I could at least fap to Kai and Taemin. But SM succeeded in making them look repulsive as well.

    And what was SM thinking when they made this group? Kai, Hyoyen, and Eunhyuk can't sing, Taemin can't sing well, and Henry and LuHan are motherfuking Chinese. They should've just had them do some actually advanced choreography to a good song.

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    1. taemin didn't look that bad according to me; SM has stuck him with far worse looks.

      and he looked better than all the other males in the video. dear god what did they do to Lu Han's face.

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    2. Shouldn't SM spend their money on an EXO comeback?

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    3. why spend money on a flop group

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    4. Have you seen how big of a rabid fanbase EXO has?

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  6. Kinda of an Achilles heel, when you make a song without an sort of lead or secondary lead instruments. This of course means that the singers have to attune the harmonies, but this is a dancing group...which means half the vocal control of a dying cat. It could've been saved by rapping though...but that means idol rapping...yeah...

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  7. You know what I like, the part where it sounds like there's a million people cheering in the song cause it blurs out all the music and the voices/rap and then I can peacefully fap to Kai (yes yes I know what you're thinking). Nevertheless, I wanna punch my screen when the others come on especially hyogre, noodlehan, no-eyebrow-taemin and whatever the fuck eunhyuk is supposed to be. (I know I can switch off my music and watch the video but I like the pain you know, to live through the effort so I find life aka kai even more fruitful).

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    1. Oh yeah and the choreography looked like something out of a exo-dancing reject pile. Really shit.
      And I just realized the million people cheering was the car's sound. Thank you car.

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    2. WHERE DA FUCK DID TAEMIN'S EYEBROWS GO? AND WHY DID THEY CURL LUHAN'S HAIR?

      But at the end, doesn't matter, fapped to Kai

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  8. Seriously, if they want to showcase their dances, make them not sing at least. The whole song is a terrible mix of nonsense, even my car engine sounds more fappable.

    If you want to make a good ad, try following Anycall( I hope i get the name right), I still love Anyband, and even that little commercial where Kim Tae Woo and Narsha sings, not this retarded crap. Then again, all SM care is about money.

    Dubstep and autotune gotta be the worst mix someone ever made, even nyan cat still sounds better. And it's really hilarious how people think their oppars dance is the highlight, when it's really nothing special, sure their dance is good( decent at best), but it doesnt overshadow the terrible song of theirs.

    I can't stand the whole song so I skipped to Hyo's parts, and I gotta say she is looking much better nao.

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  9. The choreo was a bit uninspired and not unique in any way but it wasn't terrible. They were all out of sync, though, which made it bad.

    For a fucking dance unit, I expected them to be IN SYNC WITH EACHOTHER. FUCK.

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  10. I could not hear the song over the sound of my cackling over Hyoyeon stanner comments.

    Top rated comment: "FINALLY SM has given Hyoyeon THE DANCING QUEEN something she can work with!! :D"

    WAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  11. SHIT. It has none of the SM tards I hate, but it's still so fucking awkward and disgusting. Besides those EXO sons.

    I like how even though she's part of this unit, Hyoyeon still gets shafted with like a minute of screen time. Good work guys!

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  12. Taemin keeps singing when he sounds so mediocre. He doesn't realize this himself, I presume.

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  13. Whats up with all these taimin kai fappers? The Kai guy looks a lot like micheal Jackson and taemin looks like a girl with a big nose.

    The,Luhan guys plastic surgery is overdone and obvious

    Eunhyuk sound japanese

    At least my mochi was there. But his screams were weird.

    I liked Hyogurt coz she look like pirate

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  14. WHAT come on people give them some slack they worked hard even if the dance didn't showed it and look on the bright side Henry there! ^_^

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  15. The teaser was enough to not make me watch this rubbish. From what I heard, the "song" was a mix of clanking recycled tin cans, shitty electronic effects, ear-bleeding-autotuned-to-death "singing", and hilarious "rapping".

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  16. And anyone who is fapping to Kai or Taemin should die a slow torturous death.

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  17. haters. i love this song, dance, and group members. YOUNIQUE WHAITING! ^^

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    1. http://www.gophoto.it/view.php?i=http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/6420/magnaejailbait20.gif

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  18. assfgdghdjhgkhj if someone say this is A SONG you should checking your fuckin ears.Seriously wtf!!! at least I expect some good moves you know they are the best! dancers in SM,but this dance is so fuckin boring,they couldnt even harmonious.Auto-tune ,shitty dubstep and fuckin electronic effects and lame rapping!whole song is a mess

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  19. I don't get EXO.

    Is their concept supposed to be a bunch of angry little justin biebers but asian?

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    1. their concept is look at us we appeal to twelve year olds with our extreme androgyny

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    2. So I'm basically right.
      Snaps for me!

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    3. EXO isn't as ghei as SHINee or Suju





      yet.

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    4. lol hard every command...and yes they are not even kiss each other or bump each other when they are erection...

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    5. Oh but EXO are as ghei as SHINee and SUJU~ u-u probably even ghaei-er

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  20. i usually try to be understanding about terrible english in kpop because they don't speak it as a first language (although my question has always been why include phrases in a language you don't speak, but that aside)

    i think that people like henry who actually understand what they're saying spend about fifteen minutes alone every day just wondering what they're doing with their lives.

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    1. I would have pity for them, but when I found out Tiffany wrote the rap for the English version of The Boys... I was all out of fucks.

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    2. Fany rapping makes me sad ...

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    3. I'm not gonna say what I misheard when they repeatedly kept singing the word "Maxstep" or whatever.
      I just went roflmfao.

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  21. First of all they need to learn that NOTHING is going to make Hyoyeon look attractive, not even sticking her infront of a bunch of ugly men for half a second, especially when she looks more masculine than both Luhan and Taemin, who both, yet again manage to look as feminine as ever. Do girls seriously go for this look?

    My main issue with this song is that there is music and there are lyrics which implies that someone should sing, however, none of the people in this "unit" can sing at all. And for this to be the "dancing" unit, seemed like a typical recycled dances moves in a box MV from SM to me. Nothing different or impressive.

    People really just need to get over the SM hype and realize that no SM artist is that talented. The "dancers" aren't even that great at dancing. Hyoyeon and Eunhyuk do the same moves over and over again whenever they are given a chance to freestyle. I have no idea what SM looks for when picking trainees but it obviously isn't looks or talent. It's like they put everyone's name in a hat and draw from there.

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  22. To put it simply, I think the song is a bit of a mess and the choreo extremely underwhelming.

    And where did Taemin drop his eyebrows?

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  23. My ears and eyes do not deserve such cruel and unusual punishment . . .

    I wish Suck Mine would acknowledge Kai as just the visual of EXO-K and make that kigga stop trying to rap, shut the fuck up, and take several seats WAY in the back. Chanyeol is more than capable of handling all of their "rapping" on his own. They need to take pointers from 2NE1 on how to deal with a no-talent having visual.

    I am a little agitated right now because my glorious Henry fapping was ruined by him, Luhan(does that kigga even blink?), Miss Taemin (where are your eyebrows hoe?) and Ewwwyuck. Hyoyeon, vomit-inducing rapping aside, was the only other highlight in this clusterfuck of screaming and bright lights.

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    1. Is a Chinese person still a Kigga or is he a Chigga?

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    2. My bad. Luhan is actually a Chigga. But maybe he has dual citizenship to match his dual gender.

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    3. LMAO I'll give Luhn some credit though, he is pretty cute, as tranny as he looks

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    4. he was cute pre-debut.

      SM has ruined Lu Han, mostly because he now has this habit of widening his eyes as much as he can all the fucking time. it's so creepy.

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    5. I noticed that about Luhan too. He has Himchaneyetis.

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  24. so they take all the uglies who can't sing, they made a shitty choreo with a shitty song, everything is in a box, as usual, and almost no car, lol.
    this is fucking dumb!

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  25. Sounds like someone asked Skrillex (?) for help! I came in fold turkey cause I hadn't heard this song, but everywhere I would hear how this group was Unique and AWESOME, I regret ever pressing play. Does Kai not have a voice like WTF his screaming ass needs to GTFO. I'm happy Henry got noticed, LOL SUJU-M biased but only Henry and Chou Chou, but did SM whore his ENGISH skills in this song like for about 10 fucking seconds. WOW. Hyuk looked uglier than previous MVs bruh! And WHAT THE FLIPPING RAINBOWS WAS HYO DOING? LIKE WHO TOLD HER, EVEN MENTIONED TO HER, THAT RAPPING WAS IN HER? Her squicky ass rap made me cringe LIKE no. And who the fuck was the other guy~ IDK EXO I DON'T LIKE EXO CAN I JUST HAVE THEM ALL BACK TO THEIR RIGHTFUL GROUPS AND NEVER EVER EVERRRRRRRRRR HAVE TO SEE THIS AGAIN?

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  26. Why the fuck did they use Hyoyeon of all people. They could've used Amber for god sakes, though they're probably just as horrible. She can dance just as good without that dumb grating voice of Hyogre's.

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  27. wtf, why is atkpf full of exotics now ? i hate the band and their stupid fangirls the most.

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  29. I didn't expect much from the song itself cause I know that none of them can sing for shit, but the choreography sucked balls and so did their synchronization.

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