Sunday, July 20, 2014

The 7 stages of k-pop fangirl grief

I spend a lot of time debunking the bullshit surrounding k-pop and helping people to see the reality behind the curtain of fairy floss, but what I haven't ever really done is helped anyone deal with the emotional fallout from having those rose-coloured glasses taken off.  I also don't want to be blamed for a spate of fangirl suicides so I feel that it's time that I stepped up to the plate with some assistance.  Help for you deludus is here, Kpopalypse style!

disclai

Imagine being a fangirl* living in a dreamworld and discovering some of my writing, or perhaps someone else's writing on a blogsite like Anti Kpop-Fangirl or Asian Junkie, or maybe just stumbling across some other factlet out there that doesn't please your fangirly predilections.  You're driven by a sense of righteous indignation - "this can't be happening to your fave!" your friends say, so damned if you're not going to go straight to the comments section to stick up for your precious bias.  Once you arrive, you start checking out the content and something very unexpected happens - some of what you're seeing actually makes sense.  Cogs inside your mind start turning - uh oh.  How is your fragile fangirl psyche going to cope with these new revelations?  Could medical intervention be the only solution?

braingg

Sadly it's not that simple.  The stripping away of fangirl delusion is a loss, and losing a psychological crutch can (depending on severity) be just as painful as any other type of loss, and involves grief.  It's said by psychologists that grieving happens over seven stages, and helping to understand these seven stages may assist recovering fangirls to expedite the healing process.  Let's look at each stage in turn so we can better understand the impact and emotional fallout from finding out that Seungri spunks on Japanese's girls' tits or whatever the problem is with hormonal fangirls this week.

1.  DENIAL and DISBELIEF

When confronted with facts that you may not be ready for as a fan, disbelief cushions the initial impact, allowing you to absorb the new revelations gradually rather than all at once.  See the following comments from when a (legitimate) rough demo of EXO's "Wolf" was leaked:

grief1

A layer of doubt softens the blow while your brain absorbs the shock and adjusts to the new information.  These people could have experienced serious psychological fallout from EXO's atrocious "Wolf" without the layer of protection that denial provided.

2.  PAIN and ANGUISH

Once the initial shock wears off, pain sinks in as the truth hits home.  Here's a comment on the video "Quit Playing" by U-KISS, which cast the boys in a much more sexualised light than their fandom was used to:

grief2

The pain experienced here is palpable.  Sorry honey, but your precious angels have money to make so they're doing what's necessary.  Diablo 3's new expansion pack won't pay for itself, you know.

3.  ANGER

Frustration at inability to change the situation at hand may cause you to lash out in anger.  See the following response to an Anti K-pop Fangirl article that used new information to cast Taeyeon's cleavage in a disturbing new light:

grief3

Sones didn't like the Taeyeon cleavage, and powerless to change the situation, they directed their frustrations outward at the perceived "enemy" - the bloggers and GIF posters highlighting the issue.  Their rage blinded them to the fact that those making inquiry into Taeyeon's "pearly volume" were not idle haters casting dispersions on their bias, but scientific truth-seekers attempting to save humanity from the cleavage portal of darkness.

4.  BARGAINING WITH A HIGHER POWER

Enterprising fangirls may try to bargain with those that they perceive to be in control of the situation for a way out.  From the same post as step 3:

grief4

Sones tried to start a cyber campaign against deity-like HQ GIF provider fiddle.se to remove the Taeyeon cleavage but even if it were successful it wouldn't have helped change the truth.  Information, like Taeyeon's boobies, wants to be free.

5.  GUILT and FRUSTRATION

Without an effective outlet, anger turns inward, firstly in the form of guilt.  People coming to terms with a delusion being shattered may ask themselves "Was there anything I could have done?  Is it somehow my fault?"

grief5

Yes it probably is, for being such a fucking deludu in the first place (you dumb whore).  However it's never too late to get onto the path to redemption and rational thinking.  Let's hope this random netizen makes it through all the grief stages!

6.  DEPRESSION

Anger eventually completely settles into depression.  Fangirls may become listless, lose interest in their favourite idols and usual fangirly activities, and succumb to lethargy while crying and ripping up Baekhyun posters.  Someone asked me this today:

grief

Like 95% of the questions that come through my ask.fm it's not even an actual fucking question, but whatever.  Actually I like to think I've enhanced her life, she's already jumped straight through to stage 6!  Sure it sucks to be her right now but it's all uphill from here, baby!  Just don't lose patience because depression can be the longest stage of the process, depending on the extremity of the loss.


7.  HOPE

Eventually depression subsides and you learn to accept and deal with reality.  You can never go back to the way you were before you tragically found out about how shit really was, but there is hope for the future!  After all, tomorrow is another day!

If on the other hand it's someone you personally know who is affected with irrational fangirl stupid disease, knowing is forewarning, and being forewarned is being forearmed.  Now that you know about these seven stages, it won't be long before you can act and respond to crazy fangirls appropriately!


*  Or a fanboy.  I could have written "fangirl/fanboy" instead of just "fangirl" every time I used it in this post, but being politically correct is just too much fucking typing and it looks messy.  Every fanboy is a fangirl in spirit anyway.

32 comments:

  1. i like that you excluded 'acceptance' bc hell knows there isn't none of that shit going on in the kpop fandom

    i went through these stages during every one of infinite's comebacks in the last two years buT THE INFINITE I USED TO STAN IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS

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    Replies
    1. Quick Nurse Sohee, I think we have a relapsed patient.

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  2. I found this article depressing, either that or I'm actually at stage six. Nowhere to go but up... right?

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    Replies
    1. Think positive. It only takes a few years at most to recover from grief-induced depression.

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  3. Dude who's manager is that slapping bitches?

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    Replies
    1. I wanted to ask the same too lol the force is ferocious it had me scrambling to get away from my screen orz bless this ocean that provides distance

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    2. I like the smile that the CNBlue dude gives the manager after, he's like "good show!"

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  4. Those Jennifer Le comments were fucking great. All of them.
    Hilarious how fucking retarded some people are:
    "You're dumb as shit, no one on earth has 3 boobs, the fuck? ARE YOU A SCIENTIST? HAVE YOU SEEN HER NAKED WITH YOUR OWN EYES? NO. EXACTLY. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT."

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    Replies
    1. She's never seen Total Recall, I guess.

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  5. I found this blog back in like September of 2013 and this pretty much describes how I was pretty accurately in a timeline from September-December (minus the Anger stage). I'm in the last quarter of stage 6. I'm reaching the cusp of Hope. I see the light O_O!!!!

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  6. The fact that some fans don't allow other fans to masturbate to their idols is surprising.

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    Replies
    1. Its idiotic is what it is. The only reason the idols are there in tge first place is so people can masturbate to them.

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  7. Who's the guy slapping the shit out of those fans?

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  8. It's always cool to learn about what other people go through, when they love their stupid bias too much. Luckily Sulli is perfect so I don't have to worry about all that ^.^

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  9. As long as your main interest in Kpop is the attractive idols and the music, talking realistically about the corruption and superficiality of the industry isn't going to tarnish your experience. I don't even have the energy to be angry and depressed all the time like a delusional fan.

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    Replies
    1. I honestly wonder where they get all the energy from. And how did they start caring so much in the first place? So many questions.

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  11. I laughed a little too hard at that manager slapping the shit out of that fan

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    Replies
    1. He's getting in it so much. Clearly he loves his job.

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    2. I wouldn't mind having that job. Just so I could slap some fangirls around

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  12. but.. but.. there's only 5 stages of grief according to Kübler-Ross model....

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  13. Hi! I left that 'ask' lol. My friend is still on the denial phase, she blocked me on Facebook and will never talk to me again. She said she'd die for SuJu but now she's going to sell all her albums and will stop supporting k-pop forever, I laughed so hard. I hope she gets back from her "depression" because she's fucking 24 grow up you bitch and I'm like 15 and didn't get all bitchy about it.
    Funny how when I read your articles it felt that I already knew all that and ,honestly, I was only into in k-pop for the looks and thighs. Music is appreciated if it ever is good.

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  15. lol that guy is beating the crap out of girls.
    in my country people will give him a good beating for such behaviour.

    ReplyDelete