|SBS/KBS/MBC whatever the fuck no1curr, look it's Hyorin's panties.|
Well, I'll start with 'the best'.
As a dedicated member of the "I-really-don't-give-a-fuck-about-2NE1" club, I generally don't watch 2NE1-related videos, and I certainly don't praise them. But damn, this intro is eerie and startlingly good. Well it was, until they started performing and I saw their faces. That was when I went 'SOMEONE GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ROOM' and made sure to un-fullscreen. Here's what I thought of each member. CL was obnoxious (in every conceivable way) and was (unfortunately) given 90% of the parts. God knows why her fans think she is good at singing, she's blares like a fucking foghorn. Minzy is by far the best looking member, but she gets the least screentime, and humps the floor or shakes her ass enthusiastically in every performance I've ever seen of her. She doesn't disappoint. Bom still looks like a dumb plastic hoe, but I like how slutty she looks in her dress. Although I have noticed that she always dresses like that. If you're wondering, she hasn't improved much live. But Dara has. Oh Dara. You've shown much progress, coming up from a 'shittier-than-Hara' vocal level all the way to 'merely shitty'.. Congratulations! Also, her annoying expressions managed to be more amusing than annoying this time, so that was a bonus.
Though the performance may have been energetic and exciting to some, I believe the purpose of music, performing, ect. to be entertainment (correct me if I'm wrong), and seeing four mediocre idols pull off a mediocre stage is certainly not entertainment to me. I'm sorry boys, but that was a 5/10.
Oh goodie. My favorite girl group. They all looked fabulous. Gyuri with her see-through blouse that sparks the imagination and helps form a template with which we can fill in the blanks and fap to at night, hoping that our parents are asl- ahem. Jiyoung looked as cute as a button (it's Jiyoung after all), and still managed to look sexy, showing off her fabulous legs. Nicole, whatever. Seungyeon was as fuckable as ever, and even Hara managed to look like she actually had a rack (someone has been raiding Sica's wardrobe, icu Hara). And don't get me started on that funky, old-school beat that they had playing for their dance intro, made me wanna shake my ass like Nicole. The choreography was sexy too, bravo girls! 10/10.
Unfortunately, they did end up singing. Which means I'm going to have to deduct a couple points. Overall score: 6/10.
Predictably, this was the biggest joke of the show (although I'm sure Super Junior managed to fuck their shit up even more). Tiffany finger-synced (???) her flute, and managed to fool a grand total of: no one. The girls then performed Shinhwa's 'T.O.P.'. Again (They've performed it multiple times at other award shows in the past). I suppose they're allowed to show complacency now that they've reached the top and have an army of fans that'll support them through thick and thicker, but a little effort would be endearing girls. Being one of their simpler dance routines (coming from SNSD, that means it's really fucking simple. I'm talking T-ara level.), and the fact that I'd already seen it multiple times managed to make it a very yawn-inducing perf. Luckily, it was short, and Taeyeon appeared with a solo stage in tight, sexy, black leather. (insert gif of black man ejaculating). She sang convincingly too. However, the solo stage was plagued by some ridiculous vocal effect that made it sound like she was lip-syncing (never a good thing), and the corny rock act was just embarrassing.
So while parts of Taeyeon's stage were interesting, the overall thing was boring. And before anybody asks, no, I didn't watch their performance of The Boys. It's really a shitty song. 3.5/10.
JYP remixes are always fun (although somehow 2PM and Wonder Girls managed to have some of the most boring perfs this time around), and this one is no exception. The girls incorporated some dubstep-esque elements and more of that wonderful head-banging, which combined their fierce, powerful, (insert other adjectives that fangirls love) outfits created an electric (and humorous, due to the head-banging) atmosphere. Although the makeup did fuck up their faces (especially poor Jia), Suzy still looked great and stood out above the rest. As always. And since the only important member of miss A looked fabulous, I'd call this a success (not to be biased, but miss A consistently proves themselves more talented than other girl groups, so I don't bother talking about their actual talent). My only real complaint was Suzy smiling throughout the entire thing. Girl needs to take her sexiness to the next level, and that starts with developing a proper bitchface. 7.5/10.
This was a complete mess, and what the bloody hell was G.NA doing here? Regardless, this right here is what I love about these end of they year shows. Girls of different ages and groups gathering together to join on one stage and whore themselves out in the spirit of Christmas! Gain was the nicest to watch, she really is great when she's not being a hag, although she literally had a liter of vegetable oil spread on her legs. Jiyeon looked great (gasp), and Sunhwa would have been great, if she had gotten any screentime, but I guess Secret is still a no-name group when pitted against the likes of T-ara, miss A and BEG. Once again, what the fuck was G.NA doing here? Still, I enjoyed this enough to rate it a 8/10.
Other performances which I opted not to write about:
IU - You & I was as great as ever; IU is the paragon of consistency, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. Well, for kpop, yes; for her, no. She also performed with Yoseob the monkey.
Sistar - I don't know. I suppose it would have been pretty hot if Hyorin didn't irritate me so much.
Secret - Sunhwa looks fucking awesome these days. Don't remember much about the actual perf itself, unfortunately.
4minute - Really? They're still functioning as a group?
Wonder Girls - Boring. I miss the days when their stages were something to look forward to.
2PM - The only boyband performance I watched, god knows why. Yes, I was disappointed (this is fucking 2PM we're talking about). The entire performance was completely devoid of energy. Apparently the audience thought so as well, as they were close to silent throughout.
T-ara - I didn't think the remix was as bad as everybody was saying. It's a shame they were lip-syncing. Not that I expected any better.
EXO - The actual members performed for like 10 seconds, so there's not much to say. I'd smang Victoria though.