Tuesday, June 4, 2013

EXO's Wolf -- Korea's Cure For Depression



I received a heartwarming email from a Korean adult, one year removed from high school, who wishes to remain anonymous. As you guys know, high school is basically a prison in Korea. The stress there is extremely high and their whole lives are dictated by the results of one test. In order to get into more prestigious universities, many Koreans will take 1-2 years to study in order to retake the test just so they can have a better life. The letter is after the jump.


Hello Readers of AKF:

I have been studying for the past year and a half in order to get into Seoul National University, the best university in Korea. The competition is cut-throat with everyone looking out for their own self interest. The stress has been getting to me. For the past year, my scores have only gone up incrementally, not allowing me to get into Seoul National University. I was ready to give everything up.

Standing on a ledge, I was looking down at the chaotic streets of Seoul. It was only 30 meters, so I knew it would be a matter of seconds before I left this world. However, one of my female friends rushed up to the roof in order to stop me. She pleaded for me to stay alive, but I had no resolve to live.

"You don't have to give up now," she said as she reached into her pocket for her mp3 player. She slowly inched her way toward me as I stood still. In my mind, the word jump continuously echoed. I couldn't escape the temptation to just end my life right here.

My friend was standing just mere centimeters away from me as she put the headphones one me. She clicked play and I had heard the worst song of my life. I looked at her with, dazed as to how this song was supposed to keep me going on.

"How is this supposed to keep me live? This song is so fucking terrible. Has our country's music scene fallen so far as to release filth like this?"

She earnestly looked me in the eyes and replied, "This song is supposed to help you realize that no matter how tough life gets, it will never be as bad as EXO's life. You will never have to go around promoting a giant turd like this. You will never have to claim that you had a hand in anyway with such a piece of shit song. You will never have a legion of retarded fangirls going around and spreading this song for others to listen to. There are tough moments in everyone's life, but none will ever be tougher than EXO's Wolf promotions. See, these kids are able to live with themselves releasing such a terrible song. Let laughter be your medicine to your troubles. Don't resort to suicide when you have never unleashed such a monstrosity to the public like EXO has."

Ever since my friend saved my life by making me listen to EXO's Wolf, life has been better. Though my life has its difficult moments, at the very least, I'm not promoting this piece of shit. I'm not dressed up like a fucking faggot. Since I have studied English, I actually know how to pronounce "wolf".

I just thank the heavens everyday that I'm not an EXO member. I don't know how these guys live with themselves.

62 comments:

  1. hehhehe the best review so far :-) ironically...nicely put...

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  2. i have a feeling that in a few years (when they are hopefully permitted by the big man to have personalities again) all of exo is going to complain like mad about this song

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    2. Yeah, in the year 2055, when their contract is about to end.

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    3. @Icoris that comment is perfect!

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    4. wolf is their only song I don't like

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  3. Replies
    1. you mean the best dance move in all of history

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    2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt-rFuXGCyY

      1:42

      THAT is the best dance move in all of history

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  4. Haha! I actually think it's just a mediocre (as opposed to absolute shit) song if you remove the chorus (including that godawful, nasally-as-fuck "sarangheyo" squeak). Still, this review was so delicious that I'll give hating the song a try.

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  5. Not as bad as people make it out to be. Pretty incoherent, like 2 songs playing on top of each other. Terrible use of sub-base and transitions aside, as long as 'BrokenCyde' is a thing, the title of a "worst song" will never belong to Korea.

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    1. Dont forget Blood on the Dance floor

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  6. hhhhhhhhhhh OMG the best review ever

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  7. The whole video reminds me of several things,

    - maxstep and their abominable song
    - super junior
    - snsd igab

    Seriously, it has that no melody feel maxstep has (which is srsly stupid for me), its shittiness is close to igab, and has the same tryhard level as suju.

    Their track mama was ok, wtf happened?

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  8. Best review so far, lol. Still, their album has some solid songs in it

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  9. Do these boys use too much teeth when they are blowing LSM? Are they not giving their coordi noonas enough under the shirt, inside the bra feels? I can't seem to understand why they have to be subjected to this type of song. This song is absolute shit even by KPOP standards. I feel sorry for them because some of them (Chen) are genuinely talented and don't deserve to be treated like this.

    Their album is pretty good but most people don't give two fucks about the full length all they care about and judge people on is the title track.

    The only good to come of this is that people are finally starting to realize that Kris is in fact very ugly. That blonde hair held 99.99% of his "attractiveness."

    Damn,last year Kai and Lay could have totally smashed. I wouldn't even let them lick my toes now. Coordi noona fucked up royally. Chen remains the only redeeming thing about NextO.

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    1. Yeah, what the hell happened to Lay? They completely messed him up... Shame because he's the hottest one in the group, imo. :c
      ALSO, they made Chanyeol and Kai look like complete and utter shit. OTL

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    2. on the plus side Suho looks hot now.

      I'm missing the Lay swoosh though

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  10. Not a big deal, I have seen/heard worse shit than this. Maybe it's a sign that I have become accustomed to shitty music from kpop. In all honesty, kpop's obsession with computer generated electro poop will ultimately be its undoing.

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  11. I seriously hate kpop groups and their names
    -AOA(the fuck seriously ace of angels seem like the most gayest shit ever)
    -Exid(The name just seems too generic)
    -Mblaq(The fuck these people don't know how to spell)
    -Beast(calling themselves beast is pathetic)
    -fx(yet another stupid sm group name)
    -2pm(The fuck does this name even mean)
    -2am(seriously you make 2pm and then make another group called 2am this shows me how much lack of creavity jyp has)
    -Crayon Pop(too bubbly)
    -Myname(ourname sucks)
    -boyfriend(I hate this group so much it looks like a bunch of skinny asian twinks)
    -Nuest(The ren guy pisses me off and how he tries to act like a girl)
    -Seventeen(a group consisting of seventeen members from 12 and up.......)
    -afterschool(they replace members so many times I just gave up on remembering their names)
    -Zea(I HATE KWANGHEE)
    -Speed(CCM should just stick to ballad groups)
    -5 Dolls(like I said before)
    -Coed School(am I the only one who thinks that the guys in this group fuck the shits out of the girls)
    -4minute(Why the heck is What's My Name so good on the charts it gives my ears a period anyways Hyuna's "sexiness" disturbs me)
    -VIXX(the leader N is a fucking man whore)
    -Btob(another twink group like boyfriend)
    Apink(Naeun has a fake nose just wait until it falls off like Michael Jackson's)
    Superjunior(my goodness shindong is on the verge of death from obesity and diabetes if he eats another twinkie and all the other members suck. also they need to stop being fucking pussies when they have to go enlist in the army)
    Can't think of anymore....

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    1. -Exo(just the fact that they come from sm makes me hate them more and there music sucks. It funny how they split the money to like 24 members)

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    2. http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lprqh8OCcG1qfmbvi.gif

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    3. sistar: chart manipulators, soyu and dasom prove to be completely useless, bora's shitty raping, all of the members have shitty attitudes if they don't win awards they were nominated for, cheaters.
      t-ara: bitches.
      girls day: MINAH.
      bigbang (gdragon and seungri only): tryhards, acting like swaggots, photo bombed an awards show, perverts, seungri's weird japanese woman and american porn fedish, seungri's little girl fedish, thinks its cool to dress up like complete idiots.
      miss a: SUZY.


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    4. B.a.p(seriously don't understand why they are so popular that Zelo kid is like 9 or something)
      JJ Project(I thought these guys were dead or something anyways their singing sucks and their acting)
      JYJ(my goodness I hate stupid fangirls worshiping their oppars and they disbanded after that lawsuit thing)
      2ne1(CL to just stop tormenting people with her music and her face, Park Bom I can't even tell what she looks like anymore she probably could easily get along with Kwanghee)
      Big Bang(G-Drugging, Top, Man whore Seungri, whatever his name is Taeygon, and murderer deusung don't correct me on their names I don't give a shit how to spell em.
      FtIsland(Hongki is the only one who comes to mind and that little queer loves his nail art collection)
      CnBlue(I swear the company of Cnblue, FtIsland, and AOA doesn't know how to make a decent name for a group)

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    5. Coincidentally, I was just telling a friend about this a few days ago.
      I've concluded that boybands are worse than girlbands though.

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    6. Girlbands>boybands is a given since long time ago

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    7. snsd: jessica acts like an attention whore (especially during there "gee" and "genie" era)
      wonder girls: sohee is useless yet still lands cf's

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    8. HEY HEY HEY GILLIAN BAKER U LEAVE SUZY ALONE OR I RAKE UR FACE WITH BARBED WIRE

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    9. Moreover... Jessica IS a whore and we like it that way

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    10. I don't know about everything else but btob members are far from being twinks like boyfriend

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  12. I've been singing this song ironically since it's release, b-but I'm not even sure if it's ironic anymore. G-guys? What's happening to me?

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    1. GEURAE WOLF NAEGA WOLF AWROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (SARANGHAEYO)


      but in all seriousness, fuck me for knowing chinese and listening to the chinese version and UNDERSTANDING it.

      i just want to go jump off that cliff all over again

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    2. i did the same thing and got ulf stuck in my head for about two days straight

      as terrible as it is, the more you repeat it, the more it gets stuck in your head

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    3. WO SHI UUULF YI TOU UUULF AAAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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    4. I fail to understand why you would voluntarily listen to the song more than twice at MAX. unless you're doing the david thing where you do it ironically and then actually get into it (lol)

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  13. yeah this song is a shit tsunami
    what happened to exo man like mama was actually pretty good
    i cant imagine anyone not be embarrassed howling on national television like yooo this is going to be with them for the rest of their careers
    as for the album itself, its much more bearable. they could've promoted any of their new songs (even 3-shit-5) ((who thought it was a good idea to mix kpop and one direction)) and it would've been better than this horrendous excuse of a song
    my lady and baby are dont cry are gems though, i'll give them points for that

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    1. Thank you for informing me they finally released My Lady, but fuck, the full song is dissapointing...

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    2. "who thought it was a good idea to mix kpop and one direction"
      LOLOL yeah that song really does remind me of One Direction. Then again, so does B.A.P's 'Crash'.

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    3. let out the beast and 3.6.5 are significant low points but ulf is mad special

      @icoris: really? i loved my lady; it successfully achieves the 'transitional' thing SM has been failing miserably to pull off in recent times

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    4. I love the minimalistic sound in the teaser, as opposed to what it sounds like in the full version.

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  14. akf have become a place to find mad new ways to say shitastic this past week or so
    lol @ shit tsunami hahah

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  15. I really, truly, feel sorry for them. No one deserves the shit SM is putting them through.

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  16. but in a previously leaked (probably older version) of this song, they pronounced the word wolf properly, which means that SM told them to mispronounce it.

    on purpose.


    there is just seriously no excusing this concept though i saw their music bank outfits and barfed in my mouth. who the fuck gets paid actual physical fucking m o n e y for dressing these boys. and giving lay that piss blond hair.

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    1. I agree with this. In the original leaked version (however ridiculous that one was), Wolf was pronounced correctly. This leads me to believe that SM initiated this humiliating concept for EXO, in order for the song to be known (even if in a bad way) and for people to know who EXO is.

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  17. This post is manah for my eyes I love You! !!!♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

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  18. Wolf; I have no thoughts on it. It's just so uninteresting to me. The song is boring and nothing entertaining is happening in the MV. At least have an interesting MV if you're going to have a terrible song.

    I feel bad for them because it must be embarrassing to perform this LIVE (lip-synching) in-front of actual people and not just in the practice mirror. The dance is ridiculous..especially that bit where they are crawling on the ground and there is no way they will be able to perform this for-real without cutting out large parts of the dance. It's bad enough that the Kris member half-asses everything anyways. Imagine if he had to sing it for-real?

    Don't see how the fans of the other 6 members could possibly be enjoying this song. You don't even see the other 6 until the song is 50 seconds from being over. If I was a Chen fan I'd be pissed as fuck that Kris and Chanyeol got to sing 1/4 of the song cause they are popular while he got stuck lip-synching (terribly at that) to Changmin's old Mirotic high-note.

    yeah. Ok Exotics....

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  20. They literally could have promoted ANY other song on the album yet SM chooses this.. Logic.

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  21. The reason why they couldn't pronounce wolf correct was because their mouths were tainted from giving the sm ceo too many blowjobs duh

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  22. They are a.flop. Chanyeol and lay is hot, d.o is a cutie. Cant wait for henrys song, the teaser looks good!

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  23. I literally can't with them. They are almost as horribly awkward as Bieber and NO ONE is that awkward.

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  24. Wolf was pretty fucking terrible. But Don't Go, Baby Don't Cry and My Lady was pretty fab so I will be purchasing those songs.

    And I still would bang all of them

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  25. Shakira did this song better.

    http://youtu.be/booKP974B0k

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  26. I was going to go to Seoul National University for medical school back when I was 17. Then my mom stopped me because she did not want me to move so far away. One of the saddest moments of my life - rejecting my acceptance.

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  27. I gave up already. I refuse to watch EXO's interviews and promotions for Wolf because it's too painful to listen to them saying that "they're performing handsomely" and "please give us a lot of love". Look, the only reason I still stick with you guys is that you guys still look hot, but man, that song and that dance are hopeless. So much for having to wait more than a year for a comeback.

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  28. That anecdote sounds more of a story than someone's personal experience...

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  29. "I’ll take you in one mouthful like cheese."

    5/5 for lyrics

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