Sunday, June 9, 2013

JongKey? Try JongTomi!

Two months ago an interesting image crossed my path on some news sites that didn't seem to make much of a ripple in the world of k-pop, but which certainly caught my personal attention a great deal.



Jonghyun from SHINee being wished a happy birthday with a love message from Japanese AV star Hitomi Tanaka.  How did barely anyone even notice this?

I first found about this on an Allkpop article which I can't find anymore and has presumably been deleted in the transition to their shithouse new Adblock-hostile format everybody except them and their advertisers hates.  From memory, the mood of the reaction from SHINee fans in the article was basically something like this:



Because I don't trust a single thing that k-pop news media says ever ever EVER without rigorously fact-checking (something the news sites themselves seem to rarely even bother to do, preferring to act as a free Ctrl+C/Ctrl+V service), for verification I sailed on over to Hitomi's Twitter account, to confirm.

 

There it was.  Then, in tried-and-true k-pop scandal manner, she deleted the tweet, probably after getting an earnest private message from Jonghyun saying "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO RUIN MY CAREER!?!" or similar.  I then waited for the inevitable flood of rumour-mill articles, and... nothing.  Nobody picked up on this ball and ran with it.  TIEM TO FIX.

This interests me not as a fan of SHINee (I liked Lucifer and... well okay, that's really about it tbh) but as a fan of Hitomi (won't go into details, but then I don't really have to, do I).  Yeah, a few k-pop girls are kind of cute, but...


...let's be honest.  K-pop girls are not really in the race here.  Hell, I'm pretty sure they don't even know where the race is being held.

The tweet also interests me because I'm aware that a few of the more mentally-challenged fangirls out there enjoy a bizarre religious-cult-like practice known as "shipping", where they pair their (male) k-pop crushes with other (often male) k-pop crushes in their own imaginations (which seems odd in a society that seems quite homophobic in a lot of other ways but moving right along).  Then the more extreme "shippers" will do the tried-and-true netizen-style "I'd like to believe that this is true, because it kind of seems true-ish-sorta-kinda even though I have fuck-all actual proof and zero insider knowledge, so I'm going to construct as much strawman evidence as I can out of various images, videos etc to support what I already believe and ignore everything else" (see: every k-pop controversy ever) in order to give strength to their OTP (excuse me while I throw up in my own mouth a little).  I'm also aware that one of the more popular ships is "JongKey".  For a summary of what they believe straight from the hive-mind of the mentally ill, look no further than Urban Dictionary:



Etc.  However, JongKey seems unlikely to me, and more importantly where these things are concerned I don't really WANT to believe it, so in true netizen style (i.e with no actual evidence, just a bunch of shit and guesswork) I'm going to posit an alternate case for JongTomi.  Take notes.



JONGHYUN AND HITOMI TANAKA ARE AN OTP: THE IRONCLAD PROOF*

1.  Hitomi tweeted Jonghyun to wish him a happy birthday, and told him that she loved him

No big deal, right?  Could be in jest, yeah?  But wait.  How many people's birthdays do you actually remember?  I only remember two - my own birthday, and my girlfriend's birthday.  Because it's important that you remember someone's birthday if you want them to share a bed with you and do more than hog all the sheets and blankets.  Plus "I love u so much"?  Say no more.

Of course, maybe it's not like that, and she remembered his birthday instead because she's a crazy obsessed fangirl herself.  That's a possibility, but this of course only makes her more likely to fuck him.  So either she'd fucked him already when she sent that tweet, or was just about to, because if I was Jonghyun and I got a tweet like that from Hitomi I'd sure as shit be replying and teeing something up on my next Japan visit.  And don't think that's not possible - it's actually pretty easy to have sex with pornstars, even if they DON'T like you.  Depending on who it is, often you just need to be in the right place at the right time, with some cash and preferably also a camera.  Shouldn't be too much of a challenge for a celebrity in an A/B-list group, especially if the girl loves the shit out of him.  All that would be lacking is time out of his busy schedule.  Which brings us to...

2.  Jonghyun's "accident" isn't confirmed, and the timing suspiciously coincides with Hitomi's tweet.

At least when Secret and T-ara had car crashes there was plenty of accident porn posted so we knew it was real, yet people were skeptical and nasty because they didn't want to believe it because they would then have to face the reality of being caught out as worthless cunts cyberbullying car accident victims.  On the other hand good fucking luck finding a single image or video of Jonghyun's alleged car crash, or any hospital footage or anything of Jonghyun verifiably injured in any way, yet so far nobody has questioned the legitimacy of the accident story, presumably because he's male and fangirls adore him and not some oppa-stealing whore.  Also:

When did Jonghyun get "nose surgery" after his "car accident" and announce time off?  April 9th. 

When did Hitomi tweet him?  April 8th.

You do the math.

Sure, you might be thinking "she's just being nice to him specifically because he got in that accident and all" but she didn't give the same shout-out to Zinger (or whatever the fuck she's calling herself this week) or Soyeon.  Why not?  Because she doesn't want to bang either of those two, that's why not.  Look on the Internet for Hitomi lesbian AVs - there's only a few compared to the mountains of AVs of her taking on 12 guys at a time in the back of a bus etc. - clearly the girl has a preference for guys.

3.  Jonghyun doesn't give a fuck



He doesn't even acknowledge or make eye contact with the saesangs anymore.  He looks perfectly healthy too.  A bit tired and worn out maybe, but then you would be too if you had to heft those boobs around on a daily basis for a month.  Clearly he's thinking more about what's waiting for him when he gets inside:



If you can, try tearing your eyes away from Hitomi herself and check out that background.  Look familiar?  Yes, it seems obvious that Hitomi has her own Super Junior-style oddly-lit tiled room especially built for her in SM Entertainment HQ.

4.  Hitomi shows signs of being ready for a serious relationship

According to 100% reliable and credible online big-boobs wiki Boobpedia, Hitomi hasn't made an AV since October 2012.  (If I'm wrong here, please alert me to any newer material, preferably with links to easily-downloaded proof so I can confirm the source thanks.)

Other recent and entirely trustworthy sources confirm that Hitomi is trying to steer her career away from hardcore AVs and into more softcore modelling.

It's clear that she wants something serious and is steering away from the hardcore sex scenes in the films so she can enjoy sex more in her personal life.  AV sex professionals rarely get all that raunchy when the cameras are off for the same reason why cooks rarely cook at home - if you spend 12 hours a day preparing and cooking food the last thing you want to do when you knock off work is prepare and cook food some more.  The joke's on you if you date a chef thinking you're going to get great home-cooked food every day, or date a porn star thinking that you're going to get to simulate Hitomi's scenes in "J-Cup Big Tits Temporary Staff".  You'd be better off paying if you want that - a candlelight dinner and then missionary position with the lights out is far more likely when you're in a relationship with an active pornstar, because that's something she can't get at work.  So how do you make cooking - or sex - more enjoyable in your private life?  Stop doing it at work.  Hitomi is clearly making that transition for the benefit of herself and that special someone.

SUMMARY:


I had a really good summary written but then my blog software didn't save it, so let's just look at this picture.  I forgot what my point was anyway.  Tits.

* Actually this is all circumstantial bullshit.  Hey, total lack of solid evidence is good enough for TaJinyo/T-Jinyo, so it's good enough for me.  Hitomi, if you're reading this, oppa didn't mean it.  Also what are you doing this weekend.  You're not really dating Jonghyun are you.

81 comments:

  1. Relationship?!
    Never trust a woman, whose vagina looks like burnt roastbeef.
    I'm sure her "personality" is "big" enough to veto that sentiment, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you saying her vagina is ugly!??!!

      On a sidenote, Jjong left to get a nosejob, that might fix his unaesthetically attractive face.

      Delete
    2. Sorry, but he returned as ugly as ever <3
      LOL jongtomi, you guys win.

      Delete
    3. If you're actually looking at a girl's vagina, you're doing it wrong.

      Delete
    4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkQ6KN11WXs

      Delete
    5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru9RnhuW_YM
      My link is better than your link

      Delete
    6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo-KBG4jCZQ

      Delete
    7. Eww I just looked it up. It is ugly. Wae are they so ugly?
      Sb: I dont want ppl to know.

      P.s: Jjong isnt him anymore. Sucks for us I guess

      Delete
    8. Ugly? Are you talking about Hitomi's boobs, Hitomi's vagina, or Jonghyun's nose? Or all three?

      Delete
    9. Tits n vag
      Mangoes bananers: pics or he gots a nosejob!

      Delete
  2. ATTABOY JJONG

    he's always been charming but lad gets the hottest girls

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The millions of young guys in Korea wanting to be idols kinda makes sense now.

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    2. another 'ironclad proof' could be that around the sherlock era jjong wouldn't stop complaining about how he didn't have a girlfriend but he has mysteriously totally shut up about that now.

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  3. I would approve this, but it's true that I'm not a shawol, I would feel i lil bit bad...
    But That guy looks really pervy and nymphomanic.. look the things he do to Taemin on stage... he's cock is burning for a warm hole..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not too sure if you're misusing 'nymphomaniac' for 'sexually deprived guy who resorts to doing taemin and anyone who's available since he blew it with shin sekyung'

      http://24.media.tumblr.com/ffd5a5f8106224d3608de371fb94a883/tumblr_mo6jqsdIJU1s9e4uqo1_1280.png

      Delete
  4. She looks quite cute in glasses. I'm a shawol, but I'm not pressed because Hitomi likes Jonghyun. If he likes her too, then good for him. He's always been the hottest one imo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More fans like you and less cray-cray fans and the world would be a better place. There would probably also be no war, famine, etc.

      Delete
  5. You make two spaces after full stops.
    That's really annoying and totally useless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also, Hitomi is fug.
      And her tits are equally fug because of the gigantic areola.

      Delete
    2. I wonder which idols secretly have pepperoni areolas.
      Victoria, for example, probably has a solid 2 inch radius. G.NA I think is a given, and I'm willing to put money on Hyorin...

      Delete
    3. It's a habit from manual typewriter days. Showing my age.

      It's actually Hitomi's chubby rabbit-toothed face that sells me on her, not her boob size. I like Raina and Juniel for the same reason. Yeah I'm weird.

      Delete
    4. The proper term is 'butterface' tyvm. see also: G.NA

      Delete
    5. what i like about her is that she doesn't act like a scared little girl and make high whining noises.
      her face is actually kind of nice

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    6. That's true. Most Japanese AV is irritating to watch because the girls whine like they're five years old all the way through it.

      G.NA on the other hand doesn't do it for me at all - face or body.

      Delete
    7. G.NA's sloppy boobs don't do it for me either, I just recognize a categorical butterface when I see one!

      Delete
  6. Hitomi hasnt stopped doing porn. She has released a few videos since October. On her blog there is a link on the side to pre-order her next video that comes out 6/13 (this week on Thursday)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is this hardcore enough for you?
      http://www.moodyz.com/shop/-/detail/=/cid=midd977/

      Delete
    2. YES THIS MEETS REQUIRED STANDARDS

      Pity I don't know any Japanese so I can't navigate the site to pre-order my copy.

      Delete
    3. OMG IT DOESN'T WORK FROM MY COUNTRY (sob sniff) GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME

      I'm going to have to throw things around the room and top myself like Jiyeon in the video to that great new T-ara/The Seeya/5Dolls/Speed song

      Delete
    4. I wish the last 2 were not in the song

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    5. Yeah I could have done without the raps too tbh. One day k-pop will learn not everything has to have a light-speed rap over it.

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    6. I dont much Japanese either but Im use to navigating through certain websites because of trial and error. Here is the amazon and HMV link if you are interested in purchasing it

      http://www.amazon.co.jp/gp/product/B00CRAO8DQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&keywords=24%E6%99%82%E9%96%93%E3%83%87%E3%82%AB%E3%83%91%E3%82%A4%E5%90%8C%E6%A3%B2%E7%94%9F%E6%B4%BB&qid=1370877928&redirect=true&s=dvd&sr=1-1

      http://www.hmv.co.jp/en/artist_Adult_000000000146573/item_24%E6%99%82%E9%96%93%E3%83%87%E3%82%AB%E3%83%91%E3%82%A4%E5%90%8C%E6%A3%B2%E7%94%9F%E6%B4%BB-Hitomi_5432285

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    7. Thank you kindly from the bottom of my ginormous-tit-obsessed heart.

      Delete
  7. Is it just me or does she look like hyoyeon?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought about it but now that you point it out... she's like Hyoyeon but cuter and with better priorities in life.

      Delete
    2. I was just going to say, holy shit is that Hyogre. Dear god.

      I'll give you guys that she has ginormous boobs, but holy hell that face. KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

      Delete
    3. This explains why I find her so ugly, I guess.

      Delete
  8. Did this girl come out from the Eiken anime or some shit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://media.animevice.com/uploads/2/20763/600266-eiken2_5.png
      http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rvKap4FM2pU/T-NRFMLPEqI/AAAAAAAAAB4/4SceynmCl-c/s1600/530916-54333.jpg

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    2. And I bet people thought Eiken was "unrealistic"...

      Delete
  9. she looks like a japanese hyoyeon, just more retarded and has more bewbs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. retarded is an improvement?

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    2. More retarded means more likely to accept me into her life hahahahaha

      Delete
  10. wow those tits will rule the world

    ReplyDelete
  11. tits almost make me wanna leave yura... put mask over it, I will leave yura in 2 second..........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Better yet, put a Yura mask on Hitomi's face.

      Delete
  12. Those boobs are scaring me to no end.

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. On one of the pictures you can see how much the plastic surgeon had to really stretch out the skin on her chest to fit that silicone in. I can't imagine what it must have been like to sew it all in without the skin breaking from the tension. Kind of ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hers are natural. Fake boobs don't do this: http://25.media.tumblr.com/a79dfacbed59e71426ad2eff948e35dc/tumblr_mnalw4JEME1ss0h98o1_400.gif

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    2. Don't ask me why the spacing is weird in my above comment, no idea. But they are natural, definitely. Plastic surgeons usually reposition the nipple as well as even the sizing when performing boob augmentations (even when doing reductions they will still even sizes), Hitomi's nipples sit quite naturally low and the two boobs are very different sizes, a surgeon would have changed that straight away if they were working on her.

      Delete
  15. Lmao!!!! Reposition the nipple??? Why in the world would they reposition the nipple when they're just augmenting? The nipple has its own vascular supply, it's not just some mole you can just tAck on the boob like an art project or else it would necrose. There's no way they would mess with a nipple unless they were doing a TRAM flap where they were complete reconstructing two breasts. And in terms of uneven sizing, well .... I've seen some uneven breasts come out of surgery. They only make so many sizes for the silicone/saline implants, they're not going to customiZe each one so the breasts are perfectly symmetrical. Although granted ive only seen breast surgeries from a university hospital maybe they're better about aesthetics in an private hospital.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ^ New resident boob expert.

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    2. They do reposition nipples in private surgery when doing boob jobs, it's commonplace. A friend of mine had it done and she lost all nerve sensation in them. Besides the point anyway - Hitomi's are real, and notorious for being both very large and real, it's why she's so popular in Japanese AV. And in the AV industry boob jobs are not something that the girls tend to lie about, unlike music, and the broader entertainment industry.

      Delete
    3. To clarify, repositioning usually isn't necessary when augmenting because the implant sits under the boob and lifts it up. It's far more common when a reduction is done. However in either case, the final result is that the nipple sits in a different place to where it would sit if the boob had not been surgically altered. So Hitomi's nipples would certainly sit higher if her boobs had been enhanced because the implant would support them and push them upward somewhat.

      Delete
    4. how come japanese av girls are so hot but the men are all old and sick i've come across exactly one attractive japanese male porn star and i don't know his name and the video was one of those awkward censored ones so i just got annoyed and closed it

      Delete
    5. I guess because no-one's looking at the guys too closely. Probably the same reason why Ron Jeremy gets to have a career.

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    6. Out of your two points, yes, repositioning isn't usually necessary when augmenting, but I wouldn't say mastopexy is commonplace. I finally saw that gif that you linked, it was initially pretty horrifying. But I can understand why you feel they are natural since they seem to sag like the breasts of an obese woman with a BMI of 50-60 with no contractures, while the rest of her body including her waist appears slim. Very very odd fat distribution. Butttt I guess that's why she works in the porn industry. I do feel bad for her though, women with D cups and above usually have back problems so I can't imagine how much problems she'll have.

      Delete
    7. They are real. There's not too many things one can be sure of in this age of Internet gossip and conspiracies, but Hitomi's breasts are real, I 100% guarantee it. Mountains (literally) of evidence is out there. And yes I agree she will have crazy back problems if she doesn't have them already!

      Delete
    8. Lmaooo you are hilarious

      Delete
  16. This entire blog post is a shit storm of bias and assumptions.

    Hitomi is about one of thousands of people that tweeted Jonghyun 'Happy Birthday' that day. Just because she's a popular JAV star with huge tits doesn't mean Jonghyun had sex with her. I don't understand how did you make a connection from her tweeting "Happy Birthday" to him to them having an affair to his return. And I'm 100% sure that he doesn't even know of her existence and that SM wouldn't allow that (having relationships without permission is against their contract).

    I am positive that since SM didn't announce the accident or even when he got his nose bone surgery til after his return to keep fans from affecting his recovery. If you watched the video of his return, did you see all those fans that were crowded around him? I bet that is aggravating and annoying. And actually, Jonghyun had been in the hospital since April 1st when the car accident occurred. He just happened to have his nose bone surgery a day after Hitomi sent him a tweet. Jonghyun isn't the only idol that ignores screaming fans when they are coming into or from their agency or into or from the airport; they have to stay focused on whatever they have to do next.

    I am also positive that Jonghyun has morals. Koreans hold their values and morals to the upmost. In my opinion, seeing a porn star that had tweeted you on your birthday doesn't make it a bootycall. Since, Hitomi has been tapped by many men I'm sure that her female organ is probably loose and used.

    Also before you throw daggers at other netizens, you should reflect on your blog. It's just like any other gossiping, shit-stirring netizen website.

    ReplyDelete
  17. so what?! she's a human too... Can't she be a fan just because she's an av star????!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Missing The Point 101 exhibit B.

      Hey I like them both too. Good luck to Hitomi if she's a fan. Even better luck to her if she's getting some "Ring Ding Dong".

      Delete
  18. LOL.
    First, I have nothing against her. If Jonghyun is really in a relationship with her them let it be, it is his life & choice.

    BUT...
    These are baseless theories. It may look real but they are still ideas. She tweeted on the day before his surgery because IT WAS his birthday. Nothing new.
    No photos of the accident because the accident WAS MINOR. He might moved his car as soon as police came, which can be really fast. No one cared to take pictures of the accident, maybe because no one even knew he was a celebrity or there was an accident. It was a bridge. Not a place for people to stop and stare at some care drove on rails/minor accident.

    The T-ara girls accident there were picture because their CEO wanted to make people sympathize with them. Hell Jonghyun's group were having a new album promotion in few days why would he leave that out as a main singer. Plus, his accident was before her tweet. If something happened as you say, that made them try to cover it with the accident story, why didn't he warn her about being exposed? Why would she stupidly tweet and uncover her "boyfriend" putting him in troubles.
    His surgery was delayed because his nose was swollen, was announced earlier, they needed to know if a surgery is a must or no. He is a main singer and a random nose surgery could ruin his career.
    His vacation is Japan, lol, that was a work-trip. Even if it was in a vacation-like it was still a work-trip. Cameras followed him day by day. Staff followed him hour by hour. There was no time to meet someone he needs to hide /a girlfriend,not to mention,a porn star/. His trip was recorded by video & photos. So no, he didn't go to meet her, she who he doesn't want his fans & company to know about, specially when his fans stalked him & knew where he was all the time.

    Nice theory by the way, peace =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Missing The Point 101 part 3. Did someone link this blog on some SHINee fansite or something?

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I should be flattered that someone deems my post worthy of leaving shit like this on it.

      Delete
  20. Some mighty fine theory crafting we got going on here. I like it. Where is the evidence to prove that this is not true?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Korean netizens taught me everything I know about "evidence".

      Delete
    2. Fortunately, I got into kpop around the same time the T-ARA controversy happened, so I was able to learn the k-netizen definition of "evidence" extremely quickly.

      Delete
  21. To further on the conversation above, actually, Hitomi Tanaka's breasts are implants.
    http://i.imgur.com/PEJZgae.jpg
    Still gorgeous though, but silicone boobs can be made to where they still bounce well. And in certain porn vids you can see how the breasts often act like they have a huge, singular bag inside each.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha nonsense, you are wrong. The first two pics are of a completely different girl. Sorry but nipple dimensions do NOT change when you get a breast implant, no matter what the procedure or implant size. And the second lot of two pictures is Hitomi but is definitely NOT F cups. Spreading lies tsk tsk.

      Delete
  22. As I always say: "If I can touch them, they are real to me."

    ReplyDelete