Friday, April 4, 2014

Fanfic Fridays: That Empty Bus Seat

Last Friday was... torture.

The writing was entirely elementary but the comments on the article gave me hope.
I have decided to try again; there must be a good kpop fanfiction out there.

Time to dabble into the minds of arguably the most rabid fanbase out there: EXO stans.

This story drew me in by a very interesting tag: “you”.

Yes, I was going to be a main character in this fabulous story although I suspect it was to allow easier self insertion for their “oppar luvs me” fantasies. Apparently no one makes Mary Sue original characters any more. God damn kids these days are so lazy. Back in my day we'd spend long hours in MS Paint tracing over anime artwork giving our selves characters rainbow hair and magical powers. These 12-years olds have lost all their ambition.

The good old days
The description this time was thankfully short. It set up the complete lack of plot very nicely, describing a person who partakes in the act of creeping on a stranger in the bus. This is real romance right there.

I was written as a girl by the name of Shin Aera who is outgoing and sweet and hates people who don't pay attention. I most definitely have a personality and am not at all a completely blank canvas with only vague concepts masquerading as human traits. This boy “Lay” had twice as much going on but I suppose he has the benefit of being an existing person. I also have a best friend who is as character deficient as I am. She is useless.

Let's get this chapter started.

If there's one thing I could say, it was that this benefits from using the second person narrative.

It is not any more clever in its use of language than Beyond Repair but rather it reads like a Choose Your Own Adventure book or those old school text based games. Because of this, the author doesn't need to use a plethora of literary devices and can just scrape by with the bare minimums and let the reader's imaginations fill in the blanks.

I was doing the most mundane things in this fan-fiction, as expected from a romance. I waited at the bus stop, boarded the bus and sat next to a boy. My life experiences do not parallel these in the slightest as it is near impossible to board a maxi taxi or bus without getting ass in your face. How I did not smell the curry and daal another passenger ate for lunch is beyond me. Suspension of disbelief BROKEN.

Always double check
To be quite honest, reading this made me feel creepy. Nothing here felt real. Am I supposed to believe that I literally take the exact same bus everywhere? I don't even know how that is possible. I'm pretty sure buses have set routes; so do I just not go anywhere else? To top it all off this omgsosuperdreamydrool boy is always on this bus, with a seat open next to him?

My mind fogged up. There was a reason I never got into the romance genre. Everything about it was simply too unreal and the entire driving force of the narrative relied on me being attracted to the characters enough to want them together.

News Flash: I have no desire to be around Lay.

The author doesn't make any effort to put any chemistry between “me” and SM clone #2354 (the biggest interaction we had was when he picked up my bus pass) but it not like she has to. It's assumed you're reading this because you want a story where the happily ever after ends in you boning a minor celebrity. Why else would you read this?

But I was still reading. Still on the bus. My plot device of a friend texted me urging me to move it along because the author is getting bored of writing about the deafening silence and my thoughts about his mysterious sexiness.

And then I saw it.

You couldn't help it, could you? The fangirl in you just had to violently come out like a chestburster. You couldn't settle for having a member as a love interest or even stop at your friend dating one. Nope. You needed to be friends with six.

Up until now, I've been giving the author the benefit of the doubt, but this is just excessive. I get it. You're a fan and you love them but is it too much to ask to be less revolting about it? Can't you spread them out a bit? Can't one be like a family member or someone from your sports club or that dude picking his nose in the back of class? Why are they ALL friends?

Now that's just fucking scary. Psycho fan wants to collect EXO members like Pokemon. I could no longer maintain the “you” mindset. This was not me. If my belief was broken before, it's fucking shattered into a million irreparable pieces right now. Who collects people?

Actually. I have changed my mind. These two mentally unstable sociopaths are perfect for each other.


This is physically hurting me to read.
Did everyone here escape from a mental institution? There was nothing written that was remotely exciting enough to warrant this reaction.

However, in the author's defence it is about as well written as any romance drivel you'll find in the young adult section. It's nothing mind blowing or interesting, but at least it's competent and not tedious to read. It helps that this chapter was nice and short. If you're desperate to walk a mile in the shoes of a fangirl, this one would do the trick. However, be wary; there's 50 chapters.

As for me, I'll be here again next week to press my luck in finding something that suits my tastes.


  1. lay fanfiction will never match up to his real life love story

    1. lay already has a girlfriend

  2. You should have taken a Tiffany and Taeyeon lesbo fanfic, now that Tiffany is officially dating some guy.
    Just think of all the delusional fangirl tears ! It's beautiful !

    1. I do these in advance. The news hadn't been broken yet otherwise I would have done that "lesbian but not lesbian because one of the girls is a boy " trope that I've been seeing around.

    2. I thought so. Mainly, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy the fangirl tears. hah

  3. Ugh, I hate those "you" tags. They're mostly really badly written with "insert name" thingies, also "you're not very pretty and very nerdy" -> insert ulzzang picture here <- .....what? A couple of hipster glassed doesn't make you nerdy, especially when they usually don't have anything in the story that shows that they're nerdy.

  4. Finding a good oc fanfic in aff is like trying to find Nutella in a pile of shit

  5. Celebrity & you fanfictions creep me the fuck out. On top of that, most fanfictions are poorly written.

    1. I don't get the idea behind it anyway.
      Just look at pics and fap.

  6. Who knows, maybe there's a plot twist and you're actually someone who spazzes over EXO but you kill them and collect their heads or something.

  7. creative jingles out of the blue...

  8. I'm going to start referring to all AKF writers as "Author-nim". My grasp of Korean honorifics is about as minimal as the average fanfic writer's, anyway.

  9. "You" is always getting all the hotties in these things. What about "Your prettier older sister" or "That girl from biology who's not a giant freak"? Why don't they ever get the guy in the end?

    1. There is one particularly well known fanfic about the sister getting the man. It's called "The Dull One" and it's a Myungsoo/OC fic.

      I personally wrote one about sisters, but they get different's called "ethereal masquerade", with Kai/Krystal and Suho/Sica.

  10. CHAPTER 2

    The bus is on its way back to Seoulville at night, and everyone has fallen asleep.

    Suddenly, Lay runs to the front of the bus, pulls out a machete from his bag and stabs the driver repeatedly in the face. He slumps over (the driver, not Lay) and dies. Lay then runs through the bus slashing and stabbing random passengers, until he comes to your row. His blood-soaked face turns towards you briefly and for one magical split second your eyes meet. That split second feels like an eternity as you stare into the dark cosmos of his eyes, feeling his soul enter yours as his machete enters your abdomen.

    Soon he turns his attention elsewhere, but that single moment of synergy let you know that this is true love, and you'd be together for the rest of your life. As the rest of the passengers, cry and scream, you should with your final breath: "Oppar didn't mean it!"

    1. * you shout with

      I really should proof this shit

  11. You should do this stuff often.
    There, I found a recommendation list, even.

    I was bored like hell when I first read that fic. The Empty Bus Seat stuff. And yes, it's kind of creepy.... And doesn't really make sense.

  12. I suggest to you a fanfic called der marchenclub. I think that one is cool fanfic with jessica as the lead

    1. it's long as hell, though XD

      i'm assuming the duchess is writing scheduled articles, that he/she must send to AKF hyung at least maybe a day before the time the article is scheduled to be published (friday). So reading 55 chapters in 3-4 days makes about 18-19 chapters per day. Each chapter takes about 15 min for me to read (this is merely my reading...the duchess may take longer or shorter to finish 1 chapter), so the duchess must devote around 4.5 hours per day to reading this fic. Also, we must include the time it takes to write the article, do any corrections that AKF hyung wants, etc. So maybe 5.5 hours per day for one article about "Der Marchenclub" *by pinboo, in case the duchess actually wants to find it*. Quite an expenditure of time.

  13. All EXO fanfics are shit. Plot twist.