Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Shindong Theory

So recently, SM's resident hog was spotted on a date with some hot model. While I had no thoughts about it myself besides the good old 'wtf,' However, other people on the internet had their own input, for example:

"Shindong Oppar is dating!!!! NOOOOOOOOO YOU ONLY LOVE ME!!!" - Shindong's fridge

"YOU BOUGHT HER FOOD BUT WON'T FEED ME????" - Shindong's self-storage stomach

"SHINDONG OPPAR IS MINE 5EVER!" - Those five fat Super Junior fangirls

"Why does Shindong get to bone her?" - The other Super Junior members

"What happened to the girlfriend/fiancee? Damn liar, we feel bad for the girl" - Netizens everywhere

"He must form the fat into a 10-inch dong." - Chuck




With all the confusion, your friend Krakenoid decided to search for clues to find the reason as to why someone at the bottom of the chain (he's below dog shit) would aim so high when dating. The answer? Shindong isn't boning that girl!

"You must be crazy there Anna Krakenoid, of course they're dating!" Well, I heard from my friend who heard from her mom's third cousin's uncle's dad's grandfather twice removed that Shindong was screwing his girlfriend when he realized that he just didn't have the hots for her anymore, so he found some nugu bitch trainee at the SM building and screwed her backstage. However, he felt himself going limp while inside of her. Frustrated, he decided to talk to Leeteuk about the situation. As he talked, he realized that the other guy was only in his underwear and was giving Shindong a hungry look.You can guess what happened, and now Shindong has realized that he is a fucking faggot and Leeteuk is in the E.R. being treated for hip trauma.


With this realization, Shindong decided to make being fab his goal and befriended some hot females. The reporters stalking him happened to catch him when he was releasing hid inner female BFF on the model in question.


This reminds me of this incident.

SM saw that the damage was too real and decided to take matters into their own hands, bribing the model to say that she was dating Shindong in order to cushion the current evidence, and so that others don't catch on to the obvious. Stay tuned for updates as Shindong plummets further into the world of the gay. I will be waiting for the day Jo Kwon ends up in the hospital because he let Shindong be on top. The ham's five fangirls will also be bawling when they learn that their inspirational idol is totally queer. Until then, let's all offer our prayers to the model, an innocent bystander who was dragged into involvement by SM. Hopefully she thinks it is worth all the shame.

20 comments:

  1. Shindong is very handsome. I will never understand why Siwon is called "hot" and Shindong is called "ugly". Maybe my taste is unusual?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://m.imgur.com/N9l0A76
      http://m.imgur.com/AqjzLPZ
      http://m.imgur.com/fYErX2u
      http://m.imgur.com/tGOdcqV
      http://m.imgur.com/jG1he7f

      Delete
    2. Is showing me weird pictures of him supposed to change my mind? I still like Shindong.

      Delete
    3. Some research has shown people of similar attractiveness levels are attracted to each other, so I'm going to assume you are fat and ugly like Shitdong.

      Delete
    4. Apply cold water to burnt area.

      Delete
    5. Shindong be sexy as fuck yo!

      Delete
  2. Is Shitdong the whore of SuJu?

    lawl

    ReplyDelete
  3. Say what you'd like, but the dumb shit he says bring tons of attention to SuJu. I also find this theory to be the most plausible out of everything I've read from netizens. Good work, detective!

    ReplyDelete
  4. From one pretty girl to next.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe he helps them pick their wardrobes and looking at him keeps their diets steady.

      Delete
  5. So she's a beard? That makes sense. Either that or she's using him for his money, because he has nothing else to offer.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm surprised someone is yet to say this, (maybe no one is prepared to call out Chuck/Jaejoong oppar and all) but being fat can (allegedly) take like inches off your manhood, lol. I feel so sorry for the model if he is boning her, tbh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which is why he would have to take his fat rolls and have something that can force the rolls into the shape of a penis.

      Delete
  7. Didn't he fat shame one time, in spite of the fact that he's a fucking porker? On some variety show?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, which is why a lot of girls don't like him at all.

      Delete