Sunday, April 13, 2014

6 k-pop idols who look like busty pornstars

You know the deal.  We've all been there.  You're sitting at home fapping to k-pop idols but you just can't get into the groove this time - you're having trouble maintaining your arousal.  You fap harder, you try some lube, you try your other hand, but it's no use.  You're in good physical condition, you're not even tired... relaxing and giving up for the moment, you sit and think about your predicament.  It becomes clear to to you that the problem is mental, not physical - after many years of fapping to k-pop videos and GIFs you've been finally desensitised to the coy, controlled, choreographed prancing and posing of you bias, and you need something more hardcore to keep your solo-libido going.  However, you don't want to fap to anyone but your bias.... because that would be like cheating... well, okay, not really... but you're delusional, so there's no talking to you.

NEVER FEAR - KPOPALYPSE IS HERE TO HELP!

kara-hara-5

Since we can't have k-pop stars doing porn because Korean laws are a super-conservative killjoy, I've taken the trouble of finding for you six lookalikes that you can search up on porn sites and use as a fap substitute while still keeping your mind clean and pure with thoughts of only your precious bias (assuming you bias is one of these six, but then, these six idols are pretty fucking smoking hot, so it probably is*).  These lookalikes definitely don't have the same body types, but they do have similar faces.  Or maybe they don't.  Whatever.  It's a k-pop porn post - why are you complaining?

Let's kick things off with the obvious choice, that has been pointed out to me on several occasions:

HYOYEON (GIRLS' GENERATION)

Hyoyeon4

Hyoyeon's hot sexy appearance is no stranger to any k-pop fan who likes their smiles cute, their eye-spacings wide and their World Of Warcraft accounts fully paid.  I don't mind admitting that I myself am quite partial to the old Hyogster (on the SNSD fap scale I rate her third just below Sunny and Seohyun and above Jessica), but I often wonder to myself, when is she going to make her AV debut?  She would certainly have the physique and the required dexterity, but alas, the adult video industry eludes her for now.  We can only hope that the Korean media's rampant speculation about SNSD being a spent force has some truth to it, thus economic necessity forcing her to diversify her career, but unfortunately the Korean pop media are usually full of shit when predicting anything at all so I'm not holding my breath.  Seeing as how Hyoyeon probably won't make that AV debut for quite some time, it's just as well that in the interim JAV star Hitomi Tanaka looks just like her.

hitogreen

Well, maybe not exactly like her, but close enough.... and I'm not the only one who's noticed.  Time to go "raiding", what do you think?

MINZY (2NE1)

minz2

Be honest - you've been fapping to Minzy for quite a while now, but her resolute lack of fanservice is a distinct boner-killer.  She's obviously got such a great athletic body and it's always hidden under 26 layers of baggy hip-hop clothing at any given moment.  At this point you're convinced that she sleeps with three jumpers and six pairs of pants, there's probably no chance of a cheekily upturned ankle let alone the nipslip you've been secretly craving...

If you find yourself in this position, perhaps the charms of Rio Natsume will be to your liking.

minz

Same dull stare, same basic facial features, same mouth-breathing expression, but with less Photoshop and about 700% more boob.  It's a win/win.

PARK BOM (2NE1)

Park-Bom

While clearly every bit as beautiful as a freshly unboxed Realdoll, Bom never really gets to show off her assets in the way that many 2NE1 fans would probably like.  It's clearly upsetting for the poor girl to be lumbered with 2NE1's disingenuous and morally fraudulent "female empowerment-lite" concepts while other groups get to happily shake their tits and ass, but there's not much we can do about that.  However, what we can do is fap to Julia.

julibom

 Sporting a similar carefully crafted face and plastic sheen, the anonymous and extremely active JAV star simply known only as "Julia" should bear enough of a resemblance to satisfy the cravings of Bom-lovers frustrated with Jeremy Scott's anti-fapwear.

JIYEON (T-ARA)

jiyet-ara2

Having already gotten a taste of the cottage AV industry before her stint in k-pop even began, Jiyeon surely has no desire to go back to such shenanigans now that she's a mature adult.  This means that the upcoming Jiyeon solo is probably as close as we'll ever get to seeing the sexy cyclops have a bukkake gangbang with all the members of SPEED.  That smile and that sultry eyes-close-together thing, who can replicate it?  Introducing: JAV starlet Wakaba Onoue.

wakaba

Although Wakaba doesn't have great dental appearance (always with the horrible teeth in JAVs, what's with that?) and her teeth have been obviously shopped in this photo, to be fair, so have Jiyeon's.  Even in live action Wakaba is still at times remarkably close to Jiyeon (without makeup) in appearance.  Thank me later when you've got both hands free.

SOHEE (ex-WONDER GIRLS)

soheemic

Stare into the eyes of a true beauty.  Who else has the incredible charms of Sohee?  To find a porn actress capable of matching both Sohee's fascinating jaw profile and incredible microphone technique I had to search far and wide, and my hunt took me away from the sharply-defined cheekbones of JAV.  Imagine my delight upon finally finding Czech AV star Shione Cooper.

shionemic

Same face shape, same microphone angle - a perfect hit on both counts!  JYP, if you're looking for a replacement, take note!  She looks hot, she probably can't sing a note - she should fit right in.

SHINDONG (SUPER JUNIOR)

shindong1

It's been said that I don't cater to people who want to look at guys enough, so here you go.  Shindong's appeal and red-hot sexuality are beyond dispute as he's recently been banging models up and down the house lately so say what you want, the proof is in the pudding (so to speak).  I'm sure there are some of you diligently fapping it to "the 'Dong" and wishing he'd present himself in some harder material than a Super Junior video.   Of course, there's only one man in porn who can match up with this undisputed stud's characteristic smile, incredible breast girth and sexual exploits:

ronj

Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy's celebrity status transcends the AV industry and he should be unknown to very few of you, but if you find yourself wanting to know more you can read up on his career here.

I hope this post has been helpful.  In the incredibly unlikely event that your bias isn't one of these six, you'll have to do your own searching.  Why not add any k-pop/porn lookalikes you've found in the comments below?  Together we can help each other preserve the fap!

* could be a lie

50 comments:

  1. Now my dick will be confused every time I watch a Julia video.

    To contribute to the list, Satomi Yuria kinda looks like Sunny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. minzy kinda looks like saki otsuka in some pics

      Delete
    2. @vipa567 +100000 for mentioning Saki Otsuka, as she's my JAV idol. However, I always thought she looked like Horikita Maki.

      Delete
  2. I take it this is just an elaborate setup for the last look-alike ? =P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More like an elaborate setup to shoehorn some of my pornstar biases into this blog.

      Delete
    2. OMG Kpopalypse sold out to the porn industry !
      You just wait, I'm going to make a thread over at AKP.

      Delete
    3. I can't think of a better industry to sell out to tbh.

      Delete
  3. Thanks for the scare at the end Oppar. I thought I'd seen enough of Shindong after finding him in drag yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  4. all this post does is make me imagine the real jiyeon with a huge chest. how glorious that would be. fuck double eyelids. kpop needs to go on a boob-job spree.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just watch some Wakaba Onoue DVDs and squint a little.

      Delete
  5. Dang, Wakaba Onoue. You sir, got fine taste. d (> u <) b

    ReplyDelete
  6. Recently I saw a fake, changing Maria Ozawa face for IU and looks pretty well, Ozawa is busty too

    And damm, now I'll watch Hyoyeon instead Hitomi, no comments, no more porn of Hitomi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why would you exchange anybody's face over iu's ?
      Unless you actually want to fall asleep by looking at her, because she is the epitome of boring and generic.

      Delete
    2. Ozawa looks nothing like IU. Or anyone else in k-pop for that matter. I tried to think up a fit for Ozawa and I just couldn't.

      Delete
    3. But that swap face... :( I almost watched that video of Maria (cause I jizz my pants over 4:00) and that fake fits, just this one, no more, IU doesn't have a bitch face

      Delete
  7. Now that Julia bitch totally looks like M.O.A's Hika no lie

    ReplyDelete
  8. So much all-look-same syndrome in here... I only see connections for a short time. Like for instance there was this Nao Ayukawa video where she is a dirty doctor in red glasses and she looks just like Kara's Gyuri, but it's only that one video. And I thought Maya Koizumi looked like Yura when I first saw her in BOMB-1004, but that quickly faded and she just looks like herself to me. Ai Nagase kind of looked like Hi Ji Won fir a bit, but just a bit. I very quickly adapt to individual faces and stop seeing resemblance to other people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, none of these people really look much like the kpop idols. Except perhaps the Hyoyeon "look alike" but only from a certain angle.

      Delete
    2. Yeah you do have to use your imagination just a little. But I figure k-pop fappers are probably desperate enough to navigate whatever bridges of perception are required.

      Delete
  9. There's a AV actress that actually looks like Goo Hara, but the video didn't had a name so I can't tell you, sorry...
    To me idols who could be porn stars are:
    Nine Muses Kyungri
    Hyuna hyuna hyuna hyuna hyuna, and I bet she would be good for kinky
    Obviously G.na I mean she got tits
    A pink Chorom they like women who look like kids, for the same reason Tahiti Jisoo, IU...

    Those in my opinion

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can u give the link of goo hara look alike?

      Delete
  10. did anyone ever figure out who that JAV star was that looked like nicole?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one? http://www(.)tube8(.)com/amateur/japanese-amateur/196751/

      I want to know the name too

      Delete
  11. You can find taecyeon lookalike in 2 Guys 1 Horse

    ReplyDelete
  12. Still waiting for Kojima Haruna to make a JAV debut

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, I think she's too popular to go down the JAV route. Which makes my penis sad.

      Delete
  13. What's wrong with Rio Natsume's collarbone? it looks like a bony growth is coming out of it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I understand you k-pop fans would probably be unfamiliar with what collarbones really look like because in k-pop girl photos they photoshop and smooth that shit over.

      Delete
    2. If we put our arms on the arm of the armchair, our collar bones become very prominent. A bit of raising of shoulders can make collar bones pop out

      Delete
  14. jiyeon also has the look of maki sarada, one of my favorite nugu jav idol...

    ReplyDelete
  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Bravo Kpopalypse you've made for a lot of sore members with this post. Now i wonder who rebecca linares looks like in k-pop

    ReplyDelete
  17. the idols look better than those pornstars.

    ReplyDelete
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