Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Thus Spake Jiyeonthustra


This is a continuation of this article for anyone who gets confused.


AKF had jumped off of the building after mutilating himself. With many broken bones and no dick, AKF didn't wish to live any longer. A liquid trickled onto his left hand, and as AKF had looked over to his left, he noticed a large of pool of blood gathering around his hand. "Maybe I'll bleed to death and won't have to live any longer. It's not like I have a dick, anyway. I doubt any girl would want to scissor with a dickless-but-still-has-a-ballsack guy.

AKF awoke a month later. He looked outside the window and the sun was shining bright on his face. "Wow, I'm surprised I made it to heaven. I guess God saw running Anti Kpop-Fangirl as a good deed for the sake of improving humanity."

Wrong.

AKF realized that he wasn't in heaven when he saw a couple of fat chicks fighting in the street over a candy bar. "Aww, God damn it," AKF said as he tried to imitate Randy Marsh from South Park. He looked down and noticed that he was wearing a medical gown and was placed in a bed. "Man, how the fuck did I even survive?"

A nurse walked in, and since she wasn't hot, AKF didn't really care. "Way to rub it in, God. You kept me alive to fucking troll me." The nurse had a perplexed looked because AKF was talking out loud so as to anyone in hearing distance could hear his monologues.

"Do you not know how you survived?" the nurse inquired as she was looking over AKF's medical records.

"I'm sure it was something like Code Blue where two hot female doctors saved my life or something," AKF nonchalantly replied. "Damn, I'm sure it would be pretty sweet to be saved by Toda Erika and Aragaki Yui....but what's the point in them rescuing me if I can't have a threesome with them later? Life is too cruel."

"Will you shut the fuck up about your endless off-tangent stories and fantasies and let me finish telling you what actually happened?" chirped the nurse, obviously in anger in regards to AKF continuously interrupting her with his conspiracy theories.

"The rumor is that a mythical being stopped your hemorrhaging with some kind of eye beam. It sealed up your gaping wounds and accelerated your healing exponentially. You honestly should still be in a coma for years, but the miraculous powers healed you in such a short amount of time," explained the nurse.

"Do you happen to know what this mythical beast looks like?" asked AKF.

"We don't know much. Word on the street is that people refer to this being as Cyclops. Cyclops takes a female form and someone was able to take a couple pictures of her," stated the nurse as she handed AKF a couple of pictures.


"My God, I must find her. Maybe she can help me regrow my penis or some shit. It's either that or do some weird shit in Japan...so I would rather try to find this Cyclops and see if she is able to help me," said AKF in an enthusiastic manner.




21 comments:

  1. "That which does not kill my boner makes it stronger" - Nietzsche

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too bad this fictionalized version of myself lacks a boner (for now).

      Delete
  2. Jiyeon can get it, I want her to sit on my face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She could suffocate me with her ass and I'd die without any regrets.

      As long as she doesn't fart or anything.

      Delete
    2. Seriously? Isn't farting the best part of facesitting?

      Delete
    3. I can't come up with a witty anal-ogy, but there are no good parts about facesitting.

      Delete
  3. AKF becomes a mutant

    THE POWER TO REGROW A PENUS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'grower' has a whole new meaning now

      Delete
    2. Straight out of a Troma movie.

      Delete
  4. Jiyeon might just be the one to singlehandedly pull T-ara back into the top ranks of K-Pop girl groups again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you're right about T-ara returning to the top ranks. They're one of the only k-pop groups who consistently releases quality songs. It still baffles me why "Do You Know Me" was a commercial flop. It's my third favourite T-ara song (behind "Day by Day" and "Sexy Love").

      Delete
    2. Well, according to the interwebz and numero uno reliable source Wikipedia (pl0x don't shoot me), it sold 40k physical or something... not that I claim to have a proper understanding of that stuff >,>

      I think netizens are getting tired/bored of being hateful or something, they don't seem to have that same spark and passion anymore.

      Delete
    3. "Jiyeon might just be the one to singlehandedly pull T-ara back into the top ranks of K-Pop girl groups again."

      singleeyedly

      Delete
    4. Eye see what you did there too...

      Delete
  5. Jiyeonsaur is pure perfection. All hail the Cyclops and the Goddesses of female beauty that is T-ara...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Greek Mythology parody at it's finest.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's so hard to pick a favorite pic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Save them all, make a slide show, fap away.

      Delete