Friday, August 5, 2011

Leeteuk and Heechul to serve in 2012

Now now. Hold down you cheering just for a little bit.

I think Leeteuk will have to serve, but I'm not so sure about Heechul.

Here'a a post from the blog Ask a Korean. It's part of a series explaining the military in South Korea.

The question of “where you go and what you do” clearly is the most important one. Obviously military involves fighting on the frontline – and Korea has a long frontline against North Korea. To determine the assignment, all Korean men over the age of 18 must report to the local draft board to have a physical examination. The examination categorizes men into seven levels, and people below Level 5 do not have to serve in active duty.

Achieving Level 5 and below is fairly difficult; you really have to have some severe injury, such as a torn ACL, missing index finger, serious mental illness etc., to qualify. However, there are certain non-health related issues that would disqualify one from serving, generally described as “people who would create disharmony in the unit.” Interestingly, another group that falls into this category is people who have excessive tattoos, because tattoos are generally considered a sign for a gang membership.

Heechul would easily be able to get out of having to serve because of his homosexual tendencies. I'm not sure if he's actually gay or not, but I'm convinced he is, so I'm thinking he won't even have to serve. He would create disharmony because the other soldiers would be worried about Heechul buttfucking them or some shit.

But the thing is, would South Korea even want Heechul to be a soldier? I have the feeling that Heechul would get raped by a North Korean soldier if there happened to be a war while he's in the military because the NK soldier would probably think Heechul is a girl.

The only way I could see Heechul being useful at all is if South Korea made a special forces unit composed of Heechul and Kwanghee. Have the two infiltrate North Korea and carry out their plan. They'd dress Heechul up as a woman and try to get him to seduce Kim Jong Un (Kim Jong Il's fatass son next in line to be ruler if you didn't know. I swear, seeing how fat that fucker is, he probably stole food from about 1 million of the commoners in NK.)

Kim Jong Un and Heechul would be having a romantic dinner together. Kim Jong Un would probably have to resort to drugging Heechul to get him into bed. After Jong Un would take off Heechul's pants, he'd shoot Heechul for having a dick and then shoot himself because he got trolled by Heechul.

Oh, if you're wondering what Kwanghee's mission would be, it would be trolling by mere existence aka what he already does now. He'd be trolling the NK soldiers so much that they'd probably commit mass suicide or some shit.

No funny pictures in this article, sorry. I saved them for the tumblr.

45 comments:

  1. I want Siwon and Shindong to serve the army next.

    Siwon is already buffed and takes lots of steroids He needs to use his muscles for better things other than being a gay icon.

    As Shindong he needs to lose A LOT of weight. He's still freaking fat even on their comeback.

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  2. Heechul is the kind of guy that would bring up your secret inner homosexuality just like the guy Bill Kaulitz

    You will long for teh cock like no other....feel it, savor it, and taste the sweet nectar of forbidden desire...

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  3. 2012 couldn't come fast enough... Sigh....

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  4. I'm betting Heechul's leg injury will keep him out. It's probably a solid excuse.

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  5. His leg may get him a Level 4 (basically he's still in but he's basically a bitch and avoiding the real training and stuff.)

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  6. Wow, I don't even like Heechul but this was cheap. What a homophobic bitch you are. Lol

    And you probably should not have hired new writers. Now it's even more obvious that your writing sucks.

    Step aside for the greater good, son.

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  7. will Heechul be assigned to a desk job? i remember shinhwa's hyesung was exempted from serving the army because of his knee injuries.

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  8. I didn't know they allowed gays in the army.

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  9. @8:27 I'll make a deal with you. I won't write another article or comment in an article for three months (until 11/5.) If this site doesn't die or take a huge hit in the number of visitors I'll resign for good.

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  10. Well, after this comment anyway. I hired the new authors to see who was capable of taking over, so at the very least you'll get your wish in 2012 if the blog survives that long.

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  11. i'm not the anon but please don't stop writing.
    yes, the article is a bit homophobic (you've written worse), but it's also damn funny.
    the reason the new author suck is because they're too afraid to be offensive like this lol

    but really, wouldn't an idol create disharmony in the unit anyway?

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  12. wow, what a homophobic ASS!

    you can hate his personality i don't care, and he might or not be gay, i still love him enough for the both of us anyways. But using being gay as a way to make fun of someone is stupid and low. retard.

    and Heechul was in a car accident where he had to get metal rods in his leg because he had fractured it in 5 different places, that's the reason why he might get excepted. because he still can't properly bend his knees.

    but heechul isn't one to flake out for that, when he was released from the hospital and still in a wheel chair and with several rods in his leg, he still participated in what he could. even recorded his sitcom while in a wheel chair.

    but it's not like any of you care since you like to find stupid reasons to hate on idols.

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  13. That's the lie they want you to believe, and you elfs eat it all up.

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  14. this is hilarious; couldn't stop laughing omg.

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  15. Why is everyone being a little bitch? This is a fucking joke bashing blog. It's obvious the writers write most of what they write as sort of a "troll" and don't actually mean it in aggressive hateful ways. Seriously if you can't stand a little trolling getting thrown at all types of people then gtfo of the internet with your sensitive ass feelings.

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  16. @9:16 On Exploration of Human Body, they had a X-Ray machine and showed the metal rod, now go sit down.

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  17. your hate for Kwanghee is pure gold :)) I hate his shit face and his urge to constantly talk about being plastic. No actually I hate everything he says and he's not even funny. Don't even know why his fans find him throwing a tantrum at his members for being more popular than him as "cute and funny" [refer to one of AKP's old article, i think he was talking about the time before he started BS about plastic surgeries]

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  18. i like what you wrote lol you're very funny and very imaginative.

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  19. seems like Elfs are entering the hell that is AKFG lol

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  20. AHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE POST!!! FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS, Good Job!!!

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  21. Erm... I love Heenim! And I'm vaguely offended by this post, but not so much from the homophobism... more from the whole Kim Jong Un spiel. Do not like it so much when real life eveeeel tyrants and dictators are made light of.

    But anyway. I'm gonna miss Heechul. Leeteuk too I suppose.

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  22. Ha, if you don't have a sense of humor, then you're in the wrong place people! The writers here are not being 100% serious! I'm sure they're not kidding around 100% either, but damn, take it lightly! I troll here so I can get a good laugh, not so I can get into debates about how offensive this writer is and how sucky that writer is.

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  23. I don't care if "Heenim" goes or not. He used to be funny on TV like years ago, but bleh, I'm getting tired of him. But I'm damn glad Leeteuk is going! Hate seeing his ugly ass plasticky botox face on Strong Heart every time! And don't anybody tell me he is good looking! To me, he is only a teensy bit better looking that fugly Kwanghee!

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  24. lol at you butthurt elves, take a damn chill pill and learn to joke around once in a while. this is a brillian article

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  25. ROFL at the ELFs posting here. Anyway, i enjoyed this article lol, and the hate bout Kwanghee is really epic.

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  26. Heechul can dress like a Lady Gaga and dance around the army to pleasure them.

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  27. Cheezburger sees lots of butthurt ELFags. Keep raging, children. You fuel or fire. ROFL

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  28. I honestly can't imagine (don't want to!)Heechul in the army at all...but I guess he'll keep the guys entertained! hahahaha!!!

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  29. If you couldn't tell, I was joking about the deal I made. I'm just doing my job: pissing off fangirls.

    @Anon 12:56

    I have a lot of hate for Kim Jong Il and Kim Jong Un. Seeing how fat that fucker is while the rest of the population is starving is sickening to me.

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  30. Heechul's leg and near-complete refusal to do any physical activity will definitely keep him away from the frontline xD
    Leeteuk may, though....

    holy shit I've always known that they were going to go to the army sometime or the other but it really never gets easier when you have such an annoyingly motherly concern for them T_____T

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  31. But yeah dude that came out totally homophobic; it may get you into a lot of trouble if you talk like that IRL.

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  32. i don't see why ELFs are bashing this article when no.1 the writer wasn't THE ONE who started the discussion but pointed out someone was suggesting Heechul can't go to the army

    and no.2 whether Heechul is gay or not they'll probably wanna keep him away anyhow.

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  33. Leeteuk Will not serve in the army because of
    Because of his plastic face
    Besides he was dealing with little girls
    Fidophil

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  34. Didn't Heechul had like a iron whatever in his leg or whatever after that accident? That's what my Elf friend told me.

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  35. @10:42 - GTFO if you have no sense of humor.

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  36. I love this blog. I read all the comments..very funny! Can't get over with - "Heechul can dress like a Lady Gaga and dance around the army to pleasure them." LOL! =)) That's a good one! Can't stop laughing..

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  37. Maybe Heechul can kiss them too, like what he did at their concerts. Soldiers can feast on his body. After all, he really likes "bromance".

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  38. For some reason don't see Heechul go to the army.I know it sound strange but " come on here "We know and love Heechul but I don't think SM wouldn't allow him to go to the army because Heechul is a International Favorite to the fan around the world plus he is a money maker to the SM company . I think Heechul exempted from serving the army because of his knee injuries. I think heechul going to have a short time serving the army .

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  39. Heechul is enlisting on september 1st. Read the comments on the allkpop article if you want to see pathetic fangirls in action.

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  40. U guys are fucking ugly ass bitches get a damn life, and what the hell has super junior dun to your ugly asses huh? Yeah keep your damn stupid opinions to yourself you guys have some balls what has heechul done to u what has shiwon done to u WHAT HAS SUPER JUNIOR DONE TO UGLY BITCHES. U guys are just jelous cause u ain't popular. Yeah u know I am right.

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  41. heechul in the army + he got more balls than his leader leeteuk and you combined .

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  42. @4:25am God Bless you

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  43. What a pathetic way to waste your time-bashing people you don't know. And that applies to the people defending this person too.

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  44. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahah No.

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