Saturday, February 13, 2016

Six Things You Should Probably Never Check Out

Now I've been in Kpop world long enough to know that there a lot of pointless yet terribly addictive things you can get yourself involved in. Some of these are so fucking cringeworthy, but in the best possible way. And once you're caught in the whirlwind, it's unlikely for you to be able to get out again. I, my friends, have learned this the hard way. So now, being the Saint that I am, made this article to tell you not to do the same mistakes I did. If you know what's good for yourself and your children, you might wanna steer away from this stuff, no matter how tempting it can be. Here are six things in Kpop/the Kpop Community that you should probably never check out. If you already have then... may the odds be ever in your favor, my deepest condolences to you, your friends and your family.




I have ranked this in order of the least pointless to most pointless, although they all come pretty fucking close.


6. Unpretty Rapstar



Unpretty Rapstar in a nutshell: the rapping is shit, it's about as authentic as Park Bom's face, obviously fabricated "drama" is obviously fabricated and forced out of a constipated butthole, 95% of this show is random overly-dramatic close ups on everyone's faces. If you were to think of Season Two, just double all of the above. Heck, the only redeeming thing about this whole show is San E and his legendary derp faces.



But does that mean I'm gonna stop watching it? Hell no. Unpretty Rapstar is the reason I flunked my biology exam, because, apparently, Chanyeol was "doing hip-hop" that day, cursing "motherfucker" and taking his fans to "Hong Kong", as it were. Who gives a shit about some stupid exam that's probably the deciding factor of your future? Psshhh.


5. Korean Variety Shows


Frankly, everything about Korean Variety shows is just so fucking cringe-worthy. The humor, the excessive overuse of captions (seriously, pause the video at any second and the probability of there not being a fucking bright-ass caption across the screen is about 0.0000000001), and the replays. The motherfucking replays. It's fine the second time, maybe even the third time. But replaying the same damn scene five consecutive times is just plain offensive. It's kind of like they're telling you, "You're a dumb bitch, and I need to replay this part five times for you to know what the fuck is going on". Or you know what, maybe it was one of those extremely rare times when something actually, genuinely funny happened. And they're gonna fucking jump at that chance. I'm sorry variety show producers, but repeating the same damn joke five consecutive times kills the joke. Now I wouldn't say Korean variety shows are addictive (well sometimes they can be but not to a fucked up level), but they are pointless as shit and will make you wanna put a bullet through your head. You have been warned.


4. Reaction Videos


Because who doesn't wanna watch a bunch of random people react to some video in the lamest and most exaggerated way possible? Reaction videos are literally one of the stupidest things to ever exist. They aren't even entertaining. But does that mean you're gonna stop watching them?



Basically, this is how it goes; you watch a video and you go like, "Oh my Gosh, I just watched this really weird/awesome/creepy/wtf-worthy video, I wonder how other people reacted to it!" Seriously, it's fucking ridiculous how many videos I watched of people reacting to Luhan's "Lu". And I am so ashamed of that fact.

That being said, this one's my favorite:



3. Fanfiction


Curse you tumblr, curse you asiananfics.com. You are the reason why I basically have no life anymore. Out of everything on this list, fanfiction has to be the most addicting out of them all. Granted, there are some really well-written ones out there, but once you start reading them, it's close to impossible that you'll ever stop. It's like a fucking bottomless pit. Basically this is what the world of a fanfiction addict looks like:


You're just floating around in an endless realm of smutty fanfics with nothing to hold on to and nothing to pull you out. You're a freakin' goner. If you haven't gone near the fanfiction scene yet, you're golden! Stay in your lane. Don't end up like us...



2. Crack Videos


Whoever makes these crack videos are literally the definition of genius. Crack videos are hilarious, mindbogglingly creative and terribly addicting. Once you watch one, you're stuck in a chain reaction of watching more and more on that goddamn, godforsaken 'suggestions' bar on YouTube that is the reason many of us are wasting our lives. Crack videos are my guilty pleasure. I wake up in the morning and sleep at night to this shit. 




Ah the Lay-being-high-on-crack-24/7 jokes never get old.

Notice how these are all EXO crack videos. Yes, I'm an EXO fag. Deal with it. Also, I'm aware I told you guys not to check out this stuff but I just linked these videos here for, you know, demonstration purposes.

Fortunately enough, crack videos are just a phase thing. You'll have this phase where you'll keep watching them all the damn time but you'll eventually get over it and just watch them casually from time to time for a good laugh. Or that's my case at least.


1. Reaction Videos to Crack Videos


Yes, this exists. And yes, this deserves a category of its own. Like, this is just on a whole other level of stupid. I will never get the science behind wanting to know how random people you've never seen or met before and are not even close to being popular or well-known reacted to something you watched. Reaction videos are dumb, and the people who watch them are even dumber.

*Guiltily raises hand*

That being said these aren't even funny or entertaining in the slightest, they're just pointless, hence making it to the top of this list. Congrats. I guess.






So yeah that was my list of six pointless things you should probably never check out. What I wrote is purely out of personal experience, so it might be different for you. Anyways, let other people know in the comments below if there's anything else I haven't mentioned in this list, and please feel free to share your experiences, too. Do it for the greater good of humanity. Save others from the brutality of these temptations. It is not too late to make this world a better place

27 comments:

  1. B-But Asianjunkie "Korean Reacts"..

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    Replies
    1. React videos are the lowest form of entertainment out there.

      Delete
    2. tfw you see the fanfic image represent everything in your life

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    3. It's basically the only one I ever watch. I boycott the rest of the shits. It's funny, so eat a dick, IMO.

      Bless.

      Delete
  2. You're missing this produce 101 shit.

    Korean variety shows wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have endless repeats of shit that happens.

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  3. Mr removed videos are pretty pointless too

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  4. The "My top X lists". I like to watch them for the opinions, such a shame there are always people denying their lists even though it gets stated before and after the video, in the description and in the comments that it's their damn opinion.

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  5. Unpretty Rapstar has its moments.

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  6. 7) the deviant blogs



    ... wait a minute

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  7. I'm with that reaction video girl: I liked Lu too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can never, ever, listen to that song with a straight face. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
      And don't ask my why but I have it downloaded on my phone, too.

      Delete
  8. Thankfully I managed to get out of reading fanfictions after I read way too many extremely cliche bad ones. Haven't read one in ages and I'm not planning on going back

    ReplyDelete
  9. The freaking replay on variety shows: why? It really kills the joke. But koreans have a thing for replays like stupid replay hugs and replay kisses in dramas. Why? WHY? I will never understand.
    And the captions. I...
    Anyway, I'm addicted to Running Man and I'd sell my soul to guest on the program.
    Reaction videos are sometimes enjoyable like JRE's ones. But most are just useless.
    I don't really like fanficiton about real people because I find it creepy. But I read the fuck out of tv shows (not drama, american ones) fanfiction, so I totally get the "appeal".
    Crack videos are awesome.
    Reaction videos to crack videos is pretty dumb but what about reaction videos to reaction videos?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah of course, the reactception. How could I forget?
      I also watch JRE but my favorite react channel has to be MRJKPOP, his videos are actually very educational and not pointless at all.

      Delete
  10. Replays in variety shows pretty often have a new caption for each replay. If you read Korean, it is adding commentary/mockery/pointing out scene elements you may have overlooked rather than being purely redundant. How clever they actually are varies greatly depending on the show (good PDs use this micro-analysis to draw out the humanity of the idols and endear you while entertaining), but you also have to understand in many urban places in Korea they have these shows playing on TV with no audio so the captions let you know what's up if you're randomly glancing at one while doing the actual shit you're there to do. Just another part of the bombardment of advertising, and that character is essential to understand what idol culture is and Korean attitudes about it. Often not too far off from TMZ, but it can also be pretty clever sometimes because it is also stuff some people will sit down to watch. For drama kiss/embarrassment/shocking scenes, it's just a lame desperate attempt to drill it into your head this is an important moment you should socially recognize is going to be smalltalk if the show ends up being popular enough to have a spot in conversation.

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  11. "Because who doesn't wanna watch a bunch of random people react to some video in the lamest and most exaggerated way possible? Reaction videos are literally one of the stupidest things to ever exist. They aren't even entertaining."

    ^ I have never read a more accurate description of reaction vids, particularly the part about them being as exaggerated as possible. They really are the lowest form of entertainment.

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  12. I think I glanced at a piece of kpop fanfiction once and promptly noped the fuck out. That shit was worse than the majority of bad anime fanfics I've seen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also, the fact that real people are involved is what makes it all the more disturbing.

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    2. I write the stuff proudly. It's BECAUSE it involves real people that I loooooooves it. I have an overly vivid imagination and an obsessive love of Sungkyu's non-existent booty. So there.

      Delete
    3. realshipping disturbs me... but... well, as long as you acknowledge oppar's never gonna be yours or anything.

      i mean, for crying out loud, I adore and write from the perspective of a fictional psychopathic assailant, that doesn't mean i don't acknowledge that he's - a. fictional, and b. morally repulsive as well, so i don't condone that shit.

      as looong as you have self awareness, i suppose?

      Delete
    4. The only ship I have is me and Sungkyu. And unless I suddenly inherit a Gatesian fortune and learn more Korean than "bap juseyo", that ship ain't sailing.

      Delete
    5. heh heh
      meanwhile I'll be crying over the fact that I'll never get any nasujima merchandise or figures

      Delete
  13. I appreciate the Mille promotion.

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  14. Fanfiction definetly. I was never into them until I found out about BTS and made a tumblr. I can literally spend hours reading smut or angst it's really sad.. I should be doing something with my life.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Fanfiction definetly. I was never into them until I found out about BTS and made a tumblr. I can literally spend hours reading smut or angst it's really sad.. I should be doing something with my life.

    ReplyDelete
  16. me okay me slack here part me also here have near here me right bong 3 for a he hid her or him all he or Nitric Storm here he one or him me here he here humorous here me now Chris or yeah love then here s okay you hold’s we ball he Paul his hey here now and all or his any he all E 0 or hey way me okay he's here .

    http://masspmmusclegrowth.com/nitric-storm/

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  17. Well fuck I spend most of my time reading smutty chanbaek fanfics and I'd rip out my asshair and sell my virginity if I could guest on a korean variety show (weekly idol lmao) :-)

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