Saturday, March 1, 2014

Haiku song reviews - many reviews in one post - can you handle it?

People are always / asking me for all my "thoughts" / about k-pop songs

I normally do / not review songs, I find it / boring as batshit

But due to demand / I will make an exception / and review some songs

Please now enjoy these / Korean pop songs reviews / in Haiku format
 
These are all for songs / that I have been asked for my / "thoughts" on recently

euhan


Just because it is / better than I Got A Boy / does not say a lot

They love me cos I'm / using cringeworthy English / where is my rifle

That cheesy chorus / cripples a good song, oh well / at least they look good

IU's "Modern Times" / has made jazz big bands trendy / now we pay the price

Ride on K.will's fame / smart publicity move, girls / pity the song sucks

No-one gave a shit / about this group until now / sexy concepts work

A really good song / hope The Eurythmics don't sue / good luck with that, girls

Once I stopped fapping / I noticed the song was good / nobody else cared

This sounds a lot like / all their other fucking songs / that's not a bad thing

Go back to the front / shatter North Korean shells / with that falsetto

Dubstep please fuck off / out of Korean pop songs / you have no place here

Are you kidding me / I'm over eight years old cunt / fuck this Disney trash

Smoky girl smoky / girl smoky girl smoky girl / too repetitive

This is really good / where did this songwriter go / hire him back, you whores

It didn't need all / those extra sections in it /  it's really too long, and the structure is / all over / the place, it could have / used some trimming down, like, seriously edit that fucker - remove / all the pointless sections /and we don't need Taewoon rapping in every CCM song these days do we / other than that I guess it was okay / they have worse songs I suppose

*

The next list is all / fan video submissions / from my ask fm

I told followers / to submit videos that /  they wanted "thoughts" on

And that I would then / put my answers in a blog / for them to visit

They were not told that / I would use haiku format / for the reviewing

I received over / 100 song submissions / these are the best ones

hanqri

This song is decent / wow a good Infinite song / sometimes pigs do fly

What a boring song / I guess Kahi's time is up / unemployable

Jamiroquai sucks / so do any Koreans / ripping off his trash

Haiku verses are / not sufficient to describe / how boring this is

Great Shodan concept / but Sohee's hair is horrid / time to shoot myself

Worthless ballad trash / why k-pop fans like this shit / I have no idea

Raping my eardrums / stop making music right now / my ears will thank you

Called "Painkiller" but / not a Judas Priest cover / I am disappoint

Why is most k-rap / wimpy soft R&B shite / Ellin is hot though

Boring disco funk / but it's okay because I / don't need sound to fap

League of Legends skins / is the only worthwhile thing / that this song produced

I have this album /  I tried to give it away / no-one wanted it

If I was that girl / I would have picked the guy with / no greasy mullet

Singing in her ear / take your shit ballad elsewhere / she just wants some sleep

What's Your Name was crap / this is slightly better but / so is lung cancer

The only good song / TVXQ ever had / as a five piece group

K-pop fans are dumb / I saw the plot twist coming / 40 seconds in

Song starts off okay / why does it go all stupid / trendy fucking shit

What is "manyo maash"? / maybe she means her cleavage / I'm not complaining

The most consistent / nine member k-pop girl group / in the world today

I forgot this group / had a ballad this awful / unlistenable

euhan3

Great early concept / why they also do soft songs / I don't fucking know

Why did the label / x over the naughty word / when she still sings it?

Shinsadong Tiger / must take them on Bangbus trips / book them now, ladies

Watched the whole MV / saw almost zero boobies / what a waste of time

Apink: a request / please do a sexy concept / just to troll k-netz

This sounds a lot like / T-ara's Apple Is A / except not as good

Why such a low res / what good is SNSD / without the perving

Who builds a sports court / with concrete posts in the way / how fucking stupid

Nell is fucking shit / why get excited by this / third-rate Coldplay clone

Sounds a bit EXO / I guess these days EXO get / SM's reject songs

 Guard tower unmanned / hey sniper get back up there / your work not finished

Tip for single men: / breaking into her bedroom / not a good idea

Bora and CL / should release a rap project / called "bad meaning bad"

Hyoyoung crawls into / her sister's gaping cunthole / and finds a rodent

They blocked out the sun / burning junk to make MVs / for shit k-ballads

This veteran group / should have enough business clout / to refuse dubstep

JYP should have / given this song to miss A / not that Hush garbage

DSP hate them / fixing aspect ratio / low priority

Wow Girl's Day sure had / some complete fucking stinkers / in the early days

Nazi fetish look / without swastika armbands? / cake without icing

The best song ever / my purpose in life complete / I can die happy

jiyhany2

56 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. No shit, how did I / fucking miss that, I will have / to edit this post

      Delete
    2. dat nose mole is a dead give away man

      http://i3.ytimg.com/vi/nZcRU0Op5P4/hqdefault.jpg

      Delete
    3. Just as well Qri / has equal syllables or / I would have been fucked

      Delete
  2. Di you really mean what you said about "I Love You, Darling"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Subtle poetic / license may have been used to / make a certain point

      Delete
  3. I am angrily posting this to make sure you aware of my displeasure that you and I do not have the same musical tastes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your concern has been / duly noted, the red x / is to your top right

      Delete
  4. Girls' Generation.
    Got shaded so badly by--
    Your review of "News".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Girls' Generation / would get better reviews if / they had better songs

      Delete
  5. Oh was hoping to see hyomin in a hanbok would have defiantly taken the article to the next level

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Google image search / "Hyomin hanbok", then prepare / tissue box and lube

      Delete
  6. I liked BESTie's Thank You Very Much, but, that blonde girl who looks a little like a troll with her big eyes, small face and mismatching hair. appeared too much. I saw her too much in the MV and it turned me off. Haeryung looks great. The girl with the revealing clothes looked awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Predispositions / like yours are the reason god / invented fancams

      Delete
  7. I love quick music reviews. Less time reading equals more time judging in the comments.

    Though "It's Me" and "Bloom" reviews made me cry inside.

    Just kidding, I cried outwardly for all the world to see, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just be grateful that / noboby asked me about / Gain's "Truth Or Dare"

      Delete
    2. Oh, hey Kpo'lyps (is that an acceptable nickname, btw?), I was just wondering: What are your thoughts on Ga In's "Truth Or Dare."

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    4. Exactly what everyone else thought about it:
      A somehow shitter version of Blurred Lines without the boobs to stop you from desperately attempting to click the x button.

      Delete
    5. Robin Thicke is shit / so is Marvin Gaye that cunt / you work the rest out

      Delete
    6. I'm probably the only one on Earth who thinks that song is the best thing Ga-in has ever done in her solo career.

      Delete
  8. i wonder your opinion on infinite's "chaser" ^^

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Impressive dance moves / and pointless destruction does / not a good song make

      Delete
  9. I would totally eat it up if I were in your position of having people constantly seeking my opinion on shit.

    This has no relevance.
    http://gfycat.com/AdorableShabbyAmethystinepython

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Questions with just "Thoughts?" / and a YouTube link only / get very boring

      Delete
  10. The residential/Japanese pop music fan/greatly applauds this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If this was j-pop / the reviews would be even / more fucked in the head

      Delete
  11. Posting Eurythmics
    Posting SHODAN
    Kids won't understand

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We feel you moving / inside of us. The sensa / tion is...repulsive.

      Delete
  12. I completely agree with Bloom, it was pretty crap but I have no idea why everyone likes it.

    And the K.will plot twist MV, even I didnt get a hint of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like to write twists / so I tend to expect them / in other fiction

      Delete
  13. very good read shame / I can't comment on your post / in haiku for shit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed it / Your attempt at Haiku / is a lot better than this one

      Delete
  14. T-ara N4 - Jeon Won Diary
    I salute you for this epic review
    better than hair dryers (www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE51Fy_tHdc)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still liked the song / it was just so ass-about / and long / and had too much stuff in it / if they had just pared it down a bit / it could have been one of their best songs ever / oh well / at least the lyrics served it right to their haters / hilarious

      Delete
  15. I've always sucked at haiku so I'll just say that I was excited to see my contribution used. What a creative way to sate the curiosities of hundreds of ask.fm users who need your approval to like a song!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why they care so much / about my thoughts on a song / I don't understand

      Delete
  16. Go back to the front / shatter North Korean shells / with that falsetto

    lmfao

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rain's falsetto voice / deployed at North Korea / WMD

      Delete
    2. Rain's falsetto would / Make Kim Jong-un / Cry to his mommy

      Delete
  17. You would have wasted less of your life if you would have just said something about all kpop being terrible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. K-pop is not bad / just the type of k-pop songs / people want thoughts on

      Delete
  18. That TVXQ review/ made me laugh so hard/ help can't stop using haikus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha that's a reverse haiku

      Delete
    2. And I didn't even / talk about the jazz breakdown / or awkward white girls

      Delete
  19. This is genius. How you managed to keep a post like this longer than Berlusconi's cabinet is totally beyond me. Big props.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What is amazing / me even more is how I'm / doing these replies

      Delete
  20. angrily complains about how my opinion is superior to yours because you don't seem to like infinite or mblaq a lot

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. what were your thoughts on rainbow's A?

      Delete
    2. scroll up to the blog / look at the bottom image / read the big bold text

      Delete
  21. u dont like Bora's swagaegyo?!! (cries!!).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bora's destiny / is a JAV debut / not fucking hip hop

      Delete
  22. I fuckin LOL'd when I read

    "This is really good / where did this songwriter go / hire him back, you whores"

    XD The Whores part killed me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always room for whores / in any Haiku poems / or anywhere else

      Delete
  23. Girl's Day should go with the Oh my god producer, That song is addicting.

    ReplyDelete