The More Detailed Life of Zhang Yixing's Penis

Yeah, I have no idea who this guy is, but we'll assume that he's straight for this fanfic, inspired by Shinbi's STFU #51 article.

You know the drill, don't eat or anything while reading my fanfics. Also, don't be a dumbass and read this at school, work, or with other people around.



Zhang Yixing (hereafter Lay, yes I had to Google who the hell this was...and I still don't know who Lay is...just that he gets to lay a chick in this fanfic) had grown tired of banging his fellow EXO members up the poop shoot. As his his penis, I find this extremely liberating. If you ever thought that you had a shitty day, well FUCK YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW FUCKING SHIT ABOUT HAVING A SHITTY DAY. STOP USING YOUR FUCKING HYPERBOLES WHEN YOU HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED TRUE HORROR.

After a long night of dangling up and down as Lay was practicing dance moves, he finally took a shower. Lord knows that I needed that shower, because the balls and I fucking reek after being drenched in sweat. Thankfully Lay didn't tug on me like he usually does in the shower, but I thought something was wrong.

After blinding me like usual by putting on some boxers and pants, I had to suffer like I do 23 hours of the day. I have claustrophobia man. I am stuck in a cramped space with these fucking balls, man. No matter how many times Lay washes them, they still stink. Have you ever sat with that fat, smelly kid who never showered, and if he did shower, it was through using dog shit as soap and using dog piss to wash it off? if you have, imagine sitting by that fucker for 23 hours a day. It fucking sucks man.

About an hour later, I finally saw some light and Lay was on top of some Exotic. Ah, smart man, taking advantage of his delusional fangirls so that he can take a break from being an ass pirate. As Lay started licking the girl's pussy, blood started rushing into me at a rapid rate. God damn it, not again. I was get real hard and stiff, and it gives me the creeps, because nasty things always happen to me after this. Sure, every kid dreams of being a Super Saiyan like Goku when they are younger, but my situation is similar to that, but only bad things happen to me after that transformation.

Damn, it sucks being nauseous every time I'm in this state. To make matters worse, I'm very queasy. Oh God, no, not this! The fangirl's hand clasped me and started stroking up and down. Doesn't this bitch know that I have motion sickness?! Yet she keeps jerking me around. What a bitch. Next she opened her mouth and started sucking on me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this? This bitch's breath smells nasty, man. That fucking kimchi she ate earlier smells like it's rotting on her stomach, because I can smell the shit from here. And God damn it, having her tongue touch every part of me is making me sick. It's just not sanitary, and being covered in saliva from head to base of the shaft is gross. Imagine if your dog or whatever licked you all over your entire body. You would be grossed out, wouldn't you? Because I sure the fuck am.

Finally, that was over. I feel a little nauseous at this point, but the balls are doing well to hold the vomit in. He always works hard to stop the vomit from coming out, but sometimes it is out of our hands. Oh no, oh God damn it. Not this again.

Lay finally stuck me inside of this girl's vagina. Man, imagine having motion sickness while being thrust in and out of a dark, narrow, wet, warm and humid cave. That reeks of fucking fish. Now you know my life, you fucking UCAADs. Every time Lay pulls me out to slap me on the bitch's vagina, I thank him for it. I still think it's abuse that he's slapping me on her clit, but man, I actually get the breathe in some fresh fucking air.

After about ten minutes of that terrible experience, I felt like I was halfway to throwing up, but the balls were hanging in there to hold the vomit in. We both had a little reprieve as the girl was bent over doggy style with Lay's face sandwiched in her ass. He was licking her asshole. Oh God, I have a real bad feeling about this.

NO. NOOO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Lay was trying his hardest to force me into this girl's asshole, but I wasn't having any of that. At the very least she could have had an enema, but no, they didn't even do that. Would you want to be shoved into a very tight and narrow canal that contained remnants of fecal matter? I DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO. MY LIFE SUCKS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

Each thrust in her asshole feels like a ten hour long nightmare. There are corn bits in her rectum that weren't expelled the last time this girl took a shit, and that's just fucking sick, man. There were remnants of fecal matter clinging to the walls of her rectum, and brushing against them was making me very sick. At the very least this bitch could have used some colon cleansing supplements if she wasn't kind enough to have an enema. Lay kept thrusting and thrusting, with each thrust bring me closer to throwing up.

Lay finally pulled me out of that girl's asshole, but the girl started sucking on me again while jerking me off. Hey bitch, I'm still trying to recover from being inside of your nasty---

Blaaaaagghhhh. Euuugghhh. Blaaaahhhh.

The balls and I just couldn't take it any longer. We threw up in the girl's mouth. Just the thought of this bitch sucking on me makes me queasy enough, but to do so after I was in her asshole for five minutes? I have my limits, you fucking UCAADs. I have my fucking limits.

And she even swallowed my vomit. Along with all of that nasty bacteria from her ass. What a sick son of a bitch. Luckily I'm not able to throw up again right now, because I definitely would.

I need Lay to take a shower. A nice, long shower in the hottest water I can withstand.

Fuck my life.